The Last Sacrifice
by SaintOfAngst
Summary: Will the realization of feelings long denied by the one lead to the salvation of the dying hope of the other? Or will it be too late for love to have its chance to bring two people together?
1. Chapter 1

Hey hey hey! I've been lurking around this website for a few months now and finally decided to share my own attempt at a fan fiction story. I've totally enjoyed what I've read from several of you thus far and just hope that you might dig my own twist as well. This is my first actual 'story'. I'm a poet and not accustomed to the long, drawn out writing styles of creating a story. So...be gentle with me in your criticisms. I promise to get better...erm...well...at least to TRY to that is! OH..and of COURSE I do not own the rights to the Mai HIME characters or yada yada yada...you know the drill...

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><p><strong> The Last Sacrifice<strong>

**Chapter One**

_Nothing left to give._

The realization sometimes surfaced in the girl's mind so unexpectedly and with such force that it left her stunned...gasping for breath as if she'd been punched in the stomach without warning. Just as it did this morning.

_Nothing left to give._

She drew in a ragged sob and let fall from suddenly boneless fingers the purple towel she had been using to dry her long, chestnut colored hair. It landed in a soft puddle by her feet. Reaching out, she placed one hand on the slick surface of the bathroom mirror, still steamy and warm from her morning ministrations, to steady herself...her lips whispering a silent prayer, "Not today. Please! I can't deal with this today. Let it pass. This pain. This emptiness."

Long delicate fingers curled inward as she formed a fist...as if preparing to fight the sudden pain off...anger warring inside her scarred mind with the broken feeling of emptiness. But this battle would not be won today...could NOT be won today. Not when she still had to...

Squeezing her eyes closed, refusing to think of what lay ahead for her today, she let her head fall forward...wet, dripping hair forming a sodden shroud around her face. Water slowly trickled down her cheeks as if mocking the tears she could no longer shed. She struggled impotently to push the pain deeper...wanting only to get through this day before facing the emptiness inside her. But she knew that was impossible. It wanted her attention, this pain did. It demanded it! And so for the thousandth time since Carnival Night, Shizuru Fujino reluctantly opened herself to the emptiness inside her soul.

_Nothing left to give._

The words rang inside her mind and soul like the dying chimes of a funeral dirge. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Nothing left to give.

Before...that night...she had been a normal teenage girl. Well, mostly normal anyway, considering she'd only recently discovered herself involved in a mysterious conspiracy centered around girls with special abilities, HIME powers, that set them all on a rollercoaster ride of emotional and physical battles which culminated in the events of Carnival Night. But other than that she'd been just another girl attending Fuka Academy. Normal in a way she was comfortable with. She was a senior with above average grades and President of the Student Council. A campus favorite; with plenty of fangirl adoration. She was a young woman who excelled at tea brewing and congeniality. She smiled easily and delighted at the sound of her own laughter. Her personality was wickedly playful and she took great pleasure in teasing those around her in that lilting, Kyoto-born accent. Especially did she love teasing...

THWACK!

The sound of her fist striking the mirror she was leaning against was loud and startling even to her own ears as she made a strangled noise in the back of her throat. 'Bakka!' she hissed at herself slamming her fist into the mirror again, fighting off the crazed urge to smash the mirror until it shattered. 'You poor broken IDIOT!' She swallowed down the scream that threatened to overwhelm her and slowly raised her head, staring back into her own reflection. Crimson eyes met their twins as the girl pushed herself away from the mirror, straightening her back and tossing her head determinedly. Shizuru Fujino was beautiful. Her body was lean and sculpted. Long chestnut colored hair fell in waves around her face. A face that was almost too perfect and flawless in it's pale beauty. But the most arrestingly breathtaking feature about the girl were here eyes. Twin pools of crimson that flared with an intensity of black dread when angered then cooled to the color of vermillion. Staring into those eyes now, Shizuru saw nothing but emptiness. Emptiness and dread for the path that lay ahead of her.

'I'm so sorry,' she said to no one...not even to her own reflection. 'I have nothing left to give.' Taking a deep breath she bent and picked up the towel laying beside her feet. With a despondent sigh, the girl walked into her bedroom, toweling her hair dry and trying not to think about a pair of emerald colored eyes...nor the girl they belonged to.

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

Dropping the kickstand down with a practiced brush of her left foot...the girl unfolded her lanky frame from the motorcycle seat and stood up...hands reaching to grab the black crash helmet that was on her head. Lifting up, she pulled the helmet off releasing a cascade of deep blue hair which spilled out from beneath it..free...flowing down her back and falling into her eyes...eyes the color of polished emeralds...a green so rich as to be almost sinful. Hanging the helmet's strap around the hand grip on her bike, Natsuki Kuga turned her face up towards the morning sun which was filtering through the leaves of the tree she'd parked beneath in the student parking lot and allowed herself a small, nervous smile.

_Check me_, she mused to herself. _Not even a legit school day and yet...here I am. And on time even._ She nonchalantly tossed a handful of blueblack hair over one shoulder before confiding sarcastically to her bike. "Hell must have definitely frozen over."

Chuckling softly, Natsuki stood a moment, letting her eyes take in the familiar vista before her. Fuka Academy. Her high school. The grounds of the campus stretched out before her in a sweeping panorama of modern architecture and manicured lawns. To her left, the path to the head mistresses mansion snaked away from the parking lot enveloped in a veritable hodgepodge of flora and shrubbery. The blues and yellows of the hydrangeas flowing into the reds and oranges of the pansies gave the entire area a warm, welcoming look.

But it was towards the right that her eyes were finally drawn. To the pristine walls of the main building of Fuka Academy with its wide set of stairs leading up to the glass fronted entrances. Since her transfer to this place four years ago, she'd spent the better part of her school years doing everything in her power to avoid going to class. She realized she could continue to blame her tardiness and absences upon the struggles with District One and her mother's death, or use the excuse that she'd been too preoccupied with the HIMES and the culmination of that scenario if she needed to. But if she truly wanted to be honest with herself concerning the real reason she missed so much school, the fact was, Natsuki was simply not comfortable being around other people. Growing up skeptical and distrustful of others, she never allowed anyone to penetrate her shield of solitude and aloofness in order to get close enough to form any type of bond with her. Her past life experiences had hardened the girl too much, causing her to keep her true emotions locked away in the secret core of her soul. Impenetrable and untouchable. To most of the other students and faculty at Fuka Academy, Natsuki Kuga was a loner, a juvenile delinquent, a cold fish and consequently had been awarded the dubious title of The Ice Princess.

The sound of her gruff 'Hmmmph' cut through the silence of the morning. As if she'd ever cared what others thought of her anyway. She'd worn the titles her classmates had hung around her neck with a sense of obstinate pride. Ice Princess. Lone Wolf. Yeah...she'd been those things...once. But now...now things were different. She was different. For the first time in her life, someone had managed to evade all her defenses and slip inside her heart...had forced her to admit to herself that she was NOT dead emotionally. That person's belief in her had slowly opened the closed flower that was Natsuki's heart. And because of that she was finally able to allow herself to truly experience this plethora of new emotions thawing inside her. Emotions and feelings that had lain dormant in lonesome hibernation just waiting for that one spark...the light of that one special someone to melt the ice inside her soul.

After seventeen years, that defining moment had finally occurred. And whether she willed it or not her life had exploded into a tangle of new, frightening and sometimes uncomfortable sensations. And yet, they were all feelings that she hungered to experience. The ability to cherish another. The capacity to trust someone else. The need to love and be loved in return. The strength to show her vulnerability without the accompanying feeling of insecurity. And of course...desire. This strange, addictive HUNGER for...another person.

She was caught off guard when unbidden, the image of the one she desired most flashed into her mind. The chestnut colored hair. Those red smoldering eyes that caused her knees to grow weak if she stared into them too long. The feel of that first touch of physical contact when their lips had... Momentarily lost in thought over the memory of that kiss, Natsuki felt her cheeks flush in a wave of embarrassed heat.

'That damn girl!' she growled fondly. 'It's all HER fault!' Stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets she lowered her head and began walking towards the buildings, trying to erase the blush still evident on her face by sheer willpower. _I never truly imagined that I would ever be able to trust or love anyone ever again. But now...now I've finally realized the depth of what I am able to feel, of what I am able to give ...to her. _

As her mind gently played over the memory of the girl in question, Kuga's cell phone chimed out for attention. Pulling the blue cell from her pocket, she waited a moment before the Message Alert screen flashed. Scrolling to her in-box, she smiled as green eyes devoured the words splayed across the screen.

"**I DO trust you haven't conveniently forgotten the MANDATORY school-wide cleaning assignment today. LOL! And stop frowning Natsuki! Just be there! Consider this the last wish of your soon to be former Student Council President. Don't make me come looking for you. You might not enjoy what I'd do to you once I found you...or...maybe you WOULD enjoy it. Wanna find out? :P" **

After reading the teasing message again she slipped the phone back into her pocket and broke into a quick trot, leaping easily up three steps and following the sidewalk as it lead her ever closer to the main entrance. 'Cocky as ever. Aren't you Fujino?" she scoffed at the message. A wickedly loving grin lit up the girl's face and she couldn't help but laugh aloud, startling several other students making their way up the sidewalk. _But we'll see how self assured and cocky you are tonight Shizuru._

Because tonight, this green eyed biker chick had a little surprise in store for the crimson eyed ego maniacal girl who'd just texted her with a tease. Tonight Natsuki felt she was finally emotionally prepared to confess her true feelings to Shizuru. She was anticipating with barely contained GLEE the surprise this confession would have on the recipient. Tonight it was Shizuru's turn to be left speechless with a kiss...and a confession.

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

The red headed girl looked up from checking her watch for the umpteenth time this morning and was rewarded with the sight of Natsuki Kuga climbing the last few stairs up to where she stood. She smiled, more surprised than relieved that Kuga had even bothered showing up today. "Glad you could make it today Natsuki." Her greeting was open and genuine. A friend welcoming another.

Mai Tokiha tucked a strand of orange red hair back behind one ear and waited for her friend to catch her breath from the sprint up the steps. Her cornflower blue eyes were warm and full of sincere camaraderie as she gazed fondly at the girl in front of her. The two girls might never have met nor became friends if not for the trials and tribulations of the HIME Star Battle...or Carnival Night as the press dubbed it now, in a vain attempt to sanitize a nasty situation. Both girls had lost something during those emotionally charged, tragedy laced months...and yet...Mai sensed that both of them had also gained something far more valuable than anything either had lost.

To Mai, Natsuki seemed the most changed of all the ex HIMES. Before, the girl had seemed like a spectator in her own life, watching from some place deep inside. She was cold and closed off to everyone who tried to pull her out of her solitude. Now, that shell of ice was melting, revealing for the first time the true face of the girl beneath. Most would attribute this change in Natsuki to the fact that all the stress of the past few months was over. But Mai was sharper and more attuned to her friend than most others. She knew with a clairvoyance born of friendship that her change was due to a certain someone in Natsuki's life. And for that, Mai could never find fault with whatever feelings the two girls might or might not have for one another. The fact that her friend was finally happy and at peace with herself was all that mattered.

Natsuki raised her hand in greeting as she returned the red headed girl's smile. "You act surprised to see me today Tokiha." Hands on her hips she leaned her face closer to Mai's and asked, "Did you think I'd ditch out on you guys today or something?"

Mai's blue eyes widened as she waved her hands hurriedly. "Ha-ha! N-n-no! Not at all Natsuki. Mikoto and I were just worried that you might forget to set your alarm...or...er...something." She stuck her hands behind her back and countered her friend's glower with an innocent smile of her own.

Mikoto Minagi, a middle school student and one of Mai's closest friends, looked up from her crouched position beside Mai's legs. She had been idly scratching the ears of an orange tom cat that had wandered up to the girl, as cats were prone to do. They seemed to appear out of nowhere and follow the wild girl wherever she went. Continuing to shower affectionate rubs and scratches on the cat's head, she looked up at Mai, a frown puckering her mouth, innocent yellow gold eyes wide as she replied, "But Mai. I heard you tell Yuichi that Kuga would probably pull one of her infamous disappearing acts and we'd be the ones stuck picking up the slack." She nodded her head affirmatively, black braids swinging, as she pulled the memory up in her mind. "Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. You said that we weren't counting on her help in the cleaning duties today." The orange tom suddenly decided there were more places on his furry body that could do with a little attention and flopped over onto his back, his paws lightly batting Mikoto's hand, demanding she put her attention back on him, which she did happily, rubbing his belly with a gentle hand. The cat rewarded his new friend with a rumbling purr.

"Wha..?" Natsuki grunted, amusement and irritation warring for dominance on her face as she stared at the red headed girl.

Mai made a strangled sound in the back of her throat, throwing her friend an embarrassed grin before turning narrowed blue eyes down to the girl still crouched on the sidewalk. "Mikoto!" She threatened between clenched teeth. "You really should stop listening in to other people's PRIVATE conversations!" She nudged the girl in the small of the back with her knee, just to drive home the importance of her point, and deepened the frown etched across her face.

Mikoto, attention still fixed on the orange tom was taken off guard when Mai's knee hit her in the back. Eyes wide, she flailed her arms uselessly before falling back on her bottom. Her startled grunt caused the cat to spring up hissing unhappily and dash hurriedly away, seeking the relative safety of the nearby shrubbery. Once there, he peered out from beneath the leaves, growling at the commotion which had sent him scampering.

"Hey!" Mikoto whined. "What'cha do that for Mai?"

"Because you shouldn't go around repeating everything you hear! Especially things that were said in a private conversation!"

"Hmmm." Mikoto put a finger to the corner of her mouth and seemed to momentarily lose herself in an uncharacteristically quiet contemplation before replying sagely. "But...it wasn't a private conversation Mai. When you were on the phone last night with Tate you even told him "Mikoto is sitting right here beside me Yuuichi. She can hear everything I say". And then you got kinda quiet and made a 'kissey' noise before telling him goodnight." She smiled triumphantly.

Natsuki couldn't contain the bark of laughter that burst forth at the way Mikoto's words caused Mai's face and neck to flame up into a furious red blush.

"Oh my God Mikoto! JEEZ!" wailed Mai, hands on hips. "What did I JUST tell you about repeating everything you hear?"

"But how was that conversation private if you said it in FRONT of me?" Mikoto watched Mai's mouth moving with no sound coming out for a few moments before spying the orange cat still crouched beneath the bush. Losing interest in the thread of conversation, she crab crawled over to the cat's hiding place, her back to her still silently seething friend...making soothing noises at the now mewling cat, enticing him back out with wiggling fingers. The cat, apparently deciding it was safe to return to the girl, padded over to her again and arched it's back in greeting as Mikoto's hand brushed against it.

Mai felt a hand slap against her back in good natured compassion. "Give it up Mai! The kid's got you on that point." But before Mai could recover her composure enough to protest, Kuga added fuel to the fire in her friend's already blushing cheeks. "Admit it. You're just pissed off cuz Mikoto heard you being all lovey-dovey with Tate. HA-HA-HA!"

"Grrrrr! I guess you're right Natsuki," Mai reluctantly acquiesced. "But...to avoid any future misunderstandings like this one...!" As she spoke she reached over and grabbed one of Mikoto's long black braids and pulled, causing the younger girl to screech loudly, scaring the orange tom she'd just managed to pacify, sending him scurrying back to his hiding place with a spitting yowl...not unlike the sound Mikoto was making as Mai tugged unmercifully on her braid.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Mikoto pipped, looking pleadingly at Mai while clambering to her feet.

"Okay Mikoto. Repeat after me..." instructed Mai, ignoring the girl's yelps.

"But...but you told me NOT to repeat everything I hear! Right?" pointed out the confused girl, yellow-gold eyes darting from Mai's frowning face to that of Kuga's look of growing amusement.

"Argh!" Mai groaned. "Are you being obstinate on purpose?" She tugged the braid harder, lifting up as she did so causing Mikoto to rise up on her tiptoes in order to avoid having her hair pulled out by the roots.

"Obstinate? Wha..what's that mean?" whined the bewildered girl. "Is it something bad?"

Natsuki couldn't take any more...no matter how funny this scene between her two friends seemed to be going. Laughing, she reached out and put a hand on Mai's arm and gently pushed it back down, relaxing the tension on Mikoto's braid.

Feeling the tension ease up on her hair, Mikoto wasted no time in snatching her braid away from Mai..her face a mask of confused anger...the resulting look one which caused even Mai to add her own amused giggle to that of Natsuki's deeper chuckle.

Surprising the perplexed girl even more, Mai suddenly reached out and pulled her into an affectionate embrace, kissing the top of her head lovingly. "Alright Mikoto. You're off the hook...this time! Just TRY and watch what you repeat in front of others. As a favor to me." She was rewarded by a fierce hug from the young girl. "Now. How about we get this day out of the way. The quicker we get the cleaning completed, the quicker we can say sayonara to classes until next semester!"

Mai's comment elicited a contemptuous snort from the bluehaired girl who had abruptly dropped her shoulders into a slouch, head hanging dejectedly. "Speak for yourself Tokiha. Some of us will be seeing these damn classes even after today. Stupid summer makeup courses," she pouted.

Keeping one arm around Mikoto's neck Mai threw her other around Natsuki's shoulders pulling her into a one armed hug, eliciting a startled grunt from her friend. "Well Natsuki, some of us actually attended class more than once a week and made passing marks." Before her friend could muster a reply in her defense, Mai started walking...dragging her two friends along with her. "Now c'mon. Let's see about getting you a mop and a bucket Kuga. Just because you weren't in the classroom much this past year, doesn't give you an excuse not to clean them. Besides...we need to get them spotless for the juvenile delinquent's who still have the summer term to look forward to."

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><p>First three chapters. Just getting the hang of this, but...of course I welcome all comments. I think my ego's big enough to take a lil criticism. -lol- I have two more chapters to upolad this weekend. Yall come back now...ya hear! :P<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

-waves- hey hey hey...ummmm...let me preface this next part by saying...yeah...I'm blonde and not familiar with the way this uploading of chapters went...so...I had THREE chapters glommed into the first read...I'm gonna just count this next installment as Chapter Two. -smirks at own self- Consider it a 'blonde moment'. Hopefully there wont be many more of those. But...I'm not promising anything. -lol- Hope you do deeply dig this next chapter. It's hella longer than the first three combined. And as per the norm...I claim no rights to these characters...blah blah blah. : )

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

Three hours into the cleaning assignment found Mai with a handkerchief tied around her mouth and nose happily attacking a layer of dirt and grime that had accumulated on top of some window frames in a little used classroom on the second floor. She was perched on the top rung of a short step ladder, humming quietly to herself as she shook the cleaning rag out and wiped it back over the wooden molding of the frame. Mikoto sat at the bottom of the ladder in a pool of sunlight, sneezing at a cloud of dust motes while trying not to yawn. The third member of this cleaning crew lay stretched out on the teacher's desk, one hand behind her head, idly staring up at the water spots on the white tiled ceiling.

"How much longer is this gonna take?" the girl on the desk suddenly grumbled. "Some of us actually have a life we'd like to get back to." She allowed herself a small smile at her own words. Tonight she was meeting Shizuru for a home cooked dinner back in her room at the boarding house she was temporarily staying at. Well, 'home cooked' in so far as that the dinner had been prepared the night before by Mai. Natsuki had persuaded her friend to lend her culinary prowess to her for the night's menu and had been pleasantly surprised when Mai enthusiastically agreed to do so. Mai had went all out and orchestrated a scrumptious menu for the two girls to enjoy for their evening together. Said menu was at this very minute sitting in plastic bowls in Natsuki's fridge, just waiting for a quick turn in the microwave.

Kuga was a notoriously BAD cook. Only after giving her word to Shizuru that she would NOT be making the food did the other girl laughingly consent to the proposition of the dinner date._ Finicky as_ _ever Fujino,_ she mused. But then again, she chided herself, actually serving edible food, even though prepared by someone else, was far preferable than trying to choke down anything she would've served. Unless Shizuru would have been satisfied with a mayonnaise sandwich. Laughing softly at these ruminations, her train of thought was unceremoniously derailed by Mai's voice.

"One more room in the Art Department and we can call it a day," she declared brightly, her voice slightly muffled by the handkerchief still tied around her mouth and nose.

Her announcement was met by a noncommittal grunt from the prostrate girl on the desk and a loud wheezing sneeze from Mikoto, who blinked twice before blurting out, "I'm thirsty! All this dusting is making my throat itch." To prove her point she made a dry hacking noise that sounded suspiciously like a cat trying to cough up a hairball. "Work is hard," the girl complained rubbing her eyes with her knuckles.

"WORK!" Mai countered, pulling the handkerchief from her mouth and letting it hang around her neck. "What do you two know about 'work?" Laying the cleaning cloth down on the top step of the ladder as she hopped to the floor, Mai raised her arms above her head, stretching out her aching shoulder muscles. "Gosh! Who knew you used so many muscles just cleaning!" she whined in self directed sympathy. As if to prove her point, she groaned and placed her hands on the small of her back, wincing and stretching the kinked muscles out. Neither of her friends offered a single word of compassion.

"Ya know," Mai pointed out, frowning, "If you two had actually been any help at ALL today, we would've been finished and outta here by now. So both of you can stop with the complaining and start with the helping. Got it?"

"I helped, Mai!" Mikoto protested. "See!" Putting words to action, the younger girl sprang to her feet and snatched up the dust cloth Mai had discarded. Head swiveling from side to side as if trying to locate a source where more dust might be hiding in the now spotless room, she apparently decided that the desk Kuga was stretched out on was the only viable target. Attacking the desk with a flourish of the rag and a savage sounding 'HEE-YAH!", Mikoto began flailing at the desk in earnest, filling the air with a haze of drifting dust motes.

"Gah!" Natsuki yelled, coughing and trying to shield her eyes and mouth from the cloud of dust particles Mikoto had unleashed in the air above her face. "Watch what you're doing dummy!" she warned the girl with a wheeze.

Mikoto ignored the threatening look thrown her way and continued to do her part in what she considered 'helping' Mai with the cleaning. She fanned the dust still hanging in the air into an even greater cyclone of swirling motes.

Growling, Kuga clambered to her feet, hoping to get her hands on the pesky girl, knocking off several of the teacher's personal objects from the desk top in her haste. Irritation flashed across her face as she ran her hands over the back of her school uniform skirt, smoothing it down from it's slightly askew position. "Damn it! Wanna tell me why we had to wear these stupid uniforms today if all we were gonna be doing was cleaning. Grrr!"

Mai stood watching her two friends in amazement. Kuga fussing with her uniform and Mikoto flitting about the room like a Dust Fairy. It was the first time either girl had so much as moved since they'd entered the classroom to clean.

"Mikoto! Seriously!" Kuga bellowed, making another grab at the girl as she continued to flail at the desk with the dust cloth.

"My my," a wheedling voice suddenly chided from the front of the classroom. "I thought I heard a dog barking in here. You DO realize that pets are not allowed in the school buildings, right?. So what's this mutt doing in here with you and Mikoto, Mai?" Nao Yuuki stood framed in the classroom doorway leaning casually against the open sliding door, arms folded across her chest as she stared into the room with narrowed eyes. Her face had the sharp features of a fox, with sly slightly elongated light green eyes and a crop of magenta colored hair. She had the tendency to cock her head slightly to one side when speaking.

"Dog..?" shouted Natsuki, hands balling into fists as she turned towards the girl in the door. "Who you calling a dog...GIRL?" She stared daggers at Nao who countered the dangerous look with a malicious grin.

"Well...if the flea collar fits...!" shot back Nao sarcastically. Leaving her position by the door, she stepped fully into the classroom, hands clasped behind her back...a look of extreme dislike growing ever more distinguishable upon her face as she took three steps towards the object of her targeted dislike. With a sniff, she leveled a glare of her own towards the blue haired girl and opened her mouth, fully prepared to launch into a verbal tirade.

Suddenly, without warning, a small shadow flashed across the room and planted itself in between the two girls.

"Back off Nao!" the shadow that had materialized into Mikoto warned in a quiet yet serious voice. "Don't talk like that to my friend." She spread her feet apart and assumed a defensive posture, the warning evident in both her stance and in the glow of her yellow eyes.

Nao tossed her head, the room ringing with the sound of her amused laughter. "Really. And I thought you and I were friends...Mikoto. Not very friendly of you to threaten me in such an unwarranted manner. Besides, you have no idea about the history between me and this DOG! She and her..." Nao began but Mai cut her off.

"That's over and done with Nao," she broke in, hoping to avoid an ugly scene. Mai knew some of what had transpired between Kuga and the self-centered, volatile Ex-HIME, and didn't relish the prospect of having that ugliness rehashed here today when old wounds and assumed wrongs had not yet had time to fully heal. "Can't we just move on?" she implored hopefully.

More laughter from the younger Nao. "Move on? Are you stupid? How can you stand there and preach to me about moving on when I still..."

Mikoto cut the girl's rebuttal off in mid sentence. "I'm warning you Nao. Please. Just let it go. Or else..." Mikoto broke off there, not wanting to finish what she had been intending to say. She and Nao had formed a tentative friendship in the months before the Red Star Battle. The younger girl genuinely liked the slightly older, rebelliously independent Yuuki. But, all her loyalties belonged to Mai, and she knew how Mai felt about Natsuki Kuga. Therefore, she hoped her words would deter her friend from continuing the harassment. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

"You're gonna threaten me now too Mikoto?" Nao sneered, a look of hurt anger flashing across her face as she turned slanted green eyes on the girl standing in front of her.

"It's not a threat Nao," Mikoto corrected. "Just advice from one friend to another."

Nao put her hands on her hips as she focused on Mikoto. "And just what can YOU do to ME?" she scoffed. "I think your little show of loyalty is admirable sweetie, but you are in no position to threaten ME!"

In reply, Mikoto slowly reached up and over her left shoulder, yellow eyes never leaving Nao's as she replied, "I can..." Her words abruptly turned into a strangled cry as she lowered the hand she had been raising to reach over her shoulder. The hand she had used a thousand times in the past to grasp the handle of her two-handed sword Miroku. A sword that was as familiar to the girl as her own face. A sword that she had used so often that it had become almost a permanent part of who she was. A sword that was no longer there.

Surprise flashed across her face momentarily as Mikoto's mind struggled to make sense of what was happening. The crushing realization that Miroku was gone forever hit her so hard that she gasped sharply. A profound look of loss settled on the girl's face as she turned towards Mai. "Miroku", she stammered softly.

"Mikoto," Mai crooned sympathetically.

Flicking Mikoto on the nose with one finger Nao smirked, "Looking for something little girl?"

"I always...forget," Mikoto murmured. "I always forget that I don't have..." She broke off here and turned tear stained eyes up towards Mai's, her bottom lip trembling. "I miss Miroku!" she wailed mournfully and threw herself at Mai, clutching her friend as if clinging to a life preserver, crying against the front of Mai's school uniform. "It hurts Mai! It hurts that I don't have..." the rest of her words turned into muffled hiccups as she leaned against her friend for support.

It wasn't as if what Mikoto had said meant she was upset that she couldn't unleash her child upon Nao in a moment of retaliatory anger. The simple truth was that the girl missed the presence of that part of her...the reassurance that her child was there whenever she reached out for him. Mikoto's words seemed to have a similar affect on the other three girls. It was as if a restriction had been lifted on something that was taboo, giving unvoiced permission for the girls to admit to themselves the pain they felt at losing that part of themselves at the end of the HIME battle.

As Kuga watched the other three girls reactions to Mikoto's confession, she reached out to that place inside herself which had once housed her own child Duran. Knowing he was no longer there and the realization of FEELING his absence were two different things. Kuga's silent cry for her dog-like child reverberated eerily inside her mind. The loneliness without him still surprised her. And yet...she still felt _something_ when she reached for Duran. Some phantom form of her child. A mysterious tingling of memory. She equated this feeling with the stories recent amputees told of still being able to feel lost limbs. But she knew it was all illusion. A vain attempt by her mind to ease her through the loss of a part of herself.

"Enough," Mai said into the suddenly TOO quiet room, her voice heavy with the pain of feeling that loss for her own child Kagutsuchi. "Enough with the bickering and fighting. Haven't we given enough time and emotion to destruction and pain? Don't you think it's time we lay down the animosity and blame we might have towards one another and move on?"

Pulling herself away from thoughts of the loss of her own child Julia, Nao managed a weak smirk, "Always stepping in with your patronizing words and empty platitudes, aren't you Tokiha. Seriously, don't you ever get tired of playing the role of Miss Goody Two-Shoes? I know just watching you pull that lame act over and over bores me to tears."

"I'm sure it does bore you Nao," Natsuki snarled. "Because anything constructive and positive means nothing to you. Friendship and trust is still an alien concept in your eyes." Tossing a handful of blue hair over one shoulder, she turned piercing green eyes on the flabbergasted Nao before continuing. "So then tell me. How's tricks...JULIETE?" She gave the name a rough caress as she hurled it at Nao like a poisoned dagger. "Gotten into any...'sticky' situations lately? Word on the street is that some mysterious internet chick named Juliete is still out on the prowl. Ya know, I actually feel sorry for some of your victims. Even though they're idiots doesn't mean they deserve the treatment they receive for getting caught in your web..even without your child"

"Shut up DOG!" snapped Nao, cheeks red with mixed anger and embarrassment. "What would you really know about my life anyway!"

Natsuki had hit the girl's weak spot dead on, leaving her feeling vulnerable and undefended. But Nao knew how to play this nasty little game of words as well. She was a pro at it.

Mai finally managed to get her thoughts together enough to open her mouth and try halting this useless battle between the two girls, but Nao was not about to be silenced without a retaliating verbal swipe at Natsuki.

"Besides Kuga, no one commanded you to speak! And speaking of 'commands'...where is your master? Where is that SNAKE who holds your leash?"

Natsuki's face drained of color as she replied in a voice as cold as the heart of winter, "I'm warning you Yuuki...shut up!"

"Oh that's rich! The dog's the one giving commands now! Well save them for your owner. The other half of the 'Dyke-namic Duo." A wicked grin split Nao's face as she witnessed the intended effect her words had on the other girl.

"Nao...STOP!" cut in Mai just as Mikoto asked, "What's a dyke?"

Laughing, Nao turned a triumphant look on Natsuki. "Oh come on! Don't tell me you never bothered to explain your abnormal relationship with your Master to Mikoto?" Rewarded with a flush of mortificationt across Kuga's cheeks, Nao turned her full attention onto Mikoto. Hands resting on her knees, she bent down until she was peering into the other girl's eyes before continuing. "Then please allow me to educate and instruct our juniors concerning the nasty habits of those she calls 'friend.'" Using a mocking voice, Nao continued, "You see Mikoto, your friend Natsuki here has a very...how shall I phrase this" she paused dramatically, tapping her finger on her chin as if thinking before continuing sharply. "ah yes...Natsuki has very UNNATURAL feelings for another girl."

"Huh?" Mikoto frowned, blinking in confusion as she looked at Nao. Then she brightened. "Oh. Right. Like me and Mai. We must be dykes too cuz we have feelings for one another as well." She slid her hand into Mai's and smiled innocently, satisfied that she understood the other girl's words.

"Mikoto!" Mai shrieked causing Nao to burst into hysterical laughter. Taking a moment to remind herself that Mikoto was still pretty much a child in many respects and deserved a bit of patience and consideration when it came to worldly matters, Mai continued in a quieter tone of voice. "Yes, we DO have feelings for one another Mikoto. Very strong feelings. But..not in the way Nao is insinuating."

"Then, what's a dyke?" the younger girl asked again, watching the strange look that surfaced on Mai's face.

Natsuki made a half choking, half sobbing sound as she stood helplessly beside the desk.

Mai's heart went out to her friend in that instant. She knew...even if Natsuki had not come right out and admitted it to her, that the girl did have feelings for Shizuru. It was this fledgling self acceptance of these feelings Natsuki had which had transformed the once cold, aloof, loner into someone who radiated a sense of warmth, acceptance and love. But to have these still new feelings and emotions thrown back in her face...to have someone USE them against her in a despicable attempt to humiliate and degrade her was just too much for Mai to bear. _NO!_ Mai's heart screamed. No. Nao would not be allowed to taint her friend's newly discovered self acceptance.

Taking a deep breath, Mai turned her face down to look into Mikoto's eyes. "A dyke is a very ugly word for a truly beautiful feeling. And I never want to hear you repeating that word Mikoto. Got it?" Mai tugged affectionately on one of the girl's long braids as if to drive her point home. After receiving an affirmative nod from her friend Mai turned her anger full force onto Nao. "Okay Nao. You've gone too far. I think you'd better apologize and start..." she began.

"Pffft!" Nao interrupted, waving one hand in the air as if trying to displace a bad smell. "Apologize? For what? For taking up for myself? For stating an obvious truth maybe? Besides. You'd have to be blind not to see that Fujino's got it bad for this girl. She flaunts her flawed feelings shamelessly around campus. And this one...she's nothing more than a tease," she leered at the still silent Natsuki before continuing. "She likes the attention Fujino lavishes upon her but when you get right down to the bones of the truth...she's too much of an emotional cripple to admit how she truly feels. She's nothing more than another of Shizuru Fujino's fangirls...a dyke wannabe." Flashing a triumphant smile Nao finished the barrage of insults with a false, sympathetic pout. "Awww. What's wrong Natsuki-kun? Gonna roll over and play dead now?"

Kuga's hands clenched uselessly by her sides as she stood in frozen terror at the berating words Nao was pummeling her with. A cloud of conflicting emotions was forming in her mind as she tried in vain to clear her thoughts. But the accusations of the other girl had paralyzed her. Anger warred with uncertainty until she could only stand in mute horror at her inability to defend herself. She knew she had to DO or SAY something. Anything! And yet she could only manage to turn her face away, sickened by her own frailty.

A sharp SMACK penetrated Natsuki's dazed mind. She raised her eyes just in time to see the recoil of Nao's head as Mai's open handed slap struck the girl's cheek and sent her staggering back a step. "I said that's enough." Mai repeated in a voice of restrained danger. The calmness of her voice belied the anger flickering in the blue eyed warning she leveled at Nao.

Recovering from the force of the blow, Nao clutched her stinging cheek with a self pitying whine. "Jeez Tokiha. Was that really necessary? I was only teasing." The lie rang hollow and empty in the quiet of the classroom...half a truth that no one believed.

Mai's hand was throbbing smartly after the clout she'd bestowed upon the other girl. She pulled both hands behind her back and clasped them together, hoping that no one noticed the way they trembled. Her violent reaction in defense of her friend startled her. What confused her even more was the hunger it set off inside her mind and body. A desire for more...a longing to lash out...a small seed of need that begged for physical combat as it's nourishment. Ignoring the foreign feeling, Mai focused instead on the gloomy girl standing before her.

"Well...enough's enough," she finished in a lame attempt to bring the entire situation under some semblance of control. "Now...did you have a specific REASON for wandering into this wing of the building Nao? Or were you seriously just looking for trouble?" Mai queried.

All the attitude and anger seemed to have fled the girl, leaving behind a Nao who was more docile and even wore a small look of sorrow in her green eyes as she turned them up towards Mai. Nursing her tender cheek, she nodded her head once. "Yeah. Actually. I was sent here by Ms. Kuro. She told me Mikoto would be here helping you today Mai. But she forgot to sign in on our class registry." Dropping her hand, the angry red mark left by Mai's slap still very evident on the girl's cheek, Nao turned to address Mikoto. "Ms. Kuro needs you to come by and sign in Mikoto. Otherwise she can't give you credit for your attendance today."

Mikoto nodded. "Mmm hmm. She told me not to forget to do that." Shrugging her thin shoulders, she rolled her eyes in amusement. "Guess I forgot, huh?"

Mai shot a quick glance towards the still silent Natsuki before ruffling her fingers through the short, spiky black hair on top of Mikoto's head. "Go on with Nao Mikoto. Before you 'forget' again." Both girls shared a short giggle. "Kuga and I will finish up here. We'll meet you in the Art Department. It's our last cleaning assignment for the day."

Mikoto gave her friend a confirming nod before bounding happily towards the door. "Mmm kay Mai. See ya." She grabbed Nao's hand as she went past, the exchange between the two of them already forgiven and forgotten as far as she was concerned. "C'mon Nao! Let's stop by the vending machine first. I need something to drink, don't you? Cleaning is hard work. Do you have any money? I think I forgot my change purse." The younger girl was amiably chattering nonstop as she half dragged Nao from the room.

Before allowing herself to be pulled out of the room, Nao turned briefly back towards Kuga, as if poised on the brink of saying something...an unreadable look painted on her face. But what she'd intended to say...if anything...was cut short by an indignant yell from Mikoto as she tugged sharply on the girl's hand, causing her to stumble after her impatient friend. "Hurry up Nao. I THIRST!" The two girls vanished from sight...the sounds of their voices echoing back to Mai as they moved down the hall.

Alone with her friend, Mai took a deep calming breath before walking over to where Natsuki still stood. The girl had been silent for a long time. Too long as far as Mai was concerned. It was out of nature for the girl to not face a challenger head on. But, Mai knew that Kuga was hurting. Just one look at the girl's face betrayed every emotion she was feeling. Pain. Anger. Vulnerability. Mai wanted to comfort her. Tell her not to take to heart the things Nao had said. But she couldn't find the words to voice everything she was feeling. She hoped just her mere closeness would offer some small comfort to her friend.

Natsuki had her head bowed, mentally reproaching herself for letting Nao get the best of her. She was still staring at the floor, when her ears picked up the sounds of Mai's soft footsteps moving towards her. From beneath a fall of blue hair, she could see Mai's shoes stop directly in front of her as she walked over. But neither girl seemed to possess the courage to be the first to speak. Nao's words had wounded her more than she wanted to admit. Shame and humiliation seethed inside her...coiling around her heart...threatening to choke her. She wanted to scream, to hit something. She wanted to throw-up. She wanted to cry. Panic was swiftly overwhelming conscious thought. If she didn't do or say something, she would be lost. But... how best to handle this? What should she say? What did Mai expect her to say? The indecision was tearing her apart.

Mai's voice broke through the smothering thoughts inside her friend's head. "Hey...Natsuki." The compassion, sympathy and unspoken acceptance evident in the sound of her friend's voice brought tears to Natsuki's eyes as she realized with a certainty that she didn't need to defend herself to Mai. She didn't need to do or say anything. The truth would be the light in this dark confusion.

Without waiting for Mai to continue, Natsuki broke in hesitantly. "It's true you know. What Nao said. About me...and Shizuru. It's all true."

Natsuki felt Mai's arm slide around her and pull her close in a comforting hug of compassion...the girl's warm cheek resting against the other girl's tear stained face as she breathed softly into Kuga's ear, "I know." Feeling the other girl begin to tremble slightly at her whispered words, Mai tightened her grip and was rewarded with the feel of her friend's arms reaching around her, pulling her into an even closer embrace. "I've always known...Natsuki."

Those few words were all that the friends needed to say to one another. The confession of one met with the open hearted acceptance from the other. Nothing more was required.


	3. Chapter 3

-waves- thanks to those who left encouraging reviews...i appreciate it...and so does my ego -lol- hope you find this next chapter just as entertaining...however, if you think my writing style to be a bit...wordy...i cannot find it in myself to apologize...i will however suggest you enjoy a nice cup of coffee and just enjoy the ride...getting there is half the fun after all...correct? :P oh yush...-insert obligatory disclaimer here-

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><p>CHAPTER THREE<p>

Shizuru Fujino cut a striking figure as she made her way down the halls of Fuka Academy that morning. Impeccably dressed in the orange and tan school uniform; neck scarf crisply starched and perfectly tied around her slender throat. Her mane of gleaming, chestnut colored hair bounced freely against her shoulders and down her back as she strode purposefully, confidently towards her intended destination...the Student Council Room on the second floor of the East Wing near the Art Department. It was there that she would hand over the title and responsibilities of Student Council President to the newly elected president who would be representing Fuka Academy next year...Miss Yukino Kikukawa. Yukino had been elected in large part due to the valiant effort put into her campaign by her dearest friend Haruka Suzushiro. Since Haruka had graduated from the academy during this semester, she could not actually run in the elections herself. So she had projected her goal of attaining the Student Council Presidency onto the shoulders of her best friend and secured the victory for herself in her friend's name.

Thus was the reason Shizuru found herself walking down the too familiar hallways this Friday morning. Left to her own devices, she would've chosen to remain at her apartment until this evening when she was supposed to meet Natsuki for dinner. "Natsuki." She let the girl's name caress her lips as she whispered it to herself. "If only..." Shizuru was interrupted in her ruminations by the sound of her name being called.

Turning her head slightly, she spied a young man in the uniform of a middle school student calling out to her and waving his hand enthusiastically. Returning the wave, she continued walking. _They see what_ _they expect to see..._ she affirmed silently. _They see me as I once was...not as I truly am. They only see the mask of yesterday. _

In truth, when the other students roaming the halls spotted their proud president that morning, followed by her obligatory entourage of adoring fangirls, they saw what Shizuru surmised they saw every other time they had caught a glimpse of her. They saw a beautiful young woman in charge. A young woman in charge of her own life as well as in charge of the student's lives here at the Academy. And in expecting to see this person, or rather persona, on her last day as Student Council President, that's what Shizuru gave them.

So when she was met with smiles and waves from the student body, Shizuru gave them what they wanted...what they needed. She gave them the return wave of her hand. She gave them a practiced smile. She gave them her attention and time as she paused on her way to the Student Council Room to listen with feigned modesty while students she had never seen before offered their congratulations on her graduation. She listened with uninterested concern when students imparted advice for her to pass along to the new president. She gave ear to anything and everything they wanted to say. After all, she had been the embodiment of the voice of the students at this educational institution for the past three years. The compassionate president who had selflessly made herself available to the student body whenever they needed her. The reliable president who ushered in the most prosperous and prestigious years that Fuka Academy had ever seen. The brave president who had resolutely stood by their sides during the frightening takeover of the Academy by the Searrs Foundation. She had given her all for them. But today...today she could give them nothing but a lie. She could offer them nothing but a mask of who she once was. Today this president who had given so much, and had asked for so little in return, gave only that which was required of her to make it through the day.

If these students who idolized their soon to be former president really looked beyond their selfish expectations, they would've been able to see the cracks in the mask Shizuru wore for them. The flaws that defined the differences between yesterday and today. Aberrations such as the drawn, almost forced appearance of her smile. The lackluster flatness in her crimson eyes...devoid of even the tiniest spark of emotion. The way her hands trembled just slightly as she raised them in return greetings or allowed them to be pressed in eager handshakes from the ones who approached her. If for some reason any of them could actually have taken a peek inside her guarded thoughts, these fellow students...these ardent admirers of hers would've hidden their faces in abject terror at the depthless darkness inside the girl. At the emptiness which hollowed out the core of who she was, leaving only this shell of who Shizuru Fujino once was.

Fortunately for Shizuru, no one was able to peer inside of her thoughts. And no one looked past the mask that she showed them. It made the onerous task of getting through this day that much less painful.

She was vaguely aware of the droning voices belonging to the group of girls which followed her down the hall...that core group of fangirls who inexplicably stuck beside the object of their revere like glue whenever she appeared. She was aware of them on a subconscious level only, however, never actually hearing a word they were saying. Their combined verbal banter was nothing more than necessary static to Shizuru's ears. She did make the occasional correct response when prompted. She even managed to reward their eager smiles and hungry eyes with a few false smiles and forced laughs of her own. But keeping this mask in place was wearing thin on the girl's already frayed nerves. She could feel her tentative control over herself beginning to slip.

_If ONLY there had been some way to get out of these obligations and responsibilities,_ she lamented to herself for the hundredth time today. Short of ditching out, no excuses came to mind. The notion of ditching out immediately brought to mind the Queen of Ditching Out. Natsuki Kuga...hers was the face, the name, the person that provided the only balm that could help ease the ache inside of her. The only person who could fill the emptiness that engulfed her daily.

Shizuru allowed herself the guilty pleasure of reaching out to the only light left inside her...the place in her heart where she had tucked her feelings for this girl away...not wanting them to be tarnished by the blackness which had invaded her soul. She let her mind gently play over the memory of Natsuki, whose face rose like the morning sun inside of her. This love she held for the girl was the only redeeming quality Shizuru allowed herself. The all encompassing, breath taking love for another person. Momentarily freed from the protective prison it was kept locked away in, the warmth of that feeling slowly started seeping into Shizuru's numb mind and body.

Sighing audibly she opened herself even more...afraid to stop feeling this warmth...afraid of what would happen if she didn't put it away again. Her love for Natsuki was the only emotion, the only sensation, that held Shizuru together as a human being. Without it, she knew she would become the living embodiment of the darkness invading her...she would succumb to the emptiness that was all that remained of the girl she had once been. Only this love she bore the bluehaired girl remained. She knew that allowing herself to continue basking in the light of this love would not be beneficial to her in any way whatsoever today. Especially considering the fact that she had consented to the dinner date with the girl later this evening. But...how could she have turned down Natsuki's request? She who had blushed and stumbled her way through the invitation in the first place. How could SHE permit herself to be guilty of ever denying Natsuki anything she desired? Such was the depth of the love she bore this person.

"Ummm...President Fujino...?"

A voice suddenly intruded into her thoughts. She wanted to ignore it. The mere presence of the voice was unwanted and unwelcome. But it could not go unnoticed so easily. Closing herself off from the light that was her love...she felt the darkness of her soul immediately spread its inky wings and pull her back into its cold embrace.

Taking a calming breath, Shizuru smiled through her mask as she turned to face the girl who had addressed her. "Yes Nagisa?' she inquired politely.

"Sorry to interrupt your thoughts Miss Fujino but...umm...we just walked past the Student Council Room mam." The girl threw a thumb over her shoulder, indicating the way back down the hall.

Looking over the girl's shoulder, Shizuru noticed the knot of girls who had been following her standing beside a closed door, shooting confused glances down the hall and whispering curiously amongst themselves.

"Oh my," Shizuru replied. "It appears I need to pay more attention to where I'm going. Thank you Nagisa for reminding me." And with that simple explanation she retraced her steps to the door, the girl hovering behind.

"It's no problem President Fujino," the girl chirped happily. "I'm sure that today of all days you have a lot on your mind." She flashed Shizuru an empathetic smile.

"Yes," responded Shizuru without returning the girl's smile. "More than you know."

Pausing at the door before opening it, Shizuru turned and faced her small entourage. "Ladies. I just want to take a quick moment and thank you all for the dedicated service and support you've afforded me these past few years. I applaud and appreciate all the work you've done for this school in my name."

The faces of the girls being addressed radiated adoration as they listened in rapt attention to the girl in front of them. Praise from President Shizuru Fujino was all that they lived for.

Continuing her preplanned speech, Shizuru added another smile to her words. Just something else she was not able to give...but could fake. "I am positive that you all will continue to show this same level of support and enthusiastic assistance to the newest president of Fuka Academy. She will need your patience and guidance girls. You all have never let me down. Don't let her down either."

Pulling a small purple backpack from one shoulder, she pawed around inside it a moment before taking out a stack of artistically folded origami cards folded in various animal shapes. Each animal was labeled in kanji script with the girl's name on it...beautifully hand inked by Shizuru herself. "This is just a small token of my sincerest affection for your loyalty." She handed the stack of cards over to Nagisa who like the other girls surrounding her, had tears standing in their eyes.

"Oh thank you Miss Fujino!" Nagisa chimed in unison with the others. "You're too kind," she finished with a bow, reverently clutching the stack of cards to her chest.

"Not at all," countered Shizuru absently. "I wish you all the best of luck in your future endeavors. Good bye girls." And with those parting words, the person who had defined their lives at school, turned and walked out of their lives forever.

"About freaking time Fujino!" an anger laced voice greeted the soon to be ex president as she entered the Student Council Room, sliding the door closed behind her.

"You were ALMOST late!" the same loud voice continued accusingly.

"Well then," Shizuru countered pleasantly, "please accept my 'almost' apology...Miss Suzushiro." A genuine smile threatened to break the mask Shizuru wore as one corner of her mouth twitched in amusement at the greeting she received upon entering the room. Haruka Suzushiro was infamous for her loud verbal tirades. She tended to tackle any and every situation with over enthusiasm and attitude. Which she dished out to Shizuru in abundance.

An irritated "Hmmph!" was the only reply she made as she crossed her arms and glared from beneath lowered brows at the girl standing poised in the door of the classroom. Haruka's yellow-gold hair framed a perfectly round face set with a pair of violet shaded eyes that shone with fanatical self-determination. A self-determination that had driven her to try and outshine Shizuru Fujino in everything they did throughout their school years together. Although in the same class, Haruka had secretly looked up to her popular classmate. An admiration she would rather die than admit to. She used Shizuru's accomplishments as the bar on which to set her own personal goals. But no matter how hard she tried, or how much time and effort she put into it, Haruka never managed to outshine the popularity and achievements of her nemesis. She was constantly relegated to second runner up. This fact alone seemed to amuse Shizuru which in turn sparked an even stronger desire in Haruka to beat her. At anything!

Ignoring Haruka's glare, Shizuru dropped her backpack on the desk at the front of the room before turning her full attention onto the other occupant in the classroom. Standing beside a small table underneath one of the room's windows stood the next president of the student council...Yukino Kikukawa. She was a waif of a girl with a crop of short wavy brown hair. The spectacles perched on the end of her nose contributed to her studious, intelligent countenance. Her earnest brown eyes were kind and open...a look of trustworthiness. In other words...the personification of what a student body president should look like.

Yukino started walking over to where Shizuru stood, a cup of steaming liquid held in one hand. Graciously, she offered the cup to the other girl with a welcoming smile. "Would you care to enjoy a cup of tea, Madam President? Your favorite blend, if I recall correctly. Freshly brewed...if not near as perfect as you'd make it, I'm sure," she apologized with a small dip of her head.

Cool fingers took the offered cup with an appreciative smile. "Thank you so much Miss Kikukawa. I'd love a cup of tea. It's refreshing to see that some rules of etiquette will still be adhered to in this administration," she replied, shooting a reproachufl glance towards Haruka. Blowing on the steaming liquid, Shizuru took a small, delicate sip then sighed contentedly. "Mmmm. It's perfect. You do yourself an injustice, Yukino, by apologizing for the tea." Taking another sip she raised her crimson eyes and caught the blush on the other girl's cheeks at her compliment. "Besides," Shizuru continued, "the future President of the Fuka Academy Student Council must get used to the compliments that will surely be warranted under her tenure."

The girl's blush deepened as she dropped her head in embarrassment and mumbled a solemn, "Th-thank you Miss Fujino."

A loud banging sound caused both girls to jump as Haruka pounded the flat of her hand down against the desk she had just approached. "Yes...well. Enough of all that!" Turning a frown onto her friend she continued. "You don't have to 'pawn' all over her Yukino."

Yukino raised her head and shook it at Haruka with a nervous grin. "I think you mean FAWN, Haruka, not PAWN."

"Argh!" Haruka spat in irritated chagrin, then continued through gritted teeth. "Yes...what you said already. Enough of THAT then. Let's just get this farce of a ceremony over with. I know I for one am more than ready to see the end of THIS presidency. And you wont hear me complain if I never see HER face again either!" she declared heatedly, scowling at Shizuru who continued sipping her tea...utterly unmoved by her classmate's outburst.

Yukino pushed at her glasses, repositioning them on the bridge of her nose before softly chastising her friend's behavior. "Haruka, please. There's no need to be rude. Miss Fujino is doing us the courtesy of meeting here today for the traditional Passing On ceremonies. She didn't even have to show up you know."

"Rude?" her friend stammered in disbelief before pointing an accusing finger towards Shizuru, who had placed her tea cup down on the desk and was watching the exchange between the two friends passively. "She's the RUDE one Yukino." Hands on hips, Haruka strode around the side of the desk until she was standing directly in front of Shizuru, lips compressed in ire...her violet colored eyes burning with twin fires of lilac rage as she glared into the crimson orbs before her.

"You have some nerve even showing up here today Fujino! After what YOU did! After all the damage YOU caused, the havoc you wrecked at this school and elsewhere! I know no one else knows about all this..." she paused momentarily before saying distastefully, "HIME business. The students. The administrators. The professors. Even the local law enforcement. Everyone. Oblivious to the REAL truth of what went on that night."

"Haruka...please!" Yukino cut in pleadingly, wringing her hands in exasperation.

Shizuru, however, stood silently...her back straight, her hands clasped demurely in front of her as she waited for the next wave of Suzushiro's anger to crash into her.

Shaking her head, the girl continued. "NO Yukino! This NEEDS to be addressed! I realize you were a part of all that happened as well. And I even understand why it's necessary to keep the truth of what occurred classified. But what I do NOT understand and what I cannot forgive is the fact that SHE was the cause of the majority of the damage. And...SHE was the cause of your pain...Yukino. She's not gonna get away with those things without paying for it!" Clenching her fists tightly, her chest heaving with barely controlled violence, the girl opened her mouth to speak again.

But Shizuru cut her off with an uplifted hand. "It's quite alright, Miss Kikukawa," she said faintly. "Miss Suzushiro has every right to want to right the wrongs she claims I have committed. I will not stop her nor fault her for that. What I WILL address though is her assumption that I got away with it all without paying for it. Because that, my dear," Shizuru finished, turning her cold-eyed gaze back onto the other girl, "is simply not true."

"Look! Neither Yukino nor I are interested in your lame excuses or explanations about..." began Haruka heatedly. But she was cut off by the sound of hard laughter.

"I'm afraid you misunderstand me. I have no plan on making excuses for myself. Nor will I offer you an empty apology." Shizuru pushed a few strands of lose hair back behind one ear before continuing. "I will give you closure though. An end to all the pain and anger you seem to still be clinging onto. At least...I hope my words will in some measure, open your eyes to the fact that what I did that night...was not undertaken in an effort to hurt or destroy anything...or anyone."

Haruka blinked as she felt Yukino's hand around her upper arm, the girl's fingers squeezing affectionately. "Please. Haruka. Just listen to her. I feel...," she glanced at and then quickly away again from Shizuru's hard, yet desperate eyes before continuing. "I feel as if...this needs to be said. If not for Miss Fujino's sake..then for mine..for ours."

The misery in her friend's eyes caused Haruka to swallow the acidic retort she was about to hurl at Shizuru. "Grrrr," she growled in annoyance, stomping one foot and tossing her head animatedly. "FINE! Just make it quick then. I would've preferred you had just remained beneath whatever rock you've been hiding under since that night. But oh well...continue then!" she finished quickly...feeling her friend's grip on her arm tighten imploringly.

"Thank you...for that at least, Miss Suzushiro," Shizuru continued. "This is the only reason I came here today. I wanted to give you both this chance...to confront me. To put this behind you forever so that you can get on with your lives. I'm no saint in saying this...and like I pointed out...I'm not looking for anything for myself. This is...difficult for me as well."

"We understand Shizuru," Yukino encouraged, the compassion evident in her voice and expression. "I probably understand a lot better than Haruka. About why you did what you did." Taking a breath, she finished with, "I for one find no fault in you for what happened that night. I hold no grudge against you nor blame in my heart."

A loud snort from Haruka reverberated throughout the room. "Just get on with whatever you wanted to say Fujino. Yukino and I have other business to attend to today."

"Indeed," agreed Shizuru, bowing her head, praying for the strength to face the horrible memories that threatened to materialize from the shadows of her mind as she continued. _Please, just let me say_ _this...and be done. I can't fall apart now. _Her throat felt bone dry but she was afraid her trembling hands would be unable to hold the tea cup without spilling it. Instead, she coughed lightly and tried not to hear the words that came out of her mouth as she put voice to something she'd rather not ever think about again.

"The only thing I have left to say is this. I have done everything within my power to right the injustices I contributed to that night. My family and I have made generous donations to the Rebuild Fuka Academy Fund. We have also donated equipment and material to the school in order to repair all the damage suffered that night. With the monies the Fujino Corporation has contributed, this school will be able to not only make the necessary repairs but will also be able to build new state of the art additions to several departments of the school. All of which this administration will be in charge of overseeing," she added...then paused, not wanting to continue, but resigned to the fact that she MUST.

"And as far as what happened between us that night..." she raised her chin and squared her thin shoulders as if preparing for the last charge in a battle. One that had no chance of succeeding but was necessary all the same. "I have no intention of apologizing for that."

"Are you MAD?" Haruka stammered, her eyes bulging in shocked disbelief. "What you did to Yukino was reprehensible! You SHOULD be down on your knees begging her forgiveness for..."

Crimson eyes met and held the gaze of brown eyes as Shizuru continued...her voice soft, sympathetic. "What I did in destroying your child, Yukino, was not orchestrated out of my hatred or dislike for you personally. You do understand this. What I did was done in order to...protect...the one person I cherish most in this world. That was the only reason I fought. I will never apologize or ask forgiveness for loving someone enough to put them before all others...to put them before myself."

The confrontation with the two girls had taken a huge toll on Shizuru. She felt weak, drained. She held onto the mask she had put on today in desperation. If it slipped...even for a second...she would be exposed as the wreck of a mess this entire situation had left her in. She could not allow herself to breakdown now. This was almost finished. And then...THEN...she could maybe find some way to live without the mask.

The room rang with too much silence. No one spoke as the three young women were lost inside their own private thoughts. Finally, a soft voice broke the edge of silence. "I would've done the same thing for you...Haruka," Yukino whispered into the stillness of the afternoon, her compassionate brown eyes holding those of her friend in desperation as she finally found the strength to confess and confront her own actions of those last few nights of Carnival. "In fact...I tried to. I betrayed my friends and lied to them in order to destroy their power as a HIME. I set them up against one another so I could watch from the safety of the shadows while they destroyed each other...all so I wouldn't lose you Haruka. The most precious person in my life. I was so afraid...I didn't know what else to do! I wasn't as strong as the rest of them. I just...I couldn't... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please...forgive me!" After the confession, the girl hid her face in her hands, crying softly.

For the first time in her life Haruka Suzushiro was at a loss for words. She knew she had been the person most dear to her friend, but she never suspected that Yukino had it within her to be as devious and manipulative as that other woman. As she mustered her thoughts enough to speak, to expound on the differences between the reason Yukino fought and the reason Shizuru did the same, a light of understanding broke across her conscious mind and she inhaled sharply. Clarity washed away the cloud of anger and blame that had been obscuring her vision in this matter. She was finally free to see the truth the girls involved already knew. It was not out of some malicious intent to wound or destroy that these girls...these HIMES had fought and betrayed one another. But rather they did what they did out of a drastic sense of love. All of the girls involved did what they did out of a desire to protect and preserve the lives of the ones they cherished most. It was a sick and twisted form of...chivalry. The realization seemed to lift a weight off of the girls shoulders. Her anger melted away like snow beneath the rays of a warming sun.

Wrapping her arms around her friend she held her in strong arms, crooning softly. "Don't cry Yukino. It's all over now. Just...let it go. It's alright. And...and..." she turned her eyes to Shizuru who was watching quietly. Swallowing hard she continued, "And there's no need for apologies or forgiveness. From...anyone. It's over. This is done. You all...WE all...just need to move on."

Yukino made a soft noise of agreement as she remained in the comforting embrace of her friend.

Shizuru closed her eyes for just a moment as she allowed herself the small triumph of realizing that she had been able to start Yukino on the path of self-healing. This had been the true reason she'd even bothered making the trip to school today in the first place. Her hopes had been that by giving the girl some semblance of closure, she would be able to move on with her life. To be able to accomplish for another that which she could not manage to do for herself was more than worth the mental and physical cost of dredging up her own memories of those last few nights.

Wanting to give the two young women their privacy, she cleared her throat and put on a small smile."Well ladies, if you two don't mind, I think I'll be on my way now. The presidential seal is in the backpack, Yukino. Along with a few other things I thought might help you along the way. Congratulations on your nomination. I trust you will make Fuka Academy very proud. Oh, and do take care of the new vice-president as well. Takumi Tokiha is still very young and inexperienced. He will need strong guidance and support from those around him." As she turned and walked towards the door, she paused and said over her shoulder, the profile of her face caught in the contrasting shadows of the room.

"Take care of one another, Miss Suzushiro. Life's treasures are far too valuable to squander. Appreciate what you do have. Don't lose sight of the plum in your hand by turning your eyes towards the tree." And with that parting riddle, she left the two girls holding one another and walked out of the Student Council Room...a room she had spent many long days and some nights in throughout her high school career. She left the room behind, but carried the memories with her. A price one must always be prepared to pay.


	4. Chapter 4

REhi everyone...ready for the next chapter...cuz i KNOW that you are...lol...thanks so much for the encouraging notes and comments...and thanks also to all those who took the time to read my story...questions or comments...well...you know how to find me :P and ya...the rights to these characters are NOT mine...anyway...enjoy...

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

_There,_ Shizuru thought to herself as she slid the door closed behind her_. I've done what I can do for Miss_ _Kikukawa and Miss Suzushiro. The rest is up to them._ It had been the first time she'd seen either girl since Carnival Night. And even though she felt she had nothing left inside her, Shizuru had somehow managed to give the girls what she felt they needed...or would need some day. A sense of closure. A chance to face the person who had wrecked such havoc in their lives.

As her feet headed automatically down the hall towards the stairs, the girl's memory pushed thoughts of that horrible night back into Shizuru's mind. Memories that contained the darkness which now dwelt inside her soul. Memories that no matter how hard she fought to forget them, continued to plague and torture her without mercy.

Wishing she could hold off the impending onslaught of pain the memories brought with them, Shizuru knew from experience that it was nothing more than an empty wish. There was nothing she could do to prevent it. This was something she had been living with since the end of Carnival Night. She accepted the fact that the anguish these memories brought were nothing more than justifiable payment for the many sins she'd committed in her self-righteous rampage. Each memory, an ungentle reminder of her ultimate failure.

She felt her skin break out in a cold sweat...her stomach cramping. The pain that awakened in her head pounded inside her mind as if trying to break free from a prison. Each palpitating throb of misery bringing with it a memory, a mental slideshow reminding her...never letting her forget...that she was to blame...she was the darkness inside her soul, manifest.

_Pain! _The memory of her child Kiohime defeating Yukino's child Diana. The memory of the devastating destruction she had meted out on the First District headquarters and the lives she'd either taken, or left in ruins. _Pain!_ The memory of the battle her child and Kuga's child Duran had waged right here on the Fuuka campus grounds as she had selfishly tried to forcibly take that which was not hers...Natsuki's love. _Pain!_ The memory of the look of horror on the faces of the two defeated HIMES as she stared into their eyes at the very moment when they felt the searing agony of separation ripping apart their hearts as their loved ones were taken away from them.

The memory of her own pain...kneeling in the church amidst the ruins she had created, holding the person she loved most in this world in her arms as that person confessed her love to her in a breathless whisper before ordering Duran to launch the shot that would destroy them both. The memory of a sensation...the feelings she had experienced upon the death of Kuga's child as she was ripped away from the person who held her dearest. The impression of a million pinpricks raining down upon her skin as Duran vanished into nothingness, taking her soul with him. The sense of being stretched thin...thinner...stretched out between reality and unreality...stretched paper thin until she could no longer feel the soul inside her body. The memory of her last moments holding Natsuki in arms gone suddenly numb, clinging to the girl as she struggled to hold onto the last vestiges of her own life. The chilling sensation of her soul inexplicably being transferred into a container that was not her body. And as she felt the last ephemeral bit of her soul torn away from the tangible being that once was her body...she remembered watching, as if from behind some cloudy mirror, the shell of that now empty Shizuru Fujino fade away into a metaphysical shattering of light and screaming silence until there was nothing left...nothing left...but a faint memory of who she was...

Shuddering uncontrollably, she paused for a moment, resting the palm of one hand against the wall and took several deep breaths._ I was responsible for the destruction of three of the HIMEs powers. Four if I count my own child. I was the demon who ripped their loved ones from this world and justified all the pain and destruction of that night on the fact that what I did...I did in order to protect Natsuki._ She almost choked as the irony of that situation struck her like a physical blow. In her blind desire to protect Natsuki Kuga, SHE had ultimately ended up being the one who had destroyed the one thing she fought so hard to protect.

A muffled sound of laughter suddenly pierced the fog of her memories and she pushed away from the wall she had somehow ended up leaning against...her hands reaching up to tug on the ends of her neck scarf in an unselfconscious habit she had when nervous. "Baka!" she admonished herself in a low voice. _You wanted to get out of here without running into any more people and yet here you stand like an idiot. Not smart_ _Fujino,_ she finished, striding towards the stairs again in a concentrated effort not to break into a run!

She rounded the corner to the stairs, and was about to allow herself a sigh of relief, but pulled up short as her eyes widened in irritated panic. There on the landing leading down the two flights of stairs to the doors opening onto the parking lot stood the group of girls Shizuru had been planning on avoiding at all costs. They stood in their usual cluster...chatting amiably with one another or peck-peck-pecking at their cell phones like little chickens in the yard as they texted other friends. It was obvious they were all just biding their time until Shizuru finished up in the Student Council Room. They planned to be waiting for her so they could accompany her to wherever she next needed to go.

_Like a roving band of social bodyguards,_ Shizuru growled to herself. _Damn them all!_ She threw herself back around the corner of the stairway landing, pressing her back up against the cool wall. _Think!_ _Think Shizuru!_ she ordered herself, squeezing the bridge of her nose with two fingers as she closed her eyes._ Where is another way out of this damnable building?_ Going over the layout of the building in her mind, she mentally scanned her memory for an alternate escape route. Frowning in concentration, she was on the verge of just giving up and accepting the fact that she'd have to face her fangirls again...when a chime went off in her mind. Whipping her head around with a small smile...she immediately set course for the Art Department at the far end of the west wing of the building. There...if memory served her correctly, she would find a set of little used emergency stairs.

Not a very ladylike method of getting out of the building...shinnying down a fire escape dressed in a skirt...she reprimanded herself. But desperation was the mother of invention. She would get over the small humiliation.

Twice along her route to the emergency exit her ears caught the sound of approaching feet or the words of muted conversation, forcing the girl to slip inside one of the empty classrooms to avoid detection. There she would remain until she felt safe to venture back out again...silently laughing to herself at the madness of her predicament. The President of the Student Council skulking about the darkened classrooms like some common criminal. _Well...EX president now_, she corrected herself as she deftly slipped from the classroom she'd taken refuge in and continued her trek to the Art Department.

The last time she'd been forced to duck into a classroom and hide, she'd wasted twenty minutes at LEAST listening to two young men's conversation about a middle school student named Juliete who was rumored to be the hottest action at Fuuka Academy. _Nao,_ Shizuru mused, trying not to follow the thread of conversation from the boys standing right outside the closed door. To her amused chagrin, Shizuru learned more about Nao's 'dating' habits in that twenty minutes than she ever cared to know. Her impatience at being detained by such an inane thing was wearing thin and her hand was on the door in preparation of opening it and just simply walking past the two gossips when mercifully, their voices moved on down the hallway, still chatting about Nao.

The girl heaved a sigh of relief as she checked to make sure the hallway was clear before venturing out of her hiding place. Lowering her eyes, she watched her feet moving swiftly down the hall, the soles of her shoes whispering softly against the recently polished wood of the floors, senses on alert as she kept her guard up for any sign that would send her scurrying for cover again.

_Student council president, respected member of Fuuka Academy's debate team, this year's graduating classes' valedictorian...slinking down the hall of my own alma mater like some frightened field mouse,_ she lectured herself. But this self admonition did not slow her gait down in the least. In fact, as soon as she spotted the red emergency exit sign plastered on the wall at the end of the hall, she broke into an almost run...the smell of cleaning solutions hanging thick in this part of the hall as if someone had just recently finished cleaning the area.

She said a small prayer of thanks as her fingers made contact with the cool metal of the door handle leading out onto the set of emergency stairs. She'd made it! She had reached her intended destination without being spotted. Licking her dry lips, she gave the handle a sharp tug and was instantly grateful to feel it open. This was not an average school term day, and she had been apprehensive that the door might not be unlocked. Her evident relief at discovering it open almost made her smile. Pulling open the heavy wooden door that lead to her salvation, she stepped out into a brilliant blast of sunlight that immediately warmed her face. An accompanying cool breeze ruffled her long hair as she gratefully closed the door behind her.

"Shizuru?" a familiar voice asked from behind her, catching the girl off guard, causing her to jump...making a surprised squeaking sound in the process.

_Field mouse inDEED!_ she affirmed, her recent comparison of herself to the small, cowardly animal proving true once again. She quickly regained her composure and slowly turned around to face the owner of the voice which had greeted her.

Two pair of curious eyes were watching her as she stepped away from the door, hands clasped in front of her. Mai Tokiha and Yuuichi Tate were both perched on the top landing of the steps leading down into the parking lot, a yellow and black bento box sitting open between the two students. Their chopsticks were comically poised in surprise as they gaped at the lunch break intruder.

Grasping the bottom of her uniform jacket and tugging sharply in an effort to calm herself, Shizuru managed to dredge up an apologetic smile in the way of a greeting. "Well hello there Miss Tokiha. Mr Tate. What a shock finding you two out here."

The young man's sharp brown eyes held hers a moment before returning her greeting. "Fujino," he responded affably before returning to his lunch.

Mai Tokiha's cool blue eyes smiled in genuine happiness as she replied smoothly, "I could say the same to you Shizuru. You're the last person I'd ever expect to find out here." She laid her chopsticks across the top of the bento box before climbing to her feet. "Who you hiding from? Haruka? Or your throng of fangirls?" The girl broke into a peal of merry laughter, enjoying her little tease.

"I..." began Shizuru. But she halted in mid sentence. It was just too absurd to try and justify a lie in order to cover up the real reason she was out there. Besides, this girl was sharp. She would see right through any contrivance that might be offered. Instead, Shizuru opted for the simple truth of the matter. "You're right, Miss Tokiha. I'm trying to get out of here without running into anyone else today. I'm a bit worn out from the last few weeks, what with graduation and all," she simplified, not wanting to make this a big production. "And I just wanted to...slip in and slip out again with as little fanfare and ado that I could possibly get away with."

Mai laughed before replying, "That's understandable. I'm sure you've had a lot on your mind lately," while Tate responded with "Kinda hard to accomplish that when you're Miss Fuuka Academy, huh?"

"Right on both counts," Shizuru agreed congenially, trying to determine how much longer she would be forced to talk to these two before excusing herself. There were limits to just how far she would go in breaking her self-instilled code of etiquette.

"I hear you'll be headed to Fuuka University this semester," Tate commented around a mouthful of food. "That must be very exciting. I know I can't wait to get outta here and into university."

"HEY!" Mai countered, whacking him in the back of the head with a mock frown. "So ready to get away from me after all we went through in order to be together, huh? Well FINE then Mr. Tate. I wish you good fortune and good riddance!" The love in her eyes gave the lie to her words. She knew that this young man wanted nothing so much as to be by her side. All his teasing aside.

Tate laughed at Mai's feigned scowl before turning his attention onto the other girl, firing off a series of questions aimed at Shizuru. "So, Fujino. What do you plan on studying at university? Got a career path goal set? Are you intending to run for a student government position at university?"

While Shizuru was busy answering Tate's many queries, Mai took a moment to study the girl standing before her. She hadn't really been afforded many opportunities to spend time with this young woman throughout the past school year. This girl that one of her best friends felt so strongly for. So she took the advantage to study her a bit closer.

_She really is beautiful,_ Mai admitted to herself, watching the sunlight catch the lighter, almost blonde shades of Shizuru's chestnut colored hair...making it seem as if made from spun gold. Her crimson colored eyes were sharp...intelligent...and held a mysterious gleam that caused Mai to shiver. She was the epitome of a classic beauty; surrounded by a halo of almost palpable self confidence and poise. And yet... Mai frowned. Something about the girl was...off. She watched Shizuru as she offered up answers in response to Yuuichi's questions..the way she held her head when listening...the way she covered her mouth as she laughed politely at some witticism from Tate. She had all the right moves...all the correct answers...and yet...something was not right. It was as if she were watching an 'ideal' of who Shizuru was portraying and not the girl herself. It was confusing even for Mai to contemplate but the simple fact remained that...something about Shizuru was just off. Whatever it was sent an icy finger of apprehension running up Mai's arms and down her spine causing her to shiver.

_You're just being silly,_ Tokiha, she scolded herself. _Stop being the busy body, goody two-shoes, butt_-_insky that Nao accused you of being. _She bit her bottom lip and frowned, still trying to put her finger on the cause of her anxiety. _I'm sure it's as she claims. She's just worn out and frazzled from all that's_ _happened lately._ The sound of a familiar name drew Mai's attention back to the flow of conversation.

"Yeah. Takumi is doing great. Right Mai?" Yuuichi asked loudly, trying to garner the girl's attention which had been focused someplace else. She'd left him holding the reigns of the conversation as she'd went unashamedly MIA...losing herself in her own thoughts. He was done making small talk and ready to get back to his lunch.

"What?" Mai mumbled absently, leaving behind the mystery of what seemed wrong with Shizuru and refocusing on Tate's question. "Oh..right. Yes. Takumi. He's recovering nicely from the surgery. Akira and several members of her family who reside in the states are with him. He's already relocated from the hospital to the Okazaki home, going back only once a week for his therapy sessions. The doctor has given him a tentative clearance to return to school in another month." The girl's love for her brother was evident in every word she said and with the enthusiasm she exhibited when talking about his return. The tears in her blue eyes only added more evidence to the depth of devotion she felt for her absent brother.

"Oh but that's wonderful news," Shizuru replied, placing a comforting hand on Mai's shoulder. "I'm so thrilled for him. And you as well Mai. I can see how much you miss him."

"Yeah. I do. I miss him more than I ever thought I would," the orange haired girl admitted honestly.

Shizuru saw the young man's hand reach up and slide into Mai's, giving her fingers a gentle, reassuring squeeze. She had heard from Natsuki the story surrounding Mai and Tate's relationship. The heartache and pain they'd both endured in order to be together was the stuff of fairy tales. And as she watched Mai give the boy a secret smile that caused him to roll his eyes and blush...she was suddenly hit with an inexplicable desire to get away from them...to distance herself from this school...from old responsibilities and unhealed wounds.

"Well. Please accept my prayers for your brother's speedy recovery. I'm sure he will make a wonderful Vice-president." Shizuru finished hurriedly.

"That he will," Tate affirmed, smiling up at Mai. "He has a wonderful sister watching out for him. How could he NOT be anything but...great?"

Mai blushed prettily and grinned at the back of the boy's head...who had returned his attention back to his lunch. He immediately began attacking the neatly arranged items in the box with renewed enthusiasm.

"Thank you...Shizuru," Mai replied simply but sincerely. "You're very kind."

"More honest than kind," corrected the other girl, ready for an end to this conversation. "Well then. I'll leave you two to the enjoyment of your lunch. I've intruded on your time more than enough. I hope to..." Here she paused, as she realized that what she intended to say and the reality of that statement were contradictory. But etiquette and good manners had always been a shield for Shizuru's feelings. So she finished the lie with another false smile. "I hope to see you both again soon. You are a lovely couple." And with those parting words, the girl moved forward and stepped past Yuuichi's position on the top step and started her descent into the parking lot two floors below.

As Mai beamed at the compliment Shizuru had made about what a great couple she and Tate made, a sudden thought flared in her mind and she shouted, "Hey! Shizuru. That reminds me. Did you see Kuga?"

Glancing at the girl's expectant eyes, Shizuru shook her head. "No. Unfortunately our schedules did not coincide today. And I just didn't have the time to go searching for her. Knowing that girl, I'm sure she managed to avoid the brunt of the cleaning duties today by hiding herself away until everything was finished. I think I could spend the rest of the day searching and still never find her...unless she wanted to be found." She was rambling uncontrollably, she realized shamefully. The question had caught her unawares. The truth was, she had hoped to avoid a chance encounter with the girl. She had a few more things that needed her attention before tonight's dinner date. And then...THEN...she would be prepared to see Natsuki. But, of course, Mai didn't know this. So she must pretend to be disappointed at not seeing the girl today. Lies seemed to fall easier and easier from her mouth nowadays, Shizuru noted sadly. Just another facet of the mask she wore.

"I'll just have to content myself with the fact that I'll be seeing her later on in the evening. It was good to hear that she showed up today though. I had harbored my doubts on that at first." Smiling, she said a second goodbye to the pair on the stairs. "Tate. Mai. Take care you..." she began, raising her hand in a final farewell.

"Wait!" shouted an exuberant Mai, grabbing hold of Shizuru's raised hand. In her sudden snatch at the other girl's hand, her knee hit the boy in the small of the back causing him to curse under his breath as the octopus shaped sausage trapped between his chopsticks and on the way towards his mouth went flying.

"Was there something else Miss Tokiha?" questioned Shizuru, irritation growing at her inability to extricate herself from the conversation.

"Only this!" the girl replied with a knowing smile. "You don't have to go looking for Natsuki at all. It just so happens that I KNOW where the laze-about is lurking. She's in the art room right beside this exit. I'm sure she'd be delighted to see you. Lucky you found us out here today, huh?" the girl finished happily.

"Yes," Shizuru responded dryly. "Lucky me."

"We just finished our cleaning assignment up here and she didn't want to come out here with Tate and me for lunch."

"More for me," the yellow haired boy grumped around a mouthful of food.

"Anyway," continued Mai, ignoring her boyfriend's comment, "Do me a favor, kay? Be sure to tell her that I'm still waiting on an answer." Laughing, Mai plopped down beside Yuuichi and pushed the broccoli floret clutched between his chopsticks into her mouth. "She'll know what you're talking about." Laughing softly to herself, the girl picked up her discarded chopsticks and grabbed another piece of broccoli...stuffing it into Tate's mouth as he was cursing her for stealing his bite.


	5. Chapter 5

quick preface along with obligatory disclaimer...i broke this next chapter into two parts...so you'll see a chapter 5 followed by a chapter 5.1...this chapter ended up being a bit...long...hopefully this way yall won't feel too...inundated with my tendancy to be a bit wordy in my writing style...anyway...im sure you'll dig...the second part will be up as soon as i can proofread it...lol...peace...

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><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

Shizuru found herself blinking blindly as her eyes readjusted to the dimness inside the building. She was standing silently just outside the door Mai had indicated. The smell of cleaning solution was strongest in this part of the hall. A not unpleasant blend of lemon and pine. Sharp in the nose. But she had things other than the scent of cleaning solutions to concern herself with at the moment. The uppermost concern in her mind was...if she should just walk away from the closed door and Kuga or open it and risk seeing the girl before tonight.

She'd had everything planned out to perfection. Get through the day. Go home. Tie up a few loose ends. Then enjoy her late dinner date with Natsuki before... Here she paused. Debating. She wanted to see the girl. Desperately so. They hadn't seen each other in a few weeks. Not since Shizuru's graduation ceremonies. They'd talked on the phone a few times...played text tag with one another...but...somehow...neither girl had seemed to possess the courage to actually suggest that they get together. Until Kuga's dinner date invitation. Which had been a nice surprise as well as fortuitous for Shizuru. The date played right into her own plans. But now...it could all be ruined. Just how this might happen, she wasn't exactly sure. It was just a feeling. An omen of unease. If she went into that room...all her plans could end up in ruin.

Sighing, she touched the door softly before turning away._ I'm sorry, Natsuki. I do want to see you. I just_ _can't risk it. Not now._ Her footsteps felt leaden, heavy, as she walked away from the classroom, engrossed in a mental battle with herself. She contented herself with the answer that it was in her best interest to leave without entering the classroom, only to end up chiding herself for being such a coward. The back and forth tug-of-war raging in her mind was fraying her already fragile psyche.

Stopping in her tracks, she clenched her fists angrily and shook her head. "COWARD!" She snarled in disappointment. "_Since when did I become such a pessimist?"_ she silently demanded of herself. _"When did I EVER run away from a difficult situation?"_ Squaring her shoulders with an indignant toss of her head, she retraced her steps back to the classroom door and without giving herself the opportunity to chicken out again, she gently slid the door open on silent rollers and stepped in.

The inside of the classroom which housed Fuuka Academy's Art Department, was a contrast of light and darkness. The tall windows on one side of the class afforded the students not only a sweeping view of the wooded grounds of Fuuka Academy but provided a wealth of natural lighting which the aspiring artists utilized to create their artistic masterpieces. The other side of the room was darker, a small square plinth erected in the middle of the floor surrounded by a sea of empty wooden chairs. Heavy drapes of maroon velvet hung around the miniature stage and an empty stool sat dead center of the raised flooring. A place for live models to pose so students could hone their sketching talents. It would've been stuffy on that side of the room, had not every window in the class been open to the breezes wafting in from the wooded hillside. In short, it was the epitome of what an art room should look like.

Squinting her eyes, trying to peer from the light on one side of the room into the shadows of the other, Shizuru was finally able to locate the lone occupant of this artist's cathedral. Said denizen was relaxing in one of the wooden folding chairs located on the darker side of the room; her back facing the door. She had her head thrown back, an unused cleaning rag covering her face. Her long blue-black hair hung artfully down the back of the chair she was seated in...a living waterfall of color spilling almost to the floor. Her long shapely legs were stretched out, resting on the seat of another chair she'd pulled close in a vain attempt to construct an impromptu chaise lounge. One arm lay across her stomach, rising and falling with each breath the girl took while the other hung limp by her side...the fingertips of that hand almost brushing the floor. Laying within easy reach of that slack hand was an open bottle of green tea and a bag of mayonnaise flavored crisps. Lunch.

Walking gracefully across the newly polished boards of the floor, Shizuru made her way stealthily over to the napping girl. As always, just the mere site of the young woman sent her heart fluttering into a staccato of beats and thumps. A kettle drum announcing the beginning of a beautiful symphony. _Such_ _an innocent beauty,_ she mused softly to herself. _Oblivious to the effect she has over me. Has always had over me._

An errant ray of sunlight stretched it's way over to where Natsuki lounged, sending sun-kissed streaks of electric blue shimmering throughout her hair. Without thinking, Shizuru reached out to dip her fingers into that glorious cascade of hair. She wanted nothing so much as to baptize her sense of touch in the brush of skin against that silken mane. Reverently, she watched in fascination as Natsuki's hair slipped sensually between her fingers, a light floral scent wafting from the blue-black hair reaching her nose as the girl's hair fell in a gentle rain of loose strands from her hand.

The gruff voice that suddenly erupted from beneath the cloth covering Kuga's face caused Shizuru to yank her hand away as if scalded. A flush of embarrassment crept up her neck."Don't think I didn't hear you sneaking back in here...Mai!" the girl's voice accused, muffled and distorted somewhat by the cloth covering her mouth. "And the answer's still NO!"

Hands clasped in front of her, the corner of Shizuru's mouth quirked into an alluring smile. "Ara!" she teased in her charming, melodious accent. "I'm surprised to see you here today Natsuki. I suspected that you'd SURELY...opt out...on the mandatory cleaning assignment. It's nice to see that your sense of school spirit and responsibility have proven me wrong."

"Gah...!" the girl lounging in the chair spluttered as she ripped the cloth from her face and vaulted to her feet at the sound of the other girl's voice. At least it was her intention of leaping to her feet. Unfortunately, in her shock at hearing her friend's voice and in her haste to get out of the chair, Natsuki inadvertently managed to get one foot tangled in the chair her legs had been splayed across. Cursing loudly, she kicked wildly at the chair until her foot was free, then turned her eyes up sheepishly to catch the other girl hiding an amused chuckle behind one hand.

"I'm sorry Natsuki. I didn't mean to interrupt your..." bending down Shizuru retrieved the cleaning cloth that had been over her friend's face before continuing, "cleaning assignment...was it?" the older girl teased, waggling the cloth in her friend's face.

"Ha-ha...very funny," the dark haired girl snapped, snatching the cloth out of Shizuru's hand and tossing it onto the seat of the chair she'd just vacated. But then she dropped all pretense of being irritated and smiled openly at the girl standing before her. "Shizuru. I'm so glad to see you."

The open honesty of the girl's comment took Shizuru's breath away. It wasn't often that this young woman allowed glimpses into her true feelings. Each one she offered Shizuru was precious. She just wished she had as much honesty to offer the other in return. "I'm happy to see you as well Natsuki." The statement sounded flat...lame...a half truth to Shizuru's ears. She cringed inwardly at her own lie. "What's it been since last we saw one another?" The question had been merely a rhetorical lull. Conversational filler. But the other girl responded quickly, vehemently.

"Too long. It's been too long since the last time I saw you." She threw Shizuru a teasing grin and laughed lightly. "You haven't been avoiding me for some reason now have you Miss Fujino?"

Shooting her friend a nervous laugh, Shizuru replied smoothly, "I could ask you the same question, Miss Kuga."

Both girls had their own reasons for avoiding each other lately. Neither one ready to admit to the reasons just yet. So they traded jibes and polite laughter but held their truths silently.

As they stood in the slanting afternoon sunlight, exchanging tidbits of news from their lives during the past few weeks, Shizuru let her eyes roam freely over the girl standing so nonchalantly before her. She hadn't realized how acute her need to see Natsuki had actually been until she found herself standing before her this afternoon. It was if she had been famished and only now realized the hunger gnawing at her body. She greedily fed the need inside her with all that she could take from the girl's mere presence...this girl whom she loved more than anything else in the world.

She wasn't allowed the right to touch or to hold Natsuki in the ways that she dreamed, so instead, Shizuru gave her eyes the permission she denied her hands...the permission she denied her lips. She gave them the unrestricted liberty to possess freely with a look, to take with a stolen glance, all that she could not possess with her physical body. As Kuga launched into a verbal tirade about the injustices of her summer break being ruined with the upcoming class schedule, Shizuru's crimson eyes savored each detail, grabbing everything the girl offered her and tucking it safely away inside her heart. The nervous way the other girl had of straightening her short skirt...the way her brilliant green eyes seemed to sparkle when they met her own eyes...the adorable habit she had of slinging a handful of blue-black hair back over one shoulder..and that cocky, lopsided smile she flashed at will. How she longed to kiss that smile, Shizuru mused to herself, feeling her pulse quicken at the thought.

Coughing lightly, she moved away from Natsuki and made her way over to the instructors desk a few feet away in a vain attempt to calm her racing heart. Even the girl's scent was reaching out to her...caressing and teasing in a seductive combination of smells. _I just need a little distance between myself and Natsuki and I'll be alright,_ she told herself, taking a few calming breaths. Reaching her destination, she leaned casually back against the desk and folded her arms beneath her breasts, picking up the thread of conversation without a hitch. "Well this is just the consequence you must face for all that time you spent cutting class. I'm quite sure with a little concerted effort this summer you will be able to regain your standing and move up with your class at the beginning of next term." She gave the girl an encouraging smile.

Curling her lip in a half smile, Natsuki sighed. "Yeah. You're right. It's just a freaking drag though. But as long as you promise to help me in my studies, I think I can manage to promise I won't be doing any more ditching out. At least until next term."

Her friend's innocent remark about asking for her help with her classes over the summer break caused Shizuru to suddenly blanch. What was she doing in here? Trading pleasantries and teases with this girl when she knew every word out of her mouth was a lie. A necessary lie, nevertheless, that she unloaded on her unsuspecting friend in a hopeless attempt at shielding her from the real truth. A truth she was not able to put words to...just yet. A truth that was tearing her heart to pieces. And still...she must find the inner strength to weave these lies she told into the fabric of believability. So she gave the girl her empty promise to help her with her studies but also tried to bolster Kuga's self-confidence in her own ability to maintain the grade point average she needed for class promotion.

While Shizuru chattered away about the upcoming summer schedule and ways to keep Natsuki interested and involved in her classes, the younger girl took a moment to regain her composure. The second she'd heard her friend's chiding voice behind her chair, her heart had nearly leapt out of her chest. And to add insult to injury, she'd nearly broken her leg in the process of jumping up out of her chair. She could sense that tomorrow morning there would be a huge bruise on her calf because of her clumsiness.

This was the first time Natsuki had the opportunity to see Shizuru since she'd fought the difficult battle with her own emotions and finally accepted the undeniable fact that...she was in love with this person. Hopelessly and helplessly in love with her. The awareness that she loved the older girl was not as shocking in it's realization as the fact that she had not been able to see it earlier. The attraction between the two was alive with super-charged energy and sparks that Natsuki could almost visibly see now. The effect the girl's presence had on her heart rate...the smell of her cologne invading her senses like a thing alive...the singsong cadence of Shizuru's heavily accented voice that caressed her ears with a worded kiss...all of these things and much more were devoured hungrily as this newly recognized love broke through every barrier Natsuki had erected around her emotions. As it was, she could only stand trembling in a state of near panic, assaulted by wave after wave of barely contained longing.

A frightening thought suddenly reared up in her mind and she was stunned at the magnitude of its significance. She had to stifle a barely contained howl of remorse at realizing just how much pain and heartache Shizuru must have suffered those long years she had held her love a secret. Never able to express her true feelings. And by judging how she herself felt at this moment in her desire to confess her heart to this girl, the agony and frustration for Shizuru during those silent years was unfathomable. The temptation to just take the young woman into her arms and let her know that the unrequited love she had held vigilantly was finally at an end was almost too much for Natsuki. The only thing stopping her was the knowledge that tonight would be the night for confessions and apologies.

As Shizuru made some comment about one of the professors she'd have during the summer courses, Natsuki watched the other girl while trying trying not to blatantly stare. _Oh God, Shizuru is stunningly beautiful__,_ she mused in daydreamy wonder, watching the words form on the girl's full lips as she spoke, trying not to think about what it would feel like to dominate that sensual mouth with a kiss.

Forcing her eyes away from Shizuru's lips, Natsuki studied the divine creature before her. The lines of Shizuru's face were a delicate balance of chiseled cheekbones and sweeping curves. The magnetic pull of her strange, crimson colored eyes that changed hue along with her emotions was alluringly intense. Natsuki had seen those eyes in all their various stages of coloration. From the light auburn timbre they took on when content or happy to the almost blood red quality of her rage when her anger was provoked. All of these dimensions were just facets of the woman she was in love with. But it wasn't just Shizuru's beauty that had captivated Natsuki so fully. It was also the other girl's more subtly defining characteristics, such as her strength. Her self-determination and empathy for others. Even the other girls' darker side held some curious appeal. That part of Shizuru's personality which could be cruel, cold and unpredictable. Everything that helped mold the girl into the person she stood looking at now, were all reasons that Natsuki accepted...and loved. She found no fault with Shizuru Fujino.


	6. Chapter 6

gah...totally forgot i was gonna name this chapter 5.1 but seems i called it chapter six instead...DURH...i warned yall there would be moments of BLONDENESS...anyway...here's the second part to Shizuru and Natsuki's meeting in the artroom...thanks again for all the groovy comments...i do deeply dig...hope yall enjoy this chapter...

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><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

"Natsuki?" a curious voice suddenly broke into the girl's reverie of reflections. "Is something the matter? You suddenly got the strangest look on your face. I hope those nasty mayonnaise crisps haven't upset your stomach." Shizuru giggled.

"Huh?" Natsuki stammered in reply...trying to pull her mind away from the things she'd been thinking. "Uhh-uh yeah. I mean no," she said stumbling over her words and blushing furiously at being caught staring at the other girl like a love sick puppy. "I'm fine. Just...lost a moment...in thought." She grinned foolishly, feeling the heat in her cheeks.

Smirking mischievously, Shizuru couldn't pass up this opportunity to tease her easily flustered friend. "Lost in thought about what...I wonder," she replied innocently, hopping up to sit on top of the desk she'd been leaning against. "Maybe thinking about...ME...perhaps, hmmm?" She shot the other girl a sly smile as she crossed her ankles...waiting for Natsuki's negative outburst. It was their modus operandi. She'd tease the girl unmercifully and then watch in amusement her friend's blushing response.

But Kuga's expected reaction was not forthcoming. In fact, what happened next set Shizuru's world upside down. Without preamble, Natsuki launched herself forward following Shizuru's accusation about what she'd been thinking of and taking three quick steps, planted herself directly in front of the girl whose red eyes were losing their look of amusement as a cloud of uncertainty crept into them.

Natsuki wasn't sure what had suddenly come over her but she allowed the flow of emotions to continue to direct her actions. Placing one hand on either side of the girl sitting on the desk, she leaned in close, her face right in front of Shizuru's. Her green eyes were set with reckless abandon as she stared into the puzzled look reflected on her friend's face. "What if I tell you that I WAS thinking about you?" she demanded in a commanding voice. "What if I went even further and told you I was even thinking about KISSING you! What then...Fujino?"

Unconsciously, Shizuru tried to move back and away from the girl, but found that idea to be difficult if not impossible, considering she was sitting on the desk top and Natsuki had her hemmed in on both sides with her hands. Instead, she lowered her eyes, trying to think...needing to regain control of the situation. _What is_ _this girl playing at?_ She deliberated silently, afraid to take the girl's actions at face value. Giving herself a mental shake, she raised her eyes back up and found to her chagrin that she was staring directly into two green pools of liquid fire. She made a strange half-choking, half-coughing sound, then ran her tongue over her bottom lip, which had gone suddenly dry.

Well aware of the level of discomfort she had Shizuru in, Natsuki resolutely stood her ground. It was not often that one got the drop on Miss Shizuru Fujino and she was going to exploit the other girl's awkwardness to its fullest. But when the girl raised her eyes again, Kuga saw something in that crimson eyed look she'd never seen there before. Fear.

Shizuru seemed on the verge of regaining her composure, however. With a concerted effort to control the tremor in her voice, she managed to respond in a flip, flirtatious manner, "Why Natsuki Kuga! I do believe you're trying to tease ME now. You wicked girl. And yet," she continued in a vain effort to gain more time for her to think, "I have to confess, I rather prefer it when my little Na-chan blushes for me."

Continuing to feed off the emotional high she was experiencing, Natsuki effortlessly deflected Shizuru's weak, mocking tease with a devious smile, her eyes narrowing slightly. A rush of delighted excitement raced through her body as she felt the other girls' warm breath quicken against her face when she pushed in even closer, the lower half of her body pressing up against the girl's knees...her mouth mere inches from Shizuru's. "I'm tired of blushing for you...Shi-zu-ru." She gave each syllable of her friend's name a sensual, verbal caress. "I think it's high time YOU blushed for ME!" And with that declaration, Natsuki closed the few inches between them and brushed her lips softly across Shizuru's open mouthed stare.

The touch of her lips against Shizuru's was overwhelming in it's unexpectedness...an electric velvet dance of breath and lips, the textured softness of that initial kiss charged with wild currents of helpless desire. Hands remaining flat on the desktop, she continued to lean into the girl as her mouth moved experimentally against the other's, caressing Shizuru's luxuriant, full lips with her own, breathing in the taste of the girl with each tentative kiss. Her mouth moved to the corner of Shizuru's mouth and lingered a moment, relishing the idea that she was kissing Shizuru's smile. She could feel the other girl trembling slightly as she surrendered herself to the moment, receiving the hesitant kisses. The taste of Shizuru's lips, the warm, moist mouth moving so sensually beneath her own, had Natsuki's heart racing so fast she feared the entire world could hear it. But she didn't care. She had shed self-doubt and uncertainty like an old coat and unashamedly clothed herself in the new raiments of self-acceptance and conviction. She suddenly realized that she was leaning so far over the desk that she was practically laying on top of Shizuru. Reluctantly she broke away from the other girl's mouth, giving them the opportunity to regain their breath as well as their composure. She shifted slightly back away from the desk, allowing her friend to move out of the awkward position her body had been forced into.

"Shizuru..." she whispered in a hoarse voice. "It's...I just wanted...I mean...I'm..." she was mangling her intended words horribly, still struggling beneath the surge of new emotion crashing over and into her mind and body to properly express what she wanted to say.

"Natsuki," the girl murmured in reply, rewarding Natsuki with the blush she'd asked for.

Shizuru was a wreck of conflicting emotions. Her body was weaker than she'd ever felt it before, yet at the same time, more alive than at any other moment in her life. It was if Natsuki's kiss had been that breath of life she had been waiting on. To say that the girl's unexpected actions took her breath away was only half a truth. For just as surely as the girl's passion had stolen Shizuru's breath, so had it also been the breath that infused her with a sense of...hope. Even though this was certainly no declaration of love from Natsuki, but rather simple retaliation for all the times Shizuru had made her blush uncomfortably, she let herself imagine that it was more. If only in this moment, if only this one time, she gave herself over into the heedless hands of unrestraint. She let her long denied feelings for this person reign supreme over all conscious thought, ignoring all the warnings she'd meticulously papered her life with throughout the years. This one moment was all she wanted...all she would have...everything she could take.

Her red eyes snapped up to Kuga's, drawing the glow of the girl's emerald colored eyes into the fires of her own as she snaked an arm around Natsuki's waist. Opening her knees, Shizuru pulled the girl forward until she was standing between her legs. Her eyes still focused on the girl in front of her, Shizuru demanded in a whispered growl, "I gave you your blush Natsuki Kuga. Now give me MINE!"

The hand not holding her around the waist reached up and grabbed a handful of Natsuki's long dark hair. Shizuru's hand was instantly lost in the the luxuriant depths of it's thickness as she wrapped it around her fingers and pulled the girl's mouth to hers. Without giving the other girl a chance to even catch her breath, she smothered the startled exclamation forming on Natsuki's lips with the crush of her mouth.

Shizuru's was no tentative, uncertain, shy kiss such as the one she'd just experienced. But rather hers was born from the primal desire of a passion denied...a hunger and a need that howled to be released like a caged animal. Forsaking decorum and all semblance of ladylike mannerisms, Shizuru held Natsuki trapped between the crush of her body and the pressure of her lips.

Expecting to feel the other girl stiffen and struggle to pull away from her, Shizuru's eyes fluttered open in amazed wonder as she felt Natsuki's arms stretching around her, pulling her into an even closer embrace. Her thrill was heightened further as she felt one of Natsuki's hands slide up the center of her back and beneath her hair, the girl's warm fingers gripping the back of her neck as she returned Shizuru's kiss. Exhaling softly, Shizuru slid her eyes closed again and lost herself in the exotic dance their mouths were preforming...synchronized desire...the slow waltz of lips and breath meeting in a lingering kiss, melting together in perfect unison. The supply and demand of a need fulfilled.

Natsuki had relinquished any pretense of wanting this moment to end. Instead, she held Shizuru's body tightly against her own, clutching the girl as if clinging to a life preserver. She was suddenly uncomfortably aware of the form of the girl's body she was holding in her arms. The alluring feel of each feminine curve and swell of her friends figure.

A sheen of cold sweat broke out on Natsuki's forehead as she allowed her mind to imagine the mysteries of what lay beneath the school uniform clothing the body of the girl she clung to. _More!_ her mind and body demanded. _I want...more!_ Never the one for discretion, she pushed at the boundaries of these emerging feelings, shockingly aware of the effects this was having on her body. Disguising her desire as courage, she let the tip of her tongue lightly tease the corner of the other girl's mouth, then slide along Shizuru's bottom lip, the silken feeling of the girl's lip causing her to murmur softly.

Lost in the building desire racing through her body, she traced the contours of those delicious lips with her tongue and was immediately aware of her hair being gripped harder as she felt Shizuru's mouth open slightly allowing her tongue to slip between her lips and into the wet warmth permeating the inside of her mouth. Both girls seemed to simultaneously let out soft moans of startled pleasure as the intensity of their kiss deepened.

Shizuru's defenses and boundaries were shattered. She could do nothing but surrender helplessly beneath the lasciviousness the release of denied feelings caused to explode within her. Her raw longing was at last unfettered and she knew she would be unable to deny herself or Natsuki anything. She was beyond caring. Reciprocating the other girl's deepening kisses, Shizuru felt a burst of pleasure radiate from the center of her body outward as she tasted the depths of Natsuki's mouth with her own tongue. A minute...an hour...an eternity was spent as the two girls rode the surging waves of pleasure and desire, surfing with kisses while the waves of passion tumbled them recklessly into one another.

Lost in the hedonistic impulse of the moment, Shizuru was not consciously aware of the movement of her hand as trembling fingers tugged at the bottom of Natsuki's blouse, pulling it free from the waist band of her friend's skirt. She was too captivated by the intensity of the kiss to fully realize what she was doing. But as soon as the bottom of the blouse was freed, she slipped her hand beneath the fabric of the shirt. The feel of Natsuki's skin beneath the palm of her hand was warm...smooth...and...

Both girl's eyes flew open together. The embarrassed, green eyes of Natsuki meeting and holding the horrified red eyes of Shizuru, before shocked realization turned into frantic reaction.

"Ahh!" Natsuki exclaimed as she hurriedly disengaged from the arms of the other, swatting at Shizuru's hand and yanking self consciously at the bottom of her shirt. Her cheeks and neck were burning furiously as she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, lips swollen and tender. She stood panting heavily, trying to recover her composure and process all that had happened.

Shizuru could only stare at her friend in horror, watching as the girl fussed with her rumpled shirt. Realization of what she'd done, of what more she'd wanted to do, slammed her back into reality as fast and furious as a wave hammering into the shoreline. She hung her head in embarrassed contrition. "Oh God Natsuki! I don't know what I was thinking! I'm sorry. Please..forgive me. I'm so sorry!" Her voice came out a broken sob of regret and sorrow. Whether for Natsuki or for herself, she didn't know.

The sound of despair gripping her friend's voice was enough to cause Natsuki to momentarily forget her embarrassment and step quickly back over to her friend. She couldn't bear the idea that Shizuru should feel guilt or shame at what had happened between them. It wasn't fair to deny her the pleasure and excitement that she herself was still feeling. Reaching out, Natsuki gently pulled the girl's hands away from her face, holding and squeezing her fingers tenderly, trying to convey a sense of reassurance to her...to let her know that no blame need be meted out.

"No...please...Shizuru. Don't apologize. There's no reason why...I mean...it's not your...uh...I wanted to..." She broke off here and stared helplessly into her friends eyes. How could she confess to Shizuru the truth now? How could she tell her that there was no need for apologies or forgiveness? How could she expose the beautiful truth of her love in this moment tainted with shame and doubt? She couldn't. She wouldn't allow the wonderful evening she had planned for Shizuru to be ruined like this. After dinner would be time enough to tell her friend the truth...and then...well...she allowed herself the guilty pleasure of a glimpse into the after dinner scenario; when confessions and feelings would finally be realized and she could SHOW rather than tell this young woman just how much she wanted her. She felt the blush on her already flushed cheeks deepen as she envisioned continuing this afternoon tryst...but in a much more comfortable and private setting.

Shizuru, on the other hand, was cursing herself silently as she tried to reign in her stampeding emotions. She KNEW something like this might happen. And yet she had succumbed to some sadistic need to tweak karma's nose and walk through that class room door anyway. And to make the situation even worse, all of her teasing earlier had only served to fuel the fire. Natsuki had seemed to burn brighter and hotter the more Shizuru teased, which was very uncharacteristic of the girl. Normally she just blushed and shrugged off any insinuation the other girl tossed at her. But today, today she'd risen up as if challenged. She'd effectively turned the tables on Shizuru.

Only...now Natsuki had lost that air of self-assurance along with that cocky attitude Shizuru loved so much. She seemed to be drawing in on herself...contemplative and quiet. And Shizuru knew it was due to HER actions. _Because of me, _she lamented silently. _The shame and guilt Natsuki is feeling now is all_ _my fault!_ _But for just a moment...I had hoped..._ Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Shizuru realized that she had to set her own feelings aside and do what she did best. Protect Natsuki.

Returning the gentle pressure on her fingers as Natsuki squeezed affectionately, she inclined her head forward and smiled up into the girl's troubled face. "Well, well. It seems as if I managed to get that blush from you after all!" Even though she felt like crying, Shizuru managed to find the strength to give Natsuki the only thing she could at the moment...a reason to brush off their encounter as simply another part of this game of teasing they seemed to be most comfortable with.

Natsuki couldn't help but return her friend's smile and laugh softly at her bravado. "Is there no limit to your teasing, Fujino?" she growled affectionately, relieved that it was the other girl who provided the closure to the situation. She decided to let Shizuru call their shared experience whatever she wanted to name it, for the time being. But tonight, she would DEFINITELY be setting the girl straight on just what had transpired between them.

"Touche," Shizuru agreed simply...quickly...ready to put some semblance of closure on this experience. For if she lingered too long in her thoughts, she might surely start searching for something that wasn't there...might certainly try to justify and give false reason to Natsuki's actions today. She couldn't allow herself to project her own desired outcome onto the confused girl. Thus was her job as Natsuki's protector growing ever more difficult to handle. She had grown too weak to continue in the position much longer. It was a truth that couldn't be ignored.

"Hey," the sound of Natsuki's voice brought Shizuru's attention back from the depths of her own contemplations. She waited silently for the girl to continue.

"You feeling alright today?" Natsuki's green eyes were studying her face intently, causing Shizuru to shift nervously. "It's just that...I just now noticed you have dark circles under your eyes. Like you haven't been sleeping well or something." Concern was growing in Natsuki's eyes...eyes that looked with renewed and purposeful interest into her friend's face. She noticed that dark circles were just the easily visible flag that her friend had not been well. Shizuru's face seemed drawn, paler than normal and there were tiny worry lines etched around her mouth and the corners of her eyes. She looked thinner and guarded, as if a heavy burden had been placed on her shoulders. Her frown of concern deepened as she waited on an answer.

_Ahhh!_ Shizuru lamented inwardly. _Leave it to Natsuki to be the one to notice something like that._ Shaking her head, she hopped down off of the top of the desk, smoothing her skirt and tugging at the ends of her neck scarf before answering. "No. No. Don't concern yourself on my account Natsuki. I'm just worn out from all the stress of the past few weeks. Who knew preparations for university would prove such a headache." And here she offered the girl a smile, in the hopes of ending this turn their conversation had taken.

The fabricated explanation did nothing to alleviate her friend's studious countenance of disquiet, however. "Mmmm," was the only reply Kuga made, clearly not buying the lame explanation. She placed her hands on her hips, eyes narrowed. "Oh come on. You can come up with a better answer than that Fujino!" she challenged.

_An answer!_ Shizuru's drowning thoughts quickly latched onto the unsuspecting life preserver Kuga's comment caused to surface. "Speaking of answers," she put in deftly, switching topics in mid flow with practiced ease, "I ran into Mai outside earlier and she instructed me to tell you that she was still waiting for your answer. What answer might that be, hmmm?" She smiled innocently as she watched the girl's frown of concern at the mention of Mai's name, turn into a glower of irritation.

Grunting, Natsuki snagged the bottle of green tea before hopping up onto the desk, her leg brushing Shizuru's hand in the process. The feel of the girl's bare skin against the tops of her fingers sent a reawakening thrill of desire racing along Shizuru's nerves causing her to inhale softly. She guiltily let the inadvertent contact of their skin remain, keeping her hand still and flat against the desk as the girl wiggled around, repositioning herself on the desktop.

Kuga unscrewed the cap from the tea bottle and took a long sip, then passed the bottle over to Shizuru before responding. "It's nothing really. Just Mai and her crazy obsession with karaoke. She's thrown together some spur of the moment karaoke date and wants a bunch of us to meet up tonight for what SHE calls FUN." Here she broke off with a sneer, an indication of just what she thought of her friend's idea of fun. "Anyway, she keeps bugging me to ask you to join us. And I keep telling her to forget about it. She's under some delusion that if she keeps nagging me, I'll change my mind. THAT'S the answer she's waiting for. But like I told her before, the answer is still...NO!"

"I see," replied the other girl smoothly, sipping delicately from the tea bottle. She let her mouth turn down in an almost undetectable frown of disappointment as she let Natsuki believe she might have wanted to go with them tonight.

"Unless..." Natsuki added slowly, a look of horror dawning across her face.

"Hmmm?" queried Shizuru, letting the girl's imagination lead her where it willed, just relieved that they were NOT discussing the reasons she looked so tired nor what had transpired between the two of them.

Natsuki nervously began drumming the heels of her purple high-top Converse against the side of the desk sending hollow sounding THRUMS reverberating around the room. "I mean...umm...did you wanna go tonight, Shizuru? I certainly never pictured you as the type to enjoy karaoke."

"I wouldn't judge me so quickly if I were you Natsuki Kuga. I've been known to indulge in a highly competitive round of karaoke roulette." She formed the fingers of one hand into a gun and pointed it towards her friend playfully. "Bang!"

"Oh geesh! Seriously? You wanna go tonight?" the distressed look on the girl's face was priceless.

Shizuru laughed...a clear, simple sound of glee. "No. No. Not tonight. Unfortunately I still have a few errands to run this afternoon before our engagement this evening. So stop frowning...Na-chan."

Frowning even more, Natsuki raised one eyebrow before replying, "Good thing Shizuru. Cuz there's no way in HELL I'm wearing any more of those cheezy costumes and singing tired pop songs in front of a bunch of wasted friends. Made me feel like a FOOL the last time Mai forced me into going."

Old habits died hard and Shizuru simply could not pass up this choice opportunity to tease her friend yet again. "I don't know about that Natsuki. I for one wouldn't mind seeing you dressed up in a cute little pirate number."

Instead of the blush her teasing usually elicited from her easily embarrassed friend...what she received instead was a wicked grin followed by, "And I certainly wouldn't mind seeing YOU in a serving wench outfit. So tell me Shizuru, you into Cosplay much?" Natsuki burst into amused laughter at her own joke.

_What's gotten into this girl_, Shizuru wondered curiously, cursing the blush that crept up her neck and onto her face at the mental image of her in a tattered serving girl's gown hanging on the arm of the carelessly reckless Kuga, resplendent in pirate accoutrements with a silver dagger on one hip and a black coiled whip on the other. A frown was added to her blush as the audacious girl snorted and pointed a finger in her face.

"How many blushes is that today, Fujino? Three? Five? I think I've lost count but I'm pretty sure you're ahead of me in this game."

Shizuru pushed the other girl with her shoulder in a friendly gesture. "Oh hush!" she chided reproachfully as she smiled, crinkling her eyes in shared amusement. "But seriously Natsuki. I think you SHOULD join your friends tonight. Our date is set for nine PM correct? It would make Mai very happy, I'm sure, to have you show up. If only for a little while."

"Make Mai happy?" she blurted. "What about making ME happy? Besides, they're your friends too Shizuru. You keep saying 'MY' friends..but...these people are YOUR friends too. At least they want to be. You just gotta give them a chance to get to know you."

Shizuru's heart swelled with pride at these words coming from this girl. This girl who all the years she'd known her had been a loner...an outsider...never opening herself up to anyone...shunning all attempts at friendship. And yet...here she was. Talking about her friends...this group of girls whom chance and tragedy had thrown together. The changes in Natsuki were amazingly heartwarming to Shizuru. To know that the love of her life had a network of supportive and caring friends around her made decisions in her own life...easier to face.

"Yes of course I would like to get to know them better," she responded, slipping so easily into the mask she'd worn all day. "But, I'll convey your answer to Miss Tokiha on my way out. I'm sure she will be highly disappointed." She handed the tea bottle back to Kuga before relinquishing her relaxed position against the desk.

"What? You're leaving?" entreated Natsuki, jumping off the desk...an unreadable expression surfacing in green eyes.

"Yes. Unfortunately I still have several errands to attend to. As well as a bit of...family business."

"I...uh...I'm really look forward to our dinner together tonight Shizuru," the girl stammered, stumbling over her words. "Even though Mai cooked it...not that she's a bad cook...she's an EXCELLENT cook...erm...I mean...I'd like to spend more time with you...tonight. Uh...because...I...I've missed you lately. And I don't like that feeling. I don't want to ever have to miss you like that...again."

Natsuki watched as the other girl's lips seemed to tremble slightly and the crimson eyes that burned as if lit by an inner fire dimmed in the shadow of tears. Without warning, Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise as Shizuru fell into her arms, burying her face against her shoulder as her arms clutched almost desperately around Natsuki's back. "I've missed you as well. My Nat-su-ki. Every second of my life spent apart from you...is spent...missing you."

Brushing a soft, lingering kiss against her ear, Shizuru whispered softly, "But my heart will never miss you. For it is there...that you shall forever remain."

And with those parting words, Shizuru disengaged from the embrace and walked from the room, pausing at the door to turn and steal one more look at the young woman she was leaving behind. A vision of such perfect beauty that no artist's aspirations nor desire could hope to duplicate on canvas,in this temple of creation.


	7. Chapter 7

quick thanks to everyone who reviewed my story thus far...gotta love those ego strokes...lol...anyway...here ya are...another installment of Last Sacrifice...and as per the norm...i own no rights to these characters or yada yada yada...and yeah...i guess we all kinda know by NOW that NONE of us own the rights to these characters...im just gonna start saying IDOS from now on...which in layman's terms means...I Don't Own Shit...lmao... :P

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

Finishing off the last of the mayonnaise crisps, Natsuki crumpled the wrapper up and tossed it into the waste basket, glancing around the empty art room with a forlorn sigh. It'd been only twenty minutes or so since Shizuru had left and already she was feeling her absence. Which irritated her somewhat. She'd never been one of those weepy people who lost themselves in melancholic moods of EMO-ness. And yet...here she sat...in an empty classroom...not ready to leave the memory of a kiss. It was if the classroom had absorbed all the energy and passion from it's two visitors, keeping it alive and humming inside these walls. And the longer she remained here...the longer the ghosts of that memory would continue to strum through her nerves like a resonating chord of beautiful music.

She scoffed aloud in amused embarrassment at the analogy._ What a pathetic loser,_ she labeled herself with a shake of her head. But as the memory of how Shizuru's mouth felt beneath her own flashed through her mind, she gave up any pretense of trying to fool herself._ No. Not pathetic at all_, she amended, smiling shyly. _Just...in love. _

Snagging the bottle of green tea, she chugged the remainder of the warm liquid down thirstily, then gave the empty container a quick aim before launching it free-throw style at the waste basket. She cursed impressively when the bottle clipped the rim of the wastebasket causing it to roll on it's edge before falling over, spilling it's contents out onto the clean floor.

"Ha! And that's why I'm not on the basketball team," she groaned to the walls, scooping up the garbage. She righted the container with one foot and dropped the trash back into it, dusting off her hands. Her eyes scanned the walls of the classroom searching for the clock she'd noticed earlier. It was fashioned to resemble a miniature painting and thus was hard to find with all the other pictures pinned up on the walls. Some of them finished canvases from the art students, others just scans of famous artwork haphazardly placed as a vaccant spot presented itself.

Finally she spotted the clock...no numbers just two hands stuck on a replication of one of Monet's cheezy pastels depicting waterlilies. Not hardly a clock at all as far as she was concerned. Too hard to decipher the actual time. But with a concentrated effort, she managed to look past the background and figure out the time. One fifteen. The allotted time for the in-house cleaning day was at an end. The students who had been assigned the various cleaning duties were now at liberty to leave. _Freedom!_ She rejoiced...before remembering that she'd be one of the students returning next week for the summer class session. Allowing herself a moment to wallow in self-pity...she shuffled dejectedly over to the row of open windows and began pulling them closed, making sure each latch was properly locked.

The sound of a muffled chime caught her ear and she walked over to the chair where her jacket was hanging. Digging the cell phone out of the pocket, she brought the message screen up with a practiced touch of her thumb. "Tokiha," she muttered upon seeing the sender's name. With another flick of a finger she went to her in-box and waited for the screen to bring up Mai's text. _Shizuru must have told_ _her we're not gonna go to her karaoke thing tonight. Bet she's pissed,_ the girl grinned in amusement, scanning over the words in the message.

"What the...?" she stammered aloud, her grin quickly replaced with a frown, rereading the words on the screen:

"**Shizuru told me you'd agreed to meet for karaoke. EPIC! Sorry Shizuru couldn't make it too. She did, however, mention for me to remind you that you'd promised to send her a pic of you wearing a pirate costume tonight. I'm pretty sure I saw one last time I was there. You'll look so cute. Can't wait. C-U-L8-R!"**

"What the HELL?" Natsuki demanded of her phone, shaking it in her outrage. As if protesting the rough treatment it was receiving, the phone chimed out again, indicating another incoming text message. Navigating quickly, the girl's eyes read over the newest message, the words of which caused her to add a low growl to the glower that was already holding sway over her face:

"**Don't frown Natsuki, but I think it would be good for you to see your friends tonight. Enjoy yourself. I'll see you at your place around nine. Until then...I'll be thinking of you."**

"Gah!"she moaned. "Damn you Fujino!" Jamming the phone back into her jacket pocket, she hit the door running, the bottom of her converse slipping on the newly polished boards in the hall. Half stumbling, she adroitly regained her balance and continued her rush towards the door leading out onto the emergency exit stairs. She flung the door open wide, causing it to slam back against the outside wall with with a CRASH then threw herself out into the blinding glare of sunlight roaring, "TO-KI-HAAAAA!" at the top of her lungs. To her disconcerted chagrin she saw only Yuuichi Tate sitting at the top of the steps...alone, sipping a cold can of coffee. His eyes were round in surprise at her unexpectedly loud, banging appearance.

"Jeez Kuga," he derided contemptuously, "Way to make an entrance." He took another sip of coffee, eying her curiously.

"Never mind that," the flustered girl countered, walking swiftly over to the railing, eyes scanning the grounds below looking for the tell-tale orange of Mai's hair. "Where's Tokiha?" she demanded, her perusal of the students milling about below turning up no sign of her friend.

"Just missed her," the boy replied nonchalantly, finishing off the rest of the coffee then crushing the can in a forceful grip. "She's already gone. Sooooo, she's not here." He flashed her an irritatingly amused grin.

"God Tate, could you BE any more obvious!" snapped Natsuki, hands on her hips as she leveled her best glower at the yellow haired boy. "Where'd she go?"

"Beats the hell outta me. All I know is she got a call from someone, then raced off saying something about Mikoto and Nao holding a room full of middle school boys hostage unless they could pay a self ransom." He laughed then, a sound rich and full of good natured humor. "Oh man, she was so mad. She took my shinai and went off threatening to beat some sense into Nao for teaching Mikoto bad habits. I feel sorry for Nao when Mai finds her."

Natsuki ground her teeth together in an earnest attempt to control her growing frustration. "Thanks for the info there Tate. You've been loads of help." Her voice was saccharine sweet yet laced with bitter sarcasm. She fished her phone out of her pocket again and hurriedly began dialing Mai's number.

"No worries Kuga. Glad I could help." Yuuichi offered her an unassuming smile, watching her calling Mai, his brown eyes full of laughter.

"Whatever," she shot back heatedly, whirling on her heel as she waited for Mai to answer her cell. She was in a foul mood at the predicament Shizuru had left her in. _Karaoke?_ She groaned silently. _I'd rather have a root canal! _

"But...actually," added the boy, reaching into his pocket and bringing out a yellow phone, giving the side button a flick with his thumbnail which instantly filled the air with the sound of a wolf howling, Mai's personalized ringtone for Natsuki Kuga. "She ran off and forgot to take her phone. So..." He shook the phone at her as the wolf continued to howl from the miniature speaker. "Prolly not gonna get her on the cell at the moment."

"Grrrrr!" Natsuki growled, sliding her own phone back into a pocket. "You might have mentioned that earlier. Thanks for nothing." After hurling the snide comment back at Tate, she grabbed the handle of the door and yanked it open.

A small cough from the boy halted her retreat back into the building. "Uh..mmm..."

"Yeah. What?" she demanded, the grip she had on the door handle tightening with her growing agitation.

"Well, this is sorta off subject, but...I was just wondering if later on tonight, if maybe you could send ME a picture of you dressed in that pirate costume as well. I'll bet I could find a few interested buyers for a picture of the Ice Princess in a get-up like that!" He chuckled merrily. "I'm sure you'll look just A-dorable."

"Shut UP idiot!" she yelled without bothering to turn around. She could feel the heat flushing her cheeks at his continued laughter. Slamming the door with as much righteous anger as she could muster, she stormed back down the hall, the sound of Yuuichi's laughter following her hauntingly as she heard him shouting through the closed door, "Hey! Kuga! If Fujino gets a pic, why can't I? HA HA HA!"

"Damnit!" she swore, balling her hands into fists. There was nothing she hated more than being embarrassed. _Fujino, I'll make you pay BIG time for this. God! Big TIME!_ she promised herself stomping angrily down the hall. By the time she reached her motorcycle, she'd managed to devise some very...interesting ways in which Shizuru could make it up to her.


	8. Chapter 8

-waves- REhi...quick thanks to all who read/reviewed my story...i really dig perusing your comments and or critiques on the story thus far...i DO try and answer back to all who take the time to review...anyway...i trust you will enjoy this latest installment... I.D.O.S. -lol-

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight<strong>

"There," Shizuru sighed aloud, closing a leather bound ledger laid out on the desktop in front of her. "I've taken care of everything." Pushing a handful of hair out of tired eyes, she stood up from the ornate secretariat in her apartment bedroom and walked over to the open double window beside her bed, a partially packed suitcase resting on top of the expensive black and purple duvet.

She stood, a silhouette of loneliness, hugging her arms around herself in the warm muggy air coming in the window, as if struck by a sudden chill. Looking down from her posh apartment located on the third floor of an exclusive apartment complex, she watched the awakening nightlife in the streets below. She lived in Toki-Doki, one of the trendiest areas in Fuuka City, with it's bohemian flair and artsy atmosphere. This section of the city boasted sidewalk cafes, curio shops and used book dealers...as well as small clubs and bars sporting impressive music venues. Everything that promised a night filled with unmitigated adventure, could more than likely be found in Shizuru's neighborhood.

"Toki-Doki," she whispered into the night breeze, clutching her arms tighter around herself. "Sometimes."

The hope that tokidoki represented in a literal meaning held nothing but regret in the world she now found herself living in. But out there...down there in the blackness of a burgeoning night, amidst the lengthening shadows and flickering streetlights, the people still held on for dear life. They held onto their belief in the mantra that sometimes, dreams and hopes CAN come true. They believed in a night that belonged to whomever desired it most, no matter where they were. From their relatively small city of Fuuka to the bigger metropolitan cites like Kyoto and Tokyo, night was waking up from beneath her daylight slumber and the people were rejoicing.

From her position above the street, Shizuru had the advantage of watching the night unfurl it's inky wings across the horizon as the stars winked shyly from the depths of their cold home. The people of Fuuka City were claiming their part of that night. She spied a couple, arm in arm, emerge from the apartment building across the street begin their leisurely stroll down the sidewalk, their heads bent close to one another as they shared a secret whisper. A street musician was just now taking up residence beneath a streetlight on the corner, reverently lifting a caramel colored guitar from it's battered case. The woman strummed her fingers across the taut strings of the instrument, giving the guitar a quick tuning. Shizuru couldn't hear the music, of course, but the gestures of the musician were enough to set the mood in her mind. Waiters at some of the restaurants were coming out to light candles on intimate patio tables, a subtle temptation to the romantics out roaming the night who might find themselves in the mood for a nice carafe of wine. The scene was somewhat spoiled though, as a group of teenaged boys on skateboards and rollerblades came roaring down the street, their combined voices audible even to Shizuru as the cacophony of their unadulterated enthusiasm rose up to greet her ears. She watched impassively as they streaked past her viewpoint in a roiling wave of color and sound until vanishing into the night, each claiming his own piece of it in his own way. She could neither fault them nor cheer them on in their race with the night.

Down there in the streets, out there in the city, everywhere around the entire world where night was falling, people were claiming their places in the moment, taking their chances and dancing with dreams. That world...those delusions of hope and faith...meant nothing to her anymore. The only emotions she found the strength to summon tonight were disinterest and apathy. What did she care if life survived and thrived outside the broken emptiness that was Shizuru Fujino? What right did she have to aspire to hope for anything...anything other than an end to the inner pain, humiliation and sorrow that consumed her sometime soul. She turned her face away from life outside the window and focused instead on her reality.

The preparations for departure tomorrow morning had been made. The flight to Kyoto was booked, pickup at the airport by her father's chauffeur confirmed. She did not look forward to the meeting with her father...not at all. It was merely a hopeless attempt at conveying respect for him in a situation that promised nothing but more anxiety and disappointment. Just another wrong she had committed that could never be righted.

She hadn't seen the man in three years, but she could easily summon the mental image of a stern frown and the unforgiving jet black eyes that she'd be facing tomorrow. Her stomach fluttered uncomfortably just thinking about standing in front of her father. It frightened her so much that she had even entertained the thought of sending him a letter...an email...anything to avoid this actual encounter. But she'd quickly discarded that cowardly idea. Her sensi Master Kenatsu would be more than displeased if she found out she'd even dared to entertain such thoughts. Her sensi had instilled in her at a young age her sense of obligation and duty as well as instructed her in all aspects of martial arts. To disappoint Kenatsu was anathema to Shizuru's mind.

Glancing into her suitcase, the young woman frowned at the meager array of items inside, debating on whether or not to even bother dragging luggage with her. After only a moment's deliberations, she found herself agreeing with her initial decision that it would be wisest to take at least one small carry-on bag with her. _People see what they expect to see,_ she mused wryly, _and tomorrow they would see only a girl heading off for a short visit._

Turning to her vanity, she retrieved the silver handled brush that had once belonged to her mother and dropped it into the suitcase, briefly allowing herself a moment of regret that her mother was not here for her. Ketsuna Fujino had been dead nine years...long enough for her only daughter to miss her sometimes but also long enough to where the anguish of her absence didn't cause as much heartache as it once had. What did remain was the dull ache of numbness. She almost laughed aloud at a sudden thought. How long would she be forced to suffer the pain of the things she'd done in her past in order to find that same sense of dull numbness in this part of her life as well? Another nine years? She choked back a sob and walked to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

Taking a long drink to calm her nerves, Shizuru found her thoughts turning inexplicably back to all the horrible things she'd done in her past. Back to the suffering she had caused so many people. How many lives were now forever painted with nightmare scenes created from her own false hope of justifying a selfish love for another person? What excuse was acceptable when weighing the damage and destruction perpetrated by her hands alone? Regret and sorrow were nothing but mere words in the face of the reality she had left behind after her tour of terror. Words that held no chance of healing the wounds and the scars of the people she had hurt. Including herself. The guilt she lived with hung daily over her head like a sword of damnation...the executioner's blade poised to mete out its inevitable revenge. The constant dread and worry had eventually drained her. It had hollowed her out like an empty gourd until she had nothing inside but a black hole, slowly draining the very life from her body.

A shiver so violent that it caused her entire body to tremble sent the bottle of water she'd been holding to the floor as nerveless fingers lost their grip on the plastic container. Water spilled across the floor as the bottle spun around and around, finally coming to rest up against the pantry door, making a huge mess in the otherwise spotless kitchen floor. She felt a cry of despair threaten to flow out of her just as the water flowed from the bottle.

Placing both hands over her mouth, Shizuru ran from the kitchen, before suddenly pulling up short in the darkness of the living room. Where was she trying to run to? Where did she think she could even GO to get away from her own tormented mind? What became of individuals like her...the wasted, useless, shadows of people who had nothing left to give to anyone...not even themselves? She reached desperately for an answer...for some rationalization she could use to escape this madness eating her up from the inside out, but came up with nothing...as if she were trying to hold with hands of sieves some last vestige of hope...only to end up watching it drain away.

_Useless! Used up!_ No redeeming quality to offer her demon conscious as a sacrifice for her sins. No one to confess the pain...the confusion...the remorse to. This was her punishment. Her banishment. She was condemned to carry the weight of her memories alone. Alone. _Natsuki!_ The face of the young woman swam before Shizuru's watery eyes causing the distraught girl to gasp audibly.

She was supposed to meet her in little over an hour for a dinner date. Shizuru laughed bitterly, wiping her eyes angrily with the back of her hand. Her dinner date. Yeah. Right. Just a sanitized term for sadomasochism. The heartbreak she felt whenever she was with the other girl was more pain than everything else she had suffered. To love with all your heart and soul and be denied love in return was a fate much crueler than death. But it was a cross she bore without complaint...without fail. Considering the despondency she had been carrying in her heart and on her shoulders, she had still managed to shield Natsuki from the selfish need of acceptance for the love she so desperately wanted to give her. The undeniable fact that the other girl could not and would never return her feelings cut deeper than any wound...left scars that no amount of time could possibly heal. Her one sided relationship with Natsuki Kuga was killing her. Just another agonizing part of Shizuru Fujino's reality. How she wished she could throw the yoke of this life off and step out clean, reborn into someone else.

_You really ARE mad, Fujino,_ she derided herself, chortling nastily. _There IS no rest. No rest for the_ _wicked._ Knowing what she needed to do but not knowing how to reach her goal of achieving it were two different sides of the same coin. And no amount of flipping that coin would provide her with anything but the same question. If she wanted an answer...she'd have to look elsewhere. But where? How? Swallowing hard, she pushed the tide of desperation back down into the pit of her stomach. She had things to do first. And then...THEN...she'd think about that.

Squaring her thin shoulders, her face set in the rigid mask she'd worn all day, she walked purposefully back into her bedroom to continue getting ready for her dinner with Natsuki. Glancing at her watch, she saw that she had little more than an hour to pull herself together and get over to the girl's rooms at the boarding house. Luckily, traffic was never congested and the trip could be made in about 15 minutes...quicker if she promised a sweet tip to the cabbie.

She stopped by the bed and zipped up the small piece of luggage, satisfied that she wouldn't need anything more than what she'd already packed. Having already changed clothes, she then went into the bathroom. Seeing the toothbrush holder empty, she rolled her eyes at her own forgetfulness before going back into the bedroom and removing the smaller toiletry bag inside a side compartment on her luggage. After a quick brushing, she returned the articles to her suitcase and gave her appearance a critical eying in the full length mirror behind her bathroom door.

She could see the Shizuru the others saw when looking into the mirror. The attractive, intelligent girl who had been almost a celebrity at her high school. The young woman who could solve any problem, right any wrong. And simply glancing at her reflection, that's exactly what Shizuru saw. But looking deeper, through and behind the mask presented, she also saw the girl she really was. The wreck of a mess her life had left her. Hollow cheekbones, dark circles beneath her eyes, the thin, wasted look to her skin...all were visible to the discerning eye. Rubbing at a wrinkle evident on her forehead she sighed. At least no one bothered to look beyond what was easily hidden. An alarm sounded inside her head as she recalled Natsuki's comments about her health. Only Natsuki had noticed the flaws in the mask she wore. And knowing Kuga as well as she did, she was sure to make further remarks on it tonight.

Shizuru felt conflicting emotions battling each other inside her stomach at the thought of seeing Natsuki tonight. She wanted nothing more in this world than to simply BE with the girl, no matter the grief it caused her. But what about what happened this afternoon? Did it mean anything? Or was it simply a matter of taking her game of teasing to a higher level?

Chewing on her bottom lip, Shizuru's thoughts drifted back over the scene in the art room, her cheeks coloring at remembering how boldly she'd reacted to the other girl's unintended challenge when she'd kissed her. _Was that it then? Had it all been some sort of game? Or...or maybe...just maybe..._ She felt a wave of hope rise up beneath the dark waters in her mind and break the surface of her suffering in one crystal clear surge._ Maybe Natsuki was able to finally return her feelings. Maybe tonight they_ _could..._ She recoiled in shocked surprise at the sudden sting in her face before realizing she had slapped herself.

"Stop this foolish daydreaming!" she reprimanded herself harshly, miserable thoughts swarming over her, dragging that wave of hope back down. How many nights had she lain awake wishing, praying for the moment when Natsuki would turn to her and say those three words she so desperately needed? And how many times did the young woman have to politely refuse the love Shizuru wanted to lavish upon her? How long must she stand forever silent and unmoved in the presence of the only person she wanted to hold in her arms, the only person she would ever be able to fully share herself with?

_Stop it! _she told her reflection. _Just...stop_. Reaching out, she caressed the cheek of the girl in the mirror, the red mark from the slap contrasting against the paleness of her skin. She offered her reflection a sympathetic smile. _You're only hurting yourself more,_ she continued silently, looking into the pain plainly visible in those crimson eyes. _Let it go. Eventually even hope...must die. _

But would she be able to? Did she have the strength to face her friend tonight? That was the question that worried her the most. What if something like what transpired between them this afternoon happened again tonight? She was weak enough already. There would be no way to leave in the morning if tonight's dinner date did nothing but foster her hopes. She'd just have to be strong. For both herself and for Natsuki. The girl was probably as tortured in her thoughts about her as she herself was for Natsuki. She wanted to spare Natsuki the anguish of having to live with a love that could never be reciprocated.

She was pulled from the dismal abyss of her thoughts by the sound of her cellphone buzzing. Striding back into the bedroom, she grabbed her phone off the desk and flipped the cover open, pushing two little cellphone charms...one a cute puppy, the other a purple snake...out of the way with a thumb. Happiness and heartbreak were the twin emotions born inside her as she saw that the message was from Natsuki. She hit the read message option and was surprised as a gif file downloaded onto her screen. Frowning in curiosity, she watched as the pixels consolidated into a picture of Natsuki with a grinning Mai hanging around her neck. Natsuki wore a scowl plastered on her face...and a pirate costume.

Shizuru had to blink a few times in dumb amazement at the picture before realization set in. The girl WAS WEARING a pirate costume! Her breath caught in her throat as she read the caption beneath the picture:

"**This is for you Shizuru. I wouldn't do this for ANYONE else! See you at nine. : )"**

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "She DID it! She did it for me!" She stood a moment longer, gazing lovingly at the girl in the picture, amazed at the way Natsuki continually managed to surprise her. But something was bothering her...tickling the back of her mind like a phantom itch. Her eyes kept focusing on the words the girl had used. _"I wouldn't do this for anyone else." "This is for you Shizuru."_ Something about that statement caused her to linger over them in contemplative thought.

A sudden awareness bloomed like a light as she grasped fully the subtle implications, whether intended or not, in Kuga's words. The girl had done something not of her own free will, but because of Shizuru's will. To make her friend happy, Natsuki had debased herself and dressed in the outfit...only to make Shizuru's wish come true.

_What else was the girl willing to do...to make me happy?_ Shizuru thought miserably. _Would she...kiss_ _me? Wrap her arms around me and hold me? What would she do...tonight...simply because I might ask_ _it of her? Would she...give herself to me, not out of her own desire, but rather because she only wanted to make ME happy? Would I ask her to? Knowing that she MIGHT do it out of some form of misplaced sympathy, would I STILL ask Natsuki to..._

"Natsuki! No!" she moaned despondently, dropping heavily onto the bed. She rolled over onto her back clutching the phone to her heart as tears she could no longer control rolled down her cheeks. "Oh God! Natsuki...I can't! Please forgive me, but...I can't see you tonight. I'm too weak. I won't allow you to give yourself away in that manner. Not even for me. I'm sorry. So sorry for everything."

Tears and sobs wracked the girl's body as she curled protectively around the phone and the picture of Natsuki as she mumbled brokenly, "I swore to protect you. It's the reason I did everything that I did. To protect you. And now, I must somehow find the courage to protect you YET again. I have to find a way to protect you...from myself."

Shizuru cried harder as the frustration, the sorrow, the unmitigated heartbreak overwhelmed her. She let it all out in a torrent of tears and whimpered grief, the mask broken and the girl beneath naked and exposed to the raw emotion consuming her. She knew there could be no redemption in apologies. There would be no forgiveness for the selfish. And there was nothing..absolutely nothing left to hold her here any longer. Shizuru had never felt so lost and alone as she did at that moment.


	9. Chapter 9

heyheyhey...thanks for the awesome reviews thus far...i DEW appreciate them...and yeah...with that being said...allow me to introduce the next chapter...-holds hand out with a flourish-...here 'tis...do enjoy...catch ya on the FLIP... I.D.O.S! :P

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine <strong>

Natsuki felt fingers tickling the back of her neck like the legs of a spider walking over her skin, accompanied by warm breath hissing softly into her ear. "Where ya running off to in such a hurry? Hmmm?"

"Get off Nao!" Kuga warned, knocking the younger girl's hand away from her with a violent jerk of her shoulder. _This chick is just way too creepy. Always sneaking up on me. Making my skin crawl with her_ _voice_ _and mannerisms._ She was irritated anyway at having such a hard time with her shoes, struggling valiantly with one purple Converse as if in a tug-of-war...yanking on the shoe as she wiggled and shoved her foot inside it. "Damn it! These things are almost impossible to get on!" she muttered before turning a glare onto the girl sitting beside her. Sitting TOO close beside her actually.

The room Mai had rented for the girl's night out karaoke party was pleasantly large. Padded bench seats upholstered in a soft brown fabric lined three walls of the room, providing more than ample space for the girls to sit or lounge comfortably. WHY Nao felt the need to crowd in on her personal space was a mystery as well as one hell of an annoyance.

Tying the laces of the shoe she'd just managed to pull on into a sloppy knot, Kuga absently answered the other girl's question. "I have a dinner date at nine. Not that it's any of YOUR business where I go or what I do!"she snapped back testily. "And why the HELL are you sitting right on top of me? Do you not see there are plenty of OTHER spots for you to park your bony ass on. Places that don't include MY LAP!" She indicated the vacant seats surrounding them with a jerk of her chin.

Nao held a finger up in front of Natsuki's face, making a hushing motion before cocking her head to one side in a gesture of feigned concentration...as if listening for something. After a few seconds remaining in that pose, Nao nodded her head and smiled contritely, her lips curling up prettily at the corners. "Hmmm. Just as I thought." She leaned back after that, hands behind her head, legs stretched out in front of her.

Kuga went back to fighting her remaining Converse, gritting her teeth as she forced her foot into the shoe. "Just as you thought about what?" she inquired flatly, throwing her foot up onto the table in front of her so she could tie the shoestrings.

"Well," replied Nao smoothly, "I'd read that there were certain sounds which could only be heard by dogs. No wonder you're in such a hurry to high-tail it outta here. Guess this just proves the theory about you canines. I for one certainly didn't hear your master's whistle. But you...you obviously DID and responded obediently, like a good doggie SHOULD."

"SHUT UP!" raged the other girl, wishing she could squash this particular spider beneath the heel of her tennis shoe. "And why are you STILL sitting so close to me? Jeez! Gimmie a break will ya? Go sit someplace else."

Nao ran a finger down the side of her face and narrowed her eyes at Kuga before responding. "There was no place else to sit." She watched the other girl's reaction with a dark humor dancing in her eyes.

"What are you talking about? There's practically no one else sitting on any of the seats!" Natsuki roared, clenching her fists and trying to control her temper with this girl and her smart-ass attitude.

"Let me rephrase that then," Nao corrected, her lips twitching in amusement. "There was no place else I WANTED to sit."

Shaking her head in bemused wonder at the girl's actions, Natsuki let her eyes roam across the room, searching for Mai. Mikoto lay sprawled on the carpeted floor in front of the room's staging area, a plate of pizza and a bowl of popcorn within easy reach as she lay on her stomach; all her attention focused on the girl on stage. A slightly wasted Midori was up there now, trying to sing the song "Umbrella' and failing miserably. The red headed girl was slurring her way through the lyrics, twirling a pink, plastic umbrella over her head while staggering back and forth across the stage wearing rubber rain galoshes. The boots made a squelching, sticking sound on the vinyl flooring of the stage as Midori performed her song in front of a whooping Mikoto.

"Go! Go MEEE-DOR-EEEE!" Mikoto cheered, clapping her bare feet together in enthusiastic applause. Both of her hands were too preoccupied with stuffing her face full of the food surrounding her to be bothered with anything as mundane as normal clapping.

Haruka and Yukino couldn't be seen, although the two of them could most definitely be heard.; even above the noise Midori was making. The two best friends were in the costume vault located just behind and to the left of the performance stage. Their voices were raised in an argumentative back and forth; apparently due to the fact that Yukino was refusing to wear the costume her friend has chosen for her to wear in their upcoming duet.

"B...b..but Haruka! Why do I have to be the one to wear it?" came the timid voice of Yukino, a tremor evident in her soft but adamant demand. "That costume is..is...indecent!"

"Oh come on Yukino," came the fierce reply from the fiery tempered Haruka. "It is NOT indecent. It's perfect for our number together. Besides, you make a MUCH better sex 'mitten' than I do!"

"Uhh Haruka. I think you mean sex KITTEN. Not mitten." came the amused correction from Fuuka Academy's next Student Council President. "And I'd have to disagree with you on that statement."

The sound of a foot being stomped echoed out from behind the partition enclosing the dressing area as the other girl shouted indignantly, "Ahhhh! Whatever! Just put it on Yukino."

Sitting in a corner of the room off by themselves were Chei Harada and Aoi Senoh, Chei's cell phone held out between the two girls. They were happily scanning through the pictures flashing across the tiny screen. Chei had volunteered to be the group's photographer for the evening's festivities. No embarrassing outfit worn went unphotographed by Chei. She had consented happily to sending the picture of Natsuki wearing the pirate costume to the girl's phone so she, in turn, could forward it on to Shizuru. As Natsuki watched, Aoi suddenly grabbed the phone from her friend's hand, laughing hysterically. Natsuki felt her ears turn red in embarrassment as she grumbled to herself, "Better NOT be laughing at ME!"

As she continued to eavesdrop on the two girls with her eyes, she saw Aoi gently run her fingers down the other girl's arm before pushing in closer against her. The two girls had become quite the item lately. The gossip concerning their relationship seemed to have no affect on them though. They unashamedly wore their feelings for one another openly and honestly, a fact that Kuga admired more than she could say. She watched as Chei winked at her girlfriend's comment, whose voice was pitched too low to pick up her words, before leaning in and stealing a quick kiss with a laugh. _One day...one day SOON...I_ hope _I feel as free and confident in my own feelings for Shizuru,_ Natsuki thought longingly to herself.

"Since when did you take up voyeurism, Kuga?" quipped a snooty voice in her ear, causing her to blush as she guiltily pulled her eyes away from the two girl's intimate moment.

Trying to cover her own discomfort at being caught staring, Natsuki turned her embarrassed anger onto Nao. "Didn't I tell you to move?"

Placing a finger on her chin and rolling her eyes up towards the ceiling, Nao thought a moment in mock concentration before replying, "Come to think of it...yes. You DID. But, unlike YOU, I don't find myself feeling obligated to wag my tail and obey every command tossed my way. Therefore, yeah...no. I think I'll stay right where I am."

Before Natsuki could unleash the stream of profanities poised on her tongue, a reprimanding voice spoke up sternly, "Stop harassing Natsuki, Nao." Mai frowned a warning in the younger girl's direction as she flopped unceremoniously down beside her friend.

"What...the HELL...are you wearing?" questioned Kuga, all thoughts of blasting Nao evaporating as she took in the outfit...or lack thereof...that her friend had on.

Mai grinned as if she'd just received a compliment rather than a contemptuous sneer. "Oh this! Isn't it awesome! I've always wanted to try on this particular costume, but never found it available in any of the other karaoke rooms. What a stroke of luck to find it tonight huh?" she beamed, glancing down in admiration at herself.

"Yeah...okay," Natsuki replied, wondering at the nerve of her friend to put on such a thing in front of others, while secretly admiring her for doing so. Mai had on a replica of the Princess Leia slave girl costume worn in the movie "The Return of the Jedi." A flimsy, harem girl kind of bikini that left hardly anything to the imagination. And Mai's figure had a lot of the 'imagination' practically hanging out of the bikini top.

"Too bad Tate's not here to enjoy the show," mocked Nao before smiling slyly. "What do you think Natsuki-kun? Doesn't Mai look...yummy?" She smacked her lips then giggled at the blush her insinuation caused to paint across the others face. "Oh...but wait. If rumor stands true, you prefer your women to have lighter colored hair with a figure not quite as..."

Mai leaned across Natsuki, not realizing she caused the girl to blush even more as the bare skin of her stomach brushed across the top of Kuga's legs. She leveled a warning frown in Nao's face. "Can it Nao. If you don't stop pestering Kuga I'll...I'll be forced to take Yuuichi's kendo stick to you...AGAIN. Only this time, I promise to leave welts that WILL show!" Her normally light blue colored eyes were now dark indigo and serious...a storm on the horizon.

Holding her hands up in a sign of surrender, the girl quickly pouted, "Alright! Alright! Cool your jets Tokiha. Sheesh!" Squirming under Mai's continued stare, Nao shrugged uncomfortably before unfolding her lean frame from the seat. Coming to her feet gracefully, she stood, hands on her hips, as she addressed a parting comment to Natsuki. "Be a good girl on your dinner date tonight, Kuga. And just maybe you'll get a...'treat'...from that snake you call master." She patted Natsuki on the head like she was praising a puppy before quickly stepping away from the two girls. "Byeeee now," she said in a sing-song voice, waving one hand over her shoulder as she walked away, swaying her hips impressively.

Growling, Natsuki stared hard at the back of Nao's head as she watched her stroll unhurriedly over to where Mikoto was still sprawled on the floor. She sank to the floor beside the young girl and was immediately welcomed by Mikoto who flashed her a Cheshire cat grin before laying her head in Nao's lap. Giggling, Nao ruffed up the hair on Mikoto's head then snagged a handful of popcorn before turning her attention onto the stage.

"Who invited that SPIDER anyway?" Kuga griped, giving Mai an accusingly dirty look.

The orange haired girl smiled indulgently at her friend's scowl before replying, "I did. I had to threaten her to get her to come though. She seems to have the same type of aversion to karaoke as YOU do!" Mai chortled as the scowl on Natsuki's face intensifed, then continued, "Mikoto seems to have really taken a liking to Nao...even though they do bicker at one another sometimes. But I guess that's just one way they express their friendship towards one another." Mai shot a quick glare at the back of Nao's head before continuing, "Although...if she doesn't stop teaching Mikoto some of her very bad habits, I'm gonna be forced to wring her neck!" Mai paused a moment as she watched Mikoto and Nao interacting together, and felt a smile break through her frown. "I know the girl is admittedly a little rough around the edges..."

"A LITTLE!" Natsuki interjected hotly. "Seriously? I think your definition of 'a little' and MY definition of 'a little' are somewhat...different."

"But besides the girl's abrasiveness," Mai continued, without allowing Kuga to vent her opposition further, "I have high hopes that you two might actually get along...one day."

"WHAT?" the other girl spat incredulously. "Cause, yeah...that brat and I have bonded so well up until now, right?" she raised one eyebrow at her friend as if daring Mai to contradict her on that point.

Mai only smiled indulgently before continuing. "Maybe if you didn't BARK so loud when she yanked your chain...she might not find tweaking your nose so amusing."

"Geh! Watch it Mai!" Natsuki threatened darkly.

Her friend held her hands up in a placating gesture. "Yeah. I'm sorry about that analogy. I know how much it pisses you off. But...come on...it's just WAY too easy to bait you with that ploy. Nao knows this and uses it just to amuse herself. I think, if you two would ever stop harassing one another, the both of you might find that you could actually become friends."

"Please!" Natsuki scoffed, tossing her head. "You must be dreaming. Why on earth would you think she and I could EVER be friends?" She eyed her friend uncertainly, shaking her head in confusion. "What do you even see in that...that...brat?"

The face of the other girl softened and a tender look stole into her blue eyes. Laying a hand on top of Natsuki's, Mai squeezed the girl's fingers affectionately before replying in a tender voice, "You...Natsuki. I see YOU in Nao. The way you were before you let your defenses down and allowed your friends to get to know the REAL you. That's what I see in...that brat."

Natsuki didn't reply for several minutes as she let Mai's words sink in. Then she gave a loud snort of contempt. The rude noise caused Nao to glance back over her shoulder. When she spied the two girls sitting there starring at her so intently, she stuck her tongue out at the pair of them before turning around with an audible sniff and a jerk of her chin.

Watching Nao's reaction, Kuga rolled her eyes before standing up. "Keep dreaming Mai. That girl and I will NEVER be friends with one another. And she's nothing like me. Self-centered, brash, trouble maker...you WISH she and I were alike!" she finished, scanning the hooks where the girl's jackets and bags were hanging, trying to locate the black leather motorcycle jacket she'd worn tonight. "Just keep her the hell outta my hair and..well..I'll promise to TRY not to complain too much if she hangs around sometimes. But she'd better just SHUT IT with the dog comments. It's getting OLD!" Throwing one more look in Nao's direction, Kuga watched the girl interacting with Mikoto, tossing popcorn into the air and laughing as Mikoto gobbled them down midair.

Mai could have sworn she heard her friend mutter under her breath, "Like me huh?" before striding over to retrieve her jacket.

"So you're off for your dinner date with Shizuru now?" Mai questioned, following her friend over towards the small entryway of the room.

"Yeah. She's meeting me at my place in an hour."

"Well, I'm happy that you came here tonight with us. Shizuru said you'd enjoy yourself, and for me not to let you make up any excuses and weasel out of coming."

"Did she now?" Natsuki asked, green eyes narrowed as she shook her head. "That Shizuru. She's some piece of work."

Mai could not help but see the adoration and emotion that stole onto her friend's face as the girl spoke about Shizuru. The changes in Natsuki Kuga since that first encounter with her were astounding. Back then Natsuki had been cold, distant, suspicious of every kindness shown her and...angry. Looking at her right now was like looking at an entirely different person. Admittedly, Natsuki...like Nao... was still a little rough around the edges, but the tempering of the steel beneath that green eyed gaze had helped hone her emotionally. And Mai knew that the reason for these changes was Shizuru Fujino. She and Natsuki had danced around the subject of Shizuru for a few months now, neither one of them forcing the confrontation of the subject. But tonight, for some reason, Mai couldn't keep pretending that she didn't notice the differences in her friend, and so spoke out. "I'm really happy for you Natsuki. For you and Shizuru both. You...you deserve someone who will love you to the fullest. Someone who believes in you...who never stopped believing in you."

Mai saw the guarded look flash warningly in Kuga's eyes, the girl's defenses preparing to slam into place at her forthright comment. But sometimes the expected never happens, leaving room for the unexpected.

Instead of tossing back some noncommittal response, Natsuki's feature's softened and she gave Mai a shy smile. "Thank you Mai. I mean it. Thanks for not only believing so highly of me, but for crediting Shizuru with never giving up on me. If you only knew what I'd put her through..." She broke off with a pained look, before shaking it off and locking eyes with Mai. "Ya know, for once in my life, I think I finally know what it's like to...love. To actually love some ONE and not just cling to the empty love of a memory...like the memory of my mother. And because I'm able to recognize true love now...I also know what it feels like to let another person love ME. Something I've never been able to do before." She laughed in sudden embarrassment at her own sentimentality. "Stupid, huh?"

Mai threw her arms around her friend and pulled her into a tight embrace, causing Natsuki to grunt as Mai's arms tightened around her. "No. Not stupid at ALL Natsuki. We all deserve love. Remember that."

After suffering through another of her friend's clingy embraces, Natsuki lifted her jacket from the hook and slid her arms into the supple black leather. Patting the pocket of her jeans and frowning, she shoved her hand into a jacket pocket and pulled out her cellphone. Out of habit, she checked for messages and saw that she had an unread text message from Shizuru. As she read over the words of the text, a grim look crept over her face. She must have looked as shocked as she felt because she instantly felt Mai's hand on her arm.

"Natsuki? What is it? What's wrong?" came Mai's concerned voice.

Momentarily unable to speak, she passed the phone over to her friend, who immediately turned the phone up to her eyes and scanned the message for herself:

"**Natsuki. I've been detained with a bit of family business and must postpone our dinner plans. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how much I was looking forward to our evening together. I hope you can forgive me. I must return to Kyoto immediately and will remain there a few weeks. Please take care of yourself in my absence. Never doubt that my thoughts are always with you."**

Mai looked up from the screen and into her friend's distraught face, wishing there was something she could say that would make the situation any better. But no words offered now could take the disappointment out her her friend's eyes. "I'm sorry Natsuki," she stated simply. "I know how much you were looking forward to tonight. That just SUCKS!"

The girl shrugged, the leather of her jacket creaking as she raised one shoulder. Her throat felt dry...as if she'd gargled with a mouthful of sand and she had to swallow several times to loosen the constriction of it enough to talk. "Yeah," was all she managed to hoarsely croak. Aware of Mai's eyes watching her with a pitying look made her feel uncomfortable. Trying to cover that discomfort with a cough, she relieved her phone from Mai's hands, stuffing it back into her pocket while pulling out the keys to her motorcycle. "Well, I'm gonna take off now anyway." Her only thought was to get away, to go someplace where she could be alone and nurse her wounds of regret and sadness. "Um, thanks for the evening Tokiha. I'll see ya later."

Before she had taken only a few steps towards the door, she felt Mai's hand on her arm, halting her hasty departure. "Natsuki," Mai began plaintively, not releasing her friend's arm. "Stay a while longer. I have the room rented for another hour. It won't do you any good to go home now; to sit in an empty apartment alone and brood."

Without turning around, the girl replied over her shoulder, "Then I'll take a ride or something. Maybe a nice long ride in the night air will..." Natsuki began hopefully. But she knew in her heart that nothing she could think of to do would make her feel any better. She left that part unvoiced.

Fortunately Mai picked up where the other girl's words left off. "Absolutely not! Letting you get on that bike right now is the WORST possible idea I can think of. With the way you're feeling, I think you might be a danger to yourself and others out on the roads tonight. In fact..."the girl held out her hand, palm up, and poked it against Natsuki's chest. "Hand em over. Right now, " she demanded in an authoritative voice. "You're staying here for now." Her blue eyes softened and the tone in her voice lost it's demanding edge as she said encouragingly, "Being around your friends will help...a little. I know we can't miraculously make the disappointment you feel vanish, but we can be here for you until it fades. Right?"

Natsuki turned her head at Mai's words and glanced back at the young women in the room behind her. Young women who had somehow all managed to become friends. Midori had joined Mikoto and Nao on the floor and was happily chugging down yet another bottle of beer. She'd pay for her overindulgence in the alcohol in the morning. She always did. Mikoto and Nao were happily engaged in an impromptu contest to see who could cause Yukino to blush more, whistling and catcalling the girl as she took the stage alongside Haruka, both girls dressed for the performance of their upcoming duet. Haruka was looking dashing decked out in a zoot suit resplendent with wingtip shoes and a daper hat as she dragged a blushing Yukino behind her, the later attired in the same costume she had earlier been lamenting as indecent. The dress in question was a replica of a 1920s flapper dress, beaded fringe on the bottom of the short dress, plunging neckline and spaghetti straps. The faux pearled beads on the dress made a soft clicking sound as Yukino stumbled along behind her friend, her cheeks bright red in embarrassment. Chei and Aoi hadn't left the secluded intimacy of their little corner of the room, but Chei was stretched out on the seat, her head cradled in the other girls lap. Aoi was happily running her fingers through her girl friends short, dark hair and whispering quietly to the girl in her lap.

Natsuki's attention was suddenly drawn back to the girl standing beside her when Mai wiggled her fingers impatiently. "Keys Kuga?"

Grumbling, Natsuki dug the keychain from her pocket and dropped them into Mai's waiting hand. "Fine. I'll stay a little bit longer. But don't even THINK about getting me into any more of those ridiculously LAME costumes. I've had my fill of them for the night! I've had my fill of the FOREVER if you wanna know the truth!"

Laughing, Mai relaxed into an easy smile at the brusqueness of the other girls protestations. "Do whatever you like, Natsuki. As long as you stay here with us." She tightened her grip on her friend's arm and pulled her back into the warmth of the room's camaraderie, away from the loneliness and sadness she would've faced had she walked out the door.

"Mikoto," Mai called over the ruckus caused by Haruka and Yukino's appearance on stage, "here! Keep these safe for me." She tossed Kuga's keys to the girl on the floor who reached up with one hand and deftly snatched them from the air.

"Mmm-kay," the younger girl replied, grabbing another slice of cold pizza as she sat cross-legged on the floor, a somewhat listing Midori between herself and Nao. "Is Shizuru meeting you here then Natsuki?" Mikoto asked around a mouthful of food, pizza sauce on her chin and staining the front of her yellow t-shirt.

But before Natsuki could summon the words to explain her situation, Mai jumped in and saved her friend the worry. "Shizuru got called home unexpectedly on family business. So Kuga's gonna hang out with us for a little while longer."

As Natsuki shot Mai a grateful look for saving her the anguish of trying to explain the situation, she was uncomfortably aware of Nao watching her, the younger girl's almond shaped eyes seeming to read the disappointment that she was fighting so hard to conceal.

_Great!_ Natsuki lamented to herself. _Just freaking wonderful! That'll sure make things a lot easier on_ _me...Nao giving me grief about Shizuru canceling our dinner date._ She tried to bolster her weakened defenses in preparation for the hateful comments the girl was sure to dish out. She lifted her head defiantly and tossed a handful of blue-black hair over her shoulder as her eyes met and held Nao's...stare for stare. _Come on girl, she _whispered silently, _hit me with your best shot. I'm ready!_

But instead of the sleazy grin and baited comments she'd been expecting from the girl, Nao surprised Natsuki by offering her a small, sympathetic smile. A smile totally devoid of the spider's venom she'd been prepared for. Then without a word said or a barbed comment offered, Nao turned back around and joined Mikoto as the two of them began throwing popcorn at a protesting Haruka.

Confused by what had just happened, Natsuki was left to wonder at the incident._ Maybe...and I do_ _mean MAYBE..._ she mused to herself, walking over to sit back down beside Mai, who was eagerly awaiting her next turn on the stage, _just maybe there is a SLIVER of hope for that damn girl after all._


	10. Chapter 10

didn't get to proofread this entire chapter...so imma upload half now and the other half later...thanks for the reviews...and thanks also for everyone else who didn't review but took the time to give my story a test drive...quick note to some that have asked...and maybe some that are AFRAID to ask...lol...yush...it's fine if you wanna send personal notes...i promise i don't bite...i might kick and scratch..but BITE...NEVER...well...unless you ask nicely that is...omfg...that's SOOOO cliche..forgive me...my brain is fried atm :P ...peace...

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten <strong>

Shizuru adjusted her designer sunglasses as she rode in the spacious compartment of the limousine her father had sent to pick her up at the airport. The downtown Kyoto scenery was reduced to a muted blur as it flashed by outside the tinted windows of the luxury stretch limo. Her nerves were alive with apprehension and the closer the driver took them towards the intended destination of Fujino Corporation Headquarters, the more she wished she were anywhere but here.

She tried to pull her mind away from the upcoming meeting with her father and focus instead on mundane details. She studied the array of alcoholic beverages stocked in the limo's mini bar, noting the various brands and bottle shapes and colors. She idly let her mind wonder about the people who'd sat in this seat before her. Had they been nervous before meeting her father as they were shuttled to his corporate nest high above the Kyoto skyline? Her fingers anxiously rubbing the back of one hand, she tried to see through the smoky glass of the window separating her from the chauffeur. He was oblivious to the distress his young passenger was presently in, his only concern was the safe delivery of his cargo to the intended destination. What would the man do if his VIP suddenly threw herself from the moving vehicle and vanished amidst the milling crowd of people scurrying down the busy sidewalk? Would he even notice? She almost smiled at the mental image of herself tuck and rolling out of the limo into oncoming traffic before running like crazy through the Kyoto streets.

The site of the looming gunmetal gray skyscraper that was the home of her father's corporation drove all thoughts of escape from her mind. She sat a minute, awed by the site of the magnificent building; an architectural work of art, both aesthetically pleasing to the eye as well as functional. From a distance, the building looked like a gigantic field goal, with the top floors separated by an outdoor rooftop patio. It was more like a park than a patio however, lush with growing grass, vegetation and flowers of every kind, and huge potted trees that provided ample shade for any employee wanting to take advantage of nice weather and sit outside to eat lunch. The area was designed to entice the employees of the building out of their cubicles and into the sunshine. Statistics had proven that workers who remained indoors more than 35 hours per week were prone to a higher rate of depression and urban illnesses than those who were regularly exposed to fresh air and sunshine. And The Fujino Corporation was renowned for keeping it's employees happy as well as healthy. The rooftop patio was just one way they accomplished this.

Shizuru could remember rooftop picnics with her mother...when she was a child. She didn't recall her father ever joining them, but she'd had a wonderful time anyway, just the two of them. There was a small playground up there, plenty of benches and tables, even an area that hosted an around the clock physical exercise class where employees could go work up a sweat by keeping in shape. Electrical outlets and low shelves with padded cushions upholstered in weather resistant fabric were scattered around the area for anyone wishing to enjoy a little fresh air while working.

Her father, Hirohito Fujino, and the other members of the board of directors, were strict adherents to the belief that happy employees reaped high quality profits. Thus no expense was spared in the effort to provide the workers at the Fujino Corporation with all types of employee perks and benefits. In return for the provisions of the job, the Fujino Corp. employees were some of the most loyal employees working in the industry today. In an era of cut-throat business machinations and corporate espionage, The Fujino Corporation stood alone as the only business worldwide with low employee turnover and an increased yearly profit margin. All due to Hirohito Fujino's innate business savvy. He was, after all, one of Japan's most prominent business executives.

Lost in thought, Shizuru only belatedly realized that the driver had pulled the limo into the underground parking garage of her father's building. Removing her sunglasses, she slipped them into her shoulder bag and set about composing herself._ Deep breaths. In then out. Empty your mind and embrace the nothingness. Rest in the void of a calm spirit._ The words of her Master echoed in her ears as she strove to calm her raw nerves. Failing miserably in that respect, she eyed the fully stocked bar again and had to resist the urge to grab a bottle and toss back a shot in desperation. But showing up for this meeting reeking of alcohol probably wouldn't make a good impression on her father. If anything at all would, considering the reason she was here in the first place.

Shizuru reached not for a bottle of liquid courage, but for the mask she had worn so often of late. The mask that effectively transformed the nervous teenaged girl she'd been only moments before, into the the serene young woman her father would be expecting to see. As the driver pulled the heavy door open and she spotted her father's personal assistant waiting for her by the elevator, Shizuru wrapped the false courage of a paper doll existence around herself and unfolded gracefully from the seat in the limo, offering the smiling assistant a return greeting.

"Welcome Miss Shizuru," the attractive woman articulated in a pleasant voice. She was clutching a black iPad in both hands as she smiled congenially. "It's good to see you again. Your father is expecting you. If you'd be so kind as to follow me, we'll get you straight up to Mr. Fujino's office." She quickly typed something onto the keyboard of her iPad before holding her hand out, indicating that the girl should head towards the waiting elevator.

Shizuru returned the woman's greeting, smiling amicably. "Yes. Nice to see you again as well Mrs. Tomomatsu. What's it been? Three years since the last time we saw one another?" Following the fashionably dressed woman into the elevator, she added conversationally, "I trust your family is well. And your children, Yuu and Ritsu. They should both be in school by now."

Nodding enthusiastically as she swiped her ID card through the card reader and the elevator began it's rapid ascent up to the top floor, Arya Tomomatsu happily launched into the conversation that Shizuru had expertly led her towards. "I'm honored you remembered my children, Miss Shizuru, thank you for asking after them. Both are doing quite well. Yuu just started third grade and has..."

Shizuru let the words of her father's assistant drone against her consciousness in a lulling hum, aware that the woman was speaking but not really engaging in conversational chit-chat. The woman had taken the bait and was off on a tangent about her daughter's homeroom teacher, freeing Shizuru from active participation. All she need do was make appropriate noises of interest and nod.

The feel of the elevator rocketing upward did nothing to alleviate the queasiness of her stomach and as she watched the numbers on the LED screen flashing past each floor, she found herself selfishly wishing that the elevator would break down, postponing at least a little while, the meeting with her father. However, being confined in the claustrophobic cube with only the one sided conversation and her dread as company would be a far more unnerving scenario than simply facing her fear and putting today behind her.

She felt the abrupt halt of the elevator upon reaching it's destination followed immediately by a modulated female voice announcing the arrival at Floor 88 and the offices of Mr. Hirohito Fujino. Shizuru was certain that if the woman blabbing away beside her would ever shut up, they'd both be able to hear the thudding of her heart as it began a rapid staccato of fear fed beats. She wiped suddenly sweaty palms against the fabric of her navy blue skirt before managing to smile at the woman's last statement. "I'm sure everything will work out for the best," she responded blithely, hoping the comment was appropriately in context.

She tugged apprehensively on the bottom of her light gray sweater before running a hand through her chestnut colored locks, and as the door to the elevator swished open, she managed to school the expression on her face into a mask of calm serenity. Following Mrs. Tomomatsu out into the well lit reception area of her father's office, Shizuru Fujino represented the embodiment of propriety as befitted the daughter of Hirohito Fujino.

The reception area of Hirohito Fujino's main office was lavishly decorated, as was expected of a man of Mr. Fujino's standing. No expense was spared in assuring that style and comfort was afforded everyone relegated to the waiting area of the Fujino Corporation's main office. A comfortable seating area boasting a huge wall-mounted flat screen T.V. was situated in one corner of the office's reception room. The television was tuned in to a local news station but all seats were empty at the moment. Located just adjacent to the receptionists desk was a metal and glass table loaded with fresh fruit and individually wrapped pastries all heaped into beautiful hand woven baskets. Standing sentinel over the table laden with goodies were several tall, metal carafes holding coffee and various teas. All manner of sweeteners and creams were sitting in chilled bowls made of blue glass, available if desired.

Mrs. Tomomatsu ushered Shizuru past the amenities aimed at making visitors comfortable and past the busy reception desk occupied by four under-secretaries. She escorted Shizuru up to a set of heavy wooden doors adorned with an elaborate, hand crafted scene of the Kyoto skyline, her father's building taking center stage, a commission by one of Japan's foremost craftsman in woodworking.

"Mr. Fujino is waiting for you Miss Shizuru," Mrs. Tomomatsu said officiously, her hand on the door handle, "please, go in."

No announcement. No waiting. No fuss. Her father had apparently cleared his entire schedule just for her. The thought made her momentarily falter in her resolve and she felt her skin break out in goose flesh at the urge to turn around and just walk away. But Shizuru's sense of duty and obligation won the battle with her irrational fear and with a proud lift to her chin, she nodded once to the woman who held the door open for her. "It was so good seeing you again Mrs. Tomomatsu," Shizuru offered, striding past her father's assistant, who bowed her way respectfully out of the picture as she closed the office door behind the girl once she'd fully entered. The door made a soft clicking sound upon shutting...


	11. Chapter 11

finally got this mutha proofread...i tri to b metikulous wen it comes too duble cheking my spelin...and yet i still end up failing miserably..i trust you will forgive the occasional faux pas...and yeah... I.D.O.S...someone owns the rights...but not me...but if you're looking to sell those rights...call me...i might could scrape up enough cash to buy them from ya...erm...on second thought...would ya take a CHECK?

"That which is done out of love, always takes place beyond good and evil." ~Friedrich Nietzsche~

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven<strong>

And so it was that Shizuru found herself alone in the office of the most respected and feared CEO in Japan. Hirohito Fujino. She stared at the man's back in silence, uncertain whether she should address him first, but grateful for the lull regardless. He was standing stoically in front of the glass paned, floor to ceiling window on the far side of his spacious office, his eyes fixed on the view of the Kyoto downtown skyline. His tall, lean figure was clothed in an expensive navy blue suit, his hands clasped behind his back militarily as he stood at rigid attention long moments after the door had been closed by his assistant.

After taking a few deep breaths to mentally prepare herself, Shizuru walked toward her father, her footsteps making no sound on the lush, coal gray colored carpet. He didn't turn to face his daughter as she made her way into the office, nor did he call out in greeting. He remained silently standing with his back towards her, as if he was unaware of her presence at all. She could not make out the details of his reflection in the thick, reinforced glass of the window. But the chiseled angles of his face and the severe set of his jaw were evident even in the muted shadows thrown off by the tinted glass.

Praying her voice would not betray the fear she was suddenly feeling, Shizuru addressed the man before her. "It's good to see you again, father."

She noted the stiffening in her father's shoulders as the sound of her voice broke the spell of silence echoing noiselessly between the father and his daughter, but he remained standing where he had been since her arrival. "So. You've come at last, Shizuru, to give me your decision." He turned then, jet black eyes that she remembered so well snapping quickly to her own, pinning her in an intense glare, demanding nothing but an answer to his question.

In the instant between his brusque greeting and her answer, Shizuru took the last remaining moment of silence between them and let her gaze roam over the face of her father...a man she hadn't seen in over three years. He looked almost exactly as she remembered him. The black hair on his head was peppered with a little more gray at the temples and she could detect a few more wrinkles around his eyes and forehead, but otherwise it was the same implacable face she remembered and had always feared as a child. The well kept mustache on his upper lip that curled down around the sides of his mouth twitched almost imperceptibly as he finally released her from his hawk-like gaze before continuing. "I'll have your decision now, daughter. I've waited long enough already."

For just a split second Shizuru felt an unexpected sorrow that her father hadn't even welcomed her, hadn't even deigned to ask how she was after three long years of virtually no communication between the two of them. But she hadn't really expected anything more from him in the first place. This aloofness and officious attitude were what she'd grown up with as a child. She'd learned over the years to shield her heart from the disappointment the man's lack of love for her caused. But even now...the blatant lack of any emotion towards her at all still wounded the hopes of a daughter..the phantom pang of regret for a relationship that never was...nor could ever be. It was the continuation of the vicious cycle that encompassed her life.

_So,_ Shizuru thought to herself, watching her father as he waited impatiently for her response, _straight to business._ Lifting her head defiantly she added imperceptibly beneath her breath, "So be it," before replying in a clear voice, "Yes father. I've come to give my decision to you. I've decided to decline all three offers. I shall not marry any of the candidates you've offered, nor will I entertain any future prospective arrangements. My life belongs to ME to live as I desire. It does not belong to the Fujino Corporation to dictate as YOU see fit. Thus, this is the decision I have made. This is the decision I give you." She bowed respectfully, before straightening, prepared for the result of this announcement.

Hirohito Fujino did not shout. Ever. It was the only trait he and his daughter shared. To shout was to make common one's own desire. Shouting was the only way the powerless had of making their wishes known. The powerful relied on intelligence and determination to accomplish what the shouts of the base born masses failed to do. So it was that the man merely grunted softly upon having his daughter's declaration flung at him with such adamant conviction. Stroking one finger down the side of his mustache before replying, Hirohito finally leveled a confused frown at his daughter. "Tell me Shizuru. Why do you think I gave you these past three years? Do you think it was to simply allow you to bide your time debating which of these young men you would ultimately chose to become your future husband?" He strode over to stand in front of his daughter, his black eyes seeming to look down upon her as if from a great distance above.

Whether her father was expecting an answer or not, Shizuru couldn't begin to guess. She chose instead to remain passive and silent...awaiting his next statement, which came after only another moment's silence.

"I gave you those three years so that you could prepare yourself for the inevitable fact that your will in this matter is moot. One of the three young men I've offered SHALL become your husband. It's not the fact that I even care which. The only thing that does concern me is that he come from one of the three families you were to chose from. All three young men would bring with them a prestige worthy of joining with the Fujino name. This union will solidify our fortunes and ensure the continuation of our bloodline." His mouth turned down in open contempt as he added harshly, "You disappoint me Shizuru. I had counted on an intelligent girl such as yourself to figure this all out long ago without having to be spoon fed the truth like an infant!" Hirohito Fujino then crossed his arms over his chest and continued. "So I ask you yet again...my daughter. What is your decision? I'll have your answer now!"

Shizuru fought to keep the mask in place but she could feel infinitesimal cracks beginning to spread in the foundation of the confidence she clung too so tenaciously. Struggling to keep her voice calm and controlled she replied, "I've given you the only answer I am able to give you father. Don't make me disgrace myself anymore than I already have. I will not consent to to a prearranged marriage contract. The entire notion of such an idea is antiquated and misogynistic. Not to mention the fact that it makes a mockery out of the entire concept of love."

Her father suddenly slammed his fist into his open hand, angrily cutting her off. "Love! I never asked you to fall in 'love'! I asked you to chose the man who would be your husband. The union is all that matters. Not the means by which to acquire it nor the way you and your husband agree to live it after the marriage ceremony. Your domestic life is no concern of mine."

Staggered and a bit sickened by her father's admission, Shizuru walked over to the window he'd been standing at upon her entrance, letting her gaze sweep out over and beyond the rooftops of the neighboring buildings as if in a desperate search for some answer she might offer her father that would put an end to this conversation before it became too late. A foreboding feeling crackled in the air between herself and her father, her unfounded apprehension growing, the longer she remained here arguing with him.

She was interrupted from further contemplations by the sound of her father's voice. "And let me disabuse you of the misconception you seem to harbor concerning your free will in this matter. Your life is NOT yours to live as you chose. Your life does INDEED belong to the Fujino Corporation. And the Fujino Corporation is ME! Now do as I say and fulfill your obligation as my heir, you ungrateful girl. Pick up the yoke that my only child must bear. This is your responsibility. This is the only purpose a daughter has to a man such as myself. You MUST marry into a strong family. I will have the son by your marriage that I was denied by my wife."

As prepared as Shizuru had been for this day, for this encounter, the man's confession hit her like a blow and she felt her knees tremble. Reaching a hand out, she placed it against the glass of the window to steady herself. Her other hand clenched into a helpless fist and she pulled it tight against her stomach, as if she could somehow hold at bay the pain her father's statements had caused. She'd always had her suspicions. As a child, she'd wondered many times that if she had been born a male, would her father still have treated her with such apathy and detachment. Uncertain of the cause of his displeasure with her, a young girl had no other choice but to grow up in the shadow of her father's life, striving only to do things which would draw his attention; her accomplishments the only way to show him her love. But to have him hurl the true depth of his feelings into her face with no regard for her own emotional well being whatsoever killed that last bit of love she still had for this stranger who was her father.

"I knew..." she began quietly, fighting to control the disappointment in her voice, "I knew that you didn't care for me as much I wanted you to father. And yet I dedicated my life trying to win that which you never had to give me in the first place. Everything I accomplished was in the hopes that you might see me...see ME...your daughter!" She laughed bitterly. "You saw me well enough it seems. Only you didn't see my achievements nor the pride I took in being Hirohito Fujino's daughter. You saw me as a commodity."

Turning around, a pleading yet defiant look stealing across her face, Shizuru walked a few steps closer to her father before saying, "I came here today as we agreed. I gave you my answer as I promised. Show me this last bit of compassion, father. Give me the right...as your daughter...to refuse this life you have chosen for me." And with those words, Shizuru humbled herself before this stranger who called himself her father and dropped gracefully to her knees on the carpet in front of him, head bowed in supplication, giving this man the only thing she had left to give him...her trust that he would do the honorable thing in this matter.

Hirohito had remained silent and unmoved throughout his daughter's litany. He remained thus for several long minutes more as Shizuru knelt on the carpet before him. At the sound of him clearing his throat, she felt a shred of hope rise up inside her that her words had moved him enough to give her what she asked of him. The only thing she had EVER asked of him...her freedom in this matter. But the gruff voice that reached her ears dashed the remaining hope she clung to.

"You shame me, Shizuru. As you shame yourself. I have given my word...my WORD...to the families of these three young men that my heir will be fathered by one of their sons. You cannot simply walk away from this responsibility. Give me the name of one of those boys and let us put this display of childish rebellion behind us."

Her head whipped up at this last statement, disbelief etched across her face as the realization that he would never be moved from his desire to see his ambitions to fruition, finally sunk in. "I don't LOVE any of them father! I never WILL!" Her voice broke into a shrill echo against the sterile silence permeating her father's office.

"Love has no place in a business deal! Understand the truth of that statement Shizuru. This arrangement has been put off for far too long. I see that it was my mistake in allowing you the courtesy of choosing for yourself." He sighed then, a sound long and slow. "If you do not decide, I will chose for my self the one I deem most appropriate. I will not allow the Fujino name to bear the stigma of your shame." He turned towards his desk, as if he planned on even now, with his daughter still on her knees in front of him, making the call that would seal the business deal he brokered with her life.

It was at that moment that Shizuru felt the mask she'd worn for so long...the mask she'd struggled so hard to keep in place, shatter against the cold reality of her existence. Everything she'd done in her life, all that she'd given...the hopes and dreams she'd clung to...all of it...meaningless...gone. There was nothing left! She was empty...broken. The sacrifices she'd made in her life surfaced as an oily residue in her memory and she felt as if she might vomit. "No. Please, father," she pleaded, one hand stretching out towards him in a beseeching manner. "This shame is mine, for disobeying your wishes. But don't you see, the second you take this decision out of my hands and make it your own, you also take the responsibility of the shame upon yourself. Let me give you the only thing I have left to give. Let the shame fall fully upon me. I will gladly sacrifice my honor in this respect."

"Honor!" her father spat angrily, in a clipped controlled voice. "You dare speak to me of honor? You, who have lost any honor you once had the moment you decided to go against the wishes of your father. Shizuru...you will obey me. To hell with your fairy tale ideas of love. Give me the son I've always wanted!"

Broken, desperate, numb from the emotional beating her father had unloaded upon her already overwhelmed senses, Shizuru didn't realize she'd spoken aloud at first. "Would it matter to you at all if I told you that I was already in love with someone else? That my heart, my devotion, my LIFE will belong only to the woman I am in love with until the day that I die?"

Hirohito Fujino's eyes widened in shock at hearing Shizuru name herself in love with another woman. He had expected she might have a boyfriend back at that school her mother insisted she attend...but this was unfathomable. His mouth worked soundlessly as he strove to pull coherent words out of the white hot furnace of wrath that flared up in the wake of her admission.

"You...you!" he began, uncharacteristically stuttering in his anger before cursing his own tripping tongue and starting over. "Is there no limit to the amount of disgrace you bring upon yourself and this family? You now add abomination to your list of sins? What were you thinking, Shizuru, to allow yourself to be seduced in this manner by...by...!" His eyes unfocused a moment as a sudden epiphany blossomed in his thoughts. "It was one of your instructors, wasn't it? A disreputable woman who abused her position of authority to take advantage of a young girl's trust. Is this the way of it Shizuru?" His dark eyes held an unvoiced warning as he glared down at her. "Tell me that this is what happened. Tell me it was no free choice of your own. There is no shame in being exploited in such a despicable manner." The man was grasping for a respectable way out of the mess she had dumped at his feet. A way to salvage his precious honor!

Seeing that this was a chance to hurt her father, Shizuru raised her eyes up to his and with a tight, hateful sneer, shattered his illusion concerning his daughter's infallibility in this matter. "Actually father, I'm the one that seduced HER." Shizuru, still down on her knees on the office floor, looked up at her father from beneath her hair as a crazed desire to hurt him...to see her father's smug face wracked with pain and humiliation, caused her to giggle uncontrollably as she continued. "And it wasn't an instructor at my school either, but another young woman, in the grade below mine. I took this young woman's pure heart of friendship and I tainted it with my OWN dreams and desires of a deeper, more romantic love. Knowing she didn't feel the same way about me, I confessed my secret love to her anyway, burdening this girl with a situation she wasn't emotionally equipped to handle. And yet...i did it regardless. I guess the Fujino family is just selfish in that respect. We want what we want and damn the consequences to others! She told me she was sorry that she couldn't return my love in the same way that I gave her my own. And yet...i continued to see her. I continued to push myself at this girl. Even though I could see it was causing her heartache and anguish, I kept trying to win her affection." She broke off here and wiped a tear away that had slid down her cheek. She didn't know anymore whether she kept talking to hurt her father or just to unburden her heavy soul, but there was no stopping her now. She was caught up in the madness of the moment with no choice.

"I loved this girl. I wanted her...so badly that this constant craving drove me to the edge of sanity and back again. But...i realized...finally...what I was doing to the one I claimed I loved. I was putting her through so much stress, that eventually, she would end up doing something against her will...simply to make ME happy! And I would've probably let her debase herself in any way that she wanted, if the end result was getting what I desired. Just like you, father. The same way you would pimp me out to the highest bidder all so that you could..."

The sound of her father's open hand striking her across the face sounded like the solitary crack of a firework going off. Caught off guard, the force of the blow sent Shizuru sprawling back onto the carpet, her ears ringing, vision blurred and watery from the violent impact. Dazedly, she raised a hand to her face and cradled her cheek protectively as the pain of her father's full armed swinging slap roared to life. She licked tentatively at her already swollen bottom lip and tasted blood.

Hirohito Fujino stood over his daughter, his black eyes like empty holes as he rubbed the palm of the hand he'd struck her with, trying to take some of the sting out. "You have the audacity to equate your filthy infatuation with another woman to the pure and righteous actions a father would take in order to protect his family? You who boldly accused ME of making love a farce, when in fact, by your own admission, you slander the entire concept with this wicked love you claim to have. A love that violates all laws of man and God!" He was shouting now, something she'd never seen her father do before. The veins in his neck stood out against the pallor of his skin, blue-black and angry, as he shouted his condemnation at his daughter.

Rising to her feet, Shizuru could only stand in frightened horror at realizing what she'd told him. In her confused state of mind, no defenses to protect her or keep her strong, she had confessed everything to her father. Everything but Natsuki's name. "Father...please. Just listen to what.." she began earnestly, trying to contain the damage her carelessness had caused.

But her father wasn't interested in anything else she had to say. "And you flaunt this...flaw...this...this sickness in my face, expecting me to give you my blessings so you can live your life the way you want. Foolish girl!"

"Father, I understand how you must be feeling. But if you'd just give me the chance to..." Shizuru tried again, stepping closer to her father, her hand reaching out as if to take his hand in hers.

With a shout of disgust, he jerked away from her beseeching gesture before slapping her again with the back of his hand, sending Shizuru collapsing to the floor on her knees, eliciting a strangled cry of pain from the girl as she struggled to keep from falling over. "You disgust me!" He roared, fists clenched and hanging by his sides. "Get up! Get up and get out of my sight!"

Pushing herself up to her feet, a flood of pain from her bruised face causing her to almost black out, Shizuru serenely folded her hands in front of her. "I'm sorry it came to this, father." Blood flowed freely from the open cut on her lip, dripping off the line of her chin and splattering onto the carpet of her father's executive office suite. But she paid it no attention as she continued. "I really am. I've given you your answer...as I promised I would. My obligation to you...is complete." She took a few steps towards the door, praying that she could make it back to her hotel without passing out.

"You carry your shame with you Shizuru," he called, watching her walk away. "No matter where you go or what you do. The dishonor will be yours forever." Wanting to hurt her even more, he commented snidely, "Perhaps the little slut who caused you to disgrace yourself will take you in if you go running back to her with your tail tucked between your legs like a GOOD bitch!" Spittle flew from his mouth as he slammed her with his hateful words.

But Shizuru was done. She had no fight left in her. Nothing left to give...even in her own defense. "I only wish you were right father," she retaliated, continuing towards the office door and escape.

"Shizuru!" The tone in her father's voice halted her hand halfway to the door handle. There she paused, her back to the man as she waited for whatever parting comment he intended her to hear. "I will not allow this disobedience from you to go unpunished."

"I understand," was all that she said, her fingers brushing the cool metal of the door knob as she began to turn it. "Do what you must father."

"I plan to!" he countered, his voice back under an icy control as he watched his daughter's back. "I will punish your insolence by hurting the one you claim to love the most. With that obstacle removed, you may even become pliable to my designs for your marriage. But first...the problem of finding this young woman. You say she was a grade below yours. Easy enough for me to flush her out of hiding. And then," he paused dramatically a moment, allowing his threat to fully sink in, before continuing, "ah yes...perhaps this young woman will meet with an unfortunate accident. It's a shame when such a young life is ended in...a traffic accident? A drowning incident? Or perhaps...a suicide? Teenagers and their angst." He shook his head in mock sadness. "Who's to say the girl didn't simply decided that life was just too hard to try any further and popped a handful of pills while downing a fifth of some cheap liquor."

"That's far enough, I think," came the sound of a dangerous voice. Somewhat startled that the voice belonged to his daughter, Hirohito made as if to reply, but Shizuru cut him off as she turned away from the door, her head lowered, eyes hidden beneath a fall of tawny hair. She walked slowly back towards her father. "I will only say this once, so listen well. Leave her out of this father." She stood in front of him now, crimson colored eyes turning a dark..almost blood red...a coloration perfectly matching the blood snaking it's way down her chin. With a slow intake of air, she raised her head and turned those scarlet seared eyes back onto her father's face.

"You...you would think...to threaten...ME?" he stammered incredulously. "Do you have any idea the power behind my name! I have but to speak the word...and this girl is dead! Hear me now Shizuru. Your punishment will be to live this life of freedom you desire at the cost of disobeying your father, shackled with the knowledge that it was your love that ultimately killed this so named love of your life." He smiled such a smile of malicious vindictiveness that any other person would've been thrown into a fit of terror.

But this wasn't any other person. This was Shizuru Fujino, the self styled protector of Natsuki Kuga. She narrowed her eyes at her father until they became mere slits, the sliver of red showing beneath heavy eyelashes almost appeared to glow. When she opened her mouth to speak, her words came out in a whispered hiss. Her countenance was reminiscent of a poisonous snake on the verge of striking. "If you do harm to this girl...or hire one of your yakuza trigger hippies to hurt her...if I even SUSPECT that you are thinking about causing her pain...I will know. And I will kill you." It was no threat that she had issued her father. It was the simple truth as she saw it.

"You FOOL!" he said, pulling his arm back as if to strike her again, only this time with a closed fist. But as his hand whipped through the air towards her face, Shizuru raised one arm and deftly blocked it with her forearm. As his fist met her arm, she immediately grabbed her father's hand with hers, bending his fingers back until he cried out in pain, dropping him to his knees in front of his unblinking daughter. Once she had her father helpless in front of her, she languidly raised her other hand, two fingers flexed, poised, ready to strike a killing blow to his windpipe. Instinctively realizing she had the upper hand, he remained passive and quiet before her, the unfamiliar sensation of fear causing him to make no sudden move that might provoke his daughter into harming him.

She pressed her face closer to his, watching impassively as a bead of sweat ran down the side of his nose, before answering in a voice as cold as the blood in a snake. "This I do swear to you, on the family name you care so much about. If you take from me the ONLY thing good and pure remaining in my life...I will end you. By my own hand I will slit your throat as you stand in a crowded room. I will poison you as you sit down to take your dinner. I will steal into your bedchamber like a shadow in the night and suffocate you with your own pillow. I will hunt you down no matter where you go or what you do, and I will take from you the thing you love most in this life...yourself. And in that instant before I take your life, you will KNOW that Shizuru Fujino, daughter of Ketsuna Masudo-Fujino, has kept the promise she made to the man who was once her father." And with that, she slowly lowered her hand and released his fingers with a shove. Lifting her chin, she pushed a handful of hair out of her eyes and stepped around the man shaking from terror and anger on the floor.

"You WHORE!" he flung at her retreating back. "You are nothing to me anymore. Do you understand the gravity of your actions? You'll get not a penny more from this family. All your bank accounts will be frozen. Any property you hold in the Fujino name will be remanded to ME. All ties to this family will be erased. It will be as if Shizuru Fujino never existed!"

Shizuru paused once more and replied over her shoulder in a broken voice, "Then I shall await eagerly the release that feeling will surely bring me. For nonexistence will be a relief from the pain that is all that remains to me of this life." And with those parting words, she strode out of her father's office and into oblivion.


	12. Chapter 12

-waves- hey hey hey...im back with another chapter...dude...i have this story like...crammed inside my head and finding the time to release the pressure of it's containment is what writings all about...lol...i am therefore i WRITE...erm...i write therefore i AM...or some such rubbish...any way...WHAT HO! Bring on the dancing girls!...oops...wrong segue...my bad...lol...anyway...DO enjoy this latest addition to my story...i shall be back with more...anon : )

"Why love, if losing hurts so much? We love...to know that we are not alone." ~ C.S. Lewis~

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve<strong>

The smell of something delicious cooking penetrated the light sleep Natsuki was caught in and she sniffed the air appreciatively. Rolling over onto her back with a sigh, one bare leg sticking out from beneath the bunched up mess she'd made of the bed covers during the night, she slung her arm slung over her eyes to shield them from the morning light infiltrating the inner sanctum of her bedroom. _That smell's coming from MY kitchen?_ But before she could do much more than yawn and wonder groggily at the mouth-watering aromas drifting from her kitchen, she was hit directly in the mid-section by a flying cannonball. At least that's the only comparison that immediately sprang to Kuga's mind as Mikoto Minagi came leaping and jumping energetically into her bedroom before launching herself onto the bed and then directly on top of her, knocking the wind out of her lungs in one long exhalation.

"Oooff!" was the only sound Natsuki could muster after the kamikaze that was the young girl sat up from the sneak attack, her legs straddling the young woman still half asleep in the bed.

Leaning over the girl beneath her, Mikoto pushed her face down closer to Natsuki's, the signature twin braids the girl always kept her hair in...hanging down, tickling the other girl's chin, as Mikoto purred happily, "Mmmmm...Natsuuuuuki! Come on! Get up!" She bounced up and down on top of Natsuki, causing her poor friend to loose the breath she'd just regained. Ignoring the protestations of the girl beneath her, Mikoto smiled dreamily as she continued, "Mai made us sugar waffles for breakfast! So GET UP! Or Im'a eat them ALL! Mmmmmm...sugar waffles." She closed her eyes, mouth open in hungry anticipation of the meal. Mikoto loved nothing more than food, and Mai's food was the best ever.

"Geh! Get off me Mikoto!" Natsuki demanded, staring up at her would-be attacker between half open lids, her dark eyebrows furrowed. "Preferably before you start drooling!" When Mikoto made no move to do as instructed, Natsuki huffed impatiently and rolled the younger girl off of her stomach with a twist of her hip and a flip of one leg.

Thinking to make a game of it, Mikoto threw her body back across Natsuki's, pinning her to the bed, laughing mercilessly as she felt the other girl bucking wildly beneath her.

"I'm not Mai, Mikoto! Now get OFF me!" Natsuki bellowed.

Sitting up, blinking, Mikoto reached out with both hands and grabbed Natsuki's breasts, squeezing curiously. "Nope," she remarked assuredly, "definitely not Mai. She's got way more fluff in her pillows than you do. Hmmmm," Mikoto added, as if suddenly struck with an idea. She grabbed the bottom of Natsuki's t-shirt and tried to lift it up, as if to prove by visualization her assertion.

Slapping at Mikoto's pawing hands, Natsuki threw her head back and roared through gritted teeth, "MAI! Come get this girl before I skin her alive and use what's LEFT of her scrawny ass as a new seat cover for my motorcycle!" Still wrestling with the squealing Mikoto, Natsuki glared triumphantly as she managed to get a hand around her assailant's wrist and at least momentarily halt the girl's attempt at pulling her t-shirt up. But Mikoto was as quick and nimble as a cat. With an expeditious flick of her wrist, she was free from the short-lived restraint and continued mauling a very unamused Kuga.

A shadow fell across the two girls locked in their comical struggle on the bed as Mai appeared in the doorway of Natsuki's bedroom. "Hey! What's going on in here you two?" she asked, her blue eyes dancing merrily.

Gritting her teeth from the effort it took just to hold Mikoto's roving hands at bay, Natsuki shot a threatening scowl at her friend who did nothing but stand and watch, a smile tickling the corner of her lips as she stirred a bowl of batter. "Call her off Mai! Seriously! Jeez!" lamented a poor, abused Natsuki. "I'm not even awake yet and I'm being pawed like a cat toy! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to be felt up first thing in the morning by a middle school student?"

Mai rolled her eyes, seemingly unmoved by her friend's dilemma. "You forget...I wake up to this EVERY morning!" Watching the commotion with an amused grin a few seconds more, she decided to take pity on her friend. And the surest way to get Mikoto's attention was with...food. Mai rapped the edge of the bowl she'd been stirring with a wooden spoon, the sound causing Mikoto to abruptly cease and desist the struggling as her head whipped around towards the noise, nose twitching as if searching for some elusive smell. Mai dipped the spoon back into the batter once she had Mikoto's rapt attention and asked innocently, raising the spoon out of the bowl again, a creamy batter dripping from it's concave surface. "Anyone interested in licking the spoon?" the orange headed girl asked. "I just finished adding the sugar."

"Me! Me! Me!" shouted an enthusiastic Mikoto, yellow eyes glowing. She bounded off Natsuki's bed, one bare foot clipping Kuga in the chin in her hurry to reach Mai...forgetting in an instant what she'd been so intent on accomplishing only moments before. Dancing on the tips of her toes in front of Mai, Mikoto clapped her hands eagerly as her friend held the batter coated spoon out towards the younger girl, enticing the morning marauder away from Natsuki.

"I thought you might want this," Mai chuckled, handing her friend the spoon and shooing her into the kitchen with a flapping hand. She turned to follow the girl who was happily licking batter from spoon and fingers.

Watching her two friends walking back towards the small kitchenette in the two room studio she'd rented at a local boarding house, Kuga was struck by an errant thought that suddenly popped into her head. "Ummm...Mai," she called out curiously.

"Yeah?" the other girl answered, the bowl of batter resting on the curve of her hip as she looked back at the girl on the bed.

"Where'd that apron come from? Cuz I know it sure as hell didn't come outta MY kitchen!"

Laughing, Mai glanced down at the light blue-green colored apron covering her pajamas. A picture of two overflowing measuring cups were on the front with the words _"Don't Squeeze The Chef: Her Cups_ _Runneth Over!"_ stenciled beneath the applique in bold green letters. "Oh this. I packed this last night at home. I figured you wouldn't have anything like this at your place." She brushed at a spot of batter that marred the crisp, spotless fabric of the apron before shooting her friend a delighted smile.

Shaking her head in bemused wonder, Natsuki replied dryly, "You got that right!" before falling back into her pillows with a sigh.

"Ten minutes Natsuki," Mai warned, heading back into the kitchen. "I'll have breakfast ready in about another ten minutes."

The only reply she received was a noncommittal grunt from the girl on the bed. Throwing an arm back over her eyes, Natsuki yawned. "Damn morning people!" she grated. "Don't they realize that some of us have to start stupid summer session tomorrow and MIGHT wanna sleep in this morning." But her grumbling complaint was spoiled a little by a tiny smile as she heard Mai humming happily in the kitchen. Natsuki lay in the comfort of her mussed up bedclothes, stretching her lean frame languidly before closing her eyes, thoughts of the night before invading her wish for a return to sleep.

Mai had insisted on the fact that she and Mikoto sleep over at Kuga's apartment last night after the karaoke party broke up. Not in the mood to argue but not in the mood to be alone either, she had consented. Yuuichi Tate had driven her two friends over, dropped them off and then promptly...left. Natsuki wasn't sure what Mai had told her boyfriend to secure his cooperation without grumbling about wanting to hang out with them for a little while. But whatever she'd told him, she was grateful. She didn't think she would have been up to watching Tate and Mai mooning all over one another. Not with the disappointment she'd still been suffering over the fact that she had planned on sharing the night with Shizuru and not an apartment full of her rowdy friends. She knew this was a selfish thought, but she couldn't help it. She'd had such wonderful plans for the evening with Shizuru.

Twisting over onto her side and pulling an overstuffed pillow into her arms, she hugged it tightly against her chest and wondered over the fact that Shizuru had failed to call her last night to give her more details concerning this abrupt family business she'd been called home on. _Was a family member ill? Was there trouble_ _in the Fujino Corporation?_ Plenty of questions to plague her mind, but no definitive answer. Exhaling the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding she chucked the pillow to the floor and rolled over onto her stomach, burying her face into the other pillow, her blue-black hair a tangled mess from the night's restless sleep. She realized she wasn't overly worried about the fact that Shizuru had failed to call her. She'd HOPED the girl would call and explain what was going on, but the fact that she had failed to do so wasn't cause, in and of itself, to make her worry. Miss Shizuru Fujino had always held her secrets close. Understanding and accepting this aspect of the young woman was a responsibility that fell on Natsuki as a friend.

What did cause Natsuki a moment of unfounded hesitation was the fact that Shizuru had seemed to pull away from their relationship over the past few weeks. She couldn't actually justify the vagueness of this accusation considering the madness of both of their schedules lately, added to the difficulties they had in synching them up in order to find time to hang out. It was just the hint of a feeling. That ghostly sensation that all was not as it appeared to be.

_Baka!_ she chided herself, pounding one fist against the mattress. She trusted Shizuru enough to know that if she were in trouble, she'd come to her for help...or if nothing more, she'd at least share her worries with her. It was only an irrational fear of leaving something undone between them that caused this sudden outburst of concern for the girl.

Natsuki had planned on confessing to Shizuru last night. She'd been prepared to spill her heart and tell the girl everything she hadn't been emotionlly able to the night Shizuru told her she was in love with her. That was the _something_ between them that Natsuki felt was her responsibility to mend. Although she tried, she couldn't imagine what the outcome of removing that final brick from the wall that separated her from loving another person would feel like. If yesterday afternoon in the art room was any indication of an answer, she knew she was more than ready to do this. She wanted more than anything, for Shizuru to know that she was loved in return. She wanted to give back this unconditional love the girl had given her all these years. And she had wanted last night to see this desire to it's fruition. "Shizuru", she whispered into her pillow, a melancholy threatening to steal into her heart. "I...love you." It was the first time she'd ever voiced those words aloud. They sounded good, right. I...love...

Snatched from the brink of drifting back off to sleep, her eyes flew open at the sound of Mai's peppy voice shouting that breakfast was almost ready and for her to get her lazy ass out of bed. Giving up any pretense or hope of slacking the rest of the morning away, Natsuki reluctantly sat up, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles, before clambering to her feet and trudging into the bathroom just adjacent to her bedroom. Flipping on the overhead light she grabbed toothbrush and toothpaste, squeezing too hard on the tube and loading her brush up with the sticky blue gel. Cursing, she stuck the toothbrush into her mouth anyway and began furiously scrubbing her teeth, trying not to gag on the abundance of minty tasting bubbles the extra toothpaste produced. After satisfactorily cleaning away the gummy feeling of morning breath, she held her long hair back out of her face with one hand while leaning over the sink, her mouth open, under the running water of the faucet. Several rinse and spit cycles later, she flashed a toothy smile at her reflection before cupping her hands full of the cold water and splashing it against her face. Hearing the sounds of an animated conversation between her two friends in the kitchen caused her to frown in consternation, realizing that she'd be in there in all that chattering noise soon enough. She was definitely NOT a morning person, she acknowledged, drying her face on an available towel.

As she reached to hang the threadbare towel over the towel bar beside the sink, she paused a moment, eying herself critically in the mirror. Turning sideways, looking at the soft swell of her breasts beneath the thin material of her t-shirt, she frowned. "No fluff, huh?" she mused to her reflection, one eyebrow arched, as she recalled Mikoto's comment. Reaching up, she cupped her hands beneath and around her breasts, squeezing, measuring...comparing herself to her friend Mai. After a few moments of contemplation, she snorted contemptuously. "Hmmmph! I may not be as BIG as Mai, but what I DO have is plenty 'fluffy' enough."

The image of Shizuru popped into her head unbidden. The girl's perfectly proportioned figure. The way that perfect body had felt pressed up against hers as she'd held Shizuru in her arms. The contrast of soft curves and firm muscle...

With a start, she abruptly realized that she was still standing in the bathroom with her hands gently fondling her own breasts. Blushing furiously, she promptly dropped her hands and shoved them behind her back. "Gah!" she gulped in humiliation. _What the hell is wrong with_ _ you, KUGA? _She asked her blushing reflection. _Feeling yourself up in the bathroom mirror like some kind of PERV! _ Her self-directed shame quickly found a new target however, as she spat out the recipients name. "Mikoto! This is all YOUR fault, you damn little twerp!" Grabbing a brush and running it through her silky mane of hair, she focused on calming herself, but thoughts of Shizuru's body still swam teasingly through her memory, keeping her cheeks kissed with a blush.

"There you are Natsuki!" Mai chirped in greeting as her friend finally strode into the kitchen. She had just placed a small crystal vase holding three blue flowers onto the table laden with breakfast. "Perfect timing. Sit down and try some waffles while they're hot." Following her own advice, Mai sank to the cushion on the floor across the table from a drooling Mikoto who had already piled a heaping stack of Mai's sugar waffles onto her plate.

Wondering where Mai had come up with the fresh flowers, not to mention the vase, Natsuki returned Mai's greeting with a small smile before following suit and sitting cross-legged beside her friend.

Mikoto grabbed the bottle of syrup and poured a generous amount over her tower of waffles, watching as if entertained as the syrup dripped down the sides of the edible architecture she'd constructed, pooling in her plate; a moat for the waffle castle. Waiting impatiently as Mai leaned across the table and draped a towel around the young girl's shoulders so she wouldn't get syrup all over herself, Mikoto had her fork poised to strike the first blow that would begin the razing of her waffle creation, when she stopped, pointing the fork like an accusing finger at Natsuki. "Hey, Natsuki? Why's your face so red?"

Startled, the girl in question jumped, slapping her hands to her cheeks, the blush she'd hoped to leave behind in the bathroom flaming anew beneath the cool touch of her fingers. "What?" she managed to challenge. "My face isn't red!" The words came out a timid squeak in reply, further shaming the easily embarrassed girl.

Squinting, a mouthful of waffles packed into her cheeks as she chewed, making the girl look like a greedy chipmunk on a binge, Mikoto merely nodded her head at Natsuki's protest. "Ummm hm. Ummm hm," she mumbled around her food before swallowing. "Is too red. Red like a blazing sun!" Turning her eyes back to her plate, she set to attacking her breakfast with a concentrated effort, totally oblivious to the frustration she'd caused Natsuki with the casual comment.

Mai giggled as she put two waffles onto her own plate, opting out on the syrup and instead sprinkling them with white, powdered sugar. She reached into a bowl containing fresh strawberries and fished two out, placing them on top of her waffles with a flourish. "Maybe Natsuki was remembering a juicy dream she had last night Mikoto," her friend teased, winking conspiratorially, causing Natsuki's face to get even redder. Laughing out loud at how easy it was to bait her friend into embarrassment, Mai added one last, good natured dig. "Busted!"

"Grrr! Will the both of you just...shut UP!" a totally flabbergasted Natsuki groaned. "It's too early to be tag teamed by the two of you. I feel like the poor, proverbial worm that's been plucked from it's restful sleep by not one, but TWO early birds and the sorry little featherbrained beasts are pulling me apart between them. Sheesh! And for the record Mikoto, the sun is ORANGE...not RED...and IF my face IS red its probably because I just finished washing it...in hot water...and NO...I didn't have ANY dreams at ALL that I can remember Mai...especially no JUICY ones...so the both of you can shove it...now pass the waffles please I'm starving!"

After a delicious home cooked breakfast, the three girls went about their separate tasks...Mai into the kitchen to finish up the cleaning, Mikoto sprawling in front of the television, happily engaged in a shoot-em-up game on the PS3, while Kuga wandered back into her bedroom to grab some clean clothes to change into after her shower.

As she headed towards the closet, a red blinking light coming from her desktop caught her attention. It was the message alert on her cellphone indicating that she had a voice mail. Her heart skipping excitedly, she grabbed the phone and felt a wave of relief mingled happiness flood through her as she saw that the message was from Shizuru. Checking the time the call was logged, she saw that it'd been made around five A.M. She fumbled the phone in her haste to hear the message, juggling it in both hands then snatching it out of the air before it could fall to the floor. Cursing her own clumsiness, she thumbed over the Play Message screen. Shizuru's softly lilting voice flowed into her ear like a secret whisper as she listened to the girl's message:

"**Natsuki. I'm headed out now to the airport but wanted to apologize again for last night. You have no idea how much I wanted to be with you...for our dinner engagement. I hope you will forgive me. And apologize to Miss Tokiha as well. She went to all the bother of preparing the meal and I...ah well. The least you can do is not let it go to waste. It'll be much better for you than those awful, instant noodles you seem to favor. And stop frowning! Remember, don't skip out on your first day of summer classes. I know you too well. I may be out of touch...for a bit. There's some family business that requires my attention. Know this Natsuki Kuga. No matter where I am, you are always with me. I...I love you...Natsuki. I always have loved you. I always will."**

She quickly archived the message and hit replay, letting the sound of Shizuru's voice caress her senses once more before laying the phone back down. This was the first time since that fateful night that she'd heard Shizuru say those three words to her. The first time Shizuru had confessed her feelings and her love for her, had left Natsuki feeling embarrassed, confused, frightened. But upon hearing them again today, if only through the recording of Shizuru in a voice message, the words brought out the polar opposite reactions in Natsuki's heart. This time she was filled with a sense of wonder, happiness and an almost uncontrollable urge to snatch her phone back up and call Shizuru, just so she could tell the young woman that she, too, was loved. For just a split second, Natsuki's joy was replaced by a sense of heartbreak at the realization that Shizuru was out there somewhere, unaware that she WAS loved and accepted by the person she was in love with...had been in love with...for years.

"Shizuru," Natsuki called out helplessly, reaching for her phone._ It's not fair that you should still feel_ _guilt and pain simply because...you're in love with me. It's all my fault! If only I'd been strong enough_ _for you the first time you were brave enough to...to trust me with your feelings._ She choked back a strangled cry.

"This is crazy," she said aloud, realizing that she held the power to put an end to Shizuru's suffering...and her own as well. She'd wanted to do this face to face...but she couldn't let another day go by knowing that her friend, the person she loved most in this world, was suffering silently. Her heart hammering against her chest, she hit the redial tab and waited, the adrenaline of the moment causing her to tremble slightly as she waited for the sound of the voice she so desperately needed to hear. But although it was the voice she'd wanted, it was Shizuru's voice mail message she received rather than the young woman herself. She licked her lips as she listened to the familiar accent instruct the caller to leave their message. At the sound of the beep, Natsuki said simply, "Hey Shizuru. Got your message. Give me a call when you're able. I know you said you'd be outta touch for a bit...but...this is important. Please call me as soon as you can. Okay? Thanks." The rush of the anticipated moment met with the sudden crash of the emotional high she'd been riding, leaving Natsuki with a dull throbbing in her head. Dropping the phone back down onto the desk, she shuffled into the bathroom, lost in a fog of what ifs and maybes.

So caught up in the snare of her own imaginings and suppositions, she didn't even realize she'd gotten into the shower until she was pulled to the surface of her thoughts by the sound of a fist pounding on the bathroom door. Spluttering under a deluge of warm water, she looked up from beneath a curtain of wet hair, turning the water down before yelling towards the door, "Yeah? What is it? I'm in the shower."

The sound of Mai's voice came back muffled by the closed door. "Oh. Just wanted to let you know that Mikoto and I are headed home now. Gonna grab a bath and get into clean clothes. We'll meet you at the mall in about three hours. Kay?"

"Three hours. Got it," Natsuki replied, shivering now that the water had been turned off.

"And the directions to Nao's place are on the kitchen table. Please don't conveniently forget to pick her up. I promised Mikoto she could invite her." Her friend's voice held a non too subtle undertone of warning.

Natsuki stood mute...grinding her teeth at Mai's reminder.

"Did ya hear me Natsuki?" Mai asked again. When she still received no reply from the girl in the bathroom, she grabbed the doorknob, rattling it threateningly. "Don't make me come in there!" Mai called louder.

"Ah! Okay! Okay. Pick Nao up. I heard you already. Sheesh Tokiha," Natsuki grumbled loud enough so her friend could hear. "Ummm, wanna tell me again why I agreed to a shopping trip...AND agreed to picking up SPIDERWOMAN too?"

Mai laughed at her friend's tone, softly though, so as not to irritate her into a refusal. "An afternoon spent shopping always makes a girl feel good. Plus, you and Nao BOTH have to start summer classes tomorrow. Mikoto and I wanted to treat our two friends to some daifuku and darts on their last day of freedom." Hearing the girl snort followed by the sound of the shower turning back on, Mai banged harder on the door, shouting to be heard, "We'll see you both there Kuga! And try not to get into any arguments with Nao while on that motorcycle together. If you end up killing yourself...Shizuru will kill ME!" Shivering at the thought of having Shizuru Fujino as an enemy, Mai left to the sounds of Natsuki's amused chuckles.


	13. Chapter 13

allow me to preface this chapter with my sincerest 'thank you' to those who reviewed previous chapters...it's a real kick to read your comments and realize that some of you out there actually DO like the story thus far...lol...i've read a few AWZUM stories that others have posted and just hope i can provide a story that captivates and entertains as much as your stories have thrilled me...and as always... I.D.O.S. : )

"Love is merely Madness." ~William Shakespeare~

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen <strong>

Pain. It was the first recognizable sensation Shizuru felt as her eyes fluttered in an effort to open. Wincing, she slowly regained consciousness enough to realize that her entire body hurt. She felt as if she'd been stuffed into a barrel and rolled down a bumpy mountain. Aches and pains from every part of her body awakened more fully as she tried to clear her mind of the fog surrounding her. She struggled to focus her eyes but they felt heavy, too heavy to hold open for longer than a few seconds at a time. But she pushed herself, clawing her way out from under the blanket of lethargy she was trapped beneath. It felt suspiciously as if she'd been dosed with some type of drug. That coupled with the feeling of discomfit caused Shizuru to wonder if she'd been in some sort of accident. Was she even now in a hospital room somewhere?

Running her tongue over dry lips, she opened her mouth and called out in a hoarse voice, "Hello? Is anyone there? Where am I? What happened to me?" No answer came from the shadows of her blurry vision.

Concentrating, she managed to hold her eyes open, slowly regaining control of her senses. Blinking thickly, she took stock of what she could see of her surroundings. She was stretched out on a floor mat, a light cotton blanket draped over her body. There was a bowl of water with a neatly folded cloth draped over the edge sitting beside her mat. A cup holding a clouded liquid was also placed beside her mat._ It_ _probably held the drug which I'd been dosed with_, she surmised, feeling more awake and less confident about the circumstances of her situation by the second. But where was she? What happened?

Turning her head, which rested on a rolled bed pillow, she blinked several times at a square patch of light before realizing that she was looking out of two open door panels into the yard of a small zen garden. A light breeze holding the scent of fresh earth and water on it, permeated her sense of smell. She saw patches of colors that could only be flowers and areas with manicured, green shrubs as well as a few stunted pine trees scattered around the perimeter of the garden.

A flash of memory surfaced in her confusion as she suddenly realized that she recognized this place. Or at least she thought she did. Maybe it was just similar to the one she remembered. She couldn't decide which in her current state of mind, but it reminded her of the little secluded compound belonging to one of her friends from school. She liked to come here alone and meditate on the calm spirit of the place...sipping her tea on the porch as she listened to the relaxing sounds of the water lapping against the rocks in the pond. Yes...this had been the place she'd taken...

"Natsuki!" Shizuru called out, trying to push herself up.

"Shizuru. You're awake! "a familiar voice greeted as the touch of a cool hand against her forehead brought her unfocused eyes up to the face of the person kneeling down beside her. "Lay still a moment longer child. Or at least, allow me to help you sit up. I dosed you with a sleep tonic to help calm you down. You were very...distraught when I brought you here."

Frowning in disorientation, Shizuru stared up into a pair of persimmon colored eyes. As she continued to gaze into those kind, strange eyes, the flower of recognition suddenly blossomed and she caught her breath in surprise. "Sensei Kagami," Shizuru greeted without even thinking about it, adhering to the proprieties of master teacher etiquette that had been instilled in her as a child by this woman.

"It's good too see you again Shizuru. Although I would have preferred our reunion to be under more desirable circumstances," the woman greeted, smiling as she helped the girl sit up. Kagami Kenatsu had been Shizuru's martial arts teacher since childhood. This woman had instructed a young Shizuru in all forms of hand to hand combat as well as how to wield several traditional Japanese weapons...the naginata being the one favored by Shizuru. Sensei Kenatsu had taught the young girl the path of zen meditation as well as the art of the assassin. By the age of thirteen, Shizuru Fujino knew more ways to kill a man than most military recruits could ever hope to learn in a lifetime of service.

Kagami Kenatsu had been Shizuru's mother's best friend and thus had been a permanent fixture in Shizuru's life since birth. It had always puzzled her how her mother and this woman managed to become, as well as remain, such close friends, considering the two of them were totally opposite in every aspect. Shizuru's mother had floated on the wings of a social butterfly, the darling of Kyoto's most wealthiest familes. Her best friend Kagami, on the other hand, was an instructor at a family owned dojo who came from a modest background. Whereas Shizuru's mother had been graceful, feminine...a beauty of some renown...Kagami was clumsy in the social graces, more masculine in body and actions...not a woman that most would consider beautiful at all. Her nose was severe...sharp like that of a hunting hawk...perched above a mouth whose lips were pencil thin...a vertical slash across her face. Her eyes were elongated and tilted slightly...a haunting color somewhere between orange and red, topped with full, dark eyebrows. The only redeeming quality she possessed, some would say, was her hair. It was a rich, dark auburn color that just kissed the tops of her shoulders. But she had always kept that glorious mane of hair in a plethora of tiny braids...except for her bangs, which were parted in the middle and hung down on either side of her face. Each braid she wore was capped with a small wooden bead and when Kagami tossed her head or engaged in training, one could hear the soft sounds of the beads 'click-click-clicking' against one another. Shizuru had always loved that sound. And she had always adored this woman. To see her again...and so unexpectedly...lifted her spirits perceptibly.

Shizuru pushed a handful of hair out of her face as she asked, "Where did you come from? What...what happened to me? How did I end up here?"

Sitting back on her heels, the woman reached out one large, callused hand and retrieved the pitcher sitting beside her. Taking a cup she held in the other hand, she poured it full of water and handed it to Shizuru, indicating with a nod that she should drink it. As Shizuru dutifully did as she was instructed, she was struck by the fact that she was thirsty...too thirsty actually. It was as if she hadn't had anything to drink in forever. The cool water ran down her parched throat, refreshing and rejuvenating, as she greedily gulped it down. "How long..." she began, handing the cup back to her sensei.

As if reading the young woman's thoughts, the older woman answered the unfinished question. "Two days. You slept through two full days even though the sleeping tonic I mixed for you was not very strong. Your body and mind were just...exhausted. You must have really needed the rest. I brought you here after..."

Now it was Shizuru's turn to finish her master's thoughts. "After the meeting with my father." The return of her memories concerning the argument she'd had with her father hit her like a thunder bolt and she had to take several calming breaths as she weathered the storm of emotion the recollection sparked.

"Yes," Kagami confirmed, pity and dark anger brightening her strange colored eyes. "I knew you'd returned to Kyoto. I could only assume that meant you were prepared to give your father an answer concerning the marriage contract he planned to arrange for you." She poured another cup of cool water into the green, handle-less cup and passed it back to Shizuru, urging her to drink more.

Shizuru's eyes widened in surprise as she sipped at the water. "But..how did...how could you possible know that?" she questioned curiously. "I confided my plans to no one other than my father's personal assistant so she could set up the arrangements and fit me into his schedule."

Kagami smiled mysteriously as she folded her fingers beneath her chin in gesture which meant she had something important to say, the tips of her fingers forming a steeple. "Ah. As to that. Never underestimate any situation. For the second you take a truth for granted is the moment it reveals it's false nature." Pausing only a moment after that sage bit of advice, the woman laughed, taking Shizuru's hand in hers...the sound of her laughter husky and warm. "However much I'd love to leave a former student of mine thinking I have some mystical power of divining the truth from predicting the future, the real reason I knew of your arrival in Kyoto was the call I received from Mrs. Tomomatsu. Her father and I are...old friends." The woman smiled secretively at this vague explanation before continuing. "Well, anyway, the long of the story is...he owed me a favor. So he instructed his daughter to contact me immediately if and when you returned to Kyoto...or more importantly...when you returned to face your father. I suspected you would show up sometime after graduation. Looks like I was correct, hmm? One does not need to be a soothsayer, however, to know the answer you gave him. You refused his offers, didn't you child? And this..." she raised her hand and touched Shizuru's swollen lip tenderly, "this was the result of his displeasure."

Shizuru carefully sat the cup of water down beside her mat. The fog of confusion was slowly lifting, but the more she heard, the less she understood her current situation. The one thing she had no trouble remembering at all now, was the anger her father had shown her when she refused his offers...and when she'd confessed her love for... "Oh Sensei," she whispered, wishing she'd never woken up from the sleep she'd been peacefully resting in for the past two days. "My father..." she broke off here, trying to cover the bruises on her cheek with one hand, but Kagami gently pulled the girl's hand away from her face.

"Never take the dishonor of another persons actions against you to heart. It was HIS dishonor...HIS shame alone that left those marks on your face. You did nothing wrong. Wear the bruises as badges of HONOR, Shizuru! For no matter how much anger he might have felt at you because of your refusal, you acted honorably in your duty. Your responsibility as a daughter does not include selling yourself at another man's whim. Even if that man IS your own father. How many times must I stand idly by and watch as..." Kagami broke off here, a look of desperation and anger fixed on her face, before continuing. "The fool should be beaten with the flat edge of a katana for causing you such pain." Shizuru felt the tension in the other woman's body tingle through her fingers like electricity before Kagami released her hand with a reassuring squeeze. "Ketsuna's only child! The only..." Kagami pulled her bottom lip between her teeth in an effort to calm herself, uncharacteristically falling into the fool's trap of letting anger provoke her into reacting. That had been the number one rule she'd drummed into Shizuru's head as her student. Never allow anger to provoke reaction. It was a rule that Shizuru had failed utterly to master.

There was more...much more behind the words the woman had just spoken, but Shizuru was too preoccupied with another question of her own to give her teacher's strange behavior much more than a cursory thought. "I still don't understand what happened after I left my father's office. How did I end up here? And why do I feel so...sore?" As if to prove her point, she flexed one shoulder and winced as she felt the burning pain of overexerted muscles protest the movement. And it wasn't just her neck. It was her entire body.

"Ah yes. The answer to your questions." Kagami had replaced the anger in her voice and face with the calm of a renowned martial arts sensei. "I brought you here after first following you to a bar where you got into an...altercation with three of the establishments patrons."

Shaking her head, Shizuru chuckled lightly. "I appreciate your attempt at making me laugh Sensei, however, I would have the truth of my situation now...if you would be so kind."

Kagami leaned in closer to Shizuru, the braids in her hair hanging down into her face, clicking softly together, as she replied, "I have given you the truth of your situation, Shizuru Fujino. After the meeting with your father, you wandered into a local bar, got VERY drunk...and...well let's jsut say you FINISHED a fight with three of the toughs who just didn't seem to get the message that...you weren't interested."

"I...I did...what?" Shizuru gasped in bewilderment, raising one hand and placing it against her throat in a gesture of disbelief. "That doesn't sound like something I'd do...at ALL!" she protested, trying to justify the validity of her aches and pains with the words of her master, who remained silent, as if waiting for her student to come to grips with what she'd just been accused of.

"This is true, isn't it?" Shizuru suddenly realized, starring at the back of one hand, noticing for the first time that the knuckles were red, swollen...as if she'd been pounding on a locked door. _Or the hard angles of a man's face_, she reminded herself in horror. "But..but why would I do that? And more to the point..." she turned a red eyed glower onto the older woman sitting peacefully beside her...watching with those strange eyes of hers. "Why would you ALLOW me to engage in such behavior? By your own admission you'd followed me from my father's office. You MUST have known how...overwrought I was following that meeting with him! I was...not in my right mind. Obviously! Why, Sensei?"Shizuru demanded vehemently of the woman whom she had trusted all her life...trusted more than any other person in the world. "Why did you let me get into a common barroom brawl? I'm sorry, but i just don't understand your actions in this regard!" She turned her face away from the other woman, angry at not knowing what happened, confused by her actions and ashamed that she should break down like this in front of her master...the woman who had taught her how to brave the injustices of life.

Strong yet gentle hands gripped Shizuru's shoulders. "Zuru. Hear me," Kagami instructed in a soothing voice.

_Zuru_, the young woman mused with a small smile, _no one has called me Zuru in many years. _She looked back around then, and worked to quell the questions that had taken over her senses. Quietly, she waited for her master to make known what it was she wanted to convey.

"I will answer any question you have. And even add a few details that you will soon need to know. But first, " Kagami continued, "you will take a long, hot soak in the tub. I have placed bath salts made with herbs and oils that will work in conjunction with the heat and steam of the bath to help relieve you of the pain you are feeling. Add one cup of the crystals to your bath water and soak no less than fifteen minutes. It will allow the healing properties of the ingredients to be absorbed into your skin. Plus, a good steam will help clear your mind as well." She reached out and gently touched the angry bruise on Shizuru's cheek which had been left by the girl's father. "After your bath...we shall share a pot of tea. Like old times. And I'll do my best to answer any and all questions you still have."

Shizuru took Kagami's hand in hers as the woman lowered it from her face and brought it to her lips, gently kissing the back of her fingers. "I am thankful you were here for me, sensei. You have always been like my personal guardian angel. Even after my mother's death, you still watched over me. I am...grateful for your continued kindness."

The woman smiled, a smile that lit up her otherwise plain looking face causing it to glow with an inner beauty. "No Zuru. I do this not out of a sense of kindness...but rather from a feeling of love." After a short pause, Kagami cleared her throat in embarrassment and said in the voice which she reserved for instructing her students, "Now do as I say. Get into that bath. Then meet me on the porch for our tea."

Bowing her head in acknowledgment, Shizuru intoned respectfully, "It shall be as you say, sensei."


	14. Chapter 14

hey hey hey...ready or not here comes the saint with the latest update...i really hope you dig this chapter...i've taken a few creative liberties and added a plot twist that i PROMISE will put an entertaining spin on things...money back guarantee if not completely satisfied...lol...erm...but...we don't actually get paid for these little works of fictions do we...wouldn't that be cool if we did though...CASH COW MATERIALIZE...oh wait...that's an entirely DIFFERENT story huh...lol...gah...anyway...enjoy the chapter...let me know what you think of the original ideas i've incorporated...i think you're gonna approve...catch ya on the flip...OH...and as always... -insert obligatory disclaimer here- I.D.O.S. :P

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><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen<strong>

The long soak in the hot bath worked wonders on Shizuru's aching body and within the hour she found herself sitting outside on the wooden flooring of the veranda overlooking the dojo's garden with her sensei, a pot of steaming tea between the two of them. Sipping delicately at her tea, Shizuru closed her eyes and sighed. "I could almost begin to feel...normal. As if the past never happened and today was just an average, lazy day."

Kagami Kenatsu was sitting on the edge of the flooring, swinging her legs back and forth off of the overhang with a crooked smile etched across her face. Her head was thrown back, eyes closed as she turned her face up towards the glow of the sun in almost perfect imitation of a sunflower basking in the warmth of a late afternoon. Without opening her eyes, she responded lightly to Shizuru's statement, "Never aspire towards normalcy, child. It defeats the intentions of the spectacular."

Smiling dolefully to herself, Shizuru said softly, "I never wanted to be spectacular though. Just...normal." She raised her eyes to the sun, the light from the rays illuminating the different hues of color in her hair before continuing, "But...that wish...to be normal. It was never going to happen, was it sensei? At least, not for me."

"There was hope. Once. But...that is no longer a viable wish for you Shizuru. I'm sorry," Kagami affirmed, a note of sadness echoing in her words. She could honey coat the answers she gave the girl today, or she could trust in honesty to show Shizuru the ugly truth she needed to see. She opted for honesty.

Shizuru nodded, squaring her shoulders as if readjusting and redistributing the weight of a great burden. The burden of being born...a HIME. "It's in our blood, isn't it? Mine, my mother's...the other girls and..."she furrowed delicately arched brows in consternation before adding, "and all their immediate family members as well. It's like a taint. A curse. A genetic aberration," she continued, having thought deeply on this topic while soaking in the bath. She was now ready to share her conclusions and get feedback on them from her master. "And we twelve were just the unfortunate few whose HIME gene...mutated, so to speak, turning us into the embodiment of the true form manifested from the HIME bloodline. We all somehow fit the criteria that triggered the Red Star and awakened our individual child. My child, everyone else's child, they all chose US based on...personality. Correct? The child needed the HIME who best complimented its OWN fighting style." Her crimson eyes held the eyes of her sensei in an unwavering gaze, demanding the truth of her assertions.

"Indeed," the other woman agreed quickly, but held her silence, encouraging the young woman to speak her views and figure things out on her own.

Nodding her head once upon hearing Kagami's confirmation, Shizuru continued without preamble."The others...the women whose blood never does manifest into the true form of the HIME, or the males whose blood also carries this gene but cannot, otherwise, achieve the ultimate powers of materialization..." she paused here, uncertain what to call those who were of the HIME bloodline but not actual HIMES, looking the question at Kagami.

"EcHOS, Shizuru. Those who carry the HIME bloodline, the H-12 gene to be more precise, without ever manifesting into the pure form are called EcHOS. Both male and female. Eccentric Hosts Of Seperation." Kagami gave the girl a minute to digest this information as she poured herself another cup of tea.

"EcHOS," Shizuru repeated, a puzzled look stealing across her face. "I never realized there was a recognized name for people like that." She shook her head at the absurdity of it all.

"You, your mother, anyone else in your immediate family who carries the H-12 gene; all were or are still considered EcHOS."

"But not me," the girl added hastily.

"Not you," the older women agreed. "You are a true HIME." Since Shizuru didn't inquire, Kagami held to herself the explanation of the false HIME which had seen it's introduction into the world at the same time the other girl's were coming into their own, individual powers. It was a topic best left unexplored...unless Shizuru herself broached the question first. Instead, Kagami held her silence, waiting patiently for the girl to continue at her leisure.

Looking out over the garden as the shadows began to lengthen, Shizuru sighed. "I just assumed the gene would remain dormant in me; as it did my mother. I never imagined that I would be one of the twelve who fit the criteria. And some of the other girls at school, the other HIMES. I think a few of them didn't even have a clue what kind of curse they carried within their own bodies. Not until that wretch NAGI sought them out in order to exploit them, hoping to trigger the Red Star's arrival." She absently picked up a strand of long hair between her fingers and began twirling it, lost in deep thought. _What were the stories behind the other eleven girls? Who had they been as individuals before this accursed destiny singled them out to bear the stigma of the HIME?_ To her shame, she'd never even bothered stopping long enough to think about questions such as these. She had been too caught up in her own selfish desires to spare the energy worrying about someone other than...Natsuki.

"I'm afraid I have nothing to offer when it relates to personal conjecture concering the other HIMES. I can only assume that a few of the girls grew up, as you did, armed with the knowledge that they were of the HIME bloodline and thus, somewhat prepared for things a little better than the others who stumbled into the entire scenario without forrwarning."

Shizuru gave a very unladylike snort of contempt. "I might have been aware of the HIMES and the heritage of my family, but I never once suspected the depth and meaning behind what it actually entailed." Her voice held a hard edge to it. "I should have been told! It should have been made known to me from the very beginning what would happen if I became one of the twelve."

Kagami plucked a rice cracker from a sea-green porcelain plate resting beside the teapot and held it between two fingers a minute before fielding the girl's accusation. With an air of nonchalance she tossed her head and replied, "You knew enough. Your mother and I both felt there was no need to burden you unnecessarily with too many details, unless..."

"Unless I exhibited signs of...violence," Shizuru finished in an icy rejoinder.

The cold tone of Shizuru's voice caused Kagami to turn her head sharply towards the girl, the wooden beads in her hair clicking audibly.

Raising her hand, Shizuru stared with renewed horror at the bruises and swelling on her knuckles; the ugly yellow and black abrasions standing out in sharp contrast against her otherwise pale skin. Making a fist, wincing slightly at the pain this caused in the tender joints, she replied in a voice almost too low to hear, "All of us, the true HIMES as well as the EcHOS...all of us walk a closer path with violence than a normal person." She squeezed her fingers into a tighter fist, wanting to make the pain in her hand match that which had settled into her soul.

"That is so," Kagami acknowledged sympathetically, pride and pity waring within her heart as she listened to her pupil put voice to the harsh realities she was struggling to accept. Suddenly realizing she still held the rice cracker she'd picked up moments ago, the woman crumbled it up in her hand and tossed the handful of crumbs out onto the gravel path squared off around the veranda, watching as a pair of oriental greenfinch birds fluttered down from a nearby tree where they'd been eyeing her. With little twitches of their tails, the birds immediately began pecking at the tasty treat. The two tiny birds hopped around the pile of crumbs, twitting and ruffling their feathers, both obviously enjoying the late afternoon feast.

"Then that means...all my friends at school...Natsuki...we all would have eventually turned to violence?" Shizuru's voice shook as she tried to come to grips with what she'd learned thus far.

Kagami shook her head, offering the girl an encouraging smile. "The issue is not as cut and dried as you seem to think, Zuru. Although you have done remarkably well to deduce all of this on your own. I am, as always, very proud of you. But please, listen to my words carefully. I will try to allay your fears concerning this predilection towards violence that seems to hang like a shadow around all who carry the H-12 gene. In relative terms, only an infinitesimal percent of all who have this gene will ever manifest any overt signs of violence. Male or female. That is why it is the family's responsibility to train their offspring to redirect unwarranted anger and frustration in order to balance out the blood's need for violence. This is the reason I trained you so thoroughly."

Kagami paused long enough to drain off the remainder of her tea before continuing. "The EcHOS who are NOT trained; or rather, the families who have lost all knowledge of their heritage and thus do nothing to deter the aggressive nature of those with the H-12 gene...sometimes these unfortunates DO, eventually, end up resorting to violence." Seeing the girl open her mouth for another question, Kagami held up one finger and continued quickly. "And still others, although undisciplined and untrained, somehow instinctively hone this hereditary gene...shaping it and using it as a tool in various aspects of their lives. One such example; the professional athlete. You'd be amazed at how many athletes in the states have a lineage connecting them with the HIME bloodline."

A look of disgust crossed the woman's face before she continued. "But the Americans have NO respect for their own past nor for tradition. They remain oblivious. Clueless to what's even going on within their own bodies. This apathy towards tradition is also the reason that some of the most violent crimes are committed in the states as well. These American EcHOS simply do not have the training and guidance necessary to overcome their more baser desires. If they revered the roots of their heritage, as most of the rest of the world does, the Americans would begin to understand how to bring balance to the lives of the EcHOS who daily live without any set rules or boundaries. If they had this same, strong link with family and past, perhaps maybe...JUST maybe, they could curtail the violent societal norms which threaten to destroy their country from the inside out."

Frowning, Shizuru set down her cup, curling her legs beneath her as she turned to face her sensei. "If the training balances out the need for violence, why then..." she raised her hands, looking at the black and yellow bruises on her knuckles as if expecting to find some answer there, "WHY did I resort to the violence I perpetrated on those men at the bar? Was it because I needed to take my own frustration and anger concerning my father out on them simply because they were handy? Or rather, did it stem from some twisted desire I have to bring suffering to others? Can I honestly blame this...this flaw on the HIME blood?" She slowly lowered her battered hands, cradling them in her lap before continuing. "Maybe something inside me was...damaged after the destruction of the Red Star," she asserted vociferously, grasping for answers as to why she felt so empty inside. "Maybe even though I do have the training needed to redirect the violent tendencies caused by this gene, I still cannot control it. Or maybe I'm just a wicked person at heart!" Shizuru turned desperate eyes up to Kagami's, pain and confusion painted across her face. "It's not fair sensei! It's just not fair. I gave everything that was asked...no, I gave everything that was DEMANDED of me during the past year! I never asked for ANY of this! I only want...I only wanted..." She broke off into wracking sobs, her body trembling from fear and anger as she covered her face and wept._ What does it matter now, what I wanted, _she thought as the tears she'd held back so long found, at last, the release they needed._ I have no right to want anything anymore. I have no right to want...Natsuki._

As she fought to control the tears that seemed to have no end, Shizuru felt Kagami's strong arms around her, pulling her close, holding her against her warm body as she gave the girl what she needed most at this moment...permission to cry.

Kagami made shushing noises as she held Shizuru, one hand gently stroking the back of the girl's head, her fingers tenderly running through Shizuru's long hair, soothing and calming. "Let it out, Shizuru. Release the pent up frustration. Let go of the anger. Face your fears. It is the only way to set your feet onto a new path. There is no shame in any of the things you are feeling." She held the younger woman quietly, the only sound Shizuru's muffled weeping.

They sat that way for several long minutes, the master and her student, bathed in the dying light of the afternoon sun. Shizuru's sobs soon abated but she remained with her face against her sensei's shoulder, drawing what comfort she could from the strong arms holding her. In due time, she was able to regain control of herself, enough at least to pull away from Kagami with an embarrassed laugh. "I'm sorry sensei. I hate myself for falling into the trap of self-pity. I...I can only apologize and avow to strive harder to not let that happen again. As a very wise woman once told me" she pointed out, wiping the tears away with the back of her bruised hand, "self-pity is akin to walking around and around in a circle. You waste a lot of energy going nowhere" She tried on a brave smile as she poured herself another cup of tea, then turned her face up to the sky, watching quietly as a bank of clouds began moving in towards the setting sun, crowding out the daylight as if determined to usher in nightfall as quickly as possible.

The silence of the moment was broken as Kagami pointed out softly, "It is not self-pity that makes us wish for better things for ourselves. The self-pity falls to those who do nothing BUT sit around moaning about what a rotten hand life has dealt them. You see the difference, yes?"

"I do. But at the moment it all feels the same to me." She took a deep, cleansing breath, calming the emotions warring inside of her in an effort to think clearly. There was something else she wanted to ask her sensei. She'd been so caught up in the discussion concerning the HIMES and the EcHOS, she'd completely forgotten until now. Wrapping her hands around the comforting feel of the warm cup she was holding, she cleared her throat before asking, "So. Want to tell me why you did nothing but watch as I got into a fight at that...bar? I mean, there has to be a reason. I just can't figure it out yet."The look she flashed her teacher demanded nothing but the truth.

Pushing a few strands of braids back behind one ear, Kagami returned the girl's gaze with a straightforward look of her own before replying, "I must admit that my actions in that situation were...not entirely in your best interest."

"I see," replied Shizuru, intrigued in spite of the flash of anger in her eyes.

"But! But..." the other woman continued hurriedly, in a rush to explain in fuller detail her vaguely misleading comment, "I had to know how you would...handle the situation."

Shizuru shook her head, lost. "Sorry but, you had to know how I would handle WHAT...exactly? The fight?"

"Yes!" exclaimed her master before adding, "But no." Exasperated with her epic fail at an explanation, Kagami pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, taking what she liked to call a Meditation Moment, while collecting her thoughts. "Listen. I'm not getting my point across in a clear, concise manner. Just...bear with me a moment child. Okay. At no time in the recorded history of the HIME legend has the cycle ever been broken. Past HIMEs have all fought in their own secular battles and the culmination ultimately remained the same...HIME fought against HIME with the vanquisher absorbing more and more power until only the one was left; which ended that particular cycle and heralded in the rebirth of the next. But you and your co-HIMEs were able to break ALL cycles...to put an end to the rebirth of the Obsidian Prince once and for all." She set her teacup down and folded her hands in her lap, her strange eyes taking on a fervent light as she continued her impromptu lecture. "With this disruption of the rotation of the cycle, one of the end results was you lost your ability to summon your child. Correct?"

The blunt words of her master caused Shizuru to involuntarily reach out to the place inside of her where her child used to dwell...a sentient power that responded to her whenever she needed him. But not any longer. As she silently called Kiohime's name, she felt an almost perceptible twinge of pain at the static nothingness that was her response. Her child was gone. Try as she might, he would never again appear at her bidding._ Empty_. The word echoed inside her mind like an unholy mantra.

Not realizing the pain the casual statement had caused, Kagami continued along on her implacable train of thought. "So having lost that union of power between HIME and child, I was curious to know if perhaps all traces of the H-12 gene had been eradicated as well. Simply put, had the destruction of the Red Star decreased or maybe even increased your capacity to fight." Her eyes crinkled in a private smile as she gave a short chortle. "After watching you handle three grown men while slightly intoxicated, I can safely avouch for the fact that although you may fight without the aid of your child, your power is in no way diminished by the events of the Red Star Battle. And you appeared to retain enough control over yourself, even drunk, to realize when to stop. You did not simply pick a fight with those men just to release tension or cause pain. You didn't even start the fight PERIOD! " Laughing to herself, Kagami finished with, "It was just their misfortune that they chose YOU to mess with that particular afternoon."

Shizuru slammed the cup she'd been holding down onto the wooden flooring of the dojo veranda, causing the two birds who'd been enjoying the rice cracker crumbs to take wing into the night air, crying their displeasure in shrill tweets. She shot her sensei a look filled with wounded anger. "Why? Why does this even matter to you at ALL sensei?" Her face was set in determination, demanding an answer to her question. "And...and how do you know so much about all this?" That question was a quickly emerging tickle at the back of Shizuru's mind that she just couldn't manage to scratch on her own. _How and why does Kagami seem so_ _knowledgeable concerning the HIME legend?_

Kagami's look of shock at her student's angry outburst was fleeting as her eyes met and held the confused, angry eyes of the young woman sitting next to her. Schooling her face before replying, she answered the girl's question with a quick lift of her chin. "It matters to me child because...I am a Record Keeper. A HIME Shinjitsu. A person chosen from a world wide lottery to record and maintain detailed records of HIMEs and all those with the H-12 gene." Leaning in closer to Shizuru she added in an amused voice, "Does this answer your question sufficiently enough for you, Miss Fujino?" She raised one eyebrow at this last, as if daring Shizuru to argue the point.

"You...you're...what?" Shizuru couldn't wrap her mind around the words her sensei had just uttered.

"I am The Truth of the HIME voice in the Triangle of the Rising Sun," Kagami announced in a pompous sounding voice before laughing. "As imposing as that title may sound, all it REALLY means is this; all information pertaining to the families of the HIME bloodline in Japan, comes to me. I then take the Unfiltered, which means unsubstantiated rumor, and either prove or disprove it. It is then my responsibility to record all information which turns out to be true, the Filtered, as we label all completed investigations. The title and the responsibility remain mine until either death or any other situation arises which renders me incapable of performing my duties as a record keeper. When that occurs, another lottery is held giving rise to the next Japanese Shinjitsu."

Shizuru was at a loss for words. She'd never imagined her friend and teacher had any such connection with the HIME other than that which pertained to herself and her mother. "I...I can't even begin to know how to respond to that sensei. I mean...I never even suspected..."

Kagami Kenatsu held one hand up stalling the girl's response before adding, "There's more that you never suspected as well Shizuru. And I think the time has come for you to finally hear the truth. I, too, am of the HIME bloodline. I am an EcHOS of Japan. And the training I received as a child not only supplied me with the tools I would need to redirect the negative aspects that may or may not arise from the H-12 gene, it also gave me the knowledge and skills which I could then use to train my only niece."

The statement from Kagami didn't make sense at first. It was like a word puzzle in Shizuru's mind as she tried to slide all the pieces together until she deciphered the hidden meaning. "You...your...niece?" she mumbled, wondering who the girl could be. Then with a CLICK...the sudden clarity of a puzzle solved revealed itself and Shizuru's eyes widened in wonder as she stammered, "It's me! I'm your niece. And..and...my mother. You and and my mother are sisters."

The smile that lit up Kagami's strange, persimmon colored eyes glowed with a love revealed as she placed one large hand on Shizuru's bruised cheek. "Yes Zuru. You are the only child of my beloved twin sister Ketsuna." She gave a short bark of laughter before clarifying in self-mockery, "Obviously NOT fraternal twins. Ketsuna got all the looks. As did her daughter."

Still in a state of shock at the sudden revelation, Shizuru managed to snag and hold a thought that floated to the surface of the chaos engulfing her mind. "Kagami. It means 'mirror'. And the surname you took instead of using the family name Musudo. It's...it's my mother's name, the name of your sister...only the letters are interchanged. Ketsuna. Kenatsu. How...how could I not have seen this before?"

"Hear me Shizuru. Ketsuna and I debated long on the issue of telling you the truth. I would have had you growing up with the knowledge, but she...she preferred to keep our relationship well guarded. We were brought up living in separate families from a very young age. I was raised by a distant blood relative, who had no children of his own, while Ketsuna remained with our parents. I went on to inherit my adopted father's dojo as well as receive the training I might one day need to hold the Shinjitsu title, while Ketsuna..." Kagami paused just a moment here, a look of pain and sadness stealing over her face, "Ketsuna was raised to fulfill our father's desire to bind the family name with that of a powerful family friend, in a time of...uncertainty for the Musudo family."

Understanding lit up Shizuru's face as she nodded to herself. "I always wondered why my mother would marry a man like my father. Now I know the truth. She had no choice." Tears filled her eyes as she asked sorrowfully, "But...why? Why didn't she just leave him? Or why not simply refuse to marry him in the first place? Even as a child I was aware of the yoke of sadness she struggled beneath."

Taking the girl's hand in her own, Kagami squeezed Shizuru's fingers lightly. "If Ketsuna had not married Hirohito, then I wouldn't be sitting here now...with my beautiful niece, because Shizuru Fujino would be nothing more than a ghost of what might have been. So do not presume to try and justify your mother's past. The reasons behind her decision were her own. Just as your reasons for refusing the marriage contract your own father wanted to make for you are YOUR own." The look she leveled at her niece warned that she'd go no further in an explanation concerning her sister's reasons for that decision.

"Yes. You're right sensei. I do understand. What I do not understand though is why hold the truth of your relationship with my mother a secret? Why could I not have known from childhood that I had..." Shizuru's eyes widened in shocked happiness again as she murmured, "that I had an aunt?"

"Would that knowledge have made you love or respect me any more than you already do now Shizuru?" her aunt demanded in the flat voice of her teacher. "Perhaps if you'd known, then your training under my tutelage would have proven difficult, maybe even impossible...for the both of us. Even now, in light of your refusal to obey your father's wishes, if the truth of my and Ketsuna's relationship were common knowledge, he would most certainly have sent someone here to ascertain if you had turned to me as a refuge. As it is, I am nothing more than a sempai to you and your mother. Not someone you might turn to for help in a family crisis." Giving the girl a reassuring wink she continued, "So you see Shizuru. Although you may not understand nor approve of the reason your mother wanted you raised without the truth of our relationship, the wisdom of that decision is revealing itself even now, in this circumstance."

Shizuru turned her eyes to the last glint of sun holding forth it's vigilant effort at keeping the night at bay. But already, the shadows of darkness were crowding in across the little garden; impatient at the sun for taking it's time in relinquishing the domain of the sky. The night birds and crickets had began a tentative warmup heralding the symphony that would soon begin in earnest once the last of the sun had been remanded from the sky. Watching the shadows steal across the grounds before her, Shizuru reached inside the shadows of her own mind and revealed to her aunt one of the many dark truths she had locked away. "I threatened to kill him," she said simply. "My father. I threatened to kill him if he...if he harmed someone dear to me." She turned blood-red eyes on her aunt, truth and determination fixed on her face. "And I will see that promise to fruition if need be. Without so much as a second thought, I will commit the gravest sin of them all...patricide."

Kagami stifled an involuntary shudder at the sound of her niece's voice...a breathy, whispered hiss of deadly vengeance. Swallowing a lump of unease at the aura of violence that surrounded the girl as she spoke, a thought suddenly popped into the older woman's mind. Pushing it aside for the moment, she tucked a strand of braided hair back behind one ear before saying, hoping to ease the tension which crackled in the air around her niece, "Then we have much to discuss, Zuru." Standing, she dusted off the seat of her baggy trousers and reached a hand down towards Shizuru. "Come. Let's see what we can scrounge up for dinner. And then...then we'll discuss our options in this matter. Because once your father recovers from...from the meeting you and he had...make no mistake Zuru, he will come looking for you. We had better be prepared."


	15. Chapter 15

REhi...been writing like a girl possessed these past few days in order to get this latest chapter uploaded over the weekend...however...it turned out to be a little...TOO long...i think...therefore...imma upload the first part now...and after proofreading and tweaking the second part...i'll get that up today as well...and FYI...i proofread my own work...so if you find botched sentence structure or misspelled words...you'll know to lay the blame squarely at MY own feet...lol...but i think a few errors are forgiveable...n'est pas?...anyway...enough rambling on my part and onto the main attraction...DO enjoy the ride...uber thanks to all who have read and reviewed...your encouraging words are food for the starving creativity which rages inside every writer...

"I am two fools, I know, for loving and for saying so." ~John Donne~

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><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen <strong>

Two weeks. It had been over two weeks and still she'd had no word from Shizuru. Natsuki wobbled the mechanical pencil she was holding back and forth between two fingers in agitated thought as she silently cursed the girl in question. _Damn it Shizuru! Why haven't you called me? Or sent a quick text message? Just let me know you're okay! _She added the silent plea for at least the hundredth time today. Or so it felt.

Natsuki didn't want to admit it to herself but she couldn't deny the nagging sensation that something was wrong. She'd been jumpy and on edge now for several days. She was quick to lash out at her friends and was starting to fall behind in her summer class work. Her level of concentration was practically nonexistent. It was as if her brain couldn't focus on anything other than the fact that Shizuru STILL hadn't returned any of her calls. And she'd left several of them for the girl over the last few weeks. Along with several text messages as well. Each day that passed with no word from her friend caused Natsuki to grow more and more apprehensive. It was as if she was in the calm before the storm. But she didn't know what, exactly, this feeling of ill-omened portent meant and it was driving her crazy. She had not been born blessed with much patience anyway and the little she did have was almost at an end.

She flicked the pencil against her chin as she went over in her mind Shizuru's last message. She'd said that she had been called away unexpectedly on some family business. That she'd be out of touch for a little while. But...what had she meant when she'd said 'a little while'? A week? Two weeks? A month maybe? The not knowing was like a hole inside Natsuki's heart. She needed an answer in order to fill the hole and stop worrying herself to death.

An annoying buzzing sound made her hunch her shoulders and frown. But her concentration was locked on the puzzle before her and she didn't give the sound another thought as she launched into contemplation of the second question that hounded her relentlessly. _What was the family situation that had arisen which_ _caused Shizuru to vanish so unexpectedly? Had there been a death in the family? A sudden illness?_ And if so, why was that preventing her from picking up the phone and letting her know what was happening? Didn't Shizuru realize how worried this protracted silence was making her? It was a cycle of confused worry which once started, did nothing but cause her thoughts to circle round to the beginning of the cycle yet again.

An unsettling thought drifted up through the gloom of the melancholy mood she was foundering in causing Natsuki to gasp audibly. _Maybe Shizuru doesn't care if I'm upset and worried. Maybe the entire scenario about her being called away on a family emergency was just a fabrication she used to escape our date for that evening. Maybe she just wanted a reason to...to get away from me! Maybe her feelings for me have...changed._ She felt her heartbeat pounding in her ears as she let her imagination carry her away into the unfounded fears of uncertainty. But even as the shadows of trepidation and anxiety wrapped their cold arms of doubt and insecurity around her, she found the strength to shake them off.

_Get serious Kuga!_ She scolded herself in exasperation. There is no way in HELL that Shizuru would do that to her. No one had ever made her feel as loved and accepted as Shizuru did. The girl wouldn't just simply...VANISH without a trace! Especially not after that afternoon...in the art room. Those were not the actions of a person wanting to get out of a relationship. But rather...the total opposite. Closing her eyes, Natsuki revisited that afternoon in memory. Every detail fixed in the girl's mind like a living piece of poetry. She felt the obligatory blush creeping up her neck and into her cheeks as she remembered the way Shizuru's mouth had felt beneath her own. The soft, luxuriant feel of her lips as the two of them shared each others breath in a kiss that, even in memory, curled her toes and caused her body to tremble slightly at the heightened awareness of how much MORE she wanted to share with Shizuru...

She felt fingers suddenly poking her in the ribs and let out an involuntary shriek as a snickering voice behind her quipped, "Wake up sleeping beauty. The teacher's been calling your name for the past five minutes."

Mortified, Natsuki realized that she'd been caught daydreaming in class. Embarrassment caused her face to turn beet red as she shot the boy seated in the desk behind hers a warning glare. "Keep your hand off me. Idiot! I WASN'T asleep!" she grated through clenched teeth.

The young man only flashed her an insolent grin as he leaned back in his desk, hands behind his head. "Whatever. I was just trying to save your ass from getting into trouble." Cocking one eyebrow at her, his grin turned lecherous as he replied in a sanctimonious sneer. "Why so red Kuga? Having a good dream about someone?" Leaning forward in one swift move, he lowered his voice, whispering slyly, "I heard you whispering her name you know. "Oh Shizuru, where forth art thou?" he mocked in a high pitched voice, hands clasped in front of him, eyes turned up towards the ceiling dramatically. He cut his eyes back towards Natsuki before continuing, "So, wanna share what you were dreaming about? Must've been HOT if you didn't even hear the teacher calling your..."

The boy didn't even have a chance to defend himself as Natsuki turned in her seat and landed an uppercut to his chin, sending him sprawling to the floor in a shower of loose paper and flying books. "Watch what you're saying, PUNK! I'm in a bad mood and wouldn't mind at ALL if you turned out to be the loser I take it out on!" She sprung up from the desk, hands balled into fists and loomed over the prostrate boy who's grin had been replaced with a dark scowl as he lay on the floor of the classroom, looking up at her from beneath a fall of lank hair.

"You little...BITCH!" he spat tightly, struggling to rise to his feet, fists clenched, a hungry look of retribution burning in his heated glare.

Kuga placed one foot against his chest and pushed, sending him back down onto the floor. "You want a piece of this BITCH, asshole, then bring it on man! I'd love to oblige!" Totally oblivious to the fact that the entire room of summer class students were now hooting and hollering at the two would-be combatants, Natsuki prepared to launch herself on top of the boy in the floor, when she suddenly felt two strong arms slide beneath her own, holding them up and back against her assailant's body in a grip like a vise.

"Okay, okay now. Settle down you two. I think that's enough for the day," a strong, yet feminine voice broke the tension of the moment, causing several students to mutter in disappointment. "Show's over folks. Class...the rest of you are dismissed. Come prepared for a pop quiz on chapters four and five tomorrow." Groans were thrown out across the room as the students began gathering their gear and heading for the door, some shooting amazed looks at their teacher as she held the Ice Princess back from pummeling the unlucky dude still laid out on the floor.

Endeavoring to pull her arms loose, Natsuki growled threateningly, "Let GO of me Midori! I'm going to kick this guy's ASS! And then, I'm REALLY gonna hurt him!" She struggled valiantly in an effort to kick out at the boy who had regained his feet, a red mark on his chin from the impact of Kuga's right hook.

Tossing his head in amusement he licked his lips and made suggestive moves with his hips. "Oooh Kuga! All that anger is turning me ON! Wanna meet later and...work this out between us? Fucking someone out of anger is such a liberating experience!" He laughed as he watched his classmate's impotent struggle to free herself from their teacher's grasp.

Natsuki whipped her head back and forth, fighting against the iron hold Midori had on her arms. "This is none of your business Midori! It's between me..and HIM!"

"The second you two brought this fight into my classroom, you made it my business. Now be STILL Natsuki! And you! Yamaguchi. If you're threatening one of my students with sexual harassment I WILL report you to the principal. Understand? So I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here and assume you were simply shooting off at the mouth in a moment of anger and have no intentions whatsoever of bothering Miss Kuga after this. Correct?"

Yamaguchi narrowed his eyes, rubbing his sore chin before huffing in exasperation. "Yeah. Whatever you say Teach. It was nothing more than a friendly disagreement between...gentlemen."

"You son of a..." Kuga shouted angrily. Realizing she was unable to break her friend's hold around her arms, she turned the situation into something she could work with. Hooking her arms tighter around Midori's, she leaned the weight of her body back against the other girl, pushing off with her feet. Using Midori's body as a brace for her own, she levered her body full force against Midori's, pulling both of her feet up at the same time, and managed to kick out. Both of her feet landed squarely in the boy's midsection, doubling him over in one swift move. She finished off the attack by driving the heel of one Converse down against the young man's head, sending him sprawling face first to the floor.

"Dammit Kuga! Stop NOW!" Midori swore, yanking harder on the girl's arms, dragging her a few feet away from the boy struggling to rise to his feet...again.

Natsuki's only reply was the sound of her teeth grinding as she continued in her efforts to jerk her arms free.

"Fucking..bitch!" the young man cursed, one hand on the back of his head. He swayed woozily once back on his feet. "I'm gonna..."

But he was cut off by Midori's stern command. "Just get your gear together and leave...NOW, Yamaguchi," Midori instructed in a serious voice. "This is finished!"

"For now...at least," Takeo Yamaguchi replied sullenly. "But there's always a next time." Grabbing up the last of his stuff, he flung a final comment at Natsuki, "Oh, by the way...you hit like a GIRL, Kuga-kun."

The smug smile on the boy's face as he gathered up his belongings ignited a spark of irritation in Midori's otherwise neutral intervention between the two students and she glared disgustedly at her pupil. "If you're not out of this classroom in three seconds...I'm turning Miss Kuga here lose. And trust me...she WILL kick your ass. And I'll corroborate with any explanation she wants to give when we take the issue to the principal. Do you understand me Mister Yamaguchi?"

Glaring up at the young man from beneath a tangled mess of blue-black hair, Kuga's eyes found and held his own, a look of uncertainty quickly replacing the conceited look he'd held in his eyes just a few moments earlier. A mixture of wounded pride and righteous anger glowed in the twin emerald glare she fixed on him, her chest heaving in exasperated frustration at the effort she'd exerted in trying to break free from their teacher's grip.

Sensing an almost tangible feeling of violence from his classmate, Takeo Yamaguchi swallowed down the growing feeling of apprehension as he jerked his eyes away from Natsuki's glare, the truth of her need to hurt him etched plainly across her face. Stuffing the papers that had been scattered across the floor into his book bag, the boy shrugged his shoulder and tried not to let his voice betray the fear he was suddenly feeling. "Fine! I'm out! Just...just watch your back Kuga. I owe you one!" And with a quick feint as if about to throw a punch at the defenseless girl, he slouched off towards the door.

As soon as she heard the classroom door slide shut, Midori released the girl's arms and placed her hands on her hips, frowning. "Wanna tell me what REALLY went on between you two?"

Midori Sugiura was tall for her age, her long, reddish-orange hair pulled back into a ponytail. Large, olive colored eyes were narrowed at the moment as she frowned in disappointment at the student Natsuki Kuga, who just also happened to be her friend. Midori was barely older than the seniors attending the school, and yet her extensive studies and work in history and ancient texts had garnered her a position at Fuuka High School as an interim professor of history. So it was her responsibility to enforce the rules and regulations as well as to instruct. Even if that meant she had to turn that authority against one of her own her friends, she HAD to prove to the students that she was capable of handling any situation that arose in HER classroom. But her heart was not into the look of anger she was showing on her face. She knew that the girl before her was going through a difficult time. At least, she'd heard some of it from Mai. She didn't want whatever was truly behind Kuga's outburst to cause the young woman to start slacking off and skipping classes...again. That was what had gotten her into the mess her grades were in now.

She took a calming breath and tried on an encouraging smile. "So?" she pressed the still silent girl before her. "What's the deal between you two? What happened? I mean...i can already pretty much guess what went on, but I'd like to have your side of it."

Pushing her hand through her hair, Natsuki lifted her chin defiantly and asserted heatedly, "There's no DEAL between me and that idiot at ALL! It's just...just that..." And within the blink of an eye the girl's demeanor turned from unbridled animosity to timid hesitation as she stared at the back of her knuckles which were red and beginning to swell from the contact she'd made with the boy's chin.

Midori had to ignore the sudden urge to shake the stubborn girl and demand she tell her what the problem was. If whatever was bothering Kuga started to interfere further, causing her to ditch class, she would be left back at the start of the next semester in two weeks. And Midori did not want to see that happen to a friend. But unless the mule-headed girl could shake this mood, she feared that was exactly what the outcome would be. "Natsuki, you know I'm here for you. Not only as your teacher...but also...as your friend. You can come to me with..."

"Please," the girl broke in quietly. "Just...drop it Midori. Okay? I do appreciate your concern, it's just that...I'm not..." Natsuki waved a hand and shrugged, the energy and satisfaction she'd felt when releasing her pent up anger and frustration out on her classmate fading back into the dull sense of worry that seemed to never abate.

Shoulders slumping, head hanging dejectedly, Midori frowned at the girl standing in front of her. She wanted nothing more than to do as the girl asked and just leave the touchy subject alone. But, it was her responsibility as a teacher, to at least address the issue of her grades. With a sigh, she continued. "Fine then Natsuki. Whatever is going on in your personal life is none of my business. However, it's started to affect your grades in this class and that IS my business. I was going to speak to you after class today anyway so I'll just go ahead and tell you that your grades are not where they should be. You MUST pull them up by at least fifteen points on this next test or it will be difficult, if not impossible, to earn a passing mark. I'm sorry Natsuki. I know how hard you've been trying. You started out so strong. I just want to see you move up with your class. If you need someone to study with while Shizuru is out of town, I'll be more than happy to..."

Natsuki's heart double-clutched at the sound of Shizuru's name, causing her to blurt loudly, "NO! I mean...no thank you Midori. I'll manage. I promise. I'll study hard for the test tomorrow and get a passing grade. My mind's just been preoccupied these past few days. I'll pull it together. No worries." She smiled then, a smile so forced and weak that it was gone before it truly touched the corners of her mouth.

Stepping closer and resting a hand on the girl's shoulder, Midori intoned softly, "Look, I know Shizuru's absence has you worried."

Natsuki lifted her chin as if expecting a blow and looked her question at Midori.

Reading the question on the girl's face like a page from a book, Midori replied, "Yeah. Well..." she scratched her head with two fingers and smiled innocently before continuing. "Mai sorta confided to me a little bit of what's been happening so..."

"Great!" Natsuki interjected heatedly, throwing her hands up in the air in a gesture of helplessness. She shook her head in irritation. "It's hella nice to find out just how untrustworthy friends REALLY are. I TOLD Mai to keep her mouth shut! Jeez! When I get my hands on her I'm gonna..."

Midori ground her teeth in agitation at Kuga's interruption and unwarranted threat against Mai. She shook the girl roughly by the shoulders. "I'll tell you what you're GONNA do Natsuki Kuga!" she stated in a commanding tone. "You're gonna shut your OWN mouth for a minute and listen to what I have to say! If you won't listen as a friend, you WILL listen as my student! You got it?" Midori remained gripping the girl's shoulder until she received a half nod, half shrug from Natsuki before continuing.

"Excellent." Removing her hand from Natsuki's shoulder, Midori shoved her hands behind her back and flashed a small but triumphant grin into the unsmiling face of her friend. Unmoved by Kuga's stoic countenance, Midori continued the verbal assault. "Now. As I was saying. Mai only told me that she was concerned about your ability to keep your grades up in light of the fact that Shizuru had been unexpectedly called out of town. She said that it had upset you because Miss Fujino had promised to tutor you over the course of the summer classes and that you'd really been looking forward to pulling your grades up with her assistance." The older girl broke off at this and huffed. "I'm not sure I buy that explanation, actually, because I've NEVER known you to care one way or the other WHAT your grades were as long as you received a passing mark."

Midori's comment received a guilty eyeroll accompanied by a contemptuous snort.

"However," she continued, unperturbed by the disrespectful attitude of her student, "Mai also asked that if I could in any way, run interference, so to speak, between you and a failing mark, that I should do so if at all possible. She's a good friend Kuga, and really cares about you. And she's a really good friend of mine as well. So...in response to a friend's request to look out for another friend, I'm telling you as your teacher, that you'd better find the fortitude to pony up and pass this course." She put her hands on her knees after saying that, bending from the waist...a genuinely warm smile replacing her authoritative teacher countenance and leaned in closer to the girl's face. "And, I'm also telling you as your friend, that if you need any help studying in Miss Fujino's absence...or anything else at all...you can just ask. I'm here for you the same as I am for all my friends. Simple as that."

Natsuki could appreciate that Midori was only concerned for her...both as her teacher and as her friend. But it was an adjustment to one such as herself, one used to walking the path alone, to suddenly discover that there were people...friends...in her life now who wanted to help. It was just difficult for her to put her trust in others so easily. Shizuru was the first person she'd ever fully let herself trust. Even with Mai, she still found herself guarded and skeptical at times. Call it egotism or obstinacy, it was the way she'd always handled her life. It was how she prefered to handle it now. Unfortunately, it seemed that unless she caved and gave Midori the answer she was panning for, she'd be forced to stand here all day, listening to the girl prattle on and on about all this 'friendship' crap. So, with a concerted effort, she replaced all physical signs of irritation with a look of feigned gratitude. Even going so far as to flash Midori a smile deep enough to show off her dimples.

"Thanks so much Midori," she replied in a fake, lighthearted voice. "I wouldn't want to have to repeat this grade again based solely on my lack of concentration. Shizuru would SURELY let me have it then." Her forced bark of laughter sounded like a sick sea lion and she quickly stopped, trying to cover with a cough. Recovering and only wanting to extricate herself from the situation, she quickly finished up with, "I appreciate your offer of help with my studies. I may come off as a bit arrogant, but I'm not too proud to accept your proposition. And as a...friend...I do value your concern for me on a personal level." She skinned her lips back over her teeth in what she hoped would pass for another smile, trusting the warm platitudes she tossed at her teacher wouldn't freeze in the ice of her eyes. She just wanted to get out of this godforsaken school and onto her bike. A nice long drive always helped clear her mind. Hoping that she'd satisfactorily allayed Midori's concern, she began gathering up her books and stuffing them into her backpack.

Midori watched the girl clearing her desk and gave a quick, sharp nod along with a victorious fist pumping motion. "All right Natsuki! That's the spirit! Way to get motivated. Now..." she grabbed the girl's backpack strap and gave a sharp tug. "When would you like to set up a study time? I'm free anytime after or before class so I can work with your schedule." She stuck a finger in her mouth as she pondered her own question.

Hoisting her pack up higher onto one shoulder, Natsuki felt a muscle twitch in her cheek at the idea of standing here any further hashing out a tentative study schedule with this chick, so she replied nonchalantly, "You work out all the details Midori and just let me know. My schedule is pretty much wide open so any time is fine by me. My thanks in advance for your help." She bowed once and struck a hasty departure for the door, silently praying that Midori didn't have anything else to add which would delay her further. But desperate prayers are seldom answered. For just as surely as her fingers slid into the groove of the sliding door handle and she prepared to breathe a sigh of relief, the sound of Midori's voice shattered her illusion of a clean getaway.

"Oh. By the way. If you've been feeding me a line just to get me to shut up and stop bugging you about your grades, I'll fail you on principle alone. Do we understand one another, Miss Kuga?"

Without looking back, Natsuki cringed inwardly before throwing her reply over one shoulder. "I understand perfectly...Sensei." And with that slightly sarcastic honorific thrown back at her friend, she slid the door open and stepped out into the hallway, the sound of Midori's voice following her hasty retreat.

"I'll text you with a study time Natsuki! And you'd BETTER respond! Have a good day Miss Kuga." The warning was then followed by merry laughter, audible even when the door slid closed.

_That Midori is a nutcase_, she thought in amused chagrin. A small smile turning up at one corner of her mouth, she strode purposefully towards the exit closest to the student parking lot, deciding on the spur of the moment to forgo the trek upstairs to her locker and just take her books home with her. She had no pressing plans for the remainder of her day._ Might as well do the right thing and try and get a little_ _study time in before tomorrows test._ That thought in mind, she elbowed her way past two girls squealing over the screen of a cellphone as they stood blocking the door leading outside. _Maybe if I score well enough on that test tomorrow, Midori will stop riding me about studying together. Oh man,_ _what a drag that's gonna be,_ she moaned in self-pity.


	16. Chapter 16

gah...i KNOW i said i'd get this second part of the last chapter up on like...sunday...unfortunately i was hijacked by life...lol...anyway, continuing from the previous scene in chapter fifteen...i'll leave you with this continuation...hope you do deeply dig...thanks to all who left their tasty lil reviews...my ego thanks you... : )

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." ~Jalal Rumi~

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><p><strong>Chapter Sixteen<strong>

Squinting as the afternoon sun struck her full in the face, Natsuki fumbled a pair of black sunglasses out of a zippered pouch on her backpack and slid them on, grateful she'd remembered to pack them this morning before leaving her rooms at the boarding house. Entertaining thoughts of inviting herself over to Mai's for dinner later, she hefted the backpack slung over one shoulder up a little higher and jogged down the stairs, striding purposefully towards her usual parking space beneath the trees, when the sound of a familiar voice resonating in the afternoon breeze caught her attention.

"Miss Kuga. A moment please, if you don't mind. I'd like a quick word with you."

Turning her head to the left, Natsuki saw Yukino Kikukawa hurrying down the sidewalk towards her, a notebook or folder of some type clutched to her breast. Although not enrolled in any of the summer classes, Yukino was dressed impeccably in the school uniform that denoted her role as Student Council President. The sight of the uniform, a slight variation on the uniform worn by the rest of the students, brought up unwanted memories of Shizuru. Shaking her head, she tried to repress the feeling of longing this fostered and focused instead on the two figures striding down the sidewalk towards her.

Following on Yukino's heels was the girl's constant shadow Haruka Suzushiro, her yellow-gold hair catching the errant rays of sunlight penetrating the leaves of the trees and highlighting her head in a nimbus of light, giving her the countenance of a pissed off angel. As per the norm, the girl's arms were tucked beneath her breasts in an apparent attitude of perpetual irritation. She was dressed in street clothes while an overly large campaign button with her face embossed on it was pinned to her deep green colored sweater. A self-styled badge bearing her name was wrapped around one bare arm. Halting behind her friend, she stood, feet slightly apart, head thrown back as if looking down her nose at the world, violet colored eyes alive with self-importance.

Trying to disguise her impatience at being delayed, Natsuki threw a disparaging glance towards her motorcycle before heaving a disappointed sigh of regret for a chance lost and faced the two girls strolling unhurriedly towards her. "Long time no see Yukino," she greeted pleasantly enough, "what's up?"

"That's President Kikukawa to you," Haruka interjected imperiously, fixing Natsuki with a warning glare.

Clearing her throat, Yukino looked an apology at the now frowning Kuga. "Haruka, please. No need to stand on formalities today. School hasn't even officially begun yet. And besides," she pointed out, turning warm, brown eyes towards Natsuki, "Miss Kuga is our friend. At least, she is in my opinion."

The shy girl's unabashed honesty moved something inside of Natsuki and she opened her mouth in preparation of responding positively to the demure comment, but she was prevented from voicing her opinion by a rude noise from Haruka.

Tossing her head haughtily and stamping one foot in over exaggeration, the blonde headed girl contradicted her friend roughly, "Regardless of the fact that the new school year hasn't begun yet or not, Yukino, you are here today as a representative of the Fuuka Academy Student Council and as such, should be accorded the proper respect due its newest president." Piercing Kuga with a self-righteous stare, she continued, "Besides, Kuga is enrolled in summer class which means she IS here in an officially recognized manner. So therefore, a little respect for her own president isn't too much to ask for...even from one of the summer session's MANY juvenile delinquents."

"HEY!" growled Natsuki, leaning forward on one foot in a threatening manner. _God this chick is a_ _condescending little TWERP!_ she thought, wishing she could wipe the smug frown off of Suzushiro's face with the bottom of one of her tennis shoes!

Thinking that ignoring her friend's rude comment would better serve the situation than trying to correct her, Yukino turned a deaf ear towards Haruka and instead, addressed the next comment towards Natsuki. "How are your classes going? I heard you had Miss Sugiura as an instructor." She smiled, her nose crinkling around her glasses. "That must be...fun. Midori is...quite the character."

Before Natsuki could open her mouth to respond, the conversation was once again interrupted by the overbearing voice of Haruka. "If you want my opinion," the girl ranted, hands on hips as if giving a speech at a school rally, "students at Fuuka Academy are coddled too much for their own good. Why would your stereotypical juvenile delinquent even bother with anything as mundane as school attendance and keeping up passing marks throughout the year when they know they have the summer session to fall back on?"

"I don't think anyone DOES want your opinion Haruka," Yukino mumbled, sliding her fingers beneath the bridge of her glasses and rubbing her nose. Sometimes her friend's opinions seemed to do nothing but alienate and anger the other people around her. _But, Haruka has been like that since grade school. It shouldn't surprise or upset me any more,_ Yukino thought to herself, realizing she'd have to step in at some point and pacify Natsuki Kuga's growing irritation at her friend's callus remarks.

Ignoring her friend's negative observation, Haruka continued without pause. "In fact, that would be the perfect platform for you to adopt as your first order of business this upcoming school year, Yukino!" Her face shown with self-righteous fanaticism as she envisioned her plan in action. "Yes. An across the boards WIPE of all programs that enabled delinquents at Fuuka to continue to get a free ride when their..."

"Wait...what? Free ride?" Natsuki shouted in disbelief, the backpack slipping from her shoulder and hitting the ground beside her foot as she clenched her hands into fists. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about Suzushiro!"

Yukino placed a timid hand on her friend's arm in an effort to curtail the girl's sanctimonious rant. "Just a minute Haruka," she began.

But the girl was caught up in her own imagined glory and didn't acquiesce to her friend's gentle admonition nor the threatening glower thrown at her by Natsuki. "If this school's administration just had the balls to take a firm stance on this one issue, then perhaps summer classes would soon become obsolete; saving the academy not only money, but preserving teaching tools and supplies as well. Think of it Yukino! Yours could be the presidency which ushered in the era free of cow-towing to juvenile delinquents and truants! Free Fuuka From Failures!" Finishing with a triumphant victory sign of raising two fingers in a 'V', Haruka stood as if waiting for applause from the crowd of two, which stood in open mouthed disbelief, in front of her. One onlooker supposedly belonging to the soon to be ostracized band of campus juvenile delinquents, the other a very embarrassed student council president.

"Oh come ON!" she shouted as neither girl did anything but stare silently. "That's a great idea! You have to admit it...right? RIGHT?"

"WRONG!" Kuga snapped back at the exact moment that Yukino whispered under her breath, "No one will admit to that being a good idea Haruka."

"Hmmph!" Haruka snorted in wounded pride. "Well excuse me for trying to be a free thinker for you Yukino." Frowning at her friend she pointed an accusing finger in the younger girl's face. "I thought that you'd for SURE get 'under' me on this revolutionary idea Yukino."

Sighing, Yukino shook her head, before running one hand nervously through her wavy brown hair. "If you mean get 'with' you on the idea Haruka...then you're wrong on BOTH counts." Raising her head, she squared her shoulders and looked up into the purple eyes of her sometimes overzealous friend. "Your suggestion to eliminate the academy's summer session in not only insulting to those trying their best to pull their grades up for whatever reason caused them to drop in the first place, it's also discrimination on the most fundamental level."

Haruka opened her mouth to defend herself but was given no opportunity to say anything other than "Ahh," before Yukino, quite out of character, continued her diatribe without faltering.

"Haruka, you're my best friend and I love you without fault, but will you PLEASE, for ONCE in your life, shut...UP!" She didn't raise her voice but the clipped levity with which she voiced her displeasure caused both Haruka and Natsuki to stare openly. "I had a reason I stopped Miss Kuga this afternoon, but with your constant interruptions I'm finding it difficult, if not impossible, to get two words in. Besides," she readjusted the position of her glasses and met Haruka's eyes stare for stare, "You're forgetting one thing here. You no longer attend Fuuka Academy Miss Suzushiro. Therefore, you have no right to an opinion whatsoever, in the new administrations business."

The look of abashed pain that replaced the egotistical bravado on Haruka's face from moments before caused Yukino's heart to ache in sympathy. But she had to take a firm stand now and prove to the girl, once and for all, that she would be able to face the upcoming year as Student Council President on her own two feet. It was hard enough to think of facing it without the constant presence of her best friend. The two had been inseparable since grade school.

Stepping closer to her friend, Yukino twined her fingers with Haruka's and squeezed reassuringly, hoping to take the sting from her previous chastisement. "I do appreciate the interest in your...your Alma Mater. It's reassuring to know that we won't be forgotten once you move on to bigger and better things at the university."

A rare glimmer of Haruka's softer side transformed her usual superior attitude as she leaned her forehead against Yukino's and whispered softly, "You're wrong Yuki. It's not an overt concern for my Alma Mater that holds any interest for me at all. But rather...the success and happiness of it's newest president...and MY dearest friend. That's all I want for you, Yukino. Happiness and success."

Watching the two girls share an intimate moment together made Natsuki uncomfortably aware of her third wheel status. Bending down, she snagged her backpack from the ground beside her foot and held one hand up towards the girls in a hasty farewell as she said, "Well, I'm gonna head out now. Sugiura has threatened us with a pop test tomorrow and I need to cram two chapters worth of material into one night of studying. It kinda sucks having a friend as a teacher. It seems she delights in picking on me simply because of our friendship. So, I'll see you two around."

"Ummm...wait Natsuki," Yukino called before the girl had a chance to do much more than turn towards her bike. "Getting sidetracked like that made me almost forget that I DID have a purpose for stopping you this afternoon." She pushed the folder she'd been holding into Kuga's hands and smiled. "I wanted to know if you'd mind giving this to Mai for me. It's a copy of the first semester's itinerary regarding the student council. Just a basic outline really of upcoming, school sponsored events and initiatives that we, as Fuuka Academy representatives, will be voting on in the upcoming months. Also listed are several off campus 'Meet and Greets' between local businesses and student council president and vice president. I went ahead and approved the meeting assignments and added a small explanation in the footnotes of the outline detailing the key points of each. If you wouldn't mind, could you ask Mai to please see that her brother receives this. It will keep Takumi up to date on everything the student council will be attending to in his absence. That way, as soon as our new Vice President returns to school, he'll be able to step right into his role in the student council without a lot of discussion of what's taken place before his arrival."

Kuga stashed the folder into the main compartment of her backpack and nodded. "Consider it done. That's very considerate of you, Yukino. I'm sure Mai will appreciate your effort and your concern for Takumi."

"She'd better appreciate it!" warned Haruka, all traces of her softer side gone, the scowl she was famous for stealing quickly back onto her face. "Yukino is a very sweet and conscientious person. That's one reason she'll make an excellent student council president." Pausing only a moment as she readjusted the armband with her name stenciled in red letters around it, she asked offhandedly, "And speaking of presidents, where's the EX Fuuka Academy president been hiding herself lately? I haven't seen Fujino strutting around the university campus yet."

Just the mere sound of Shizuru's name caused all the pain and worry Natsuki was struggling to ignore to come crashing back down on top of her in an avalanche of depressed sadness. Clutching the strap of her backpack harder with one hand, she tried to find the strength to put on a brave face before she responded. "Oh. Shizuru was called home on family business. I'm sure she should be back before the start of the semester." _Please, just let it go at that_, she prayed desperately. But for the second time today, the poor girl's desperate prayer went unheeded.

"Duh, Kuga. I already KNEW she'd been called home. What I wanna know is, when does she plan on returning?" probed Haruka, her brows lowering. "I mean, the girl DOES realize that voting on class representatives for our freshmen class takes place next week, right? I thought for SURE Fujino would already have her fangirls out drumming up votes for her." She flicked the badge sporting a picture of her own face with a finger and winked. "I've been campaigning now for the better part of this entire week. I have already managed to garner a LOT of interest from a large percentage of the freshmen student body. It seems they find my proposed platform a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stale campaign year." She broke off here as a self-satisfied smirk flitted across her face. "Don't tell me Fujino's frightened of my appeal now that we're in college and out of her comfort zone." Haruka threw back her head and roared her laughter, slapping one thigh with her hand. "That's it! That HAS to be it. Otherwise, Miss Always Gets What She Wants would be out here now, challenging me for the representative nomination."

Yukino made a shushing gesture with her hands as she smiled helplessly back at Natsuki, who had grown silent at the other girl's diatribe. "Haruka, I hardly think that fits in with Miss Fujino's personality. She never struck me as a person afraid to face ANY challenge." Adding under her breath she finished with, "Even YOU."

Wiping dramatically at her eyes, Haruka flapped a hand in Yukino's direction. "Stop fretting like a mother hen, Yukino. I'm simply saying that I'd expected Fujino to give me a good running in this election." Lifting her intense purple gaze, she looked at Natsuki again. "So. She WILL be returning before classes begin at least, wont she? I mean, that's not a very auspicious way to begin one's university career. Missing out on the elections as well as a delayed attendance." Placing her hands on Natsuki's shoulders, Haruka gave little shakes to the girl's shoulders as if to punctuate the significance of each question she randomly fired off next. "What was the family emergency anyway? I hope everything turned out well. Have you been in touch with her lately? How's she holding up? She does realize she's missing the elections, right? Registration for dorm assignments takes place next week as well. Oh but wait, she's probably gonna keep her apartment, right? No slumming it in the dorms with the rest of us peons for Miss High And Mighty, eh?"

The pain in her heart at not even knowing the truth behind Shizuru's disappearance for her OWN self made the barrage of questions and accusations hurled at her by this annoying girl seem as if she were being stoned. Each question was another brush against the sensitive vulnerability of not having any answers. _Where was Shizuru right now? When was she coming back? What had caused her to rush off so quickly? And why...WHY hadn't she called or got a message to her?_

Natsuki felt her body begin to tremble as the emptiness inside of her heart and soul threatened to suck her down into the blackness of despair. Clenching her fists she halted the girl's interrogation with a shout! "I'm NOT a Magic Eight-Ball Haruka! No matter how many times you ask, I don't have the answers you're looking for. I..I don't have..." Losing the fit of anger as quickly as it had come, Natsuki shook her head and mumbled, "Sorry. I've been under a lot of stress lately. Just...I'm not sure when Shizuru will return. I'm sure she'll be back as soon as she's able." Turning, she made her unsteady way towards her motorcycle, pausing once to call over her shoulder, "I'll give Mai the folder Yukino. And good luck on your campaign Haruka. See ya."

Without bothering to listen for any returned comments or goodbyes, she jogged the remaining few feet over to her motorcycle. After securing her backpack, she crammed the sunglasses she'd been wearing into a jacket pocket before tugging on the black crash helmet and throwing one leg over the seat of her Ducati. As her fingers locked around the familiar feel of the bike grips, Natsuki pulled the key from her pocket and slid it into it's proper spot. Giving it a quick turn, she felt the bike immediately awaken beneath her; it's rumbling purr and potentially dangerous power, balm to the pain in her heart that just would not go away.

_Shizuru_, she brooded despondently, gunning the motor in wounded anger at not having the answers she so desperately needed. _Where are you? I need you. Please. Come back. Come back...to me. _Kicking the motorcycle into gear with a strangled sob, she peeled out of the parking lot in a haze of burning rubber and squealing tires, wanting nothing but the sound of the wind and the feel of the bike's speed as her companions while she nursed the wounds of her aching heart.


	17. Chapter 17

welcome once again to the next installment of the continuing drama which comprises my lil story...i'm jazzed that ya'll are still digging the story thus far...i know i'm enjoying writing it so until/unless my easily distracted mind gets mesmerized by something OTHER than this...umm...which i do NOT think will happen...even i am interested to find out where the muse will lead in the next few chapters...lol...i shall be feeding the hungry minds of my readers again in a few days...and as per the norm...I.D.O.S...i hope that fits the bill of a disclaimer...if not...-shrugs- whutever...it doesn't take a genius to realize i'm a broke poet and don't own shit...let alone the rights to these characters...shutting up now so you can enjoy the chapter...thanks for the reviews AND the private messages...i dig the feedback yall are giving me...

"Where there is great love, there are ALWAYS wishes." ~Willa Cather~

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><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen<strong>

"Begging your pardon," Shizuru smiled apologetically, scooting her way in front of the person sitting in the seat next to hers as she gracefully took her own seat by the window. After comfortably arranging herself in the rather cramped area she'd been assigned, she folded her hands in her lap and stared absently out the small, round window of the airplane she'd just boarded. She watched in uninterested silence the activity taking place around the international airport Kagami had driven her to.

After the episode with her father and the revelation that the person she'd grown up believing was just a friend and mentor was in actuality her aunt...her mother's twin sister to be exact...she'd remained in Kyoto with the woman for another two weeks. The pair had discussed many things, key amongst them being what Shizuru should do now. She'd alienated her father by disobeying his command that she marry, she'd confessed her love for another woman to him in a moment of weakness and she'd threatened to take his life if he ever went looking for the girl she had chosen over his wishes. The contemplation of that...MAN ever entertaining so much as a THOUGHT of violent retribution against Natsuki caused Shizuru's eyes to narrow and her breath to quicken._ I'll KILL him!_ she growled meanacingly to herself, _I will tear him from this existence without so much as a hesitant thought. She will NOT be made to suffer any further...because of ME! _

_Natsuki! _She cried silently, the unmitigated anger she'd felt only seconds ago replaced with a sense of overwhelming sadness._ I left ONLY to save you the pain and heartache that being around someone such as myself would continue to bring into your life. And now...now it seems that even in my absence that black cloud still hangs over your head._ She gripped the fabric of her skirt in her fists, biting down on her bottom lip to keep from screaming out her loneliness and frustration. Would NOTHING in her useless life turn ever out the way she wanted?

She'd grown up the paragon of what a young woman in her social stratum was expected to aspire to. Perfect marks in school, popular leader of her class, community service activist. She'd even taken it upon herself to master several of the traditional Japanese arts such as the tea ceremony, flower arranging and calligraphy. Not to mention the martial arts techniques she'd been exposed to since a very young age. All those accomplishments under her belt before her fifteenth birthday, and her father STILL expected her to give up the one piece of her life she'd thought to retain as her own...her heart.

A chill suddenly wracked her body causing her to shiver violently. Even in that respect, the one part of herself she thought she could call her own was nothing more than a glorified lie. Not because her love for Natsuki was a lie. Because the love she bore the young woman was in fact, the only truth that kept her tethered to this life. No, the lie was the dream she continued to cling to in her staunch belief that Natsuki would one day return those feelings of love. That was the lie Shizuru Fujino lived with every day of her life...HAD lived with for years.

_Survived would be a more apt description_, she mused dismally. For she didn't really consider herself as having 'lived' through, so much as 'survived' the past few years. All that time surviving and she still remained alone...clutching her unrequited love in one hand while reaching for the dream the lie promised with the other.

Hers was a life constitued of living a lie she had to ignore every time she tried to get close to Natsuki. The lie she patronized herself with each and every time the girl pushed away from her tentative attempts at trying to connect with her on a deeper level. The lie she cried into her pillow on those lonely nights when all she wanted, all she needed, was for the person she loved to give her what she so freely gave of herself. It was the lie she repeated over and over and over to herself, as if by sheer force of repetition alone, she could turn it into the truth she prayed for...the truth she would do anything for. It was a necessary lie into which she fed all her faith and hopes. The lie of ever being worthy enough to be loved by anyone.

She choked down a cry of self-hatred as an overwhelming feeling of loss threatened to overtake her. The thought of living without even the PRETENSE that one day Natsuki might love her in return was still too fresh in her mind to not cause pain when she dwelt on it. But, her decision in this matter was irrefutably chosen. Even before the encounter with her father, she had been living an empty shell of existence. The choices she'd made in her life, the things she'd lost or taken away from others, a love that gave more pain than happiness...it had all proven too much for her to bear. She simply could not find the strength nor the courage to fight any more. And she simply would NOT drag Natsuki down into this pit of destruction with her. Nor would she ever allow the girl to see her this way...weak, broken, and utterly without honor. So, she'd done the only thing she could do in that respect. She'd made the ultimate sacrifice. She had given Natsuki the last remaining thing she had left to bequeath her. Her freedom. The freedom to live her life without being shackled to a lie. Shizuru knew firsthand how it felt to live life in the shadows of lies and wanted more than anything to spare her friend that existence. Even if by doing so, she caused herself unadulterated pain. Her life was already a tragic ruin. But Natsuki...her life could be spared...her life could be saved.

_Maybe this is the price I must pay to atone for past mistakes,_ she thought sadly, feeling the plane's engines increase their vibrating rumbles as the jet slowly rolled out onto and down the tarmac, preparing for takeoff. _If so, I will bear the pain and release Natsuki from the hold this lie has over her. Without the fetters of false love, she has a chance at finding someone she can truly give her heart to. Someone who is not a broken, useless shell of a human being. _

Taking a deep breath, she watched the airport terminal and it's adjacent buildings becoming more of an indistinguishable blur as the plane gained speed in preparation for it's ascent into the cloudy Tokyo skies. Kagami had insisted she book flight out of Tokyo instead of Kyoto, pointing out that her father might be having the airport watched in order to have her followed or even worse, to abduct her. Hirohito Fujino was not a man to take disappointment lightly. Especially not from his only daughter. Not caring either way, she had acquiesced. She felt a slight fluttering in her stomach as the jet finished it's steak down the runway and lifted off into the air. It was just after seven P.M. The glow from the lights of Tokyo were ablaze below her as the plane shot upwards in a gentle but powerful surge. Placing her hand on the cool glass of the window, Shizuru said a silent farewell to the only life she'd ever known and to the love she left behind._ This is for the best, _she repeated_,_ a single tear standing in the corner of one eye. _I have nothing left within to offer anyone. Not even hope._

Gentle pressure on her arm caused her to brush hurriedly at her eyes and turn slightly in her seat so that she was facing the person next to her. Shizuru only now took the time to realize the passenger sharing the seat beside her was a woman. Probably in her late forties, the girl surmised, scanning the apperance of the woman beside her in a single sweep of crimson eyes. The woman had straight, jet-black hair which was cut in a severe, but attractive line that hung almost to her shoulders. Dressed in casual attire, an air of sophistication surrounded her as she sat looking at Shizuru in curious compassion. She had a genial smile and kindly gray eyes that peered out at her in concern from behind a fashionably expensive pair of Harajuku glasses.

The woman nodded at Shizuru's attention, the hand she had laid on the girl's arm tightening a bit as she asked, "Is everything okay dear? I couldn't help but notice how distraught your reflection looked in the window." Her voice was musical and low, a mother's voice used when addressing a child that has been hurt.

Turning back around curiously, Shizuru returned her gaze towards the small window she'd been looking out of just moments ago and was embarrassed to realize that her own reflection was easily ascertainable in the flat, dull glass. Some trick of the darkness outside and the subdued light shining down in a hazy glow from the overhead above her seat, turned the double insulated window pane into an almost perfect mirror. Her own reflection stared back at her as she soundlessly cursed herself for being an idiot and drawing unwanted attention and conversation.

Taking a firm handle on her emotions in an effort to pull herself out of the dolorous mood she was in, Shizuru put on a brave smile for the bothersome conversation the woman had engaged her in and replied casually, waving her hand in the air as if erasing an incorrect answer on a chalkboard. "Oh yes. I'm fine. Thank you for your concern though. It's just..." breaking off with a shrug, Shizuru combed through her mind trying to find a reason to feed this woman in order to appease her curious attention. The sharp gleam of intelligence in the woman's eyes made Shizuru realize that a manufactured lie would be easily pegged as such by this lady and might initiate a further endeavor on her behalf to dig deeper into the reason the girl sitting beside her seemed so despondent. Shuddering at this imagined scenario, Shizuru opted for a simpler version of the truth instead. "You know how airport goodbyes are. They tend to leave us a bit...melancholy."

Nodding her agreement the woman replied sympathetically, "Yes. This is very true. However, we can always take solace in the fact that upon our return, the goodbye which caused us such sadness will make our reunion with the one we miss that much more precious to us. It's a fact I've learned over the years of traveling for my company. Too many times to count, I've had to leave my husband and two sons at home," she gave Shizuru's arm an encouraging squeeze before removing her hand from the girl's arm.

Shizuru's mind spun crazily and her heart beat inside her chest like it was trying to break free of a prison as the words the woman thought to console her with battered at the tentative self-control she had over her emotions. _But, I'll never have that reunion with Natsuki! My goodbye was...forever! _

She suddenly realized that she could not have this conversation on a plane with a stranger. Just the thought of having to endure a long trip engaged in inane, verbal banter with another person made her cringe inwardly. So, she did what she did best. She reached for the one thing which constituted the double-edged sword of her life: the thing which protected, as well as injured her indiscriminately...she reached for the mask that hid her true feelings...and she lied. "I agree," she conceded in mock congeniality. "Sometimes the prospect of the return is well worth the price of the goodbye. I just tend towards the over dramatic in situations. A fault I find myself apologizing for more often than not. I am sorry if I caused you any trouble in your concern." She pushed an apologetic smile onto her face, hoping she'd managed to assuage the woman's concern. Tucking a stray strand of hair back behind one ear, Shizuru bent and retrieved the bag sitting at her feet and began pawing through its contents in an attempt to indicate that she was finished with the conversation.

"Oh no worries," the black haired woman replied lightly, pulling out a book from her own bag and turning to a previously marked spot. "You may be over dramatic but my fault is a tendency to stick my nose into things where it doesn't belong." She smiled shyly and thumped the book in her lap with the flat of her hand. "That's why my husband insisted I take books with me on my business trips. He suggested I keep my nose in a book and OUT of other people's business." Her nose crinkled as she grinned sheepishly. "And seeing as how you're fine and certainly don't need a busybody pestering you any further, I'll just put my nose in this book...like I promised the hubby."

Heaving a sigh of relief at being unburdened from the pressure of obligatory small talk, Shizuru pulled out a purple iPod and began untangling the rubber wires connecting the earbuds to the small unit. "Well, while you read your book, I'll just plug into a bit of relaxing music. I find that I can handle long plane rides much better while listening to music. Works quicker than a valium." She winked in what she hoped passed as an ending to the friendly conversation and began pushing the earbuds into her ears. "Again, thank you for your concern. It was nice meeting you. Do have a nice trip." And without waiting to hear if the woman had a return comment or not, she pushed the other earbud into her ear and hit play, not even sure what music, if any, had been added to her playlists.

The ruse with the iPod was orchestrated more for a show of being finished with idle chit-chat than it was done in any cognizant wish to listen to music. She just wanted to be left alone with her thoughts. As she closed her eyes and settled back into a relaxing position in the cramped confines of the seat, she blinked in momentary surprise as the soft sounds of a guitar invaded the silence in her ears. Absently thumbing the volume up a bit, she was greeted by the sound of one of Natsuki's favorite bands. She'd forgotten that she'd let the girl load up the memory in her iPod with music Natsuki claimed she just couldn't live without.

Even this ephemeral connection to Natsuki caused Shizuru's heart to ache as she listened to the voice of the lead singer in the group. Shizuru tended to favor music of a classical nature and wasn't into the whole music scene as so many of the young women her age were wont to find themselves. But as she let the sound of the music flow through her subconscious, she realized that she was actually beginning to relax. The music was melancholic with dark undertones of eerie violin and cello accompaniments, haunting voices and sad but intelligent lyrics. _Not too bad actually,_ she admitted to herself, letting the music and the thrumming vibrations of the plane's huge engines lull her into a complacent doze.

Reaching up, she flipped the little recessed overhead light off and curled into herself at an angle facing the window, her back to the woman who was now happily engrossed in her book and let her attention shift to the reason for this sudden trip and what awaited her in...Los Angeles, California.


	18. Chapter 18

i hope you've all been enjoying my story thusfar...i know it's been hella fun for me to write...please let me take a moment and say that in the following chapter, i took it upon my self to answer a highly debatable question left unaswered, to my thinking at least, in the anime series...did shizuru take advantage of natsuki that night before all hell broke lose...lol...some may love my creative take on the situation, others totally hate it...either way...i answered it to my satisfaction...at least in so far as this story is concerned...also...these next few chapters will be a pivotal turning point in this story...i may have to tweak the rating up a bit for language and violence purposes...i'll be sure to slam a disclaimer in the author notes before any such chapters...might wanna already be prepared for some...impressive swearing in the NEXT chapter...anyway...im jazzed that yall are continuing to follow my creative endeavor...i plan on taking this story into a new and exciting direction...i guarantee you won't be disappointed...and i PROMISE that my story is HELLA more fun than studying for...oh...shall i say tax-law...-wink-...and SANKS for the cooli-o reviews...as always...i thank you and my ego thanks you as well...feel free to let me know how you like this chapter as well as any others you either liked or thought sucked beyond belief...enjoy the ride...catch ya on the flip...

"The price of anything, is the amount of life you exchange for it." ~Henry David Thoreau~

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><p><strong>Chapter Eighteen<strong>

Shizuru spent the entire plane ride to America wrapped in a melancholy remembrance about what had taken place during the past two weeks that she'd spent with her aunt in Kyoto. She'd gratefully accepted Kagami's sincere invitation to remain with her at the dojo for as long as she needed. Since the horrible encounter with her father, Shizuru had desperately needed a place to lay low for awhile; a safe haven where she could gather her thoughts in a relatively stress free environment. Returning to her previous life was out of the question for any number of reasons, and the idea of spending time with her mother's sister gave her troubled heart a welcome respite from all the pain she'd been living with for the past few months. It also provided Kagami with a little more precious time to come to know her niece on a more personal level. Shizuru had taken advantage of the little zen garden located behind her aunt's dojo to do a bit of soul searching and meditative contemplation during those long days. The quiet and solitude afforded her the opportunity to truly think about what she wanted to do...now that she'd practically alienated everyone and everything in her life.

Thankfully, Kagami remained silently in the background during those days, quietly going about her everyday life while making it explicitly understood by Shizuru that whenever the girl was prepared to discuss her plans for the future, she would be more than willing to help in any capacity that she could. Until such time as her niece felt comfortable enough to open up to her, Kagami had managed to stay out of the girl's hair, giving Shizuru the space she needed to figure things out on her own.

It had taken several days for Shizuru to finally decide to share with her aunt the tragedy and heartache of what was at the core of her misery. She had finally managed to open her heart to the older woman as if she were Pandora, opening the proverbial box of woes. And mirroring the mythological girl who had released upon the unsuspecting world all the evils of cruelty and depravity contained within, Shizuru's confession had likewise unleashed all the hidden woes of sorrow and pain that she'd kept locked away inside her soul.

To begin with, she'd told her aunt the truth of what the HIMEs fought for...that it was out of a sense of self preservation that the girls involved fought to defeat the child belonging to each other...all in a desperate effort to keep the one person they loved most from being taken away from them. She related in horrifying details the reasons for the overwhelming sense of sorrow she felt at being the cause of the loss of those most precious people to the other HIMEs at her school.

In retelling the horrendous account of those past few months, Shizuru had equated herself with some harbinger of death as she went on to talk about Carnival Night, expounding on the destructive damage she'd caused across her own high school grounds as well as the total annihilation of First District. She even admitted to not really knowing just how many lives she'd taken or left maimed by her own hand on that madness-infused night of rampage. It had been difficult for Shizuru to debase herself in front of her aunt in that manner, but she'd struggled through the retelling anyway, wanting...needing to cleanse her conscious from the stain of self-condemnation she'd been living with.

The truth of her love for Natsuki had proved to be the hardest part of her soul bearing narrative, but she had been determined to take responsibility for her actions that ill-fated night, by admitting them out loud. The demons of her own consciousness howled and raged as Shizuru forced the repressed memory from the place she'd locked it away from herself. With a look of guilt on her pale face, she had confessed the shame of what she'd done...of what she'd wanted to do...to her best friend...the love of her life. Her voice shook and her body trembled as she related to Kagami the events surrounding the night she'd found Natsuki injured and mentally dazed, after the girl had discovered a personal truth concerning her mother. Shizuru held nothing back as she described her own state of mind at that moment in her life; the selfish way in which she was able to justify anything, when it concerned Natsuki Kuga.

With tears standing in scarlet eyes and a flush of shame painted on her cheeks, Shizuru allowed the last vile secret to escape from Pandora's Box. She admitted to drugging the girl's tea after finding Natsuki that night and taking her to a remote lake house owned by a friend from school. Her initial plans had been to simply keep Natsuki away from harm by insuring she stay out of the battles taking place between the HIMEs. But as she'd sat there beside the girl, ever the self-proclaimed protector in the shadows, vigilantly watching over Natsuki's sleep, something had snapped inside her twisted mind. She confided to finding herself...angry...at being denied the ONE thing...the ONLY thing she wanted out of life. And that thing had been Natsuki Kuga.

She told her aunt that her entire life had been spent making other people happy...had been spent giving of herself anything and everything that was expected of her, that was needed from her, that was demanded of her. Where was HER happiness? When would SHE be allowed to feel...loved? With that thought torturing her unstable mind, Shizuru confessed to disrobing and climbing into bed with the sleeping girl, determined to take what she wanted, what she so desperately needed. Such was her mental attitude at the time, she told her aunt, the tears on her cheeks baptizing her shame as she continued the sordid tale. But as she'd lain there beside her sleeping friend, the girl she was fighting so hard to protect, the realization of what she was doing had hit her with an icy chill of remorse. She found she was sickened by her own weakness...disgusted that she would take something as precious as Natsuki's trust and taint it with her own selfish wish to satiate a desire that was not returned. How could she abuse and twist the word LOVE if in so doing, she would accomplish nothing but degrade and cheapen the entire concept? She couldn't. That was the answer, the truth, she'd discovered as she lay trembling in self-reproach against the sleeping form of her oblivious friend. So instead of releasing the restraints she kept her desire, her need tethered to, she had simply cried herself to sleep that night, taking nothing for herself, laying as close to Natsuki as she could get without actually touching her, the sound of the girl's nightmare mumblings and the warmth of her body her only companions throughout that long, guilt ridden night.

Shizuru had then went on to explain that Natsuki had apparently remembered nothing from that night, other than the fact that she'd awaken to find herself safe in Shizuru's care. For which Shizuru was more than relieved to discover. But later on, when an accusatory finger had been pointed at Shizuru and the slanderous lie given implying that she'd done much MORE than simply cry herself to sleep beside Natsuki, the look of uncertainty that had passed across Natsuki's face was the beginning of the end of Shizuru's grip on her sanity. To realize how close Natsuki's fear of the lie being true was and the actual truth of what really happened, caused an overwhelming sense of guilt ridden shame to override Shizuru's senses, turning her into a maniacal fiend whose only desire from that moment onward, had been to PROVE her assertion that all she had wanted to do was protect...the love of her life. Knowing that SHE was responsible for that look...that look of distrust and disgust that caused Natsuki to pull away from her attempt at an explanation, was her ultimate disgrace.

Kagami had listened to her niece unload the contents of her conscious that long night of confessions, in silence. Never once passing judgment or cringing away from the girl as she spoke non stop for several hours. It had been a tale of such woe and misery that it had left Kagami's heart in pieces to bear witness to the tribulations her poor niece had been forced to endure. She had waited until the girl's broken sobs had run their course before offering words of encouragement, promising to help in any way that she could. Shizuru had never known the depth of gratitude she could feel towards another person such as the feeling she'd experienced that night; grateful and relieved that her aunt hadn't shied away from her in horrified repulsion once the truth of her sins had been revealed. She'd retired to bed that night a little less vexed in spirit, but emotionally drained in body.

Later that same evening, Shizuru had been awakened from a fitful, half-sleep by strange sounds. Creeping quietly down the hall towards the disquieting noises, she'd followed the sounds to a small, secluded alcove in a little used area of the dojo. A light flickered from behind the sliding door of the meditation cell beyond, a shadow inside moving every now and again as the sounds grew louder one minute, then abated into eerie silence the next.

Her heart beating loudly in her ears, Shizuru had eased the sliding door open enough to peep inside. There, kneeling at a small altar in front of her mother's picture, sat Kagami, a stylish wooden chest resting by her side. Her head was bowed, hands over her face, and she was periodically emitting the sounds that had awakened Shizuru. It took a moment before she'd realized that her aunt was crying. A sound so soft and forlorn that it caused the girl watching from the door to tremble in silent empathy. Feeling like an eavesdropper on her aunt's private commune with her sister, Shizuru made as if to move away from the door, but froze in mid turn when she caught the sound of her own name amidst Kagami's soft moans and tears.

Afraid to hear more, afraid not to...Shizuru held her position, straining her ears in an effort to pick up Kagami's quiet voice; her aunt's words, were forever engrained in the girl's memory:

"Oh Ketsuna! Help me! I know you left this decision in my hands...but my sister...I truly wish that you hadn't. Shizuru needs guidance and love right now. If I give her this memento from you," and here the woman had placed a loving hand on the chest sitting beside her before continuing, "I honestly don't know what will happen. Lend me your strength, sister, to choose wisely."

Stepping away from the door slowly so as not to startle Kagami, Shizuru had placed a hand on her throat as she wondered at her aunt's prayers. _A memento...from...mother? What could it be? And what did Kagami mean when she said she didn't know what would happen if she gave it to me? _She'd entertained thoughts of rushing in and asking this same question that very night, but decided to respect whatever choice her aunt reached in this matter. If she never received said memento...then so be it. Her mother had left it up to her sister. It was not her place to step in and arbitrarily decide on her own. Just knowing that her mother had left such a wish behind, had warmed Shizuru's heart. She had returned to bed that night and slept without nightmares for the first time in many months.

The next morning Shizuru had awakened to a breakfast of fresh fruit and fish, already prepared and arranged artfully on the table...with the wooden chest sitting beside her plate. Feigning surprise at her aunt's explanation of what the chest was, Shizuru's heart had instantly filled with joy at seeing the box there waiting for her. She blessed Kagami for the courage it must have taken to reach the decision to give her the box of her mother's keepsakes.

Shizuru's stomach had been too excited to allow her to do much more than pick at her breakfast that morning. After the hasty respite, as her aunt had prepared for the kendo classes she had scheduled to teach that day, Shizuru took the wooden chest and retreated to the little zen garden she'd been spending so much time in. There, in a cool morning breeze, she had went through the items contained in the antique box. In it she found old pictures of her mother and Kagami as children, a veritable treasure trove of other photographs from her mother's side of the family as well...mementos from various events her mother had once attended...a silver handled mirror which matched the hairbrush that Shizuru continued to use to this day...several other small trinkets...a pair of exquisite jade earrings...a book containing poems and a few drawings...and a stack of letters wrapped in a yellow obi.

Reverently unwrapping the letters, still in their accompanying envelopes, Shizuru had picked up the lingering scent of patchouli from the crisp folds of her mother's obi. It was a scent that the girl had always associated with her mother. Holding the obi up to her nose, she had closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, inundating her sense of smell with the memory of her mother. Laying the cloth aside, she'd finally reached for the letters. Flipping through the envelopes, she saw that each was addressed to Kagami Kenatsu and sent by the same person; Jiro Chosokabe. All letters were opened...but one. That particular letter had been addressed to Shizuru in her mother's own hand. Tearing open the sealed envelope with trembling fingers, Shizuru had read the words left to her by her mother with a mixture of bitterness and joy:

**My dearest daughter,**

**In the hope that one day you find yourself reading this letter, let me first ask you to convey my deepest thanks to my sister Kagami. I placed a heavy burden on her shoulders by leaving the choice of whether or not to divulge our true relationship to you as well as whether or not to entrust you with this small chest of keepsakes. There is not much contained within this box, my darling, but I hope that these simple items will in some way, touch your heart and keep the memory of me always in your thoughts.**

**I hate this disease which is slowly draining me of my life. Not for myself, but rather for the pain this will cause you. How I wish I could be there to watch over you as you grow into a strong, young woman. To impart the advice that all daughters need from their mothers. Forgive me for leaving you without fulfilling the duties of a mother. **

**Your father is not a kind man, Shizuru. But I'm quite certain you've ascertained this for yourself. His life is governed much like that of his business. With cold, calculating decisions. Do not fault me for taking this man as my husband, however. We all have choices to make in our lives, and this was my choice. You will have to make your own choices for yourself, my child. Do not let the honor you carry within your soul be dictated by the whims of another. Live your life as you deem best. But above all, be happy, Shizuru. Find that which fills your heart with joy and never let go. That is truly the foremost advice a mother could ever hope to impart to her daughter.**

**Know that you are now and ever shall be, well loved by your mother. Continue to grow and embrace the life I have given you. Though you will surely pass through seasons of heartbreak and distress, hold paramount in your mind, that seasons change. For every winter...there is a spring. You, Shizuru, are my flowering breath of spring, in the winter of this illness. Take care of yourself my love. I will always be with you in spirit.**

**With undying love,**

**Mother**

With tears in her eyes, Shizuru had then went back through every item contained in the box, holding, caressing each object reverently, reading through the book of poems written by her mother, surrounded by the lingering scent of patchouli. A daughter connecting with the love of a mother through the memories of the past. After fully satiating her need to touch the things most precious to her mother, she had picked up the stack of letters, neatly arranged by the dates of the postmarks, and began to read.

The letters had been written by someone by the name of Jiro Chosokabe, who turned out to be the one true love of her mother's life. He'd penned the letters over the course of several years, after Ketsuna had accepted the arranged marriage proposition with the Fujino family. Apparently Jiro found it difficult to accept the fact that her mother agreed to her father's wishes concerning the marriage. He had railed at her bitterly in one letter while in another, proclaiming his undying love for her.

Then, there had been a break in the postmarked dates between letters. A gap that as far as Shizuru could tell consisted of two years. As she lifted the next envelope closer, she saw that the postmark on this particular letter was not Japanese but instead, came from Rome, Italy. As she'd carefully pulled the folded paper from the envelope, a picture had fallen out into her lap.

In the photo was a man garbed in an all black ninja suit, replete with black mask and head gear and black tabi boots. Two intense brown eyes were the only thing visible of his face. Shizuru had thought the outfit a bit too cliché upon first glance, as if the man were posing for some Cosplay photo-op. But the two swords he held crossed in front of his body caused Shizuru's skin to break out in gooseflesh as she realized with a certainty gained from years of training in the martial arts, that the swords the man held were no toys indeed. The katana he held in his right hand was long, slender and beautiful in its promise of death. The wakizashi he gripped in the left hand, was a shorter version of the katana, used for close up fighting. There was a black ribbon wrapped around the hilt of the wakizashi and his left wrist, the material connecting the man and the blade as if he intended nothing to separate him from the sword. The pair of swords the man held together were known as the daisho, a deadly combination when used conjointly in fighting. The menacing gleam of the blades razor sharp edges were discernible even through the lens of the camera. Coupled with the stance of the man, whom she assumed was Jiro Chosokabe, the way in which he seemed to reverently hold the blades with practiced ease, told the girl that this was a very dangerous person who knew exactly how to use the two swords he was posing with.

Her supposition of this fact was further proven as she'd poured over the words contained in the missive, reading in somewhat frustratingly vague detail the training Jiro Chosokabe had received from an orgainization known as the I.S. He wrote as if under some form of restriction; as if he were merely hinting at thoughts and ideas he was unwilling or unable to put into words in the letter. Shizuru was shocked to see half a page of this letter simply blacked out, as if censored by someone proofreading the letter Chosokabe had written. Even with that marring of the content of the letter, she was able to ascertain that Jiro had apparently been allowed to participate in several duels of some type which she assumed were sponsored by the I.S...calling them a Tri-Blooding. What that meant and what he had been fighting for remained a mystery. Maybe the censored paragraphs had delved into greater detail concerning the facts left out of his letter, but that was something Shizuru would never know. At the end of the letter, he finished this written soliloquy with his hopes of one day being able to forgive himself of his past transgressions. Jiro had claimed that he'd found a place to try and regain the self-esteem and honor he'd lost somewhere along the way. He confessed to knowing that he'd sealed his own fate by the actions of the past. He asked Ketsuna for her continued prayers and forgiveness before ending with a plea for Ketsuna to give Kagami and his brother his most heartfelt thanks for all the help the two of them had given him before he left.

Another break in the dates of the letters that spanned five years before the next and final letter was sent. This one, too, bore the postmark from Italy. It was a short, somber letter that nevertheless, sent a thrill of excitement tingling through Shizuru as her eyes had devoured the worded past:

**Ketsuna,**

**I write to you this last time in the hopes that you have finally been able to forgive me and let go that final tie which binds us. Throughout these past years, I have struggled to reclaim the honor I once held and am now prepared to take back the name Jiro Chosokabe. I would not have been able to write these words to you tonight, had it not been for the guidance and support I found through the I.S. They instilled in me the ability to harness my inner demon and step through the glass darkly, reborn into the man destiny once expected of me. I thank the gods of the past and the present that there was someone out here for people like us. It saved my life, Ketsuna. I am finally freed from the shackles of guilt.**

**My heart is heavy as I pen this letter, here, on my last day in Rome, for after today, I will no longer burden you with letters you cannot, with honor, respond to. But know this Ketsuna Masudo-Fujino; I will never look at a star's solitary reflection in the still depths of a silver water and not be reminded that beyond reflections, lies hope. For you were, and always will be, the star I wished upon every night since last I saw your beautiful face. I leave this place returned at last, back into the man you once loved. Thus was my sacrifice. Thus is my salvation. **

"**il tempo passa e non ritorna a noi, et non vale il pentirsene di poi" ***

**Yours in never fading memory, **

**Jiro Chosokabe**

That evening after dinner, Shizuru had approached her aunt and asked about Jiro Chosokabe. After a moment's hesitation, as if debating with herself whether or not to answer her niece's inquiry, Kagami had relented with a sigh and instructed Shizuru to brew them a pot of tea and then, she'd answer any questions the girl had concerning the stack of letters. So as the two women shared a pot of jasmine infused green tea, Shizuru had asked the question foremost in her mind; what transgression had Jiro Chosokabe committed that would cause her mother to hate him? Kagami's persimmon colored eyes had fluctuated between anger and regret as she answered her niece's question in a flat voice, _Jiro Chosokabe murdered Ketsuna's father...MY father! He murdered your grandfather in cold blood, Shizuru._

Kagami had went on to enlighten a part of Shizuru's mother's life that her daughter had never even suspected. She'd told Shizuru that Jiro Chosokabe had been her mother's first love. That all throughout grade school, even into their high school years, the two had been inseparable. Their plans were to go on to university together after graduation and eventually marry, a union that had been enthusiastically welcomed by both families. After their marriage, Jiro Chosokabe and Ketsuna Musudo would then jointly take over the Musudo family's business. Kagami related that she'd never seen two people so much in love and so dedicated to their plans for their lives together.

But one year before their graduation from university, a terrible typhoon had struck the coastal regions of Japan where a majority of the rice the Musudo family used in their sake brewing business was grown, thus crippling the family's business. The Musudo Sake breweries were on the verge of bankruptcy, until Izuru Musudo, Shizuru's grandfather, brokered a deal with his old friend Takato Fujino, that would salvage the family business. Izuru agreed to give his daughter Ketsuna's hand in marriage to Fujino's heir, Hirohito. And as a wedding gift from the Fujino family to the Musudo family, all debts owed by the Musudo Sake Breweries would be paid off and additional monies provided to see the family business safely through this unfortunate tragedy, leaving the Musudo family business in the capable hands of Hirohito and Ketsuna.

Jiro did not take this news well, her aunt had related, a look of sorrow in her strange colored eyes. He had argued almost daily with Izuru concerning this issue, pleading and promising to find another way to save the family breweries. Being a man who loved his daughter more than life itself, Izuru had finally agreed to leave the choice up to Ketsuna alone. Ketsuna had chosen family duty over her own desire, deciding to abide by her father's wishes and save the company by agreeing to the marriage. Blaming Izuru for Ketsuna's change of heart, Jiro had murdered him two months before the Musudo/Fujino wedding took place. He'd then went on a spree of drunken violence that lasted several months, until his brother Daichi had managed to smuggle him out of Japan before the local law enforcement could find and arrest him. Ketsuna never saw Jiro again. She read the letters as they came to Kagami, but never once replied. Kagami then told Shizuru that over time, her mother had been able to forgive the man she loved of the heinous crime he'd committed. But Ketsuna had made her own choice to marry Hirohito and thus her sense of honor forbade her from any future contact with Jiro.

Shizuru had felt a sudden stab of sadness for her mother, remembering the words she'd written in her letter: _For every winter, there is a spring._ It was a hope Shizuru clung to as she strove to see past the current winter her life was currently trapped in while reaching with both hands for the promised spring of a new beginning.

_Jiro Chosokabe was of the HIME bloodline. He was one of these EcHOS you spoke of. _The girl's casual statement had caused Kagami to blanch suddenly at the keen insight her niece was possessed with before she gave a hesitant, but positive nod of her head. But it was Shizuru's next question which had been the one Kagami had dreaded and feared would follow._ What is the I.S...and how might it help ME? _Her niece had asked, her crimson eyes expecting, demanding, an answer.

Kagami had reluctantly told Shizuru about the I.S...or Inner Sacrificio. It was an alliance with roots dating as far back as the time of Alexander the Great. She was uncertain just where or why the organization originated, but she did know that nowadays, the group's main responsibility lay along the lines of providing those with the HIME bloodline, or H-12 Gene, a place to 'Restructure through Refocusing.' It was a very elite and secretive association that one must have a recommendation from another person with ties to the HIME bloodline from in order to even set up an interview. She'd finished relating all the information she had on the Inner Sacrificio by saying that it was a group for people like them to turn to ONLY in instances of extreme despondency.

Shizuru had given her aunt a sad smile and asked her to look into setting up an interview for her. Kagami had balked at this, claiming that no niece of hers needed outside intervention when she, herself, would be willing to help Shizuru face and overcome any problems she was having.

Shizuru had only shaken her head and whispered under her breath,_ If I cannot find something to help me, I will die. If not by my own hand, then by my father's. He will never forgive my disobedience nor the threat I made against his life. I cannot remain here even if I wanted to.__ Help me, Kagami. Have faith in me. We all have choices to make, and __I've made mine. I will seek to find a peace for my tortured soul. And if there is a chance this group can aid me...then so be it. Otherwise, I shall remain a broken shell of who I once was until the day I die. With no honor. With no forgiveness. With no hope._

That following day for Kagami had been spent making inquiries on Shizuru's behalf; fielding phone calls and returning emails in what became an all day ordeal of correspondence between herself and the Inner Sacrificio. That night, she'd reluctantly given the results of her day long endeavors to her niece. A representative from the Western Alliance branch of the I.S. had accepted Shizuru's request for an interview and would be sending a package containing an itinerary as well as a few other things she would need. Kagami again tried to dissuade Shizuru from going through with the meeting. Shizuru had refused her aunt's entreaty. Two days later, a courier in a nondescript car had arrived at the dojo and hand delivered Shizuru's package. In it was the aforementioned itinerary, a round trip ticket to Los Angeles, California, a passport with Shizuru's school picture obtained under the name Sachi Futawa and five thousand dollars in U.S. currency.

Three days after the arrival of the package had found Kagami and Shizuru standing in the crowded Narita International Airport awaiting her flight to America. No amount of dissuasion on Shizuru's behalf could convince her aunt to simply drop her off at curb side service, so the thirty minutes before boarding call had been spent in a nervous silence between the two women. When the announcement was made for Shizuru's flight, Kagami had unceremoniously broken down into tears, begging her niece, once again, to stay in Japan and let her provide the help she sought. But Shizuru had made her decision. She was leaving, as scheduled. With a lingering hug for her aunt and a whispered promise to get in touch soon, Shizuru Fujino had stepped into the line waiting to board the plane with her shoulders set in a determined stance and her chin lifted in a decidedly stubborn air. Without turning for a last goodbye glance at Kagami, she had handed the attendant her ticket along with her passport, trying not to sigh in obvious relief as the forged passport was handed back to her without being questioned. With the words _Please enjoy your flight _still ringing in her ears, she'd stepped onto the plane, mentally trying to prepare herself for what lay ahead.

Eleven hours later, after an uneventful but long flight, Shizuru Fujino found herself standing amongst a throng of bustling activity in the terminal of LAX Airport. Nervous, heartbroken, a bit jet lagged and totally alone, she stood staring around at the unfamiliar sites and sounds in a growing state of near panic. Trembling fingers clutched the handle of the carry on bag she'd packed the night she'd initially left home for Kyoto and the meeting with her father.

_Home!_ At the thought of the home and the life she'd so quickly renounced and left behind, her stomach gave a violent lurch and she broke out in a cold sweat, swaying dizzily on her feet. _Oh my GOD! What am I doing here? _She thought to herself, the sounds of the combined voices of the people bustling about their own business ringing inside her ears like screeching bats in a cave. Momentarily forgetting what the itinerary had instructed her to do upon arrival, Shizuru removed the shoulder bag she had hanging from one shoulder and began pawing through the contents, searching for the sheet of paper she'd jotted the information down on before leaving Kyoto.

The sound of a man's voice speaking a somewhat familiar name in Japanese suddenly penetrated the dazed, fog her brain was stuck in and she raised her head just in time to see the person speaking, brusquely pushing his way towards her through a knot of excited tourists. The man was wearing a black chauffeur's suit and a pair of mirrored ray bans and as he pulled up short, directly in front of her, he once again repeated the same name.

A frown creasing her brows, Shizuru made as if to shake her head when suddenly, the fog in her mind lifted a bit and she was able to recognize the pseudonym she had traveled under. Smiling uncertainly, Shizuru gave a small bow of greeting to the man before replying, "Yes. Hello. I'm...Sachi Futawa. Please, feel free to address me in English if you prefer."

The man gave her a perfunctory bow in return, then took her luggage from her hand while replying in English, "Miss Futawa. If you would please follow me, ma'am. I have a car waiting for you, as per instructions." He then held his hand out in the general direction of the closest airport exit. Ushering her through the crowded airport like some type of celebrity, one hand on her back while indicating the direction she should walk with subtle pressure from his fingers, Shizuru found herself expediently propelled through the crowds, her curiosity warring with trepidation as they left the noise of the airport and stepped out into the warm California air. Continuing to guide her with one raised hand, the man led her to a waiting limo parked in the temporary pickup lane just a few feet from the exit. He opened the door for Shizuru and as she slipped gracefully into the luxurious coolness inside the limo, a woman's voice greeted her congenially.

"Welcome to California, Miss Fujino. I've been looking forward to meeting you."

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><p>* "il tempo passa e non ritorna a noi, et non vale il pentirsene di poi"<p>

"time passes never to return to us, and sorrow is then of no avail"

...excerpted from George Sand's 'Lettres d'un Voyageur'...


	19. Chapter 19

bleh...im hella sick with some ocky flu or something...but i wanted to get this posted in case i crash out and don't wake up for another week...lol...thanks for the reviews...as always...i enjoy reading your comments and criticisms...thanks also to eveyone keeping the faith and continuing to read my story...and as per the norm...I.D.O.S...happy reading...

"When we are in love, we often doubt that which we most believe." ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld~

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><p><strong>Chapter Nineteen<strong>

_**Brrrrm! **_The sound of the motorcycle barreling down the empty, coastal highway was muted slightly by the black crash helmet the girl wore secured snugly over her head. But she could feel the throbbing power of the engine as she shifted gears with the toe of one booted foot, sending the needle of the softly glowing speedometer on a fast track up from 80 KPH to nearly reaching 130 KPH, clutching with her left hand while increasing the throttle with her right. Driving as if trying to leave behind all the worries choking her life like overgrown weeds in a garden, Natsuki increased the pressure on the throttle a little more and lost herself in the thrill of the ride.

The tires of the Ducati practically floated over the black pavement beneath them as Natsuki leaned her body slightly forward, trying to decrease the pummeling she was receiving from the wind as her speed surpassed 130 KPH. Grinning behind the tinted visor of the helmet, she continued her trek down the highway, giving chase to the lengthening shadows stretching across the road in front of her.

She'd driven this particular stretch of highway many times, so she knew the florescent yellow warning signs she streaked past indicated that just up ahead lay a particularly nasty curve. Without slowing down, she pressed her thighs in tighter against the sides of the sleek bike, her hands holding steady on the grips of the leather wrapped handlebars and let the motorcycle lean into the contours of the road. She wound up taking the turn a little more sharply than anticipated, however, and felt the bike began to dip a bit too far to the right in a slow drift sideways as she neared the apex of the curve. With practiced ease, she quickly redistributed her weight by leaning her body slightly more to the left, the ragged holes in the knees of her jeans flapping in the increased pressure of the wind against her body as she bent her leg outwards in an effort to regain balance and keep the motorcycle from sliding off the road.

Smiling triumphantly as she pulled out of the curve and continued her trek eastward, Natsuki felt her heart pounding inside her chest at the exhilarating sense of freedom she always experienced when she tested the limits of her nerve and skill out here on the road. She drove with wild abandon, snaking through turns effortlessly, skimming over the hidden dips and rises in the road beneath her tires with a well practiced ease that came from knowing this area like the back of her hand.

Alive. She felt...ALIVE...out here on the road. No past to cling to. No future to rush towards. There was only the biker, the motorcycle, and the moment. The holy trinity that bikers everywhere worshiped each time they mounted their motorcycles...the rumbling sound of the engine serving as the mechanical voice raised in praise to the Gods of Highway and Speed. Nothing else mattered once a biker got the pavement moving beneath his or her tires. For there was always someplace to go, and there was always a reason to leave where you were. Each curve in the road was a personal challenge, every deviation onto a different path an adventure waiting to happen and the road map served as the biker's bible. A bible that promised to set your soul free if you believed in the saving grace of a midnight ride and the baptisim of being caught in a springtime shower. It truly was a religious experience.

Out here beneath the open sky, with the scenery flashing past on either side of her in a blur of indistinguishable colors, Natsuki was able to shrug off the suffocating sense of claustrophobic helplessness she felt when forced to sit in a dull classroom all day long or when locked in self-imposed exile in the rooms of the boarding house where she lived. Out here beneath the open sky, with the wind riding beside her like an old friend, she could slip the constricting fetters of apprehensive worry and forget everything. It was the reason she enjoyed these impromptu rides so much of late. _A tankful of gas is hella cheaper than an hour of therapy,_ she'd mused to herself earlier, trying to shake off another melancholy mood...but failing miserably.

_Shizuru! Why haven't you answered my calls? _The thought echoed inside her mind like an overused mantra and she felt the front tire of the bike wobble unsteadily as she momentarily lost focus on the road.

"God DAMNIT!" she swore aloud, not knowing if she cursed her own ineptitude or Shizuru, the frustrated anger she'd been living with lately rearing its ugly head yet again. Grinding her teeth together she twisted the throttle angrily, sending the needle of the speedometer up another few clicks, wishing she really COULD outrun the memory of the crimson eyed beauty who haunted her thoughts no matter where she went or what she did.

It had been over a month...a MONTH...and she'd had no word from Shizuru. She'd finished up the summer session this morning, receiving a dismal, but passing mark, allowing her to move up with her class at the start of next term. Mai had been ecstatic about the news, congratulating her and suggesting they go out and celebrate tonight. But she'd declined the offer. She was in no mood to celebrate anything. What did she care if she managed to eek by and make it to her senior year at Fuuka Academy? It meant nothing to her at all...nothing if she couldn't share the accomplishment with the one person...the ONLY person...that she wanted to share it with. And as far as she knew...that one person wasn't overly concerned about anything that had happened to her this past month! Shizuru hadn't even bothered checking up on her progress throughout the summer classes.

Besides, Natsuki wasn't so sure that she deserved all the credit for the passing mark. In fact, she KNEW she didn't deserve it. She'd slacked off quite a bit this last week; failing to turn in two assignments as well as barely scoring an acceptable mark on her final exam. She had a sneaking suspicion that Midori had padded her overall score a few points in order to insure her promotion.

Before, just that fact alone would've been enough to send her into a fit of prideful rejection of the help her friend and teacher had given. But now...the supposition that she hadn't even been able to earn the passing mark on her own did nothing but register as a small bruise to her ego; small compared to the beating her ego was taking already by Shizuru's lack of interest in her whatsoever.

_No,_ she amended silently, _not a bruised ego. A bruised...heart. _But, was it fair of her to judge Shizuru so quickly? Was it really a lack of interest on the other girl's behalf which kept her away so long...which prevented her from calling or texting her just to let her know what was going on? That was the nagging fear eating Natsuki up from the inside out. Where was Shizuru? Was she just too involved in family business to call? Or had something happened to her?

Pulling her thoughts away from the girl fueling the worry inside her heart and mind, Natsuki flipped on the lone headlight of her bike, the flare of brilliant light illuminating the darkening highway in front of her. The light of the waning day was slowly being pushed from the sky as she raced down the blacktop. Night was beginning its eternal battle with the sun, reclaiming the heavenly domain beneath its own banner of star-studded blackness. And with the quickly fading, sun-infused shadows growing less pronounced by the minute, Natsuki needed the extra light provided by the headlight in order to spy the tell-tale sign of the cutoff road she now sought.

The turnoff she sought was nothing more than an overgrown, dirt path that intersected the main artery of the highway about eight kilometers before the road she was traveling down veered away from the coast and headed inland. There, the scenic route ended. Further construction on this particular part of the highway was at a standstill thanks to a court order issued in favor of various conservation groups looking to protect and preserve the area now referred to as The Green Road Highway. Which was the main reason the highway this far down the coast had little to no traffic on it. Everyone traveling this stretch of highway made the turnoff onto the interchange junction she'd passed about ten minutes ago. To continue driving down this road would only lead to a dead end. No further outlets were to be found.

Easing back on the throttle, Natsuki let her eyes scan the left side of the roadway, searching for the unobtrusive turn-off; a restricted, dirt road which gave access to a dilapidated old lighthouse sitting abandoned on a promontory about 70 meters (200 feet) above the ocean. She'd discovered this hidden little treasure by accident one day when out scouring the rocky coastline for the easiest way into the research lab that had once been operated by First District. Since her discovery that day, the lighthouse and the empty, windswept cliff on which it rested, had become a sort of refuge for the girl. A place to come to and clear her head and just think. Which was the reason she found herself slowing down and making a left off the main road onto the dirt path her eyes had suddenly spied. The turn-off would've been almost impossible for anyone not looking for it to detect. It peeped out from it's camouflage of concealing overgrown weeds and brush, hardly distinguishable from any other spot on the side of the highway. But this was what she was looking for. This was the reason she'd driven out here this evening. She just needed some time alone to think. Away from her friends. Away from the memory infused surroundings that haunted her on campus and at home. Away from anything which reminded her of Shizuru.

The gravel of the concealed path leading out to the lighthouse crunched beneath the tires of Natsuki's bike as she eased it to a stop, pulling up in front of a chain-linked fence prohibiting access to the area beyond. She smirked at the oversized NO TRESPASSING sign hanging on the rusted gate. When did SHE ever abide by the rules? Dropping the kickstand down, she hopped off the bike and approached the heavy, stainless steel lock that, from a distance, looked intimidating. But she'd already taken care of that nuisance long months ago when she still possessed the powers of the HIME. A quick shot from one of the materializing twin pistols she'd been able to wield back then had effectively turned the lock into nothing more than decoration. Removing the shattered lock, she went back to her bike...pushing it through the gate before closing it up behind her. Replacing the lock, she slid back onto the seat of her motorcycle and restarted the engine, continuing the short trek out towards the lighthouse.

The gravel strewn, dirt road, though overgrown and crowded at times with errant tree limbs reaching out into the narrow road from a virtual wilderness of green sentinels lining the path, had always been comforting to Natsuki. She'd held a childish awe for this place ever since the first time she'd stumbled upon it, imagining that the trees pressing in on each side were tantamount to the arms of Mother Nature herself, reaching out and welcoming her into a secret garden.

But this evening, instead of the soul calming comfort she'd previously experienced when traveling down this dirt road, she suddenly felt like an intruder. This time, the overhanging branches did not welcome her, but instead reached out to snag at her clothes and scratch against her helmet and motorcycle as if trying to halt the girl's progress. She suddenly began to feel hemmed in...smothered by the smells of the lush vegetation which was making it difficult for her to breath.

Forcing herself to take several calming breaths, Natsuki rolled her shoulders, snapping her neck from side to side in an effort to release a knot of tension lodged at the base of her skull. She reassured herself that once she cleared the wooded road and reached the relatively open skies beyond, this feeling of claustrophobia would pass. With that thought held firmly in her mind, she gunned the throttle. A cloud of dust kicked up by the bike's tires hung in an eerie, pink-tinted cloud behind her...the color of her red taillight reflecting in the particles attributing to the dust-cloud's strange color. But the closer she got to the break in the treeline up ahead, the more she found herself cocooned in a feeling of panic.

"What the hell's your problem?" she chided herself aloud, the timbre of her voice sounding flat and hollow inside her helmet. She'd been so sure that a trek out to the lighthouse would do her some good. Positive that it would help clear her head from all the useless ruminations concerning Shizuru. _A fool's mission_, she brooded dejectedly, realizing she'd been doing nothing since riding out of Fuuka City limits but wallowing in thoughts of Shizuru Fujino anyway. There seemed to be nothing she could do any more that prevented her from worrying...from trying to figure out just why Shizuru hadn't gotten in touch with her. _What was the problem? __Was there a problem? And if_ _there WAS a problem, why doesn't Shizuru let me know?_ Did the girl's faith in her finally wear too thin to be able to rely on her for support?

A wave of stomach wrenching trepidation rose up inside of Natsuki at the thought of Shizuru needing her but not being able...or willing...to turn to her. Feeling her skin break out in a cold sweat, she shivered violently and wiped the palm of one hand on the leg of her jeans before returning it to the handlebars. Had she failed Shizuru? By not being able to immediately return the girl's feelings, had Shizuru simply chalked it up as not worth her time anymore? Natsuki vehemently shook her head at that speculation._ NO! No,_ _Shizuru would NEVER think that little of me!_ But...then there must be a REASON for this continued silence from the girl. But what? What was the reason? _FUCK!_ She swore silently, green eyes narrowing behind the visor as she heaved a heavy sigh. She was mentally exhausted. Beat down from the constant worry about Shizuru. What kind of friend leaves with no explanation at all anyway?

Natsuki didn't even realize she'd been crying until she tasted the salty tang of a tear as it slid down to the corner of her mouth. _Damnit! _She cursed. _Shizuru...why did you... _A terrified shout ripped the thought right out of her mind as she belatedly realized she'd left the enclosed dirt road she'd been riding down and was now roaring straight towards the fast approaching edge of the cliff the lighthouse was built upon, the headlight of her Ducati shining out into the nothingness of the 70 meter drop to the rocks and waves below.

Screaming, a throaty sound of rage and fear, she applied full force to the brakes, kicking the bike into neutral while simultaneously jerking hard on the handlebars in an effort to pull out of the headlong rush over the edge of the cliff. She felt the bike's tires skidding, unable to gain enough purchase on the loose gravel in order to compensate for the abrupt decrease in speed she'd been traveling. Throwing both feet off the foot pegs, she dragged them alongside the bike, trying to help curtail her forward momentum. Unfortunately, she was fighting a losing battle against machine and speed.

_Too late! Oh God, I can't stop in time! _The smell of smoking brake pads and dust rose up beneath the visor of her helmet causing her to break into a fit of coughing as she struggled uselessly to bring the bike to a halt. She realized there was only one option left that held any hope whatsoever of stopping her before she slid off into the blackness only a few meters in front of her.

Throwing the force of her weight to the left, hands locked in a death grip on the handlebars, Natsuki managed to wrestle the Ducati down onto its side, grunting in pain as she slammed into the ground, the full weight of the motorcycle resting on her left side. She slid a few more feet, the heavy bike pressing her left side down into the rocky ground. She winced and cried out, feeling the jagged edges of sharp rocks and gravel slicing through the fabric of her jeans, cutting into the tender flesh beneath, but still she managed to hold on to the bike for dear life. Relief flooded her as she finally felt the bike come to a complete stop on top of her, less than 3 meters from the edge.

Mere moments that had played out in an eternity of fear...was over. She'd done it. She'd managed to stop herself before going over the ledge. Laying on her back, a cloud of dust hanging over her, Natsuki remained where she was for a few minutes longer. She could feel the pounding of her own heart throbbing in the veins on her either side of her neck; her breath coming in ragged gasps of overexertion and fear. The sting of multiple scrapes and cuts on her leg registered as only a minor nuisance compared to the pain the weight of the motorcycle pressing down on her lower body was causing.

_MY BIKE! _Irrational fear concerning the amount of damage sustained by her motorcycle supplied the girl with a burst of fear-laced adrenaline, enough to push the heavy machine off of her. Her hopes were to manage to hold the bike up just long enough to gain the wiggle room necessary to extricate her leg from beneath it. Bracing both arms and pushing up with all the strength she could muster, she succeeded in clearing the bike before her strength gave in. Rolling stiffly out from under it as it fell back to the ground with a metallic CLANG, Natsuki climbed unsteadily to her feet, reaching up and snatching the helmet off her head with trembling fingers.

Dropping the helmet, she immediately bent and began struggling to right the fallen motorcycle, ignoring a sudden stabbing pain in her shoulders. Winded, shaking uncontrollably and terrified at what had just occurred, Natsuki was finally able to pull her bike up and get the kickstand down before a wave of nausea rolled over her, causing her to double over, both hands planted on her knees. Her head hanging down, she tried taking several deep breaths to ward off the sick feeling, hoping she didn't throw up. After a few seconds in that position, the nausea passed, replaced instead with the awakening feeling of the scrapes and cuts on her leg, as well as a dull ache between her shoulder blades. But even that pain was ignored as she straightened, running a trembling hand through sweat-matted hair and turned towards her bike.

A quick perusal with a critical eye showed her that the left side of the Ducati was marred with a plethora of scratches, the midnight blue paint ruined. There were several dents and dings on the body of the bike caused by the larger rocks it had slid across during the struggle to stop. And the brake pads would most definitely have to be replaced.

"Dammit!" she swore, kicking the helmet laying at her feet..sending it rolling towards the edge of the cliff she'd just barely managed to keep from flying off of.

"Shit," she swore again with a sigh, not wanting to tack the cost of replacing the helmet onto the price of repairs if the damn thing rolled off the edge. Taking a step towards retrieving the helmet, she stopped...frowning in confusion as she became aware of a wet, sticky substance running down the inside of her left calf. Glancing down, the girl noticed that her jeans were full of new rips and holes...in fact...the fabric covering her left leg was practically nonexistent. There was hardly anything left of her jeans below the knee except a few tattered remains. Eying herself curiously, she ripped the remnants of what was once the knee of her jeans off and saw a deep gash on the inside of her left leg. The wound was approximately three inches long and covered in a layer of gritty dirt encrusted blood. Pressing on the wound produced a fresh flow of blood that leaked out between her fingers, leaving a crimson trail down her leg.

_It probably needs a few stitches and a thorough cleansing,_ she observed clinically, as if the wound belonged to someone else and she was merely giving her assessment of the situation. Straightening up from the inspection of the cut, she absently wiped her bloody fingers on the front of her jeans before realizing she should be feeling more pain than this. It was a nasty injury, located on the side of her leg just below the bend of the knee. And yet, she still didn't feel the pain one would associate with a cut of this severity. _I must be in shock,_ Natsuki told herself, trying to make sense of everything that had happened. Once the initial shock of what had just occurred sunk in, she knew the adrenaline in her system would dissipate, leaving her vulnerable to the pain. The pain...

_Pain. _Her brain failed to fully comprehend that word. What pain? Whose pain? Pain because of the near death accident and the wounds she'd sustained preventing it, or pain because...because of the heartache which had led her out here tonight in the first place. Which took precedence at the moment? Had she ever known what pain truly was? Was it physical? Mental? Or did pain simply manifest as a symptom of both, the mental pain taking on the characteristics of a physical pain. No. Pain was something to patch up and forget about. One didn't dwell on pain. Pain was a weakness to be denied...a proclivity to be ignored. She knew this. She'd learned that lesson at a very young age. Just push it down...deep down inside of your soul and...move on. Yes. Move on. Don't think about pain. The pain in her side...the pain of her cuts and bruises...the pain of her heartache. And yet..._the Pain_...

"You might not be able to tell simply by looking at me, but this pain is real. It's so fucking real that I don't think I'd recognize my own life any more without it. And...it hurts. It hurts because...I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop this pain. I try to pretend that I'm fine, but...I'm not. I'm NOT fine! I'm just...weak. You are my only weakness Shizuru Fujino! Do you hear me? I was fine by myself! I didn't need ANYONE! And then you...you came along and fucked everything all up! Why did you have to...love me? Why did you have to make ME...fall in love with you? And now...you just vanish, without a word. God damnit! I'm a stupid mess now...because of this; because of you. I didn't need someone to worry about. I didn't need any more...pain. Oh God, I...I don't know how to stop this...pain...your absence has caused!"

A puzzled look crossed Natsuki's face as she realized she'd been screaming; the sound of her own voice echoing back at her from the emptiness around her. Trying desperately to rationalize the irrational behavior she was exhibiting, Natsuki began to pace furiously...back and forth...her wounds forgotten as she tried to clear the numbness in her mind. _Screaming, yes, I'd been screaming in pain...no WAIT...I'd been screaming ABOUT...pain._ But, not screaming in pain because of the wounds she'd taken. She could barely feel that pain yet. Nor was she screaming because her bike was a wreck._ I've had wrecks_ _before,_ she rationalized with her confused state of mind. That was only a mild annoyance. It pissed her off, sure, but NOT something to scream over. She'd been screaming...AT...someone. At someone who'd hurt her. At someone who was causing her this pain. _Shizuru! _

"Shizuru." And as she repeated the name aloud, the defenses Natsuki had been hiding behind for the past month collapsed inward, leaving her exposed and vulnerable to the undeniable fact that she was hurting. Hurting because she didn't know what the situation was with Shizuru. Hurting because she was so tired of fielding questions about Shizuru's return, when she didn't even have the answers herself. Hurting because she had to pretend to her friends that her life was perfectly fine. Hurting because she didn't get the chance to tell Shizuru how she truly felt before the girl was mysteriously called away on family business. Hurting because the pain of that missed opportunity to right so many wrongs between them, left her feeling as if it were somehow her fault...her fault... _My fault! _

"I'm trying!" she shouted at the empty night, as if defending herself, her fists swinging in the air, striking at an unseen assailant in a useless gesture of unspent frustration. "God dammit, I don't know what else to fucking DO!" Anger and fear had built up inside of her over the weeks, making her feel as if she might explode. She stopped pummeling the night air and ran both hands through her dark hair, just to give herself something to do as she continued to pace along the edge of the cliff. It was just herself and the raw emotions she'd brought out here with her tonight. Her emotional baggage. Her pain. Her uncertainty. _I hate this...I hate feeling so...helpless! _As these words formed in her mind, she felt a wave of dizziness threaten to reach up and take her down. Her skin was clammy and cold. The feeling of needing to throw-up returned and she had to swallow several times to keep from doing so, the taste of bile thick in the back of her throat.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to have already told Shizuru how she truly felt that night a month ago...on their dinner date. They were both supposed to be...happy...together...right now. Happy in a way that neither of them had ever been before. Not like this...with Shizuru God only knew where while she was out here trying not to get herself killed on her motorcycle wallowing in self pity. But what to do...what to do now? That was the question. She paced for several more minutes, her fingers twitching as if reaching for something they couldn't find anymore, wanting...needing the feel of the cold, deadly steel of her pistols against the palms of her hands.

An idea lit up the darkness inside her heart and she stopped, allowing herself to grasp desperately at the flicker of hope. Without giving herself the chance to fully think through her sudden decision, she bent, retrieving the helmet and snugged it back down over her head, the muscles in her back and shoulder protesting the sudden movement. _What have I got to_ _lose?_ Natsuki asked herself, throwing a leg over the seat of the motorcycle, trying not to wince at the throbbing pain this awakened in her legs and hip. What was physical pain compared to the pain her tortured heart was undergoing?

Saying a quick prayer, she turned the key in the ignition, cursing impressively as the engine gave a spluttering cough before dying. "Oh come ON!" she groaned between gritted teeth, giving the key a second, irritated twist. At the sound of the engine catching and starting, Natsuki heaved a sigh of relief. As she turned the beat up bike back towards the road leading to the highway, she tried to ignore the foreboding sensation which had settled in the pit of her stomach by telling herself that at least she was acting instead of just reacting. At least...that was what she kept telling herself...all throughout the long, desperate drive back into town.


	20. Chapter 20

hey hey hey...hope everyone's halloween was spooktacular...geh...don't stone me for the cheezy intro...it's WAY early here and i just spilled coffee all over my keyboard...was in process of pulling cup to mouth and let out a HORRENDOUS sneeze dumping coffee all over my desktop...lmao...anyway...i hope you enjoy the latest chapter...my ego thanks you for your continued viewings and reviews...

"Two seperate, distinct personalites...not seperate at all but inextricably bound, soul and body and mind to each other...how did we get so far apart so fast?"  
>~Judith Guest~<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty<strong>

Natsuki's return trip back into Fuuka City had been spent in a haze of tortured thought and desperate hope. She'd went out to the lighthouse tonight in an attempt to clear her mind and gain a little perspective. Instead, she'd left with even more worry and apprehension following her. But she'd left with an idea...a HOPE rather, of gaining a little insight into Shizuru's continued absence. _I must be crazy thinking I'll find anything there that will help me, _the girl reprimanded herself, growling under her breath as yet another light changed just before she could roll past. _Grrrr, DAMMIT! Always happens when you're in a hurry! _ But, in a hurry for what? For just another failed attempt at finding some...REASON to justify Shizuru's continued reluctance to return any of her calls or responded to any of the numerous text messages she'd left over the past month? Impatiently revving the bike's engine as she sat idled at the traffic light, Natsuki once again felt that sense of foreboding twist inside her stomach like a hot knife. _No. No time for rethinking my decision. _Angrily shaking off the sensation, she let go of the brakes mid-rev at the change of the light and took off in a squeal of smoking tires, causing a few pedestrians on the sidewalk nearby to turn their heads and watch curiously as she roared off up a small incline in the street.

It wasn't late and this area of Fuuka City, the neighborhood known as Toki-Doki, was still alive with the burgeoning life of night. Even though it was a weekday evening, the bars and restaurants were engaged in a healthy dose of business, the sounds of laughter floating through the night air as people in both small and large groups meandered around the streets or sat sipping drinks at outdoor tables beneath brightly colored awnings. Taking a sharp right, Natsuki turned into a narrow alley between two of the buildings in an effort to shave off a few minutes of traffic. The sounds of throbbing, deep base pumping from speakers inside the Tik-Tok Klub could be heard even through the thick layer of black painted, cement blocks of the establishment as she drove down the narrow path, steering her way around a couple who were making out in the dirty alley behind the club. Without slowing down, she made a right onto the brightly lit street the alley opened up onto. She was close now. She'd driven these streets many times and knew exactly where each shortcut along the path to her destination lay.

_Two more lights, and I'll be there_, she told herself in a positive attempt to raise her downwardly spiraling spirits and draw her mind away from the portentous weight which she couldn't seem to outdistance. Gliding unimpeded through the first traffic light, she frowned and grunted as she saw the second light flash it's warning of change. But she was close now; too close for annoying traffic signals to bar her progression. Paying no attention to the light, which turned red just as she reached it, she sped through the intersection with a smirk, her reckless evasion of the light causing a cabbie to slam on the brakes in an effort to avoid smashing into her. The driver immediately climbed out of his cab, standing half in and half out of the vehicle, shouting obscenities at her as if he were an actor shooting some cheezy street scene in a movie. She merely dodged his stopped cab with a head-on swerve of her bike. Without bothering to turn back around, Natsuki raised one arm...followed by one middle finger, as she flew past the comical antics of the cab driver before rounding the next corner.

There, just up ahead on the left, lay her destination. The three storied building she cruised slowly towards was unassuming in its construction; red brick brownstone with a fashionably manicured lawn occupying a prominent spot at the entrance; the green and tan pinstriped awning above the double glassed doors leading into the foyer snapping sharply in the light, evening breeze. Slowing down before she reached the entrance curving up to the parking lot, Natsuki pulled over, out of the main path of traffic and kicked her bike into neutral, one foot on the ground. She held the motorcycle at an angle, the low rumbling of its engine a counterpoint to the erratic, pounding beat of her heart, as she stared at the building in front of her. Tilting her head slightly, she let her eyes climb up the face of the building, up still more until her green eyes locked onto a pair of double windows located in the far corner of the third floor. She couldn't tell because of the shadows painted across the face of the building, but she was almost positive that the blinds in that particular room were open.

_Which doesn't mean SHIT!_ she pointed out to herself in bitter recrimination. Swallowing down a knot of unease that threatened to choke her, Natsuki slipped the bike into first, then second gear and eased towards the visitor parking lot before she lost what little nerve she was clinging to and simply drove away. But, whatever truths she hoped to find this night, would not be found at all...unless she went up there to face the ghosts of her fears.

She pulled into a vacant spot allocated for the resident's visitors and shut the bike down. It gave a sickly sounding cough coupled with the smell of burnt oil before quieting. She grimaced at the possible damage she'd carelessly caused to her bike tonight before sliding the keys into her jacket pocket, searching for a courage she didn't feel. Pulling her leg across the seat of the motorcycle, she winced as the pain of the abrasions flared anew. But what was physical pain compared to the pain she was suffering inside her heart and mind? _Please, _the girl prayed quietly, hanging the strap of her helmet on the handlebars_, please let me find something...anything. I don't care WHAT I find, just let me find something! I can't go on...not knowing... _And with that desperate prayer given, she took a deep breath, throwing a handful of blue-black hair over one shoulder, and walked towards the glass fronted entrance of Shizuru's apartment building.

It was only a short walk from the parking area up to the double doors of the building, but with each step Natsuki took, she could feel the cut on her leg pulling open, fresh blood oozing down beneath her boot top. Limping slightly to compensate for the pain, she belatedly realized that she must look a hot mess as she tried to slip unobtrusively into one of the poshest apartment complexes in the city. Hair disheveled, black, leather jacket covered in a layer of chalky dirt, jeans ripped in too many places to count; not to mention that the entire front of the left leg of her jeans had been torn completely off, revealing the bloody wound on her knee; she looked like she belonged in a police lineup rather than where she was now. She would've laughed at the entire situation if she hadn't suddenly been struck by a sobering thought. _I don't have a key to Shizuru's apartment! How the HELL did I think I was gonna get in? _Already committed to the idea, she could do nothing now but open the door and step in.

The lobby of the brownstone building was fashionably decorated, modest and comfortable in a combination of greens and browns. Ambling towards the two elevators located on the eastern wall of the lobby, Natsuki couldn't help but snort contemptuously. _Elevators! For a building with only three floors. How lame. _But as she limped past the elevators she suddenly changed her mind about them being lame and said a small prayer of thanks that the building had them. If not, she didn't think she would've been able to climb the three sets of stairs up to Shizuru's floor.

Although not late, it was still too late for anyone to be stationed at the leasing agent's desk located in a nook in front of a large, glass-paned window looking out onto the main street of Toki-Doki. Relieved at not having to come up with a lie about why a person looking more like a vagabond off the streets instead of a visitor, was loitering inside the lobby of the building, Natsuki ran a quick eye over the desk while keeping a watch for anyone entering by door or elevator. Spotting what she was looking for, she snagged two heavy paper clips from the agent's desk and quickly limped over to the elevators, hitting the brass button. The doors opened almost immediately, and she slipped inside the green carpeted cube. Pushing the big, glowing number three, she heaved a sigh of exhausted relief and leaned back against the hand-rail, trying to take some of the weight off of her injured leg. Before she could do much more than find a comfortable position to stand in, the doors opened onto the third floor with a _swhish _and a_ ding._

A quick glance down the hall in both directions showed the coast was clear. Stepping out of the elevator and turning to the left, Natsuki walked with purposeful strides towards the door at the end of the hall. Thankfully no other tenants materialized out of their own apartments to challenge her on her mission. It was a relatively short walk down a hall with polished wooden flooring and light brown wallpaper on the walls. A walk which Kuga had made any number of times. A walk which tonight, however, seemed to take forever. The closer the girl got to Shizuru's door, the heavier that feeling of trepidation pressed down upon her; making each step seem as if she were trying to walk while wearing boots made of lead. Her breath was heavy and fast, the palms of her hands sweaty. Her heart was thumping so hard against the wall of her chest she wondered why everyone in the apartments she passed didn't hear it and come out to investigate the strange sound. The muscles in her stomach were tight and her mouth felt drier than the dust she was wearing. But she resolutely continued her unsteady trek down the hall, determined to see this hairbrained idea through to its eventual end.

_Anything had to_ _be better than not knowing, right?_ She asked herself for the thousandth time since deciding to do this, stopping in front of a heavy, wooden door with the number 3-G hanging on a gold-leaf patterned plaque in the center. _Okay, you can do this Kuga_, she encouraged herself._ Just...open the door. Get in there and... _But here she stopped. Because the reality of the situation was, she had no idea what she hoped to find behind that door. The fear of not discovering anything at all left her feeling even more lost and alone than she already was.

She jumped at the sound of muffled laughter coming from behind one of the doors across the hall then cursed herself for her standing around like an idiot. Taking the first paperclip, she quickly fashioned the pliable metal into an L shape, being careful not to break the clip in half, as she fought to control the tremor in her hands. Next, she then molded the metal of the other paperclip into a triangle on one end, while giving the other end a small upward curve. Most people thought it practically impossible to pick a lock using such primitive tools, but Natsuki had been trained in the art of urban guerrilla warfare since she was ten years old. She'd sought out different mentors throughout her young life, each season of training teaching her some new skill or talent to add to her arsenal of knowledge. It had been her only desire; to amass enough tactical know-how in order to exact her revenge on the people she held responsible for her mother's death. It was an obsession she hadn't satisfied until just recently. The knowledge and skills she'd gained during those years of constant training remained worth the time, effort and money she'd spent in order to acquire them for herself. Natsuki now knew more covert tactics and espionage tricks than most special ops forces. For which she was grateful, because without that knowledge, she would have been stuck standing here trying to figure out how to enter Shizuru's locked apartment.

Having twisted and bent the two paperclips into tools she could utilize, Natsuki quickly dropped to the floor on one knee, too preoccupied with a nervous sense of urgency to notice that she landed on the wounded knee. Leaning in close to the doorknob, she slipped the two pieces of metal into the lock, closing her eyes as she tried to feel with her sense of touch, the path to springing the lock. Mouth moving ever so softly, she whispered words of encouragement to herself as she wiggled the homemade lock pick around. Failing to feel what she was looking for, she furrowed her brows in concentration and tried to relax. _It's right there,_ she growled at herself upon feeling with the end of the paperclip what she'd been probing around for._ Come on...just a_ _little pull..and... _She felt, rather than heard, the almost imperceptible _click _of the locking mechanism as it sprang open. Not waiting around to congratulate herself on the victory, she stood, grabbed the doorknob with a clammy hand, then stepped into Shizuru's apartment, pulling the door closed behind her.

Inside, the apartment was dark, but not unpleasantly so. Shizuru occupied the coveted corner apartment which boasted more windows than the others. Money could buy lots of things in this world, including a room with a view. The wooden blinds were open, angled to allow the light from outside to filter in between the slats. With the light coming in from the extra window, it was not too difficult to make out some of the furniture scattered around the room. Which was a relief to Natsuki. An irrational fear had been that when she finally managed to get in through the door, she'd find Shizuru's apartment vacant, empty of all furniture and personal belongings. At least all her stuff was still here. So it seemed as if the girl DID plan on returning.

Padding softly through the living room, Natsuki made a detour towards the kitchen. She needed something to drink. Her mouth and throat were both parched and she could still taste the dust and grit from the road on her tongue. Slapping a palm over the wall switch, the overhead light in the kitchen sprang immediately to life, illuminating a spotless kitchen. _So typically Shizuru_, she mused fondly as her fingers wrapped around the handle of the fridge. Opening the refrigerator door, she pulled out a bottled water, noting that there was nothing in the girl's fridge except a few bottles of Musudo Sake, various condiments and a row of neatly arranged bottled water. No fruit or foods of any kind which might spoil. Natsuki had learned that her friend didn't keep a lot of perishables on hand even when she was home. Shizuru wasn't overly fond of cooking. Natsuki cringed to think of what might be growing in her own refrigerator at this very moment.

Unscrewing the cap, the girl took a long pull from the water bottle, the liquid cool and refreshing. After downing half the bottle in one thirsty gulp, she wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her jacket and headed towards the back of the apartment and Shizuru's bedroom. Stepping past the pantry door, her foot hit an empty water bottle laying on the floor and sent it spinning. Without thinking, she bent and retrieved the bottle, tossing it into the recycle bin Shizuru kept located beneath the sink. She'd been here enough to know pretty much where everything was kept.

A thought struck her causing her to pause once again on her way to the bedroom. Stepping over to the stainless steel trash receptacle standing in the corner of the kitchen, Natsuki lifted the lid and peered in. She'd learned that garbage cans oft times provided more valuable information in most investigations than any other type of reconnaissance. The average person would probably never throw anything away again if they knew the type of information a determined investigator could garner by simply pawing through the garbage. People didn't realize how easy it was to carelessly toss away some key piece of incriminating evidence simply because people, on the whole, were conditioned to dispose of unwanted items.

People tossed sales receipts in the trash which when analyzed, could put them near a scene of a crime they were suspected of committing. Others threw away copies of printouts they received from motels they'd used for cheating on spouses. Natsuki, herself, had read about some dumbass in the states who'd bought a handgun, murdered his girlfriend, and then tossed the receipt for the gun into his girlfriend's garbage, signed and dated by him the day he picked up the Beretta and shot her. People were just STUPID! As she peered into the trash can, Natsuki sighed. Clean. Not even a liner remained. She'd get no such insight into Shizuru that way. She gulped the remainder of the water down and dropped the empty container into the trashcan, a slight smile quirking the corner of her mouth as she imagined Shizuru finding a recyclable in the takeout trash.

Leaving the kitchen light on, she limped down the short hall towards Shizuru's bedroom. The door was open. Light from outside shone through the open blinds of the two floor-to-ceiling windows, throwing soft shadows across the bed as Natsuki stood, one hand on the door frame, peering into the room. A sudden urge to turn and walk away without entering the bedroom rose up inside her and she had to force herself to take one shaky step forward before she could quell the irrational fear. _Stop being such a_ _coward,_ she scolded herself, sliding her hand along the wall by the door, feeling for the light switch. _You've come this far, might as well see it through to the end. _But as the palm of her hand slid over the switch and the soft glow of the overhead light lit up the room, Natsuki realized that she was more than just a coward. She was terrified; more afraid than at any other time in her life. She was terrified at what she might find. She was terrified at what she might not find.

The bed was made; the alarm clock on the end table beside Shizuru's bed shining out the time in florescent, green numerals. A book lay on the other bedside table, carefully marked with a tasseled bookmark poking out from the top. The closet door was closed. Thinking this a good place to start, Natsuki walked around the king-sized bed and opened the ornate double doors of the walk-in closet. Flipping on the light, she was greeted by a closet full of Shizuru's clothes, all neatly arranged on expensive looking hangers. From her everyday casual clothes to the ceremonial yukata's the girl owned, right down to the rows of shoes lined up neatly beneath the hanging clothes, the closet looked as if not one article was missing. There were no empty hangers indicating that Shizuru had packed that item to take on her trip. Everything seemed to still be here. Which struck Natsuki as strange, considering the girl had known she was going to be gone for at least a week when she'd left for the trip to Kyoto._ Why didn't she pack any clothes?_ She wondered, reaching out and gently touching the sleeve of a purple yukata she'd seen Shizuru wear on several occasions. _Maybe since it was such a spur of the moment trip, she had decided to forgo the packing and just buy new clothes once she got to Kyoto, _Natsuki rationalized, but she knew that was a lame conclusion to reach based solely on the information she had. Well, whatever the reason was for her friend to have left without taking any clothes, Natsuki tried to take some comfort in the fact that Shizuru's clothes were still here. If a girl leaves home and doesn't take all her clothes with her, it was more than likely a good indication that she planned on returning at some point to get them.

Shutting the light back off, Natsuki closed the doors, noting that Shizuru's Fuuka Academy uniform was hanging on a hook behind the door. There was a small smudge of chalk on the side of the skirt and Natsuki's heart began to beat faster as she remembered how the chalk got on the girl's uniform. That day in the art room...when Shizuru had been sitting on the instructors desk, she had inadvertently brushed up against the chalk-board eraser lying on top. Natsuki had meant to tease the meticulously neat girl about it, but...other things had come up and it just didn't seem important at the time. _Other things,_ she mused, feeling her pulse quicken at the memory of that afternoon.

But she wasn't here to reminisce. She was here for a reason. Turning next to the antique secretary-desk, even Natsuki had to pause a moment and admire the beauty of the object. It was Shizuru's most prized possession. She'd once told her the story of how the desk had came into her possession. She'd related that her grandfather's grandfather on her mother's side of the family had traded two bottles of sake for it at a street market in Okinawa. Later ancestors had prudently had the piece of furniture appraised at some point and had discovered that the desk was an antique of immense value, hand crafted with all it's original pieces intact, including the hand painted screens on the front of each drawer. Since then, it had become sort of her family's good luck charm to always have two bottles of sake on hand. Natsuki smiled at recalling that there were two bottles of sake in Shizuru's fridge right now. Running her finger over the light colored wood of the desk, she began opening the little drawers which lined one side of the upper hutch, poking through the contents, searching for any clues Shizuru might have left behind. A name absently jotted down on a piece of paper. A clinic or hospital address if a family member was ill. A flight schedule. Itinerary. Anything! But the drawers remained empty of anything useful.

She let out a frustrated sigh. Preparing to open the main desk drawer and continue her search, a folder laying on the polished wooden desk top caught her eye. It had the Fuuka University logo emblazoned across it. Natsuki absently picked up the folder to thumb through the papers within. That was when she saw it. It had been lying beneath the folder, hidden from view until this very moment; the little green light shining brightly, indicating that there was at least one message to either be viewed or listened to.

Staring dumbstruck a moment longer, Natsuki tentatively reached out towards the cellphone, not wanting to believe that it was Shizuru's_. Surely it must be an extra. Shizuru wouldn't have left home without taking her phone! _But as her shaking hand locked around the phone, two cellphone charms brushed across her fingers as she lifted the phone up. One was a fierce looking dog, the other a cute little purple snake. She remembered the day Shizuru had bought these charms. They'd gone for lunch together one Sunday and on an impromptu walk through an open-air bazaar afterward, Shizuru had spotted the little charms and immediately insisted they each get one for their cellphones. Natsuki remembered bristling at the idea of her phone EVER having anything as lame as THAT hanging off of it. Shizuru had just laughed, calling her a 'meanie', and bought the two charms anyway. With a petulant pout, she'd told Natsuki that she'd just keep them both then. That the two little charms just seemed to...go together so well it was a shame to split them up. Running her thumb over the charms now, Natsuki felt a lump rise up in her throat. Flipping open the cover of the cellphone, she was greeted with the picture of herself in the pirate outfit that she'd sent to Shizuru over a month ago. The girl had set it as the wallpaper on her phone. Thumbing to the message archive, she saw, as expected, every text she'd sent since Shizuru's abrupt departure; unread. There were also fifty-seven missed calls along with twenty-three voice messages. Natsuki knew that eight of those calls had been from her, and five of the voice messages, hers as well. All still archived as New; all new messages unheard, all new texts unread.

She felt her body began to tremble as she tried to process the significance of what this meant, her mind suddenly numb and slow in its ability to think rationally. _Was Shizuru in such a hurry that she just forgot to grab her phone on the way out?_ If that was the case, surely she could have borrowed a family member's phone to call her, or better yet, just simply bought a new one. Still too many questions and not enough definitive answers. But something inside the girl had began to panic. She felt as if she were trying to claw her way out of a dark hole and no matter how hard she tried, she kept slipping further and further down again, no holds to cling to in her effort to pull herself out of the darkness she was trying so hard to avoid.

_She didn't want me calling her! She left KNOWING I'd have no way to get in touch with her! _ The thought sprang like an unseen assailant, causing her to flinch; her hands beginning to visibly shake. She suddenly dropped the phone she'd been holding as her fingers turned boneless; useless. In her haste to grab the phone before it hit the floor, her elbow inadvertently struck the edge of Shizuru's laptop which was sitting on her desk. The sudden, jarring movement caused the computer's screen to flicker once, then come on, awakened from its hibernation by Natsuki's touch. Forgetting the phone momentarily, Natsuki quickly turned her attention onto the laptop, the one she'd borrowed from Shizuru many times in the past. Pulling up the screen, praying her friend had inadvertently left some file or site map open for her to use in helping her understand what was happening, she blinked in momentary confusion as her eyes locked on the image splashed across the brightly lit screen. It was an email; open and unsent. Her heart felt as if it would burst out of her chest as she saw that it was addressed to her. Placing her trembling hands on the desktop, she leaned over and began reading the letter, her breath heavy, her body rigid and stiff as if braced against an unseen wind:

**Natsuki, **

**I write this letter tonight knowing that I will never be able to send it to you. I have no way of knowing whether you will ever get a chance to read my last goodbye or not, and yet, I hope that somehow, someday, this letter manages to find it's way into your hands and heart. Strange that I should wish for something like that, when I am too much of a coward, at the moment, to even contemplate sending it. **

**I will not use this missive as some type of vehicle with which to clear my own guilt-ridden conscious. We both know the wrongs I've committed and the trusts I have broken. That is not something that either of us need suffer for any longer. But rather, I will use this letter to express to you a truth which you already know. I am in love with you Natsuki Kuga. I have been in love with you for many years, silently holding within my heart a love that could not possibly be returned. Regardless of that fact, I continued to live inside my dream world, defining the fabric of my existence in the reality of you. Your smile was my sun. Your laughter was my happiness. I found myself...alive in ways I have never been before, whenever I was with you. Which was almost enough to make me happy...almost...**

**But I am selfish, Natsuki. Too selfish in fact, when it pertains to you. Instead of just accepting the feelings you could offer me, I selfishly pushed you for more; blinded by a love that consumed my sense of rationalization. I selfishly wanted you to want me...as much as I so desperately wanted and needed you. For that flaw, I can only beg your forgiveness. Do not hate me for the love I have for you but rather, if you must, detest instead this selfish nature inherent inside me which has driven us apart. For I now realize that a love such as mine can never be anything other than harmful and I adamantly refuse to allow any action on my part, to hurt the one person I love most in this world. **

**You must understand, this is not an easy decision I have reached. But it is the only one I can make considering my past mistakes. The events of the past year have accomplished nothing but to leave me feeling utterly defeated, both in body and in spirit. I have nothing left to give anyone...nothing at all. I do, however, have one last thing that I can give to you. ****I can give to you...your freedom. Freedom from the regret I see shadowing your eyes whenever you look into mine. Freedom from the pressure of reciprocating a love you never did nor never shall, feel for me. Freedom from the pain I brought into your life under the guise of love. Take this gift from me Natsuki. Take this last sacrifice I am able to offer. And in return, grant me this final request I make of you. Grant me...peace of mind. Let me leave here tonight comforted by that fact that you will hold true to your convictions throughout the rest of your life. Make the person you eventually fall in love with EARN the love you freely bestow upon them. Give that person you will one day find and cherish, everything you could not give to me. Even though I will surely hate whomever you choose to claim as your own, I will most assuredly love you even more for not wasting this freedom I have left you with.**

**I'm so frightened right now, Natsuki. I'm frightened of what will become of me, without you. I'm frightened of a past that haunts me daily. I'm frightened of never recovering the self respect and honor I once had. I don't want to go, I don't want to leave you. But I'm so afraid that if I remain here, I will only end up hurting you more. And we both know that Shizuru Fujino would rather DIE than see you hurt. **

**Leaving is the only way that I can fathom to prevent causing you more pain. I think it was always...inevitable, that I would destroy the one thing which I sought so hard to protect. **

**I close asking this last indulgence. Allow me to say, one last time, how very much in love with you I am. If I know nothing else, I hold fast to that one truth. Your heart beats, and I live. You sigh, and I feel your breath inside my own body. Your happiness...is my salvation. I shall always love you Natsuki Kuga. Always. Losing you is the death of Shizuru Fujino, though I might live another thousand years. I consider it a sacrifice worth it's ultimate price. **

**Until time has run its course and the past is nothing but a memory-  
><strong>**my love is yours,**

**Shizuru**

"Shi...zuru," Natsuki whispered in a broken breath, her body shaking as if she'd been encased in ice. _No! No! No! _That solitary word rang out over and over in her mind as the significance of what she'd found tonight hit her, forcing her to realize a fact she'd been afraid of all along. Shizuru...was gone. _Gone! Alone!_ Shizuru had left her...alone. Putting one hand over her mouth in an effort to prevent the scream poised inside from ripping through the stillness of the night, Natsuki stumbled backward, knocking over the chair that was sitting in front of the desk, green eyes still locked on the glowing screen of the laptop.

_This isn't happening,_ _God PLEASE_, she thought desperately to herself, trying to recover enough of her addled wits to make sense of this entire night. First, she'd almost killed herself on her bike out by the lighthouse. Then in a moment of desperation, she'd broken into her friend's apartment in the hopes of finding a clue as to why she'd been called away on family business for so long with no word...only to discover that Shizuru was gone. Vanished. With no chance for her to even tell Shizuru the way she truly felt about her.

Throwing her head back, eyes closed, Natsuki let out a mournful howl of rage and heartbreak, her fists clenched uselessly by her sides. "SHIZURU!" the girl's voice broke with raw emotion as she felt hot tears snaking down the sides of her face. Dropping to the floor on her knees, she hung her head, shaking it back and forth as if trying to dispel the words of Shizuru's letter from her mind. "Shizuru," she mumbled, scrubbing a hand across her nose and eyes, unable to stop the wracking sobs or the feeling of something being ripped away from inside her. "Shizuru, you...you...IDIOT! You didn't even give me a chance...a chance to TELL you that...I LOVE YOU!" Pounding her fists against the wooden floor, she struck out again and again, as if the physical pain of her flesh striking the wood could somehow diminish the mental pain that seared through her very heart and soul. "I love you...I LOVE YOU...I...love...I...hate you...I hate you...I HATE YOU!" Alternating between shouting and unintelligible mumbling, Natsuki Kuga, Fuuka Academy's Lone Wolf...the indomitable Ice Princess...finally melted into the pain and hopelessness of feeling...for the second time in her life...the unmitigated agony of being left alone...with no choice.


	21. Chapter 21

greetings and salutations...and YES...i do realize this is a long chapter...but i am fanatical about details in the stories i either read or write...something i've discovered about myself over the course of penning this fanfic...not too keen on reading stories that are just bones...i like a little meat on dem bones as well...lol...i do not apologize for indulging myself in this respect...to those of you who have sent notes saying you've enjoyed this worded romp thus far...i dedicate this chapter to you as well as to those who faithfully follow this fiction...i hope you dig reading it as much as i did writing it...

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  
>-Seneca-<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-One<strong>

The 'Meditation Room' that Shizuru had been assigned upon arrival at the Malibu estate was nothing at ALL like the meditation cells she was accustomed to in the Japanese sense of the word. This was something more akin to a studio apartment than a mere room, lavishly decked out with all the comforts one could wish for. Which was a blessing considering her instructions upon arrival had been nothing more than a perfunctory, _make yourself at home and we'll get back with you._ Well, a little more than that actually, but the gist of it had been the same.

Miss Merit, the woman who had greeted her at LAX two weeks ago, had talked the entire limo ride from the airport to Malibu, where Shizuru would be staying until such time as the interview with the director was scheduled. The woman had spoken at great length about a great many things, on topics ranging from how the flight out of Japan had been, to the wonderful weather they were now experiencing in southern California, to the best type of sunblock Shizuru should use if she chose to do much walking on the beach. She'd been well versed in the art of making mundane small talk and asking harmless questions, but every query Shizuru had, in turn, levered at the woman concerning the Inner Sacrificio had been deflected by Miss Merit with an apologetic shrug and the noncommittal response of, "All in good time. All in good time. We advocate patience right from the start." Which had proven all too true, since the first two weeks Shizuru experienced in the states were spent patiently waiting. It had been explained to her that the two week grace period that all prospective initiatives to the I. S. were given was to ensure each person had enough time alone to thoroughly weigh and consider their purpose in wanting to contract with the organization.

Upon arrival, Shizuru had been momentarily struck speechless by the size of the place where she would be staying. It turned out that the place in Malibu was an exclusive estate owned by the I.S.'s regional director of the western states, a Mr. Goodwill. Miss Merit had explained that the estate was used as a place for processing incoming candidates as well as a sort of refuge for those already affiliated with the Inner Sacrificio to retire to in times of self meditation and reflection. Shizuru spent those first two weeks in a semi-isolation, dividing most of her time between relaxing in the lavish room or sitting outside on the private patio. Just herself, her inner reflections of the past and present and the spectacular view afforded from her patio atop a small, grassy knoll overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

Miss Merit had left a leather bound portfolio with her which included pertinent information about the Inner Sacrificio. She had been instructed to read over the material before reaching her ultimate decision about becoming a new initiate. The woman also left instructions warning Shizuru away from having any contact with the other guests of the estate until such time as she had concluded the interview with the director, Mister Goodwill. This restriction proved no hardship on Shizuru whatsoever, since she wasn't interested in socializing nor conversation with strangers. During the course of her stay, Shizuru had spotted several other guests out walking on the beach alone or sitting in the comfortable deck chairs on the patios opening off of their own private rooms but as instructed, she did not try to engage them in conversation nor did they seem inclined to do the same with her. In fact, the only human contact she had in the entire two weeks she spent at the estate consisted of the periodic conversations she shared with Miss Merit, who made an effort to drop in on her at least every two or three days. The assistant director would show up at various times of the day or night on these unannounced visits and ask Shizuru a series of ransom questions such as, was she finding the food to her satisfaction or was there anything that she needed or wanted while waiting for the scheduled appointment. Shizuru had obligingly supplied her casual answers to the inquires and with a promise to check in on her again later, the woman would vanish, showing up as promised after another few days had passed, ready to continue the series of banal questions and answers. It was a routine that Shizuru fell easily into.

As the days passed and Shizuru began to relax, the girl was surprised to feel some of the stress of the past year loosen its hold over her. Just a small easing of the tension she'd been carrying around for far too long. She actually began to enjoy the time she spent by herself at the estate. No one demanding her attention, no expectations she felt obligated to fulfill. She felt as if for the first time in a very long time, she could actually step out from behind the mask she'd worn for so long...and just...breathe. She'd even asked Miss Merit to bring in some reading material that she'd requested on one of the woman's impromptu visits and had spent many long hours engaged in the simple act of reading. She'd forgotten what it felt like to be at peace enough to immerse herself in the mind, in the words, of someone else. For too long Shizuru Fujino had been trapped inside her own mind with nothing but horrifying nightmares for company. The comforting, familiar pleasure of just reading a book was somewhat liberating.

She also found that walking the isolated stretch of beach just down the hill from the estate was, in itself, a balm to her shattered mind. The ocean breeze combined with the warm California sun double-teamed the stress and anxiety she'd been struggling beneath for the past year, allowing the girl the opportunity to begin the onerous task of sorting through the tangled mess she'd made of her life. The mess she'd made of other peoples lives as well. It wasn't something that could remove the guilt and shame staining her conscious overnight...but it was a beginning.

As Shizuru stood on the private patio of her assigned room, she turned her eyes towards the glorious sunset spread out before her like an artist's living canvas. The reds and oranges of the sun met the black depths of the Pacific Ocean in a muted blur of sky and earth; the light of the day dying dramatically as it sank beneath the placid waters off the coast. _A beginning...indeed,_ she thought to herself with a small smile of hope.

A sudden shadow stole across Shizuru's heart as she gazed out over the ocean. An overwhelming sense of guilt that threatened to sink her buoyant mood as she stood here in this multimillion dollar mansion, watching the beauty of a sunset play out before her. _What right do I have to enjoy ANYTHING, when I know that somewhere across the world from me, a heart that I left broken and abandoned is_ _suffering_. _Suffering because of me._ She shut her mind to the mental image of the girl she'd left behind. _I've done what I can for...Natsuki. She'll find this to_ _be true...one day,_ she consoled herself for the thousandth time, the thrill and beauty of the sunset suddenly turning stale and ugly. Closing her eyes, she stood in the cool breeze sweeping in off the ocean, suppressing a shiver as the temperature began to drop along with the setting sun. Her chestnut colored hair was blown back away from her face as a stronger gust pushed up the terraced hill facing the ocean. Standing a moment longer as the wind ran it's ephemeral fingers through her hair, she said a silent prayer; _Please let me have made the right decision. Don't let this anguish I am causing myself and Natsuki...be all in vain. _She opened her eyes after that quick prayer and turned, leaving the spectacular view to the sea gulls skimming across the white-capped waves, and reentered her room.

Sliding the doors closed behind her upon reentering her quarters, she gave the knob which controlled the blinds covering the glass doors leading out to the patio a quick twist. The wooden blinds whirred and turned slowly, effectively shutting out the view of the setting sun, throwing the room into an amalgam of shadows and muted light. Kicking off the soft shoes she'd worn outside, she padded barefoot over to the lamp on the desk and switched the light on. As Shizuru turned towards the small bathroom in preparations of having herself a nice long shower, her eyes fell upon the portfolio laying beneath a set of keys on the desk. She frowned, running one long, delicate finger down the supple leather of the folder before picking it up and carrying it over to the bed. Folding her legs gracefully beneath her upon the soft, light cotton comforter covering the bed, Shizuru opened the portfolio, her eyes skimming across the familiar pages held within. She'd already been over this material a dozen times since her arrival and yet she couldn't stop herself from perusing it one last time. Inside the expensive looking folder was all the information she would need to know in order to make a well informed decision concerning her desire to seek guidance from the I.S.

The pages contained within broke down in great detail, the organization known as Inner Sacrificio. The first missive was a generic welcome letter stating the name of the organization, a list of Western Affiliates along with several of the directors and assistants names, which to Shizuru's amusement were all names that sounded like something out of an eighteenth century morality tale; Mr. Goodwill, Miss Faith, Mister Credence and so on. Surely these had to be pseudonyms, she chuckled to herself after that first reading. Also included in the dossier was a letter of intent. In it was laid out in naked truth the intent of the I.S. The main goal of the organization was to give shelter and guidance to those EcHOS throughout the world who for some reason or other either could not control the violent stigma associated with the H-12 gene or who needed help in redirection and restructuring. Also, the I.S. made themselves available to any EcHOS family members, who out of desperation, appealed to the centuries old organization for help with out of control EcHOS. If thus invited to step in, the I.S. would intervene on the family's behalf and remand into custody the rogue EcHOS and begin something called a Reverb Detox, which Shizuru surmised was just a polite way of saying forced compliance with the I.S. program. She shuddered at the implications this brought to her mind. But, her situation was different. She was going into this with eyes wide open and in full knowledge of the requirements and limitations which were implied in the dossier.

Also included within the portfolio were several pages containing a brief synopsis of some of the training she could elect to participate in once fully indoctrinated into the organization. She'd found it amusing that the training and instruction offered by the organization were called 'Therapy Sessions'. Regardless of that fact, she'd discovered several categories with intriguing names such as 'The Therapy of the Philosophy of Self', 'The Therapy of Applied Thought', The Therapy of Philanthropic Science' and 'The Therapy of Meditative Combat'. She'd been most interested in the topic of meditative combat and had focused on the sub-therapies under that general header. The few combat therapies she'd skimmed through seemed like nothing more than a refresher course for her. She'd been trained by her aunt, Kagami Kenatsu, since she was old enough to walk. Her aunt had touched on, if not expounded on in greater detail and training, the various fighting techniques laid out in brevity in the dossier. So she was already well versed in many of the sub-therapies offered as examples. The one that caught her eye was 'The Therapy of the Tao Of Negative Ch'i: Fundamental Building Blocks of Expanded Defense'. The short explanation of the training therapy stated that with a union of meditation and application, one could learn to harness the flow of ch'i in order to build body defenses from the Inner Eye. She had no clue what this particular teaching method entailed, but having been brought up with a formal training in all aspects of martial arts, she had been exposed to the practice of ch'i. Before tucking the page back into the pile, Shizuru noticed again, at the bottom of the paper, that only those cleared for this particular Therapy by the attending physician of the western alliance of the I.S. were eligible for enrollment. _Definitely something to inquire further into_, she noted to herself.

She'd already seen the list of requirements that must be met before acceptance into the Inner Sacrificio would be approved. A few were unconditional while others were optional. Scanning the list again, Shizuru ticked off on her fingers the unconditional requirements, giving her head a firm nod as she agreed to being able to adhere to each one:

_1._ _ A one year contract with the Inner Sacrificio of the affiliate alliance and or country must be agreed upon for acceptance into the organization to take effect. This is a nonnegotiable clause and cannot, without stipulation, be broken or extended with a leave of absence. After the one year contract is fulfilled, the active member may then request a release of continuation and return to their previous life with no penalties or restrictions. If, however, said member wishes to continue her or his affiliation with the organization, an additional one year contract will be put into motion and as per stated, will be expected to be completed in full. No signing of consecutive years contracts will be permitted. One year. One contract. One fulfillment._

_2. After each one year contract is successfully completed, members of the Inner Sacrificio will gain seniority rankings and privileges which work in conjunction with any and all future signed contracts, enabling said member to accrue status and recognition. This ranking system allows for job placement and advancement within the organization if so desired; covering the managerial perspective as well as all staffing/instructor placements and or security positions. Five full contracts must be fulfilled and written letters of recommendation from no less than three current or past members of the Inner Sacrificio must be submitted in order for a member to be given consideration for a position within the infrastructure of the organization. [See Criteria For Infrastructure Entrance and Decade Advancement Opportunities]_

_3. All initiates admitted into the Inner Sacrificio must submit to no less than four complete physical examinations per contract year unless otherwise stipulated for training purposes, illness or other physical manifestations. All personal records will be kept on file and classified even after the contract year or consecutive contracts per year have been fulfilled. No exceptions._

_4. Correspondence with ties to initiate's lives before being accepted into the organization is not prohibited, per se, but it is highly recommended that dealings of this nature be limited, if not completely disdained until such time as the contract year has been fulfilled. If active members do chose to keep an outside contact, no information whatsoever pertaining to any aspect of the Inner Sacrificio or it's current members or staff will be permitted to be expounded upon in personal missives. Anyone breaking this vow of voluntary silence will be summarily excommunicated from the organization and further admonishments will fall to the jurisdiction of the director of said members affiliated alliance. Penalties and or punishments for blatant abuse or neglect of this clause will be absolute._

_5. Any other limitations or requirements that must be met before an accepted member can actively participate in the various Therapies founded upon the dogma of the Inner Sacrificio, will be contingent upon the mandated regulations attributed by the individual Praeceptor [Teacher]. All pertinent information regarding stated requirements or prerequisites for these Therapy Sessions will be supplied on a need to know basis._

_6. After completion of the introductory interview, if both parties are in agreement to these unconditional requirements, prospective member will then become an active initiate of the Inner Sacrificio and leave behind for the duration of the one year contract all aspects, obligations and loyalties of their previous lives. For it has been our staunch belief and practice over the ages that one cannot bring anything other than that which is inside their own heart and soul with them into this arena. Outside trappings are a hindrance when it comes to the restructuring and retraining of an EcHOS. Before signing the contract, prospective initiates will renounce even the name they brought in with them, taking for themselves a new name that they shall henceforth be known as until such time as the one year contract is fulfilled._

** -Vita turpis ne morti quidem honestae colum relinquit-  
><strong>**A life of shame leaves no room even for an honorable death**

There were a few other various paragraphs and disclaimers but the gist of the entire dossier was boiled down to those six requirements. Could a person agree and adhere to those six stipulations in order to be embraced by the Inner Sacrificio? Shizuru Fujino knew that as for herself, the answer was...yes. After much soul searching and thought, she discovered over the course of the two weeks spent waiting for the interview that she COULD agree to and keep faith with all six of these major requirements.

A one year contract; what was a year to her now anyway? Time held no meaning for her. She didn't have anywhere else to go nor was anyone waiting for her return. Out of nowhere the image of two green eyes shadowed in pain materialized in her mind. _Oh God! Natsuki!_ Her heart cried out silently as she tried not to think about what the girl was going through in her own life right now. _Stop it Shizuru!_ She chastised herself harshly. _Now is not the time for weakness._ _Your decision to leave was the only honorable option. The longer you stayed around her the more pain you put her through. You have nothing to offer anyone any longer. So just let it go...let her go. _She had to take several deep breaths in order to clear the guilt-ridden shame of being the purveyor of the confused anguish Natsuki was probably going through at this very minute. But what choice had she truly had? It was either stay and continue to cause pain simply by the fact of her very presence or leave and cause pain that would, in time, fade away for the person she loved most in this world.

_Fade away,_ the words rang hollow and ominous in her ears, _fade away like the name which I will give up by choice...tomorrow. _She'd been defined by the name Fujino her entire life. How would it feel to suddenly shirk the responsibility and weight of a family name which had stigmatized her life thus far? She'd given this question much consideration and had reached the conclusion that she would be more than willing to set aside her family name until such time as she felt emotionally, as well as physically prepared to harness herself to it, once again. She laughed bitterly at the comparison of her family name to a harness. _When has it felt like anything other than a harness?_ She questioned herself angrily._ I am the thoroughbred horse shackled to a family name...and my father, my FATHER, the cruel rider who manifests his power over me with ungentle tugs and yanks on the bridle. _She fell back onto the bed with a sigh, draping one arm over her eyes. Tomorrow she would give the answer regarding her decision to become an initiate in the Inner Sacrificio. If after the interview with Mister Goodwill, his offer to accept her intent to contract with the organization still remained open, she would no longer be Shizuru Fujino. She would be...?

_Now that's a damn fine question Miss Fujino_, she scolded herself, a frown drawing her delicately arched brows together in consternation. Relaxing back into the comforts of the soft bed, she let her mind wander freely on this topic. She'd pondered this question periodically throughout the past two weeks, but had STILL reached no conclusive decision as to what name she would take for herself. What did other people in the organization use as their pseudonyms? Surely not everyone chose a name like Miss Merit or Mister Goodwill. There had to be SOME people in the I.S. who didn't think that highly of themselves. And what of the Rogue EcHOS? Were they arbitrarily assigned names or did they have a choice in the matter at all? She couldn't picture someone being hauled in off the streets voluntarily choosing a name like Mister Charity for themselves. _Gah! _She groaned, pounding one fist against the mattress in agitation. She'd had two weeks to come up with a name for herself and here on the eve before the interview, she still had nothing.

What name indeed! _What name would most clearly define who you are?_ she asked herself sarcastically. What name would a person who only brought pain and suffering to others chose to call herself? _Monster? Destroyer of Hope? What about Despondency? _Grunting in disgust, Shizuru rolled over onto her side, pulling an overstuffed pillow into her arms, hugging it tightly against her body, tired of thinking about pseudonyms. She didn't care what she was known as...as long as she could find what she needed here. She desperately needed a chance to heal the wounds left inside her from the past year. She clung to the hope fostered by a letter written long years ago by her mother's love, Jiro Chosokabe, that this organization had helped him regain a sense of connection with himself. If the I.S. could grant him peace of mind, if it could restore his lost honor and allow him the opportunity to heal self-inflicted mental wounds, might not it help her as well? The words of her aunt upon leaving Japan rang softly in her mind as Shizuru felt her eyes getting heavy, her lids slowly fluttering closed. Kagami's voice hummed ethereally in her memory as she gave in to the seductive comfort of the bed and drifted off into an uneasy sleep, "There is nothing that you cannot achieve if you are dedicated to achieving it."

* * *

><p>Shizuru awoke with a start, barely keeping the scream pushing it's way out of her sleep addled mind from ripping through the room. One hand covering her mouth, she sat up, dislodging the pile of papers she'd been laying on, sending some scattering to the floor. Her body was trembling and she could feel the sweat beginning to cool against her skin as she ran a shaking hand through her disheveled hair, eyes wide in confusion. <em>Where am I?<em> was the thought that momentarily raced through her mind as she glanced wildly around. Recognition was slow in returning as she fought to control her labored breathing. Blinking in the soft light of the desk lamp, she placed one hand over her racing heart, clutching the material of her shirt in a fist. What was this pain in her chest? It felt...almost too real to be merely a dream. Pulling her legs up beneath her, the girl sat up, trying to remember what had caused her to feel such an overwhelming sense of...panic. Had she been dreaming? Perhaps. Her dreams had been nothing short of nightmarish for the past six months, so that was her best guess. And yet, it hadn't felt as if she were dreaming. It had felt...she frowned, trying to put words to a feeling she was not awake enough yet to fully understand. It felt as if her heart had suddenly become encased in ice and then shattered into a million broken pieces. The sense of panic and fear still clung to her body and she shuddered. It took several long minutes to calm her racing heart and recover from the nightmare.

Yawning, she glanced at the nightstand beside the bed, the digital clock reading 3:33 AM. "Baka," she chided herself, dragging her legs across the crumpled pages from the dossier she'd fallen asleep on top of, knowing that she would never be able to go back to sleep before morning. She threw her legs off the side of the bed, sitting up straighter with a one-armed stretch. Pushing her feet into the soft slippers she kept by the bed, Shizuru stood up. A gnawing pang in her stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. She'd have to go scrounge up something for herself from the communal kitchen then. Each morning a menu was delivered to the occupants inside the estate and one could chose in advance what meals they would like served to their rooms. If you failed to submit your choices, it was up to you to fend for yourself in the kitchen. Miss Merit had tactfully suggested that it would be easiest to have her food delivered to her room, but if the mood struck her she was always welcome to whip something up in the estate's well stocked kitchen. She grimaced at the thought. Cooking had never been something Shizuru enjoyed. Maybe she could pilfer some fruit or something that did NOT require actual prep time NOR pots and pans.

She tidied up the mess of papers scattered across her bed and on the floor, still wondering at the sense of panic she'd awoken to, before quietly leaving the room. The estate was somberly silent this early in the morning as she padded down the hall toward the kitchen. Not that she'd ever noticed much activity or noise here to begin with. If she hadn't seen with her own eyes several of the other guests, she would have sworn that she was alone here in the huge house. She passed several other doors just like hers, each with a number stenciled on it in a reflective, silver paint. She heard no sounds behind those closed doors as she walked by each one. Four to be exact. The door to her room was number three of the four.

The hall was paneled in a pale, white wood that gave the soft lighting from overhead fixtures a warm caress. The flooring was some type of polished sandstone, a rich creamy color shot through with veins of a deeper tan. Black and white photographs adorned the walls of the hall, all with a nautical theme and presented in expensive silver and black metal frames. One of the photos caught her eye as she moved past, and she paused a moment to study it more closely. She'd singled out this particular photograph several times before on her solitary walkabouts through the house and stopped again to appraise the piece. It was a picture of a piece of strangely shaped driftwood lying on the beach. Nothing spectacular really, just the odd piece of saltwater infused wood lying half-buried in some sand. What had caught Shizuru's attention was the shadow of the person taking the photograph. It lay across half of the driftwood, obscuring the other half in a dark blotch of shadow. A simple phrase was written in beautiful script beneath the photo: _"Shadows can only eclipse that which we have yet to discover." _She stood mesmerized by the photo and the words for several long minutes before feeling her stomach rumble angrily. Letting out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, Shizuru continued her trek towards the kitchen.

Skirting the edges of the large, sunken den/living room area of the estate, replete with all the amenities of comfort and entertainment, she rounded the corner in the hall and stepped through the arched entrance into the kitchen. The dining area of the kitchen had four round rattan tables placed in front of the glass wall facing out towards the ocean...each with four accompanying dark colored, high backed rattan chairs surrounding the table. There were also bamboo blinds separating the four tables which could be levered up or down individually, depending on whether or not one desired a bit of privacy while dining. All blinds were down at the moment, making each table into it's own semi-private booth. Shizuru had chosen to have all her meals delivered to her room so she had no idea if anyone ever actually came down here to eat. The few times she'd been in the kitchen since arriving, she'd seen no one at these tables. As to whether that was a testament to the low number of people occupying the estate at the moment, or whether everyone here preferred, as she did, to take their meals alone, was anyone's guess.

Thoughts on what she might be able to find to eat that wouldn't require any cooking or cleanup, Shizuru suddenly pulled up quickly as she belatedly realized that one side of the refrigerator's double door was open, the light from inside throwing a weak glow around the floor in front of the fridge. _Another guest, or perhaps the chef getting a jump on the morning menus to be prepared later on._ Frowning in curiosity, Shizuru leaned slightly to the left as she tried to peer around the open door of the fridge which was obscuring her view of the person standing there. She could hear the contents of the refrigerator being shuffled through; the clinking of jars and the rattling of containers being pushed around as whomever it was pawed through the items inside. Debating on whether or not to simply turn around and return to her room without her snack, a loud growl from her stomach cut through the darkened silence of the room causing Shizuru to blush, certain the person standing in front of the fridge heard the embarrassing noise. Preparing herself for the inevitable confrontation with the other guest, she ran her hands nervously through her hair, knowing she must look a mess with her rumpled clothes and sleep tousled hair. But the person remained oblivious to her presence, his or her attention focused solely on whatever they were searching so diligently for in the refrigerator.

The words of Miss Merit instructing her to have no contact with other guests staying at the estate rose up in her mind, but a combination of curiosity and hunger drove Shizuru to take a tentative step closer, trying to catch a peek at whomever was standing there. As her eyes adjusted to the low output from the fridge light, she saw that the person bent at the waist, rummaging through the vegetable crisper drawers, was female. She was wearing a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt; her feet clad in a cheap pair of red flip-flops that these beach dwelling Americans seemed to favor. Shizuru couldn't tell anything other than that due to the fact that the girl's back was all she was able to see. Deciding on the spur of the moment that she'd just wait until later to come back and snag some fruit, Shizuru made as if to turn around.

At that precise moment the girl in front of the fridge straightened up with a jubilant "Ah-ha!" and with a quick move, preformed a combination of a jump-turn around, pushing the fridge door closed with one hip before spinning around on the balls of her feet, bringing her face to face with a startled Shizuru.

It was only then that the girl became aware of Shizuru, or rather she became aware of the shadow lurking behind the refrigerator door as it shut. Making a strangled sound in the back of her throat, the girl reached up and yanked the headphones she was wearing down around her neck, cursing loudly, "Fuck me running! You scared the shit outt'a me!" Clutching the item she'd removed from the fridge to her chest, she laughed nervously. "How long you been standing there?"

Shizuru gave the flustered girl a quick bow, trying to calm her own startled heart at the girl's loud greeting. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you such a fright. I was only looking for some fruit. I skipped dinner," she explained sheepishly, embarrassed and a bit irritated to be caught so off guard. "Again, I apologize for intruding." As she turned to leave, she felt the girl's strong fingers lock onto her wrist, halting her departure.

"Hey. It's cool. Sorry I got a bit freaked. Wasn't expecting anyone to be hiding in the shadows of the kitchen like that." She laughed, a high, rich sound followed by a snort. "Anyway, don't rush off. Here." Flicking on the light above the counter, she waved her free hand towards a bowl of fresh fruit. "Try an orange. They're grown in a local orchard owned by one of the Decades. He's an ass, but he does grow some hella tasty fruit." Her voice and inflection was overly exaggerated, vowels strung out and stretched into more syllables than was absolutely necessary, as if she were enjoying the taste of each word she uttered. An accent with a sing-song type of cadence to it; pleasing to the ear, nothing like Shizuru had heard before.

"Thank you so much," Shizuru bowed her thanks and reached for one of the oversized oranges arranged artfully in the basket along with several other types of fruit, taking the opportunity to study the girl standing in front of her. She was tall. Long blonde hair with..._purple..._highlights streaked through it, pulled up into two pony tails. Her eyes were a sky blue, skin aglow with the obligatory tan obtained beneath a California sun. One ear was full of piercings while the other held only one. What Shizuru had at first taken for shorts were instead a pair of plaid boxers, her shirt a sweat shirt with the sleeves cut off, emblazoned with the name of a sports team that Shizuru didn't recognize. _Titans. Must be_ _something American then,_ she surmised, watching the girl as she tried to open a jar of green olives. Her body was nicely proportioned, well toned and athletic in build. _A few years older than me,_ she judged, peeling the skin from the orange, which came away easily beneath her fingers in a burst of citrus tang. Looking around the pristine kitchen for a garbage container, the girl must have read the questioning glance Shizuru was throwing around the room.

Giving the cabinet door beneath the counter a kick with one foot, she flashed a toothy grin. "Garbage is under there." After directing Shizuru towards the trash, she hopped up on top of the counter, sitting with her legs crossed at the ankles. She gritted her teeth as she tried to pry the lid off of the jar of olives she'd nabbed from the fridge. The vacuum seal made a 'popping' sound as it finally opened. Giving a satisfactory grunt, she dipped two fingers into the jar and removed an oversized green olive. Stuffing it into her mouth, she held the jar out towards Shizuru. "Want one?"

Shizuru smiled, tossing the orange peel into the trash. "No thank you. I think the orange will be satisfactory." Pulling a slice off between two fingers, she brought the fruit to her mouth. It was delicious! Juicy and fresh. She could have swore that she tasted the kiss of the California sun in the tangy-sweet morsel. "Mmmm, you're right. This fruit is wonderful." Whatever or whoever this 'Decade' was grew extremely tasty oranges.

"Yeah," the girl replied, a scowl suddenly darkening her face. "Goddammit!" she swore, pulling the olive out of her mouth and eying it critically. "I HATE these lil pieces of pimento they shove in these things. Just brine infused red jellies. GROSS! I prefer kalamata, but greens are good too...if they aren't stuffed with pimentos." She spit the pimento out into her hand and laid it on the counter top, dipping two fingers back into the jar, fishing for a second olive. As she removed the prize and shoved it into her mouth, Shizuru noticed a small tattoo on the back of the girl's hand. The letters T.C.B and a lightning bolt. The girl must have spotted Shizuru's gaze on her hand because she held it up and out towards her so she could get a better look. "T.C.B. Taking Care of Business. It's Elvis's personal logo." Turning her right leg, she pointed to another tattoo inked on the outside of the calf; this one an image of a pair of gold sunglasses with the words "The King" beneath it. "Got this one too. It's a tat like the glasses Presley wore all the time in the seventies. That dude is like...my idol. Hella cool. Came from a dirt-ass poor southern family but then BAM!" She slammed one palm against the counter making a sound like a gunshot, causing Shizuru to nearly jump our of her skin, before continuing, "Outta nowhere he becomes the SHIT!" Spitting out another of the disgusting red pimentos and lining it up beside the other one, the girl made an irritated sound and threw Shizuru a wide smile. "Jesus. Sorry. I didn't even introduce myself. I'm Tennessee."

Swallowing another piece of the orange, Shizuru opened her mouth to reciprocate the greeting, but paused. She'd been instructed not to mingle with the other guests of the estate. But, not to the exclusion of being rude and refusing a simple introduction, surely. Returning the girl's genuine smile, Shizuru responded, "It's very nice to meet you...Tennessee. I'm..." Here she paused. She didn't know the proper etiquette governing name disclosures, so she chose to ere on the side of caution. "I'm...new." She covered her mouth with one hand and laughed nervously at the absurdity of the situation. Obviously the girl's true name was NOT Tennessee and obviously she herself DID have a name, only, she wasn't sure if she was supposed to share that information or not.

Tennessee's blue eyes widened. "Wow. A new initiate huh? Well, welcome to the I.S. Guess I'll just call ya NOOB, since I'm sure you've been instructed not to tell anyone your real name OR talk to strangers." The girl broke into loud laughter, drumming the heels of her feet against the front of the cabinet door as if sharing a private joke with herself. "Oh man! Goodwill would FREAK if he knew you ran into me tonight." She cocked one eyebrow up at Shizuru's curious expression before asking, "Are you here voluntarily? Or are you a Rogue...like me?"

Trying to remember what exactly a Rogue was, Shizuru opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by a loud snort from the girl on the counter. "Never mind. You got volunteer written all over your innocent looking face. Me, on the other hand...well...my family had me picked up about six months ago. Seems I was walking the razors edge...if you know what I mean. Causing them problems, getting into a bit of trouble now and again. I say fuck that! Nothing but a girl out getting a few kicks. I'm sure I would've gotten bored with that scene soon enough. Anyway, long story short...here I am." She grinned as if that explanation should answer any questions Shizuru might have.

A bit overwhelmed at the girl's straightforward personality as well as the realization that she'd been instructed NOT to mingle with the other guests, Shizuru snagged another orange from the bowl and gave the girl a quick bow. "Well, it was very nice to meet you Miss...Tennessee. I'm afraid I need to make an apology for cutting this conversation off so quickly, but I really must get back to my room and try to get a bit of rest before my interview in the morning. I shall look forward to seeing you again sometime in the future, perhaps."

The girl's blue eyes narrowed, but the smile she flashed was exuberantly cheerful. "Oh yeah. Sure thing Noob. Good luck with your interview. I guess the next time we meet, I'll have to call you something other than NOOB. Ha-ha-ha!" She held a hand up in farewell. "Take it easy. And if ya can't take it easy, take it anyway that you can!" A burst of laughter and Tennessee vaulted easily off the counter onto the floor, tucking the jar of olives under one arm while pulling her headphones back on with the other.

Holding her orange in one hand, Shizuru turned and began making her way out of the kitchen, wondering at the strange girl she'd just met.

"Hey!"

The sound of the girl's voice halted her departure and Shizuru turned back around trying to wipe the impatient frown off her face before facing the girl. "Yes?" she asked politely, wanting nothing so much as to return to the privacy of her room.

"Just a bit of friendly advice. Be sure this is what you want before you sign that contract. I'm not saying this organization is shady or whatever. I mean come on, how else could a chick from the wrong side of Memphis, Tennessee wrangle a week spent in a joint like this? Just...make sure this is what you want. I didn't get a choice and if I could...well...just be sure, yeah? I'd hate for a NOOB to go into this with eyes closed. See ya." And with that cryptic statement, the girl trotted down another hall, leaving Shizuru a bit more nervous about this whole thing than she'd been upon entering the kitchen.


	22. Chapter 22

GAH! call me a slacker if you must...but i finally managed to steal enough time to finish this chapter and get it uploaded...things get manic around the holidays...speaking of which...i hope everyone has a groovified thanksgiving...nothing better than sitting down with your own personalized, dysfunctional family unit and sharing a dinner with them eh? LMAO...at least that's the way it is with MY family...for those of you who have picture perfect family holidays together without all the holiday drama...wanna trade familes for christmas? :P anyway...hope you enjoy this chapter...thanks to everyone who reviewed and or sent a private note...and a mightly big THANKS YALL to everyone who continues to follow my story...this little saint appreciates your continued support... V peace V

**"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."  
><strong>**~Marcus Aurelius~**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-two<strong>

Shizuru didn't get any more sleep that night. After returning to her room, she'd indulged in a nice long shower. She then took her orange and a cup of chai tea out to the patio, content to sit and sip her beverage while contemplating the upcoming interview. Blowing on the rim of the cup, Shizuru took a quick sip of the warm tea and then made a face. _Gah! Instant tea! s_he lamented, wishing she had a nice cup of freshly brewed tea instead of this swill in a bag that was so prevalent in the U.S. _These Americans, always looking for an easier and faster way to do things with no respect for tradition, even if that traditional way meant producing a far superior tasting cup of tea. _

Curling her feet up beneath her in the comfort of the oversized deck chair, she tugged the collar of the thick, terrycloth robe she was wearing up a little higher under her chin and gazed out over the placid waters of the ocean, the sky just now blushing a light pink as it kissed the moon goodbye and waited upon the embrace of day. The waves against the shore played a soothing accompaniment to the sound of the wind chime 'tinging' musically from the eave of the patio.

Her interview with Mister Goodwill was in few short hours and her attention should be focused on that, but Shizuru's thoughts kept inexplicably returning to the brief encounter she'd had with the young woman in the kitchen. The girl had admitted to being a Rogue EcHOS, which caused Shizuru to shake her head at herself. Upon first hearing that term, the mental image which had immediately formed in Shizuru's mind had been that of a wild person on the lose; one with no sense of themselves or responsibility for their own actions...someone who should be locked up for their own protection as well as those around them. However, the fortuitous meeting with Tennessee had shamefully dispelled her predisposition concerning the Rogue EcHOS. The young woman had been audacious, certainly, but weren't all Americans a bit impudent in their personalities? Instead of the raving lunatic she'd pictured the rogues to resemble, this girl had been intelligently humorous and quite in control of herself. At least from Shizuru's perspective. Of course, one couldn't always judge another persons character based simply on a spontaneous meeting in a kitchen at three o'clock in the morning either.

A stronger gust of wind blew the tang of the salt-water up the hill and Shizuru shivered before pulling her thoughts away from the young woman she'd met earlier. She had other, more important issues to occupy her mind with at the moment; life altering decisions which would be expected to be made by her in just a few short hours, such as was she willing to sacrifice a year of her life to this...organization and it's strict dogma in order to pacify a guilty conscious? Would anything she could find here even be able to help her, or was this Inner Sacrificio simply nothing other than a glorified cult? The words Jiro Chosokabe had written in his last letter to her mother echoed in her mind as she felt her eyes getting heavy, her breathing slowing into a relaxed rhythm of sleepiness; _"Thus was my sacrifice. Thus is my salvation." _Within another few minutes, Shizuru was dozing peacefully.

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><p>She awoke with a startled jump, frightening away two gulls who had landed on the table adjacent to her chair and were apparently enjoying a breakfast of the peeled orange she'd left uneaten beside her teacup. The little thieves threw angry squawks at her, annoyed at being interrupted from their morning feast and lifted off into the bright sky in a flutter of thrashing wings. Pulling the robe up higher on the shoulder it had slipped off of, Shizuru stretched both arms above her head, producing a decidedly unladylike yawn before knuckling her eyes. "Gah!" she groaned aloud, squinting from the glare of the sun reflecting off the water. Not her ideal way of waking up in the morning, she thought drowsily, shielding her eyes with the back of her hand.<p>

_No...wait! Morning! _"What time is it?" she groaned aloud, blinking rapidly as she tried to pull herself out of the sleep still clinging to her mind and body. She worked to pull her legs out from beneath her, struggling to get out of the deck chair she'd fallen asleep in. Sitting up quickly, she winced at the pins and needles feeling in her right leg that greeted her as she stood. Stomping her foot to work some of the numbness out, she gritted her teeth in agitated exasperation. _Careless IDIOT! _She grated to herself, eyes darting to the bright sky as if trying to determine the time based on the location of the sun.

Running back into her room, limping slightly on the leg that was still half-asleep, Shizuru's eyes sought the alarm clock on the bedside table. 9:23. _WONDERFUL! _she lamented sarcastically. Miss Merit was arriving at ten o'clock to escort her to the interview this morning. That gave her less than thirty minutes to pull herself together. Thankfully, she'd already taken a shower. All that she really had to do was get dressed and comb the tangles out of her hair. Running her fingers through the long mane, she grimaced. That task alone might take up twenty minutes of her time. Leaving it to dry in the ocean breeze had left her hair in a disheveled mess. _Oh well, this isn't a fashion show_, she instructed herself, walking to the small bathroom in her room. Which was a blessing, she thought as wine-red eyes locked onto her own image reflected back at her from the ornate mirror hanging over the vanity. Not only did her hair resemble the mythological creature Medusa's hair with it's plethora of snakes roping around the woman's face and neck, her own face was just as pale and gaunt; the dark circles beneath her eyes doing nothing but accentuating the crazed, sickly appearance she stood staring at in disgust. Snatching her toothbrush from the holder, she gave her teeth a thorough brushing before scrubbing her face clean of the salt-tinged ocean air. After several minutes of irritated searching, she finally managed to find her mother's silver handled hairbrush and thus began the onerous task of untangling her hair.

Within twenty minutes, Shizuru was as ready as she'd ever be. She chose a dark brown skirt and a loose fitting pumpkin colored sweater. Kagami had purchased several outfits for her during her stay in Kyoto. Shizuru hadn't packed but one change of clothes and the outfit she'd worn to meet her father. Everything she owned had been left behind in her apartment in Fuuka City. Her aunt had been gracious enough to buy several pieces of clothing for her niece since Shizuru adamantly refused to return to Fuuka merely to get more clothing. The outfit she'd worn to her father's office had been tossed in the garbage.

As she smoothed her hands down the sleek line of the skirt, she grabbed a pair of earrings off of the vanity. She'd never been one to favor jewelry, but today, she slipped on the jade earrings her mother had bequeathed her. They made her feel as if her mother were there with her, watching over her like a protective, guardian angel. Besides, the rich green of the jade reminded her of a pair of eyes with just the exact same shading of color. Even though this thought brought a sudden stab of loneliness and pain to Shizuru's heart, she welcomed the flood of emotions that enveloped her at the memory of the girl behind those green eyes. She prayed that one day, the memory of Natsuki wouldn't cause her to experience as much guilt-ridden pain as she felt today. But she knew, deep down in her heart of hearts, that was most likely a futile wish.

By the time she'd dressed and tidied up her room a bit, a knock on the door announced the arrival of Miss Merit. Shizuru opened the door, giving a small bow in greeting to the woman waiting in the hall. "Good morning, Miss Merit. I hope you..." She paused, momentarily caught off guard by the woman's appearance. The previous times she'd seen Miss Merit, the woman had been clothed in fashionable, yet comfortable attire. This morning however, she was wearing a smartly cut, yet strange looking uniform.

The skirt was a black pencil skirt, well fitted, with a slit on the left thigh. A swatch of silvery cloth was sewn into the five inch vertical slit on the skirt. Shizuru could see that beneath the jacket, the woman had on a sleeveless shirt, also made from the same silver material. A stiff collar on the shirt, standing about three inches tall, encircled Miss Merit's neck; open in the front, high on the sides and back. But it was the jacket that Shizuru's eyes were drawn to. It was unique in it's design, unlike anything she'd ever seen before...sleeveless like the shirt beneath. What made it so eye catching was the half-cloak that laced up the front before falling across the right arm as it wrapped around the woman's back. There was no sleeve on the other arm, instead the half-cloak was pinned on the left shoulder with a silver emblem which resembled a cluster of flowers. An ebony colored metal band circled Merit's upper left arm. Hanging off the armband were several strange looking charms which Shizuru surmised were related to the Inner Sacrificio; possibly denoting rank within the organization or some other type of award or achievement the woman had accrued. The skirt and jacket were both made of raw silk. Not the shiny, sleek texture one usually associated with silk but rather a more organic, linen looking fabric. The jacket was also black, but a slightly lighter shade of black than the skirt. The half-cloak aspect of the jacket gave the uniform a rather unique vintage look. The boots the woman had on were black as well. They were made of supple leather with a soft, scrunched down appearance. A thicker band of black leather encircled the top of the boot; more like a boot belt with two small silver buckles which Shizuru assumed could be used to cinch the boots up higher on the leg. All in all, it was a most intriguing outfit.

Reading the question evident in the girl's wide-eyed stare, Miss Merit chuckled and stood up a little straighter, flipping her long, dark hair over one shoulder with a twitch of her head. "This is the official vestment of the Inner Sacrificio. Admittedly, the cut and design has been altered somewhat over the ages, but we tried to hold to it's purest prototype throughout all our updating."

Shizuru cleared her throat in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just a very interesting outfit. I didn't realize the I.S. had uniforms." She tried to smile, but the word _cult_ immediately sprang to mind, turning the smile into a toothy grimace.

"Oh yes indeed," Merit continued, taking the girl's grimace for the smile Shizuru had aimed for. "For centuries the Inner Sacrificio has been an organized force protecting and guiding those of us born into the HiME bloodline. Admittedly our goals and the means to achieving them have changed throughout the years, but we still hold true to our original purpose as well as to the heritage which birthed our alliance. We can talk a little more on our way to the interview if you like. However, I must advise you, Mister Goodwill is the one you should pose any questions to. He has all the answers you will need before the final agreement is reached by both parties." She gave Shizuru a smile, holding her hand out in indication that she was ready to escort her to the interview.

"I see," Shizuru replied, closing the door to her room behind her, falling in beside the woman as she led them at a leisurely pace down the hall.

As the two women made their way down the hall, they passed the photograph that Shizuru had noticed before on several occasions. Something about the monochrome coloring combined with the simple phrase beneath the picture of the shadow covered piece of driftwood kept catching her eye; _"Shadows can only eclipse that which we have yet to discover." _For some unfathomable reason, those few words were comforting to her. The remainder of the walk to the wing of the estate where Mister Goodwill's office was located was taken up with mundane conversation. Miss Merit seemed to excel at keeping the conversation on a neutral flow.

A few more bland verbal exchanges later, and the two of them stopped in front of a nondescript looking door at the back of the estate. "Well, this is where we part ways. Mister Goodwill is waiting for you. I hope you find what you're looking for and decide to join us. The Inner Sacrificio has helped many who seek...to find. May you discover the true desire of your own search." And with those parting words, Merit reached out and took Shizuru's hand, giving a firm squeeze. "I look forward to seeing you again. If not on this path, then on some other."

Shizuru was momentarily at a loss for words but was spared the trouble anyway when Miss Merit gave three loud knocks on the door, and opened it for her. Throwing the woman a nervous smile, Shizuru Fujino took a calming breath and entered the room.

The room looked more like a comfortable den than the stereotypical office she'd imagined it to be. There was no desk or file cabinets; furnishings one would normally expect to be found in the office of the man who was the director of the Western Alliance of the I.S. Instead, three large, leather sofas took up much of the room...all placed in a conversational nook around a fireplace larger than any Shizuru had ever seen. She was positive that she could walk beneath the mantle of that huge fireplace and stand straight up in the area where a large pile of wood was placed on an ornate iron holder. A beautiful metal screen covered the opening, molded artfully into a golden palm-leaf patterned mesh. A big chunky wooden table sat between the three sofas; an immense centerpiece of fresh flowers and what appeared to be clippings from real trees, decorating the center of the dark wood table. The ceiling was lined with rough hewn timbers and three opaque skylights that allowed for most of the diffused lighting which brightened the interior of the room. The colors were muted browns and the decor boasted a decidedly Spanish flair. She spied several suits of armor standing in magnificent display in various places of honor in the huge room. One was a burnished silver suit, with a pristine white cape that was pulled around in front of the armor displaying the red cross emblazoned on the back. An ornate sword and shield had been errected on stands of their own beside the suit of armor to complete the ensemble. Shizuru, who had always been fascinated with world history, had no trouble identifying the armor as the type worn by the Knights Templar. The other was what appeared to be the armor of the Spanish conquistadors, metal breastplate over a shirt sporting voluminous white sleeves, leather leggings and knee-high boots, topped off with the symbolic morion helmet favored by the Spaniards and British in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries.

As she stepped fully into the room, Shizuru noted that it smelled strongly of freshly oiled leather and seasoned wood, a scent that seemed to belong in a room such as this. There were only two windows; both floor to ceiling glass panels located at the back of the room where an immense bookshelf formed a V on the walls of the far corner. Two overstuffed wing back chairs sat in front of the windows, sheltered in the protective leaves of a potted fern resting between them. That was where the man she'd come to see today was standing, an open book held behind his back as he gazed out one of the windows into the private courtyard.

When the man didn't turn around upon hearing the knock or after her entrance, even though he'd obviously been expecting her arrival, an uneasy feeling of deja vu crept it's cold fingers into Shizuru's mind. She remembered all too well this same greeting from her father on the day she'd arrived at his office in Kyoto. His aloof indifference to her presence. The continued silence as he'd remained staring out the window of his office, taking some sick, sadistic pleasure in knowing how nervous she must have been to meet with him and yet, not willing to do anything to alleviate her apprehension. Was this Mister Goodwill doing the same thing? Was he making her stand here on purpose wrapped in her nervousness and uncertainty while he took his own sweet time at...

She was interrupted from further contemplation as the man in question heaved a heavy sigh and turned around. He gave a startled jump at seeing her standing so quietly by the door, a look of confusion passing across his face. "When did...? I mean..." He cleared his throat in embarrassment before flashing her a warm smile. "Please, do forgive my inattentiveness. It seems I was caught daydreaming and didn't hear you come in. Welcome, Miss Shizuru Fujino. I am Mister Goodwill. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." And with that congenial introduction, he placed his book down on the seat of one of the chairs and walked towards Shizuru in quick, long strides, one hand held out in greeting.

Shizuru was at once both taken off guard and relieved. Taken off guard by his open, honest smile and warm voice and relieved that her ominous first thoughts had been proven wrong. She returned his smile and stepped into the handshake, then gave a small bow. "Thank you Mister Goodwill. I have been looking forward to this interview and meeting you."

He screwed up his face in a distasteful grimace before replacing it with his cheerful smile. "Interview is such a cold and impersonal sounding word. I'd much rather think of our meeting as getting to know a possible new initiate. Although it is technically in an officially sanctioned manner in which we meet, I think there's no harm in enjoying our conversation. Would you like something to drink before we begin? Coffee? Tea? Perhaps something with a little more OOMPH?"

"Tea would be wonderful, if it's not too much trouble," she responded with gratitude. Her little nap out on the patio had prevented her from having her morning tea.

"Oh no trouble at all," he replied, walking over to an intercom system built into the wall by the door. Pressing down on the call button, Goodwill said into the speaker, "Mister Fortitude, would you run some tea and coffee into the Gran Sala De." Shizuru could hear the voice that answered through the intercom saying he'd bring in a plate of danish to go along with the tea and coffee before asking if the tea to be served should be hot or cold. "Yes, please to the danish," Mister Goodwill responded lighlty. His gaze passed briefly over Shizuru before he chuckled. "And make that hot tea please. Freshly brewed. Nothing instant. Thanks Fortitude." Releasing the speaker button he flashed Shizuru a knowing grin. "I took the liberty of asking for HOT tea and not sweet tea. I trust that is to your satisfaction."

Shizuru couldn't help but return his self-satisfied smile at the thought of a freshly brewed cup of hot tea. "Oh yes. That will be more than welcome. Thank you for your hospitality."

The man waved his hands in front of him and gave a little shrug. "No problem Miss Fujino. Care to join me on the sofa and we can begin our little chat."

She gave a quick nod and followed him to one of the large sofas in front of the fireplace. As she took a seat on the comfortable cushion, she took a moment to study the man taking his own seat beside her. Mister Goodwill was Latino, handsome, with a dark creamy complexion. His hair was jet black; parted in the middle and hanging in a straight cut down to his shoulders. He was a man of medium height and build with dark, intelligent eyes topped with two thick eyebrows. A close cropped goatee covered his chin but his cheeks and upper lip were bare of even a shadowing of stubble. She guessed his age to be in his late forties, early fifties. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she noticed that he wasn't wearing the uniform Miss Merit had told her was worn on special occasions and wondered silently at this.

"Ah. You're probably wondering why I'm not wearing the uniform."

His statement caused her to jump a little and place one hand on her cheek in embarrassment. "Forgive me. I..I was just curious as to...I didn't mean to..." she broke off her explanation under his studious scrutiny, mentally cursing herself for her lack of manners and composure.

His laugh was easy and carefree, a deep baritone rumble. "Relax Miss Fujino. It wasn't so much your stare that tipped me off, but rather, the question was so easily readable on your face. Was I correct in my assumption though? Is that the reason for the confused frown?"

"I was only remembering Miss Merit's words this morning when she stated that this was an official meeting and as such, members were required to wear the Inner Sacrificio's sanctioned uniform."

"The assistant director is rather...uptight when it comes to things of this nature. A 'by the book' kind of woman, you might say. Sometimes I think Merit knows more about my position than I do. But I suppose that's the job of any A.D. worth her salt. To know more than the director." He chuckled amiably. "I, on the other hand, find the uniform uncomfortable and a bit pretentious at times. At least for our meeting today. My aim was to make you feel at ease while we chatted. Besides, it's not as if you are being grilled for acceptance into a militaristic cult group." He winked conspiratorially, as if he could read every thought in her mind.

Shizuru couldn't help but smile as she heaved a sigh of relief. His beige colored sweater and plain dark colored cargo pants were casual enough to put her already tense nerves at ease. The man looked like an ad for . Nothing militaristic nor cultish about him. "I must admit, I have been a bit apprehensive about this entire thing since I left Japan."

"Well, that's what this meeting's for. To hopefully set your mind at ease and aid you in making the best decision for you. I'm sure you've read over the information Merit left with you." He crossed one knee over the other and draped an arm casually along the back of the couch as he waited for her answer.

"I did read it over. And over and over again, actually," she reciprocated.

Mister Goodwill gave a quick nod of his head. "Nothing wrong with being thorough. In fact, it's the main reason we introduce you to the organization in the manner in which we do. Two weeks in a nice, relaxing atmosphere. Ample time to read over the material and decide whether or not this is something which you, as an individual, think might be of some service to you. Look at it this way. If after two weeks you reach the conclusion that this is not something you'd be willing to commit to, at least you got a nice vacation out of it. Right?"

Shizuru decided that she approved of the man's easy going personality and felt the knot of worry in her stomach began to lossen. "Vacation indeed," she quipped. But then she remembered the unexpected encounter in the kitchen last night with the young woman, Tennessee. Tennessee hadn't been given a choice in the matter. Neither had she been offered the obligatory two week introductory period of deciding for herself if joining the I.S. was something that would be in her best interest. She was a ROUGE. Which ultimately meant, she had been conscripted without consent. A sudden shiver of apprehension ran it's icy fingers up Shizuru's spine and she felt goose bumps break out on her skin causing the knot of worry in her gut to tighten again. _Wasn't what happened to_ _that young woman the same thing as...kidnapping?_ The question had just formed in her mind when the sound of the man's voice broke through her reverie of self-reflection.

"I can see by the look on your face that you have something you'd like to say. Please. Don't stand on ceremony at this juncture. If you have any questions or concerns, by all means, now is the time to voice them. I promise, I will be as forthcoming with you as I possibly can." His brown eyes held hers steadily, encouraging her to speak.

"Well..." she began, but at that exact moment, a knock on the door drew both their attention.

Putting one finger in the air, Mister Goodwill jumped up off the couch. "Hold that thought. That's Fortitude with your tea and my coffee. Pardon me one second, Miss Fujino."

She turned her head to watch the man as he made his way to the door. "Ah, Fortitude. Thank you so much. I'll take it from here." He returned carrying a wooden tray holding a small pot of coffee, cream and assorted sweeteners, a carafe for the tea, two cups and a plate with several danishes on it. Goodwill set the tray laden with the morning goodies down on the coffee table in front of the couch before returning to his seat. "Please, help yourself," he invited, pouring himself a cup of coffee. Shizuru watched as he dumped a stream of cream into his cup followed by three packets of some artificial sweetener. Seeing her watching, he heaved a guilty sigh. "I stand accused of having a sweet tooth. I love coffee. But it has to be sweet."

"I never really learned to appreciate coffee. Although I always thought the smell wonderful. Tea is much more soothing to my palate." She took the other heavy pottery cup and poured herself some tea. Inhaling the warm steam rising from the cup, Shizuru took a small sip and sighed contentedly. "Oh my, but this is delicious. I've missed being able to make my own freshly brewed tea."

Giving his own drink a healthy gulp, Goodwill leaned back into the comfort of the couch and laughed. "I'm sure someone from your culture and background must think we Americans are truly barbarous in our affinity for instant tea. If you enjoy fresh tea so much, you are more than welcome to indulge yourself in brewing your own. Our kitchen has all the supplies you could possibly need in that respect. I know that in your country tea brewing is considered a form of art. Think of the kitchen as your personal canvas in that respect."

Shizuru took another sip before replying, "Thank you so much. That would be wonderful. I'd asked Miss Merit for some tea for brewing upon arrival." One corner of her mouth turned up in amusement as she added, "She returned with a handful of instant tea bags and a kettle."

Both occupants of the room shared a quick laugh. "Yeah. Merit isn't known for her ability to think outside the box. Not that I'm slandering the good name of the assistant director. On the contrary, as I think I stated earlier, Merit is irreproachable in all aspects of her job. It's just the amenities that trip her up on occasion. But enough of that. Shall we talk a bit about your desire to seek out guidance from the I.S.? You mentor, Kagami Kenatsu, spoke eloquently on your behalf when she first appealed to us. She stated that of your own volition, you had reached the conclusion that you wanted our assistance in working through some personal problems that have arisen in your life because of the H-12 gene. Would you care to elaborate on that statement a bit further?" His brown eyes watched her carefully.

Shizuru had pondered the response she would give to this inevitable question and was prepared with her answer. "Well Mister Goodwill, the reason I am here today is the same reason most everyone else seeking your help can attest to. Difficulties have arisen in life. Whether this is something which manifested because of the H-12 gene or whether it is merely human frailty on my part, I hope to discover the answer to that question here. I need to know if there is something your organization can do to help me regain the things I've lost because of who I am and possibly help in finding a solution to keep me...sane. To expound further on the details of my reasons for turning to the I.S. would serve no other purpose than to humiliate me and quite possibly embarrass you. Therefore, I respectfully decline the opportunity to enlighten you further. I will, however state quite clearly that I am here seeking the path back to self-respect and honor. If the Inner Sacrificio can aid me on this personal quest, then I will humbly place myself in your most capable hands. If you find that without further justification concerning my reason for turning to the I.S. that you simply cannot accept my request for help, I will end this conversation now, thank you for your hospitality and return home to Japan. The decision...is yours." With that said, Shizuru gave a respectful bow of her head, before placing her tea on the coffee table and folding her hands in her lap.

It was several seconds before Goodwill responded. "Miss Fujino, that was quite possibly the most straightforward and honest response to that particular question I've received in all my years as the director of the Western Alliance. Very impressive from one still as young as you are."

"I apologize for my rather brusque answer but the way I see it is, I came here to put the past behind me. It serves no purpose to continue to shackle myself to the pains of the reason I am here. As your manifesto, if I may be so bold to name it such, stated, we are to leave even our names behind upon entering the Inner Sacrificio. That being the case, I wish to leave the reasons which brought me here behind as well."

"Understandable and acceptable. With that being said, I find no reason to deny your request to contract with the I.S. Is there anything you would like to ask ME before you make the final decision? I promise to be as open and honest as I am able."

Goodwill offered an encouraging smile with his words, but Shizuru sensed a shadow behind the gleam in his brown eyes. A shadow of regret, as if he were already apologizing for not being able to answer the questions she might want answered. Taking a deep breath, Shizuru voiced her question anyway, wanting to hear the man's answer, or his reason for his refusal. "I do have a few things which I am curious about. Primarily, I am curious as to who foots the bill for the Inner Sacrificio, and what do they get in return for their money."

The leather of the sofa creaked as the man shifted forward, crossing his arms on top of his knees, his cup clutched between his hands. "Fair question. Unfortunately, I fear that my answer will not be satisfactory. At least, not in the manner which you are seeking. For you see, I am not at liberty to divulge that type of information to anyone, least of all to prospective initiates. I can tell you that the monies which fund our coalition come from diverse sponsorships. The I.S. receives contributions from individuals, as well as donations from syndicates throughout the world who have close ties with the I.S. We work in conjunction with many social and political alliances, each different depending on the country you contract with. The Western Alliance branch of the Inner Sacrificio in America has ties with several large investors including the entertainment industry, the wine makers association as well as several environmental groups. So you see, funding is granted from a diverse number of places."

"And what do these financial sponsorships receive in return?" Shizuru shot back, determined to test the limits of the depth of information she could wrangle from her point blank questions; even if those answers merely touched on the edges of truth.

The look the director gave her was one of being both impressed and cautious before responding. "I can see that you inherited Hirohito Fujino's panache for business dealings. A straight shooter, if you will pardon the use of an American colloquialism. You ask for what you want and demand nothing less. Like father like daughter, eh?"

At the comparison between herself and her father Shizuru blanched, her mouth becoming inexplicably dry. She coughed lightly, reaching out and snagging her tea for a quick sip before she broke into a fit of apprehensive coughing. _My father! _ She thought angrily. _I am NOTHING like that man._ She and Kagami had both agreed it wisest not to divulge any of the details concerning her recent argument with her father to anyone. It was their general consensus that the fewer the people who knew about the disagreement and threats between Hirohito Fujino and his estranged daughter, the better Shizuru could protect herself in the event of something happening. But just the mere mention of that man's name set Shizuru's teeth on edge and the color of her crimson eyes deepened as the hatred she now felt for him seeped slowly into her soul. _Please, Kagami, _she thought fervently, _do as you promised and keep Natsuki safe. If anything happened to her, I would not want to continue living. Just knowing that she is safe and in no danger from myself or my father makes it all..._

She was interrupted from this thought by Mister Goodwill's hand on her arm. "Are you alright, Miss Fujino? You suddenly became a little pale and unfocused. Should I call the estate nurse..."

Shizuru cut the man off with a loud, "NO!" Cringing at her lack of emotional control, Shizuru cursed herself inwardly but turned an outward smile towards the concerned face of the man sitting beside her. "No, thank you. I'm quite alright. I just haven't eaten much lately. Nerves concerning this meeting," she lied easily, saving herself from a more detailed explanation. "You understand I'm sure."

The man reached over to the coffee table, removing the plate laden with an assortment of breakfast pastries and held it out to her hospitably. "Here. Have one of these. I don't know if you've tried one before but the chef is an amazing patissier."

The smell of the fruity pastries caused Shizuru's stomach to lurch violently and she had to swallow several times to keep from gagging. "Thank you Mister Goodwill. But I'll just pick up something to eat later on. I apologize, but I am not a big fan of sweets in the morning."

Setting the plate back on the table Goodwill offered an apologetic shrug. "I could ask Fortitude to bring in something else, if you'd prefer to..."

Shizuru shook her head. "No thank you. Although I appreciate your concern."

Not wanting to seem overbearing and pushy, the man contented himself by pouring another cup of coffee. "As you wish. Now, to answer your other question, at least, in so far as I'm able. In return for their patronage of our organization, we offer a wide range of services to our contributors. But here again, you must understand that I am just not at liberty to go into detail concerning the particulars." He sighed, balancing the coffee cup on one knee before continuing with a one handed gesture of futility. "I know this must be frustrating to you, considering it seems as though I am doing nothing but dodging your questions thus far. And I know it's no comfort to hear me say, once you actually join the Inner Sacrificio, you will gain a much better understanding into the inner workings of our affiliation. However, your first uncompleted contract year is known as the Novitiate and there will be certain aspects of the I.S. that you will not have access to. I apologize but this is one of the checks and balances that throughout the ages have proven effective against preventing infiltrators from breaching our security. Not to mention the fact that the majority of EcHOS who turn to the I.S. do so only for one or two contract years...at most. They have no interest in the organization other than what it can do for them in aiding them to overcome the situational stigma the H-12 gene has caused in their lives."

A frown stole across Shizuru's face at having her questions so easily deflected. But a part of her had expected nothing less from an organization which had survived for centuries without any notice from the media. "I do understand your point of view, Mister Goodwill and I appreciate your candor in answering my questions to the best of your ability." An knowing smile quirked one corner of her mouth as she continued. "Perhaps I should approach this from a different direction then. Instead of asking you point blank questions, is there anything you CAN tell me about the I.S. which might serve to further enlighten a prospective initiate while keeping yourself safe from betraying prohibited information? "

Goodwill took a long, deep breath. "After speaking with Kagami Kenatsu, I bypassed the normal acceptance procedures for prospective initiates concerning your declaration to contract. Miss Kenatsu is, herself, a member of a highly prestigious organization. The League of Scribes knows more about those with the HiME bloodline than our organization. The Shinjitsu archive names and events pertaining to every possible H-12 related occurrence throughout the world. And it was by your mentor's testament alone that I signed off on excluding you from the DNA testing and other procedural examinations to verify your direct link with the HiME bloodline. If Miss Kenatsu avows to the validity of your claim, I take her for her word. Thus in my official capacity as acting director of the Western Alliance of the I.S., I extended the offer of a contract to you, Miss Shizuru Fujino. We are a united fellowship that aides through redirection and training geared specifically towards those of us with the H-12 gene. We are able to offer assistance on a global level thanks to generous contributions from a number of people, organizations, foundations and governments. In return, we provide a myriad of services to the global community, as well as individual patrons in repayment for their sponsorship. The Inner Sacrificio has at one time or another provided body-guards for political leaders as well as prominent world personalities. We have established many charitable foundations that provide relief in wake of natural disasters as well as serve as guides in times of social or economic crisis throughout most countries. We stage benefits for select donators. Our past and present Novitiates come from all walks of life. Some of us live lives as business men and women, students, clergymen, athletes, convenience store clerks or artists. There is no stereotypical categorizing of the people who turn to the I.S. And during that one contract year which they spend under our wing, we provide them with alternatives. A new way of thinking. An intense training therapy which allows for appropriate ways to harness and release the EcHOS need for combative violence. After that initial year spent with us, most EcHOS leave with a better understanding of who they are and how to keep themselves in control. There is just," and here he paused, giving his head a small shake before continuing, "so MUCH information that I simply am not allowed to get into at this particular time." He laughed. "Miss Fujino, you remind me of a toddler wanting to read Shakespeare before even managing to get through your first Dr. Seuss book." Goodwill chuckled quietly at his own joke.

Shizuru, on the other hand, didn't crack a smile at the man's flippant remark. She merely pinned him with a crimson eyed glare before replying flatly. "I see. So in short, what you're telling me is my questions cannot be answered at this time."

"Well, I..." was all the man got out before Shizuru interrupted him with, "I understand the need for caution in disclosing sensitive information to someone you've just met for the first time. And I respect the reasons behind this. However, you shouldn't invite a prospective initiate to voice their concerns or questions in future meetings such as this if you have no intention of responding in kind. Perhaps an additional page added to the I.S.'s dossier for incoming candidates stating what you just told me would ward off any future misunderstandings."

Mister Goodwill ran one hand through his black hair before replying. "The thing is, you're the first person who ever really wanted to know information such as that. Most initiates are only concerned with where they will be staying, will they receive a monetary stipend for time spent with the organization and other questions pertaining to them personally."

"I was of the opinion that the questions I asked WERE questions which pertained to me personally. But regardless of that, like I said, I do appreciate your candor in this situation. I suppose it is up to me now to decide whether it is in my best interest to take at face value the Inner Sacrificio's promise of a helping hand." She stood up then, unfolding her thin frame from the couch and made her way over to the window the man had been looking out of upon her arrival. Staring out at the small, private courtyard, with it's artfully arranged look of an overgrown garden, Shizuru absently twirled a piece of honey colored hair between her fingers as she pondered the choice now facing her. She'd hoped, but not expected, to have answers to her questions. The fact that she now had a slightly hazy understanding of how and why the Inner Sacrificio worked was a bit of a comfort to her. But was she comfortable enough with the little she DID know of the organization to promise them a year of her life? The memory of the girl Tennessee surfaced in her mind. She was a rouge EcHOS. Not here by her own choice. _She warned me to be sure this is what I wanted. Is this what I want? _Shizuru questioned herself, watching as a brown sparrow flitted down from the eave of the roof opposite the window to land on the back of the solitary stone bench placed in the courtyard._ What does the future hold for me, if I join this organization and dedicate one year of my life to it? _She flipped the ends of the hair she was holding against her chin, weighing her choices_. I have nothing preventing me from doing this. No family, no friends. No one waiting for my return. _She closed her heart to the mental image of the girl whom she knew was waiting. _Natsuki, if you don't hate me already for what I've done, you will some day. And then, you won't feel the need to wait for me any longer. You can get on with your life and forget the past...forget OUR past. Just like I need to do. Forget. For if I cannot put you in the past, I will never be able to heal the wounds inside. Forgive me, my Natsuki. But that Shizuru Fujino...must vanish._

Turning around, Shizuru gave a small lift of her chin, squaring her shoulders as she faced Mister Goodwill. "I won't take up any more of your time this morning, Mister Goodwill. I appreciate this opportunity you have given me. I am prepared to sign the one year contract with the Inner Sacrificio. I accept all limitations placed upon incoming initiates. I will adhere to the rules and recommendations of my superiors and instructors while under the guidance of the I.S. Because, as I'm sure you hear from most people before they enter your organization, I need unbiased assistance in dealing with...issues. I trust that what I seek, I shall find here."

The man had listened attentively to all that the young woman said and silently applauded her sincere, bravery in putting her trust into his hands. _How many people throughout my tenure with the organization have I applauded in the same manner?_ Goodwill mused to himself, before replying aloud. "If it helps in putting your mind at ease, I can attest to the fact that I have witnessed many such as yourself enter our organization with heavy burdens strapped to their backs and upon completion of the contract year, leave to go back to their lives with an entirely different perspective."

_But, I never plan on returning to my previous life,_ Shizuru thought sadly, watching Mister Goodwill rise to his feet and walk towards an armoire standing in the far corner of the room. It's appearance was old and battered, the wood marred with a plethora of scratches and gouges it had acquired throughout the years...but she could tell it was loved and cherished nonetheless.

A sudden memory of her mother bloomed in her mind. It was the day Ketsuna Fujino had given the Musudo heirloom desk to her before she'd left home for Fuuka Academy. The desk which a distant ancestor had acquired in a trade for two bottles of sake. _"All the wear and scratches this desk has received throughout its many years are nothing more than a living testament to its perseverance in the hands of those who cherish it. In your life, Shizuru, you too will suffer your own form of damage and scarring. It __is something everyone must learn. But never let these physical tribulations mar the beauty of who you are or what you can become. Let the loving touch of those who care for you most help keep your inner worth alive and treasured."_ The sound of Mister Goodwill pulling up the roll-down screen of the armoire drew Shizuru from her rumination and she had to hold her breath a moment, afraid if she moved or spoke, she wouldn't be able to control the tears which threatened to fall. _Who is left to provide me with such gentle use? _She questioned herself sadly._ I have no one...but myself._

"Well, Miss Fujino," Goodwill's voice pulled her eyes to where the man was standing. "The moment has arrived. If you decide to contract with the I.S. for one year, I ask that you sign not with your true name, but with the name you have chosen for yourself. You leave...everything behind once you walk out that door. You either step into the future...or return to your past. The choice...is yours." One hand resting on the top of the armoire, he extended a pen out towards Shizuru, waiting for her answer.

Shizuru walked with as much confidence as she could summon those few feet over to where the man waited. Then, fighting the tremor in her fingers as she grasped the pen Mister Goodwill extended, she leaned over the desk, her eyes scanning the official document laid out in front of her. She read the single paragraph contained on the page outlining her consent to the one year contract. The wording of the Declaration of Contract was simplistic and straightforward. No hidden clauses, no extenuating circumstances. One year. One contract. One fulfillment. Clenching her jaw in determination, Shizuru signed the appropriate spot with a flourish of the pen and stepped back, finally releasing the breath she was still holding.

Glancing at the name Shizuru had written on the line provided, Mister Goodwill nodded his approval before handing Shizuru a leather notebook and a small silver charm. "As director of the Western Alliance of the Inner Sacrificio, please allow me to extend a formal welcome to you as the newest Novitiate to our organization. Inside the ledger you will find information regarding your transfer from the Malibu estate to our western compound where you will began your contractual obligations. The choices you make from this point on are entirely up to you. We are here to offer you whatever you might need in order to bring balance back into your life." Reaching out, the man took her hand and pressed it firmly, his warm brown eyes shining with genuine compassion and hope. "May your sacrifice lead you to the redemption you seek."

It was over. She'd done it! She had signed away a year of her life to this world wide confederacy and it's strict dogma. There was no turning back now. She returned the firm grip of the handshake before releasing the man's hand and giving him a respectful bow. "Thank you for your confidence. My hope is to see your trust in my abilities to fruition. I look forward to seeing you again, Mister Goodwill." And with that, the young woman who'd walked into the room as Shizuru Fujino, opened the door and stepped out into the hall as the Novitiate Eclipse, leaving behind her family name and hopefully, the emotional wreck that had stigmatized that other girl's life.

As Shizuru strode confidently down the hall of the estate back to her room to go over her new itinerary, a form dislodged itself from the shadows against the wall where it had been concealed, eyes trained observantly on the young woman just now disappearing around a corner. Sliding one hand into a jacket pocket, thin fingers flipped open a black cellphone, said fingers moving swiftly over the keys as a number was quickly dialed. After a few seconds pause, a feminine voice whispered quietly into the phone, "Hey. It's me. Listen, you're not going to believe what just happened." There was a brief moment of silence followed by a conspiratorial laugh from the shadowed form. "Not even close! But seriously. What would you say if I told you that a Miss Shizuru Fujino just walked out of Goodwill's office as a newly sanctioned Novitiate of the Inner Sacrificio." Another protracted silence produced a wicked sounding sneer from the shadow still staring at the spot where Shizuru had turned the corner in the hall. "That's exactly what I thought you'd say! I'll get back to you soon." The sound of dark laughter echoed quietly from the shadow in the hall, even after the phone call had been ended.


	23. Chapter 23

**greetings and salutations! **I had several excuses for being so lacks in updating this story all prepared...my favorite reason for being absent so long was the claim that i had been kidnapped by a roving band of Hari Krishnas and was spending all my free time passing out flowers in airports...but however cool that scenario might be, the truth is i just hadn't found the inspiration for it...thank GOD that drought of lassitude has passed and i rediscovered my enthusiasm for finishing this ff...thanks to the returning readers for keeping the faith in this story alive...for your continued reviews and encouraging notes...and also a hella-huge thanks to all who started reading this even after the updates were put on hiatus...i hope you enjoy this latest chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it...

**"Love is whatever you can still betray. Betrayal can only happen if you love."  
>-John le Carre-<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Three<strong>

"Hurry up Mikoto or we're gonna be late!" Mai called over her shoulder as she finished drying the last of the breakfast dishes. She scratched at a piece of dried egg on the plate that had somehow managed to survive the baptismal dishwater. The girl grunted in frustration as a piece of her fingernail chipped off but the egg remained. She placed the plate in the dish-drainer, giving the counter a final swipe with the dish towel then turned around. "Did you hear me Mikoto? I said get a move on. I know it's just a half day today but I don't wanna be late!"

A muffled voice from the other room answered breathlessly. "I'm almost ready Mai. Is Tate here already?"

Mai reached behind her neck, untying the strings of the apron she was wearing. "No. He had to run by Takeda's dad's shop and pick up a new kendo stick. He broke his the other day after he found out about Shiho's secret crush on Takeda." Mai giggled, folding the apron in half and placing it in a drawer. "Don't ask me how all THAT came about. I was just as clueless as he was when he told me. If I had to guess, I'd say it happened over the summer break when Shiho spent all that time at the dojo watching Yuuichi practice. Maybe that's when she noticed Takeda for the first time." Mai wrinkled her eyes as she laughed. "He was so mad though, saying that Shiho has no business running after a guy so much older than she is. I wanted to point out that she'd had a crush on HIM for years and he was the same age as Takeda. But I managed to keep my mouth shut on that subject. Things are working out...nicely between Tate, Shiho and me lately. I don't wanna say anything that will mess things up."

She ran her hands over her school uniform, giving the ends of the neck scarf a quick tug. _I love the first day of the new semester,_ she mooned dreamily. This was going to be a terrific year! Takumi would be back at school within the month, all the danger and frustration caused by the HiME star was just a bad memory and best of all, she was able to be with the person she was in love with. Mai felt a blush stain her cheeks as the realization that she was finally able to admit her true feelings for Yuuichi surged up powerfully inside her. She'd held those feelings at bay so long...too long...until the moment of self awareness finally dawned on her that unless you embrace the love you feel towards another person, you only end up hurting yourself. Since telling Tate how she truly felt about him, Mai's life had only gotten better. It seemed as if everyone and everything had returned to a semblance of normalcy. For the first time in a long while, she felt at peace with her life.

A voice from beside the door pulled her thoughts away from her inner contemplations. "I'm ready now Mai. Let's go."

"Just let me grab my book bag Mikoto. And what took you so long? I've never known you to dawdle over getting ready for..." Mai's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened in shocked surprise as she gaped at the the younger girl. Or rather, as she stared at the face of her friend. Raising one finger, she pointed it at Mikoto's face and stuttered, "Wha-what is that mess all over your FACE, Mikoto?"

The girl in question shifted her feet nervously and twiddled her fingers self-consciously, lifting her head up higher. "What cha mean Mai? It's makeup. Doesn't it look good on me?"

Mai was at a total loss for words at the girl's innocent question. She could only stand in mute horror as she stared into the face of madness. The lipstick Mikoto had applied seemed to have missed most of her lips winding up as a bright, pink circle around her mouth, her cheeks caked with so much blush that if Mai hadn't seen the girl earlier, she would have sworn were bruised from a beating taken at the hands of some miscreant. But the worst part were Mikoto's eyes. She'd apparently layered several different colors on her eyelids, none of which matched in shade or hue, making her eyes seem like two yellow planets glowing in the vacuous darkness of twin black holes.

"So what cha think Mai? Nao said that since we're gonna be freshmen this year, we should look and act the part. She told me that we're not middle school KIDS any longer and that our status as such, needed to change along with our uniforms."

_Oh Mikoto, you look like a clown from a nightmare circus, _Mai chided silently composing her reaction. Taking a deep breath, she prepared to comment tactfully on her friend's hideous appearance, when all of a sudden the fog in her brain cleared enough to allow her to look beyond the paint slathered across her friend's face and see the girl standing before her this morning. For it was only then that Mai noticed Mikoto was wearing the uniform of a junior high school student. Gone was the childishly sweet sailor uniform of her middle school years. In its place the girl now wore a uniform similar in color and cut to the one Mai was wearing. The only differences were the color of the neck scarf and a slightly deeper shade in the vest. Mikoto was growing up. She was no longer the young wild-cat Mai had somehow found herself taking in at the beginning of last year. The innocent little stray that had only wanted for love and ramen was changing. _But wasn't that a good thing?_ Mai wondered, feeling a bit selfish and overprotective. _Don't I want Mikoto to grow up and become a strong, independent young woman? _

"...and then Nao gave me this makeup and said that on the first day of our new semester, I should wear it to class. Nao said you'd be proud of me for doing this myself. She said..."

Mikoto was cut off abruptly by the sound of Mai grinding her teeth. "Nao! Nao Yuuki! I'm gonna beat her senseless with Yuuichi's new kendo stick for putting you up to this; filling your head with nonsense." She put her hands on her hips, feet slightly apart and glared down at her younger friend. "Mikoto Minagi, you turn around and march right back into that bathroom and wash all that GUNK off of your face!"

Mikoto blinked, the one false eyelash she had managed to glue onto her eyelid hanging off the side of her eye like a big black spider. Where the other eyelash was now was a mystery. "Huh? What do you mean 'gunk'? This is makeup Mai and Nao said..."

"Grrrrr! I don't want to hear another word about what 'Nao said'! That girl is the reason behind every ill advised thing you do lately. Now I said get in there and clean your face young lady!" One hand still perched imperiously on her hip, Mai threw her other hand out in the direction of the bathroom, torn between laughter at the comical scene and a mothering desire to hug the girl before her.

A defiant gleam sparked in Mikoto's eyes. Clenching both hands into fists she threw her arms out behind her before leaning slightly forward, her eyes narrowing to mere slits. "You're just being mean, Mai! You don't want me to grow up. Nao said," and she stuck her tongue out at Mai's grimace upon hearing the other girls name, "NAO said that you'd flip out. She said that you wanted to keep me your little girl forever. Looks like she was right!" The girl's defensive expression suddenly softened, turning hurt and confused. "I just wanted...I just wanted you to be proud of me Mai. I didn't mean to make you mad." She hung her head, wiping at her eyes.

The orange headed girl's heart went out to her friend in a surge of compassion and love as the heat of her anger at Nao cooled in the wake of Mikoto's faltering self-esteem. SHE needed to be the one to encourage and praise her younger friend's efforts at making choices for herself; at pushing at the boundaries that all teenagers begin to feel boxing them in sooner or later. Mikoto didn't have a mother to help her with life changes of this nature so it was only natural that she turn to her friends; one of them being a brazen young vixen by the name of Nao Yuuki. _Guess it's up to me to be the balance in Mikoto's life, huh?_ she acknowledged. "Mikoto," she began in a quieter, more sympathetic voice.

The girl turned her face up to look hopefully into her friend's eyes. She had wiped her eyes and nose with the back of one hand, causing the makeup on her face to smear into a rainbow of ruin. "Yeah Mai?"

Mai stepped closer to the girl, ruffling her fingers through her spikey black hair. "Listen, after school today, what say I take you out and buy you some makeup more...appropriate for a girl your age. I'll even show you how to apply it correctly so it's not so obvious."

The girl's yellow, cat-like eyes lit up in anticipatory happiness and she bobbed her head in agreement. "M'kay. That would be great Mai! I..I wasn't sure if I was putting it on right this morning. Come to think of it," she paused, one finger on her chin in concentration, "Nao never told me how to put this stuff on. She just said I'd learn through trial and error. Whatever that means."

Mai couldn't contain an amused giggle at the girl's naivete. "Yeah well, let's just consider this first trial an error and we'll start from scratch this afternoon. Deal?"

"Deal!" Mikoto shouted, leaping forward like a pouncing kitten and burying her face against the front of Mai's school uniform as she hugged her friend.

Giving the girl an affectionate hug in return Mai instructed, "Now get in that bathroom and wash that mess off of your face."

Mikoto flashed a toothy grin and bounded happily away, calling over her shoulder, "Sure thing. I just hope this stuff washes off easily. Nao said something about makeup remover but I just thought she was talking about soap and water. If this doesn't come off, will you..." but her voice was lost as the sound of the faucet being turned on full force drowned out whatever else she had to say.

Shaking her head, Mai started towards the bathroom to supervise when she happened to glance down at herself and saw half of Mikoto's makeup smeared across the front of her uniform. "EEEWWW!" she squawked. "Great. Now I'm gonna hafta change into my spare uniform. This one is ruined. I hope this stuff comes out in the wash," she moaned dispiritedly. The sound of her cellphone ringing drew her attention away from the soiled garment. Walking over to her book bag, she reached inside and grabbed her phone. Yuuichi. Flipping the phone open with one hand, she greeted her boyfriend. "Hey Tate. What's up? Did you get your new kendo stick? You wont believe what Mikoto..." There was a short pause before Mai inhaled sharply.

"Are you sure? Where?" Mai ran one hand through her hair as she strode anxiously around the dorm room, cellphone pressed hard against her ear. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed, one hand clutched in a nervous ball against her stomach. "No. No. I'll take care of it. Thanks for calling Yuuichi." She sighed. "Looks like I'm going to be late for the first day of the semester." The girl turned her back towards the bathroom door to buffer the sound of Mikoto spluttering in the water before replying softly. "Yeah. Me too Yuuichi." Her face turned a brilliant shade of red as she made a soft kissing noise at her boyfriend. "I'll call you when I know more," she promised, then snapped the cellphone closed. _What the hell is going on?_ she wondered, relief mixed with a growing sense of dread causing her brows to furrow in contemplation. _Why was...? _She was prevented further introspection as Mikoto called cheerfully from the bathroom.

"I got it all off Mai. Although, the sink is all gross now. I'll clean it when we get home. Time to go now, right? No time for cleaning...?" came the hopeful voice from the bathroom.

"Great," Mai sulked, well aware of the fact that SHE would be the one to clean up the mess left by Mikoto's failed makeup experience. Unfortunately she had another worry at the moment that took precedence over a little mess in the bathroom. "Mikoto," she shouted, then gave a start as the girl seemed to materialize right behind her.

"Hmmm?" questioned the girl, looking up expectantly, her face glowing a healthy red from the vigorous scrubbing she'd just given it.

"God Mikoto! How do you move so fast?" Mai asked, thinking for the hundredth time that the girl had quicker reflexes than a cat.

Mikoto merely smiled, blinking up at Mai with a look of self-satisfaction etched across her clean face.

"Well anyway," Mai continued, "I have to run an errand this morning before class."

"Want me to come with you?" Mikoto asked, eager to be of some help to her best friend.

Mai reached out and lovingly adjusted the girl's neck scarf, giving it a quick tug. "No thanks, Mikoto. I don't want you to be late for your very first day as a Junior High School student. Besides, isn't," and here she had to pause, fighting the scowl that threatened to darken her face before continuing, "Nao meeting up with you so you two can walk to class together?"

"Yep. She said she'd meet me down in the common room at 7:30." A frown puckered the face of Mikoto as she looked around. "Ummm, Mai? What time is it?"

Mai flipped open the cellphone still clutched in one hand, eyes scanning the screen for the time. "It's twenty after seven. You'd better get a move on if you don't wanna be late."

"Kay. Only," Mikoto stared deep into her friends eyes before continuing, "if you need me to go with you today, I can just call Nao and tell her to go on without me. You're my best friend and you come first. Cuz ya know Mai, I can tell that something's bothering you." Mikoto's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I heard the phone ring. It was Yuuichi, wasn't it? Did something happen? Is that why you're gonna be late for class today?" Mikoto's catlike eyes searched her friend's face, trying to read what had caused the frown of worry to appear on Mai's forehead simply by the expression on the other girl's face. Mikoto was very in synch with Mai's emotions. She knew when her friend was upset, sad or angry. From the shadowed look in Mai's eyes, Mikoto knew from experience that her friend was worried about something. And that something had only manifested after Tate's call.

Not wanting her friend to miss out on the festivities of the first day of school, Mai stretched her mouth into a forced smile. "No way Mikoto. I'm not gonna let you ruin your first day as a Junior just to tag along with me on a simple errand. Beside, I should be back at school in a little bit. On the way home, we can stop by and pick up some appropriate makeup for you." She tugged lovingly on one of Mikoto's braids.

The girl responded with a frown and a flat, "Okay Mai. I'd like that. Maybe then you can tell me about this errand you have to run this morning. And why it upset you."

Mai gave Mikoto's shoulder an affectionate squeeze. "It's a deal."

* * *

><p>"Keep the change" Mai told the cab driver as she stuffed her now empty wallet back into her bag. Closing the door of the cab, she sighed despondently holding her book bag over her head in a vain attempt to shield her head from the heavy mist of rain which had now began to fall. "Never an umbrella when I need one," she griped to herself. An irritated grimace stretched across her face as her left foot splashed down in a puddle of water, the cold and wet seeping into her shoe, soaking through to her sock. <em>I just wanted to have a NORMAL first day of school term! <em>She lamented to herself, trying in vain to ignore the water in her shoe as she sprinted towards the protection of the front entrance.

Leaping over one quickly forming puddle and hunching her shoulders, Mai sighed in exasperated relief as she dashed beneath the awning, brushing her uniform free of some of the moisture before running a hand through her disheveled hair.

"Now where," she wondered, eyes darting to the left, scanning for the reason she was out here in the first place. "There!" she half shouted, startling a person exiting the doors she was partially blocking. "Sorry," she bowed in response to the unfriendly glare she received from the old man in question. He hiked the collar on his rain coat up higher, grunted and trudged out towards a waiting cab.

A low rumble of thunder rolled across the quickly darkening skies and Mai groaned. Looks like she was going to get a second baptism in the morning rain. Throwing her bag over her head in another useless attempt to shield herself from the heavier, falling rain, she made a dash out from beneath the awning and splashed her way over to the visitor parking, pulling up short in front of a very banged up, soaking wet, motorcycle.

"What the hell Natsuki?" she queried softly, eyes narrowing as she appraised the damage on her friend's bike, a foreboding sense of apprehensive worry creeping its way into the pit of her stomach.

Tate had spotted the girl's motorcycle while at Takeda's dad's shop this morning and promptly called Mai, which was the reason she now found herself standing in an increasingly intensifying A.M thundershower staring at a beat up motorcycle. Natsuki had been missing for the past three days now. The girl hadn't been found in her rooms at the boarding house. Mai knew because she'd checked several times and she hadn't answered the numerous calls or texts Mai had left either. The last time Mai had seen her friend had been on the afternoon she'd advocated a celebration party in honor of Natsuki's passing marks on the summer class finals. But Natsuki had not been in the mood to celebrate, opting instead to pass on the offer with the explanation that all she wanted was a quiet ride alone.

Apparently the ride hadn't turned out all that well. _Did she have a wreck? Was she hurt? _Mai mused. _And if so, why is she here at Shizuru's apartment? Maybe Shizuru came home. Maybe Natsuki wrecked her bike and Shizuru was here to... _Mai frowned at her own suppositions. _Now that's just too coincidental! s_he chided herself. A huge clap of thunder rattled in her bones, bringing her out of her thoughts. Shooting the bike one final glance, she turned and raced back beneath the shelter of the awning. _What a moron! Standing in a pouring rain trying to rationalize the irrational, _she thought, shaking her head at her own stupidity.

Whatever the reason Natsuki's bike was here at Shizuru's in the condition it was in would not be discovered unless she confronted the girl herself. _Leaving me to worry like this! _Mai fumed, her worry turning itself into anger as she grabbed hold of the brass plated handle and pulled the door open, stepping inside, FINALLY out of the rain. She gave her book bag a shake before running one hand through her sodden hair.

_Wow! _Mai thought, wide eyes taking in the lush decorations of the lobby. _Fancy place._ Spotting the elevators she made her way over to them. She had never been to Shizuru's apartment before. Tate, on several different occasions, had cause to visit the ex President's place on student council business. He'd told her how "hoity-toity" her complex was. Glancing at the marbled tiles and expensive wall paper Mai had to agree. The elevator dinged its arrival and a young couple got off, the woman shooting Mai a grimace as she stepped past the girl dripping water all over the floor. Mai shrugged apologetically, watching the man put a light hand on his girlfriend's back, steering her clear of the slippery area around her.

Stepping quickly into the elevator Mai pushed a finger against the number three, taking a deep breath to calm her jittery nerves. _Natsuki, you'd better have a good explanation for all this, _she thought gloomily, the whirr of the elevator gears jolting into action. The ride to the third floor was smooth and fast. Preparing to step out into the hall, Mai was almost knocked off her feet by two boys who jostled and pushed at each other as they bounded into the elevator.

Clutching her book bag protectively against her body, Mai heard a woman's voice coming from down the hall shout, "Boys. BOYS! Not so rough! And hold that door for your mom!"

The two boys were twins, both dressed in identical school uniforms. While one held his fingers against the hold door button the other cocked his head, peering up at Mai from beneath a mop of unruly black hair. "You're all wet lady," the boy said.

Mai was spared any comment when the mother of the boys hustled into the elevator shooting her son a warning glare. "Don't be rude Mika." Turning a wearied smile onto Mai, she sighed apologetically, "I'm sorry. Ten year old boys tend to speak their minds without using their brains." Seeing the water dripping from Mai's hair she added conversationally, "Must be really coming down out there now."

Mai shrugged. "Oh no apologies necessary. I was caught out in the rain without my umbrella. Guess I must look a mess huh?"

"You sure do! Bye!" the other child agreed, releasing the hold door button then pushing all the buttons on the key pad with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Mai had just enough time to hop past the closing doors, cutting off the sound of the mother chastising her other son. Certainly not the fashion in which she had envisioned her first day back at school to begin. With a sigh, Mai glanced at the numbers on the first apartment door, orienting herself. _Shizuru's apartment must be...this way_, she agreed, turning to the left and making her way down the hall. Coming to a halt, she quickly found herself standing in front of Apt. Number 3. Raising her hand to knock on the door, she froze.

_What the hell am I gonna say?_ She suddenly thought, flustered at the predicament her friend had foisted upon her. _Gee Natsuki, my boyfriend saw your bike and since I haven't heard from you in three days I thought I'd come over here and see why the hell you've been avoiding my calls._ _Wanna tell me what you've been doing? And why your motorcycle is a wreck?_

Mai nervously chewed her bottom lip, a blur of scenarios flashing through her mind. _Maybe Natsuki just lost track of time in her happiness to have Shizuru back home. Maybe the bike was damaged by a hit and run fender bender in the parking lot and Natsuki didn't even realize it had happened yet. Maybe the two girls were in there arguing. Maybe they were in there..._

The unexpected chime of her phone caused Mai to jump, her heart climbing its way up her throat as the sound echoed down the empty hall. Quickly digging in her bag for the phone, she flipped up the cover and grimaced as she saw the caller's name. "Mikoto!" she growled, scrolling to the text screen and reading the girl's message. The other night, Mai had given Mikoto her very own cellphone as a gift for starting Jr. High School and since then, Mikoto had been calling and texting everyone she knew. Harassing was more like it. Mai was the unlucky recipient of the majority of those calls and texts. Some even when the two of them were sitting in the same room.

She ran her eyes over the other girl's message:

"**Mai! Whatcha doin?" **

"Mikoto!" Mai grumbled, quickly thumbing the keypad with a response. "You're gonna make me wish I'd never given you that stupid phone!" Hitting send, she couldn't prevent the quirk of her lips as they curled upward into a smile. She knew that she would forgive Mikoto for the million calls and texts she'd be sure to receive in the next few days. The girl was simply excited about having her own phone. It was to be expected. Especially from someone as exuberant as Mikoto.

Slipping the phone back into her bag, Mai returned her attention to the door. _Oh well, _she whined, _might as well get this over with. _Schooling her worried face, she rapped sharply on Shizuru's door. Mentally preparing herself, she waited for the door to open. No sound was detected from within the apartment. Mai knocked again, harder this time, leaning closer to the door, her ears straining to pick up the sound of approaching feet or voices from within. Dead silence.

_Maybe they went out together,_ she mused, a sense of relief mingled with growing apprehension making her brows furrow in agitation. _Maybe... _She gave her head a quick shake, droplets of rainwater cold against her face as they fell from her hair. _Enough with the maybes Tokiha! _She reprimanded herself firmly. She'd been worried about Natsuki for the past three days. The girl's motorcycle was out in front of Shizuru's apartment looking, for all intents and purposes, as if it had been in a wreck. She had a RIGHT as a friend to know what was going on.

Reaching out, she tried the doorknob. Unlocked. Taking a breath and holding it, she turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open. "Hello," she called into the silence. "Shizuru? It's Mai Tokiha. The door was unlocked. I hope you don't mind if I let myself in." Stepping into the room, she held the door open, half in, half out of the apartment. "Hello!" she called into the shadowy interior. "Anyone in here? Natsuki?"

Still no sound of activity. Frowning, Mai closed the door behind her. Since she'd come this far, might as well take a quick look around. Silently cursing Natsuki for putting her in this situation, she moved deeper into the apartment, eyes scanning for any sign of her friend. A set of keys, discarded jacket...anything that might tip her off as to whether Natsuki was, or even had been in here.

Mai's eyes roamed over the furnishings of Shizuru's apartment; giving the place a quick appraisal. Everything looked fabulous and very expensive. And everything looked as if it hadn't seen an occupant in a while as well. Clean, tidy and lonesome. Nothing to indicate that either Shizuru or Natsuki had been in here lately._ Then why is the door unlocked? _Mai mused, spotting a light on in the kitchen and heading that way. The kitchen looked the same as the rest of the apartment. Pristine. Unused. Without thinking, she ran a finger along the top of a counter, flicking a fine layer of dust off her fingers._ No one's been cooking in here for awhile either, _she affirmed.

A sound coming from the back room caused Mai to suck in a breath and freeze. Tiptoeing through the door leading into the hall, she peered at what she could only assume was the bedroom door. It was slightly ajar. _Oh god! _She gasped, an embarrassed flush staining her cheeks._ They're not in there...together...are they? Did I just walk in on...? _Turning on her heel, she slunk dejectedly back toward the front door._ Man, what the hell am I DOING? Breaking and entering. Skulking about like a perv._ _This is none of my business. If Natsuki is in there...well...she will get in touch with me when she's ready. Maybe... _One hand on the door, she paused, too many thoughts to process racing through her mind all at once. _Maybe. MAYBE! Grrrr! I'm sick of MAYBES! I need to know. One way or the other. _Giving her skirt a decisive tug, she turned back and strode purposefully towards the bedroom door, her irritation at her friend growing with each step she took. _Natsuki Kuga, if you're in there, I'm not leaving without giving you a piece of my mind! Making me worry. It's your OWN fault if..._

The same sound came from behind the bedroom door again. A muffled moan. As if someone was in pain. Steeling herself for whatever lay behind the door, Mai reigned in her conflicting emotions and knocked. "Hello? Shizuru? Is anyone in here? It's Mai Tokiha. Natsuki? Are you in there?" She leaned her ear close to the crack in the door, listening. Nothing. Taking a firm handle on her nervousness, Mai pushed open the door. "I'm coming in. Sorry to intrude like this, but the front door was unlocked and I was worried when I saw Natsuki's bike all beat up out front. Hello?"

The room was dark, blinds lowered. Stepping forward into the room, she heard and felt glass crunching beneath her shoes and looked down. A broken saki bottle lay in pieces by the door, looking for all the world as if it had been hurled against the wall. Grimacing, she took another few steps, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting in the room. Eyes drawn towards the bed, she thought she could just make out two figures lying there, wrapped in each others arms. Feeling her face flame up in embarrassment she hurriedly cleared her throat. "I'm so sorry to intrude! I was just...just looking for Natsuki. Forgive me for..."

Squinting, Mai peered at the two figures on the bed, her sight finally orienting itself enough in the gloom to tell that it was not TWO figures on the bed, but one. Natsuki. The object she had mistakenly judged as Shizuru was not the girl in question but rather...her school uniform? Natsuki was laying on the bed, her arms cradling Shizuru's school uniform. _What the hell? _Mai's cognizant thought process couldn't come up with an explanation for what she was seeing.

Moving closer to the bed, Mai spotted another bottle of saki laying discarded on the floor. Empty. At least she'd found her friend. Too many questions and not enough answers, however. Natsuki was laying on top of the covers, one hand resting atop Shizuru's old Fuuka Academy uniform, her back towards Mai. Too concerned to wonder any further at the bizarre scenario, Mai called softly, "Natsuki? It's Mai. What's going on? Where have you been for the past three days? Is Shizuru alright?" Concern caught at her voice causing it to tremble slightly as she queried the girl on the bed.

Natsuki stirred at the sound of Mai's voice. "Shizuru?" she called, her voice hoarse and confused.

"No Natsuki. It's Mai. I was worried. I came looking for you. What's happened? Are you okay?"

A bitter laugh bubbled up from the girl on the bed. "I thought you were Shizuru. But of course you're not. Why would she be here? She's gone...gone..."

Mai pulled scared eyes around the room, noticing nothing out of the ordinary except for Shizuru's laptop lying on the floor and an overturned chair. "Natsuki, you're really scaring me. What's wrong? Why are you here? And where is Shizuru? What do you mean she's gone? Did you two have a fight?"

The laugh coming from the girl on the bed was rough and forced. "A fight? Yeah. I guess you could say that's what happened."

Still not understanding, Mai hesitantly moved closer to the bed, putting one hand on Natsuki's shoulder. "Tell me what's going on Natsuki. You guys had a fight? I'm sorry but I don't understand." The skin beneath her friend's t-shirt was warm and without thinking Mai pushed the backs of her fingers against Natsuki's cheek, recoiling quickly as she felt the heat from the other girl's face. "Oh my God Natsuki! You're burning up with a fever! Let's get you home and we can deal with whatever has happened between you and Shizuru later. Okay."

"You don't understand," Natsuki mumbled. "There's nothing that can be done. Now or later. It's over. She's gone. She left me...just like my mother did. Alone. Again." Closing her eyes, she pressed her face against Shizuru's school uniform, breathing in the scent of the girl and trying to fall back into a happier dream of the afternoon they had last been together in the art room._ I was so happy that day,_ her drifting thoughts teased, beckoning her back into a fevered sleep. S_o pleased with myself that I was going to surprise Shizuru on our date that night by telling her..._

Mai slid her hand beneath Natsuki's arm and pulled gently. "I'm sure we can work this all out. Now come on. Get up so I can..."

Feeling someone's hand tugging on her arm was a deterrent to her desire for sleep. The muffled voice and heavy hand on her arm was pulling Natsuki back out of the comforting retreat her fevered dreams promised. Turning her head slowly, green eyes locked upon Mai's worried face peering down at her. _Why was Mai in the art room? Hadn't she already cleaned this area?_ She felt the aches and pains of her body reawaken as Mai continued to pull at her arm, giving her little shakes when she didn't respond. Blinking heavily, Natsuki's clouded vision slowly cleared as she focused on her surroundings. She wasn't in the art room, she was in Shizuru's apartment. And just like that, the crushing weight of what she'd discovered about Shizuru rose up like a dark wave, dragging her back down beneath a sea of misery. She tried to shrug away from her friend's grip. "Go away Mai. Just...go away." All she wanted was to go back to sleep. At least in her dreams she could forget the pain quickly returning to her body, forget the pain suffocating her heart beneath a blanket of loss, forget...everything. Feeling her eyes slowly sliding shut, she was on the verge of slipping back into peaceful oblivion when the hand tugging at her arm gave her shoulder a violent shake.

"No Natsuki. You can't go back to sleep. You need to get up and let me take you home. Laying in a dark room when you're sick will not be beneficial to..."

Forced into opening her eyes again, Natsuki cringed at being dragged back into a reality she did not want to face. _Tokiha!_ She silently cursed. _What are you doing here?_ She didn't need nor want Mai's mothering at the moment. She just wanted... She just needed... Rolling over, Natsuki struggled to sit up, dragging her feet off the bed as she took Mai's hand in hers. Pushing weakly at the girl, she said through gritted teeth, "Get your damn hands off me Tokiha! I don't NEED your help. You don't understand anything. How could you? Shizuru is not coming back. It's not something that can be dealt with. It's just...she...she..." Natsuki broke off here as her eyes fell on the laptop laying on the floor where she'd thrown it.

A little taken off guard by Natsuki's vehement rebuttal, Mai put her hands behind her back, assuming a stance of non aggressive confrontation, before continuing. "Okay. Look. I'm not leaving here unless you go with me. So," leaning over to the bedside table she flipped on the lamp and turned back to her friend. "I need you to..." but her words were cut short as a gasp of distressed fear pushed its way past her rebuke. One look at the girl sitting on the bed caused Mai's stomach to clench up in a worried knot. Natsuki's clothes were dirty and torn. Dark circles ringed her eyes, eyes which gleamed like polished emeralds in their fever brightness. Her hair was a disheveled mess and there was a strange looking stain on her leg and the bed. Recognition of what the stain was caused Mai to suck in her breath. Raising one hand to her mouth in horror, she pointed with the other. "Natsuki! Look at your leg! Oh my God! Did you do that on your bike? You need medical attention. Sheesh your fever is most likely from an infection. Why didn't Shizuru MAKE you see a doctor!"

Hand trembling slightly, Natsuki tried to comb her fingers through her matted hair before turning red rimmed eyes up to Mai. "Because Shizuru was never here Mai. She never returned. And," she swallowed the brokenhearted moan rising up from the pit of her stomach before finishing "and she never is coming back. Ever."

Mai put her hands on her hips to keep from reaching out and shaking some sense into her friend. "You're just upset and a bit addle minded at the moment Natsuki. I'm sure whatever happened between you two..."

Natsuki shook her head dejectedly. "No. You're wrong. What happened between us can never be mended. And it's my fault. All my fault."

Not wanting to argue further, Mai gave her head a toss. "Well, whatever it is, first things first. You need to see a doctor about that fever and your leg." Mai winced as she glanced at, then quickly away from her friend's leg. The cut was deep and covered in old, black blood. The skin around the wound was red and swollen and when Natsuki shifted her position on the bed, Mai could see a teardrop of fresh blood threatening to leak out of the cut. Looking away from the ghastly wound, Mai took a calming breath. "How long have you been up here? Have you even eaten anything? Honestly Natsuki! Sometimes you act worse than Mikoto! Now come on. Up we go. Let's get you home. I'll call Yohko Sagisawa to come see about.."

"Read it," Natsuki instructed in a voice void of any emotion.

Frowning, Mai shook her head. "Okay. Whatever you want. We can do all that later once we get you taken care of."

Lifting a hand, Natsuki pointed toward the laptop on the floor. "Read it, the letter. She couldn't send it to me so I never knew; never would have known until I broke into her apartment and found it. Read it Mai. Please." It wasn't that Natsuki was a person who relished the idea of sharing her personal drama with other people. She had never been trusting enough to feel comfortable with sharing anything intimate with anyone. She needed Mai to read the letter she'd found on Shizuru's laptop for validation. A validation of her failure as a friend and as a human being. For Natsuki knew, had known since the night of the Red Star Battle, the depth of her betrayal and what it might ultimately cost.

The broken weight of Natsuki's voice fell on Mai like a hammer. She didn't want to read whatever it was that had sent her friend into the depths of this depression. She'd buried all the ill feelings and heartaches of the past year in the graveyard of her memories and she wasn't at all sure she could handle taking on Natsuki's ghosts as well. "Natsuki..." she began, one hand stretched out beseechingly towards her friend.

The pain in Natsuki's voice ran shivers down Mai's arms. The sound of melting ice. "Please. Just...read it. I need you to know. I need someone to..." Dropping her face into her hands she shouted, "Oh fuck me Mai just READ IT!"

Mai ran her tongue over suddenly dry lips, her hand clenched tight against her stomach. "Alright. Alright Natsuki. I'll read it. But then, THEN we get you out of here and have someone take a look at you."

Not waiting for an affirmation of her demand, Mai edged closer to the laptop, the wish that the thing was broken and couldn't be used sitting hopefully in the back of her mind. She placed the laptop back onto the desk and lifted up the screen. No such luck. There glowed the letter Natsuki wanted her to read. She peeked over at her friend who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands, long dark hair a disheveled veil obscuring her face. Taking a mental pause to prepare herself for whatever she might discover, Mai turned frightened eyes back onto the words splashed across the computer screen and began to read.

With each word that she read, her heart grew heavier in her chest, her throat dry. By the time she finished reading Shizuru's words, she was unable to stop the tears that hung in her eyes like glistening diamonds. Gently she closed the screen, cutting off, at least from immediate view, the words that had sent Natsuki into this downward spiral. _What comfort can I possibly offer her now?_ She deliberated morosely. But something had to be said. Anything to get her friend out of here.

"Natsuki..." she began soothingly, going over and easing down beside her friend, feeling Natsuki's shoulders brushing up against her own. "Look." She paused, chewing uncertainly on her bottom lip as she struggled to find the words to motivate Natsuki and get her out of the apartment. "Maybe Shizuru just needs a little time away. Ya know. It was a very stressful year. For all of us. Just...give her space to collect herself and I'm sure she will call..."

The sound of Natsuki's laughter was heavy with sarcasm. "Call me? Why would she do that Mai? She left her cellphone here as well. She didn't want me able to get in touch with her. So she left it. Just like she left me. She has no plans on calling me. She has no plans on returning."

"Don't say that Natsuki. Shizuru loves you." Mai countered, tentatively placing her hand on her friend's back and rubbing soothingly.

Mai's earnest eyes widened in shock as Natsuki knocked the hand from her back and stood up, turning a face of heartbreak on her.

"You don't understand. This isn't Shizuru's fault. It's because of me. I'm the one to blame." Natsuki teetered unsteadily, hating herself for showing such weakness in front of her friend, but unable to stop the words that came pouring out of her mouth. Perhaps it was the fever dulling her wits. Or maybe it was the weight of silence she had endured since the night of the Red Star Battle. For whatever reason, the flood gates of her conscious opened and out poured all the secrets Natsuki had tried so hard to keep; even from herself.

Pushing her hand into the pockets of her jeans to keep them from trembling, Natsuki turned away from Mai's concerned eyes and limped over to the window. Giving the blinds a quick tug, she stared desultorily out into the distance. A brief flicker of lightning lit the underbelly of the clouds and the pattering of raindrops hitting the window intensified. Across the tops of the city's buildings thunder rumbled, holding a promise of more rain to come. How long had she been lying here in Shizuru's apartment, she puzzled. The hours since her discovery of Shizuru's letter had all melted into her bones, numbing her awareness of anything except the emptiness now residing in her heart. Now that she was awake, she could feel the tight warmth of her own skin from the fever, the aches of her body caused from the weight of the motorcycle as it had dragged her across the stony ground. A dull, throbbing pain was intensifying by the moment as the weight of her body pressed down upon the gash in her leg. But the most agonizing pain came from within her heart. A heart that continued to beat even though she felt dead inside and out.

A gust of wind brought a sheet of rain up against the window. Natsuki placed her hand upon the window pane, the thick glass cool beneath her fevered touch. _Washed clean, _she thought wearily. _I wish I could wash away the past as easily as the rain washes away the grime on the city. _

Mai had kept her silence since her friend's outburst, watching in commiseration as Natsuki fought some inner battle, wanting to say something, to offer comfort, but giving the girl the time she needed for whatever it was she intended to say. The moments grew longer and still no sound broke the silence of the two occupants in the room except for an occasional low rumble of thunder. Unable to sit much longer, Mai was on the verge of speaking when Natsuki coughed once then spoke, her back still toward Mai.

"Shizuru left, because of me Mai. Because of what happened during that final battle. The night you had to face the Obsidian Prince."

Mai swallowed hard, her fingers nervously clutching the fabric of the duvet covering the bed. The palms of her hands felt sweaty and she fought to keep from wiping them against her legs. "Natsuki," she soothed, trying to disguise the trepidation in her voice. "We all understood the price of what had to be done. No one blames anyone for the things that transpired. Trust me. I should know. I had to fight..."

The sound of Natsuki's fist striking the window pane was loud and Mai flinched, closing her mouth with an audible click of the teeth, afraid if she voiced further opinions, Natsuki might just put her fist through the glass.

"Listen to me Mai. This is hard enough to speak of. But what happened between myself and Shizuru...the things I did; that's the true reason Shizuru left. Even though she loves me and God help her for loving someone as broken and emotionally dead as I am, I know the memory of my betrayal is the real reason behind her departure."

Closing her eyes, Natsuki continued. "Yes. I know you had to face several battles with the other girls. That was our unspoken agreement the night before the end. I KNEW I had to somehow handle Shizuru so you could finish it. She was the only other HiME that could defeat you. And Mai, she would have. She would have destroyed you and everyone else without a second thought."

The absolute truth behind Natsuki's words hit Mai like a bucket of cold water and she shuddered, clutching her arms with her hands. Wetting her lips with her tongue, she asked softly, "Then, why do you feel as if you betrayed her Natsuki? You said yourself she had to be stopped. As messed up as our lives were, don't you think you did the right thing? I mean, in the end, our sacrifices, our choices were justified. Well, as justifiable as something as screwed up as that madness could get anyway."

Natsuki traced the path of a single raindrop sliding down the outside of the window with the tip of one finger. "Here's the thing Mai. You all fought honorably. As fucked up as we all were, everyone fought to protect the person most important to them. Even Shizuru. She fought to protect me. And I..." her voice broke momentarily and Natsuki had to swallow several times in order to continue. "At the time, Duran wouldn't even materialize for me any longer. Even though I called and called there was only a silence inside me. But I could still feel his presence. It was as if he was waiting; waiting for some unfathomable reason I could NOT figure out. So resigned to fighting alone, I went off to face Shizuru without even the backup of my child. I armored myself with the knowledge that I didn't love anyone. There was no special someone in my life and thus no fear. What difference did it make if I died? No one would be taken away if that happened. Inevitably, it was a pretty easy decision. Take out Shizuru's child even at the cost of my own life."

"I know we never actually discussed what we were gonna do that morning we both went our separate ways. But, we KNEW what had to be done Natsuki. The 'hows' of accomplishing that, well..." Mai smoothed her hand over the cover on the bed, unconsciously trying to unwind her wire tight nerves. A confession from Natsuki expostulating the details of that horrible memory was not something she had been expecting to face this morning. Considering the girl's close-mouthed reign on private matters, she didn't think she would EVER have to face this particular conversation. And yet, here they were. Natsuki's back was still to her but she could tell from the set of her shoulders that this was extremely difficult for her friend. So with a deep breath of resignation, she asked, "And then what happened? How DID you manage to...stop Shizuru without the aid of your child?"

"I destroyed her with love."

The temperature in the room seemed to drop a thousand degrees with the utterance of that one comment, as if all the warmth in the world had suddenly been drained from existence. Mai's flesh pebbled in goosebumps at the cold, hard truth of Natsuki's words. "Natsuki, Shizuru was..."

"Was what Mai?" Natsuki growled, the low sound heavy with warning, mirroring the sound of the thunder shaking the window pane as lightning lit up in silhouette Natsuki's thin form. "Fighting for the one she loved? Fighting with every ounce of her being, all in the hopes of sparing her most precious person...ME..the horror of what was to come should she be defeated by another HiME? She was just like you in that respect Mai. Just like ALL of you! Except for me." Natsuki made a fist with one hand, striking herself in the chest as she continued, "I didn't fight honor bound to my most precious person, Mai. Don't you understand? I did not fight to protect anyone. I fought Shizuru in the hopes of destroying her!" Natsuki stood framed in the window, her fist now clutching the fabric of her ruined t-shirt as if she needed to hold on to something tangible or crumble into pieces.

Mai's heart went out to her friend in a surge of unmitigated heartbreak. "Oh Natsuki," she whispered, a lump rising up in her throat. "I'm so sorry. I never really stopped to think about what happened between you two."

Natsuki closed her eyes, the images of that battle forever ingrained in her memory. "The only chance I had to take her out was to use her love for me against her. And in all that time, Duran remained strangely absent. But Mai, the more we battled against one another, the more this feeling of power grew inside me. I didn't recognize it at first. It was so alien to me. It was like this ever expanding wave of repressed need that when it reached the surface of my conscious, it exploded and my eyes were opened. My heart could finally see what I had known all along. I loved Shizuru. She was my most precious person. And it was at that precise moment, the moment I realized I cared for Shizuru, that I knew I held the key to victory in my hand."

Mai didn't want to hear any more. She wanted to put her hands over her ears and run from this room, these memories, as fast as she could. Her eyes round in sympathy, she fought the urge to beg Natsuki to not say any more but instead, she folded her hands, placing them in her lap and replied in a carefully modulated voice, "Tell me the rest Natsuki. You can't keep it locked up inside of you forever. I am your friend. I love you and I will not judge."

Green eyes pinned Mai where she sat, demanding and sorrowful. "The 'rest'? The rest is quite simple actually." Natsuki's voice had taken on the monotone cadence of detachment as if trying to shield herself from the words she discoursed. "Once I had Duran back in his new form, all I had to do was fend off Shizuru's attacks until the opportune moment to seize control presented itself. Unfortunately she got the jump on me. She had me dead to rights. I thought it was over, that I'd fucked up. The entire Battle could have ended very differently had I not threw caution to the wind and played my ace in the hole. I kissed her. I told her that I loved her; loved her for everything she had meant to me in my life. That through all the trials and tribulations I had faced, the one constant was her. She...saved me from myself."

Natsuki wiped at a tear that slid down her cheek before squaring her shoulders for the finish. "It was at that exact moment; the instant I had stunned her with the kiss and the confession, that I unleashed the final betrayal. Staring into the confused expression on her face, a thousand emotions flashing in those crimson eyes...GOD I will NEVER forget it...I gave the command to Duran to fire the shot that would destroy Kiyohime, thus in effect destroying us both. And even then, even after hearing me seal both our fates with that decree, Shizuru still possessed enough love for me to wrap her arms around me and hold me, feeding me her strength through the bitter end. Without her never wavering love, I would have been useless at that point."

Mai had her fingers pressed against her mouth, her solemn eyes full of tears, sitting in mute misery as the story came to its ultimate conclusion.

"The end happened in the church of all places," Natsuki finished, her eyebrows scrunched up in wonderment. "A place of forgiveness. A place of prayers. I saw Shizuru being taken away from me, even as I was myself, disappearing into a sensation of fading light. Fighting with my last breath I silently whispered a prayer. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed with all my soul that this had been the right thing to do. I prayed that Shizuru would understand my actions and somehow, someway, find it within her heart to forgive me."

The look of condemnation clouding Natsuki's eyes was tragically poignant. "Was my prayer of forgiveness heard in the rubble I left of the church? Or had God already abandoned that place the minute I laid my betrayal upon the alter of self sacrifice?" She shook her head, the movement causing the room to spin around and around in her vision. "I don't know the answer to that question. So you tell me, Mai! You tell..."

"Natsuki!" Mai screeched, seeing the girl's eyes roll up in a flutter, her lithe body pitching forward in a stumbling faint. Launching herself from the bed, she barely managed to catch her friend as she fell. "Jesus Natsuki!" Mai swore in worried exasperation. Putting one arm around Natsuki's waist, she draped one of the girl's arms around her neck, easing her down onto the bed. "I should have INSISTED that you get medical attention right away. Not let you stand here dredging up the past like this."

Natsuki fought against the feeling of vertigo that threatened to overtake her senses. "I'm alright Mai. Really." She tried weakly to push her friend's ministering hands away from her, but they fell uselessly back into her lap.

"You most certainly are NOT alright!" Mai corrected vehemently. She was still in a state of sorrowful shock at Natsuki's confession, but under the pressure of a friend in need, she was quickly regaining control of herself again. "Now just sit here! I'm gonna call a cab and get Sagisawa to meet us at my dorm room to take a look at you. I should have insisted on this plan of action in the first place." She grabbed her phone and hit the number of her favorite cab company logged in her address book.

With a critical eye turned towards the now docile girl bent over on the edge of the bed, Mai made hasty work of securing a cab for the ride back to her dorm. A quick text to Mikoto asking her to please inform Yohko that she was to meet them back at the room, and she was ready to go.

"Natsuki," she cooed softly, a mother's voice, comforting and warm, "C'mon. Get up. We're going to my dorm."

"That's why Shizuru left, Mai," she whispered huskily, grunting in pain as she pushed up onto her feet. "She couldn't forgive me."

"Shhhh," Mai coaxed, slipping a shoulder beneath Natsuki's arm to help her friend navigate easier. "That's enough. We'll worry about that later. First, we need to get you home." Half dragging the weight of Natsuki's stumbling body forward, she grabbed her book bag and steered them toward the front door. "Please stop worrying. It will only make you feel worse. Shizuru loves you. Trust me. She probably doesn't even see what happened between you two as you betraying her. And if...IF she does, she would never hold it against you."

_But she will never forget what I did_, she grieved silently. _And I will never forgive myself._


End file.
